A/N: Hello and thanks for reading! This fic has quickly wiggled its way into my heart. Kakashi is a fave so I am happy to be writing him involved with a character of my crafting. There is smut in this chapter. There's your second warning. Anyway, the setting is after the death of the Third Hokage. The story really won't follow or include very much canon. Perhaps a little.
I plan on this fic being short but I shall go where the muse leads. It came to me suddenly last Friday, and has helped me to get out of my writing funk. I haven't been able to write anything long lately, and I still haven't updated any of my other works but I hope this pushes me to do so.
Leave comments and let me know what you like or don't like! They help and are much appreciated!
- Tiff
Rei Horoshima didn't believe in signs. Making a habit of seeing more in the mundane never did any good, and yet, a jet-black bird that darted off a tree branch like it was in a hurry to escape something reminded her of the past bleeding into the present. She resumed sharpening her kunai, shaking away memories, gulping the fistful of ire that had been resting in her throat since the morning.
The gnashing of steel on rock sang the melody of her seven-year mission. She didn't know if she'd be able to defect from her daily life of fighting robbers and rogue ninja while carving miles of trail with her tiny feet in hopes of reaching the enemy's camp. Trusting no one for the sake of the job, and growing accustomed to loneliness had become useful tools. The thought of losing them made her head droop but she steadily worked on her knives. Strangers from everywhere she visited poked around her personal life, trying to see if she had someone, but there was nothing but the mission and whatever façade or alias she felt like assuming at the time.
Her comrades had fallen; one to a hidden paper bomb set as they weaved through the Land of Archers, and the other to illness. Their absence had lingered like the scent of rain until she remembered her training and pressed forward. There was unfinished business.
The backup that should have come to replace her teammates was denied. The Third was gone, dead after Orochimaru had slithered from wherever, and the new Hokage couldn't afford to dispatch more shinobi to assist her. At least, that's what Rei deduced on her own after hearing some locals discuss the damage that had been dealt to Konohagakure.
News of the Third's passing squeezed her heart with a cold hand, but she was too deep undercover to mourn him.
"Procure the scrolls. Eliminate the Black Star Society."
That was her mission, and she'd completed it.
The raven returned, seeking the branch that it had broken. It found another, dawdled to the thick end of it, and settled comfortably. Rei put her tools away and threw her backpack over her shoulder. Konohagakure waited. It was time to go home.
Training Naruto was like trying to catch a lizard. Even with hyper-speed and ninjutsu, it was still tricky. Kakashi thumbed through his yellowing first edition copy of Makeout Paradise as Naruto tried to crunch leaves with nothing but his chakra. Kakashi felt Minato-sensei coach him from the grave, and a few drops of self-disappointment made his tongue bitter. He'd devoted special time to Sasuke and left Naruto and Sakura to fend for themselves, to grow on their own. It was all by design, he knew, but all of the other jōnin nurtured the whole of their teams. But none of the jōninhad his team.
Naruto growled his frustration as he trapped a leaf between two praying palms, hoping the power of his will would yield a breakthrough. He kept growling as nothing happened and Kakashi apologized to Minato after cursing him for leaving Naruto behind. The Fourth Hokage's son was, for lack of kinder language, exhausting.
Still, as usual with Naruto, something amazing happened. The leaf finally split from the point to the butt of its stem and he jumped so high he could pull an eagle by the tail. "Yays" and "I did its" cajoled a smile out of Kakashi. He remembered the excitement and rush of performing the impossible and surpassing expectations, but the dream of youth was misleading, and he smothered that joy behind a mask.
For the first time in seven years, Rei Horoshima crept up from memories under lock and key. Naruto's boyish excitement had triggered them, and they walked with Kakashi for hours, long after he'd dismissed the boy, telling him they would train more the next day. The past always seemed closer than the future. The future was too much like a lizard.
The village felt different. The air was smoky and dust clouded the sky around it. Repairs to the destruction Orochimaru rained down had caused it. Rei passed Izumo and Kotetsu without a word. They were both slack-jawed. No one had heard from her team in two years. They thought she was dead, but she'd only been lucky.
A booming voice shook the walls of the Hokage's office and a nervous kitten of a woman backed out of a room. When she hit the wall, she kept moving as if she could slip through it. A blond woman with two pigtails, no – dragon tails, walked out with her hands biting into her hips.
"Shizune, who is the Hokage here? You or me?"
"Milady, I was simply suggesting that –"
Tsunade cut her eyes to her right and eventually turned towards Rei. She examined her like she'd probably done countless bodies, but she didn't stop frowning and Rei believed she'd set the record for pissing someone off in under a minute.
"Who are you?" Tsunade questioned.
"Rei Horoshima, ma'am." Rei clicked her ankles together in the way of a true Academy student, and Tsunade blinked as if something was in both her eyes.
"Rei? You – you executed your mission?"
"Yes, Milady."
Rei removed two handfuls of scrolls from her pack and Tsunade went back into her office. Following her was understood. Shizune sighed – spared, but knowing she'd shortened her life by at least a decade.
Naruto's special nature meant more work for Kakashi, and Tsunade expected hourly updates on him. The Akatsuki coveted the Nine Tails so comfort ceased being a luxury. All an enemy needed was an opening. He knocked at the door with his usual beat and could have sworn he heard Tsunade bid him come so he did.
"… and I believe this may be connected to the Akatsuki – What the hell, Kakashi? You can't just barge in here!"
Kakashi breathed an 'Oh, boy' and realized where he went wrong. He'd mistaken Tsunade's muffled chatter on the other side of the door as being directed at him. Perhaps he was not fully recovered from the last battle, or maybe Naruto consumed energy the way Chōji scarfed potato chips. He scratched the back of his head out of instinct rather than necessity and laughed, eyes slitting into upside-down smiles. Rei bristled at that name. Kakashi. Her eyes widened at the real thing. Kakashi Hatake. Kakashi's visible eye popped open and a gap of time as wide as a galaxy and as long as Konohagakure's legacy passed. The clock only ticked away about sixty seconds but the feeling of eternity tapped the back of Rei's knees.
"Well? Kakashi, I am talking to you!" Tsunade roared and slammed a fist against her desk. The wood creaked and Shizune made a mental note. Tsunade had destroyed several thousands of dollars' worth of furniture already.
"Oh! Right! Well, I – uh – thought you'd told me to come in. My mistake." Kakashi explained himself with a squirrely cadence. Tsunade rolled her eyes, and Rei turned her back on him.
"Rei, we have changed the debriefing process. Go to the fourth floor and file your report. Have dinner and rest well. Tomorrow, I want you at the doctor for a full exam and we will talk more. I may have a mission for you. Good work. You're dismissed."
Rei nodded. When she passed Kakashi, winter walked with her, reminding him of the past and its cold. Bad memories stung like frost bite, but his desire to reach out and touch her burned up with the slam of the door.
The elevator was broken and walking down to the fourth floor felt like willfully descending into hell. The staircase s'd and q'd Rei into dizziness. She gripped the railing and stopped. Her lack of equilibrium had little to do with the walk and more to do with the man that made her dread coming home. After so much time, she still hadn't forgotten him and it made her stomach do cartwheels.
"Damn you, Kakashi. I barely stepped into the village. Damn you."
Rei logged her report and wandered around town like a ghost. She made wrong turns and half-turns and wanted to shed her own skin. How long would it take to feel at home?
"Aren't you supposed to be resting?"
She heard a voice that she wished was as unfamiliar as her old stomping grounds. Nothing forced her to acknowledge him. Walking away again was an option so she pretended not to hear and moved forward.
"Summoning jutsu!"
In a puff of smoke, Pakkun appeared and saluted Kakashi. Kakashi smiled and pointed at Rei. Pakkun's tail wagged from a rush of excitement, and the two of them followed her. Unable to contain himself, Pakkun leapt at her feet, pulling the drawstring of her left pant leg. Rei came to a clumsy stop and noticed him.
"Pakkun?" she said, disbelieving.
"Rei, it's been a while." He resisted the panting caused by his elevated heartrate, but he stood expectantly and hardly waited for her reaching hands before crashing into her chest.
Rei looked at Kakashi and thought of all the dirty tricks at his disposal, using Pakkun was the lowest. She hugged the dog and petted him as his master watched. They said a hard "see you later" after a short while. Pakkun had other duties, and Rei couldn't stand the rush of flashbacks pulling her back to days, that were never carefree, but at least they weren't empty.
Time shifted as they stood hairbreadths apart and the footsteps of the other villagers warbled with the rustling of the leaves. Kakashi leaned against a building, hands stuffed in his pockets and Rei grit her teeth.
"One of my pupils is crazy about the ramen shop just down the way. 'Care for a bowl? My treat."
"I am not hungry. Excuse me."
She moved faster than she intended but his words were swifter.
"Right. We were walking you home. Silly me."
He hummed while strolling beside her and Rei balled a fist. His jaw seemed an appropriate target, but she restrained herself. The walk was not long. She had wandered just a few blocks away from her apartment. Being right on top of it and not even knowing made her numb. So many things had changed about the village. She didn't want to know how much.
They climbed the stairs to her unit and she fumbled around in her pack for the key. Kakashi had offered to carry it, and his jaw became appealing again. She was not in need of some wannabe body guard with questionable chivalry. The key was buried under souvenirs and notepads, and she kept digging, balancing the bag on her knee and contorting her body. Kakashi couldn't understand why Leaf Village women always declined assistance. Was senseless pride a part of the curriculum?
She snatched the key from the depths of its confines and it fit square into the lock. She pushed on the door, stuck in the frame of the post from not being opened for so long. Kakashi grabbed her bag as she continued to push and she sucked her teeth. The door finally gave and they entered. A cloud of dust greeted them and she hacked until her lungs had mercy. They left their shoes at the door. Kakashi quickly opened the windows.
"Oh, for goodness sake, can you go?"
"Heavens, no. This place needs a good scrub down," he said, sliding a finger across the mantle of the fireplace, grimacing at the film of dirt. "Let me help."
"Whatever! But after it's clean, go home, Kakashi."
But home was in the pools of her dark eyes. The truth had resurfaced the moment he walked into Tsunade's office.
Cleaning house was never easy. Old things turned up looking new and new things had lost their luster. Rei scrubbed inside the kitchen sink and Kakashi rummaged the cabinets below it for cleaning supplies. They were likely all expired, but those dates weren't gospel surely. He sprayed lemon-fresh-something on the kitchen table and buffed it with determination.
"Hand me that." Rei opened and closed a hand. Kakashi offered the cleaner and she sprayed the sink and rinsed it out.
They made quicker work than expected of the kitchen and common area, and only the bed and bath remained. Rei assigned the bathroom to Kakashi. She didn't want him in her room. Kakashi closed the door to the bathroom, jumping from the silken film of a cobweb across his face.
"Shadow Clone jutsu," he whispered. Two clones materialized to aid him with his task. The job lasted almost no time, and he sauntered to her bedroom and posted himself on the wall outside of it.
"Need help?" He offered, anxious to take a peek inside of her room.
Rei came out from under the bed and snapped her head towards the door.
"What the hell? That bathroom had better be spotless since it was your idea to help."
Kakashi poked his head inside and nodded.
"My shadow clones helped and did a fine job."
Rei griped at herself for failing to think of manifesting clones, but she also wasn't a lazy sack of bones like Kakashi. She scrubbed the floorboards spitefully and he took an adventurous two steps into the room. He dusted the photo of her old team and sighed. She'd come back alone and there was no need to ask why. He placed the picture frame back carefully and polished other areas. Rei slowed down and rested against her bed. She took a deep breath, worn out from the journey and the cleaning. The day had been long and trying on the balls of her feet and the strength of her knees.
Kakashi cleaned two more things and swept around her. He emptied a pan of dust into a bag and tied it up. Rei used the floor for support and she stood up, realizing they'd neglected the ceiling fan. The blades were thick with fluffy rolls of gray dirt that defiled the white paint. She gathered an ounce of will and used her bed as a stepstool. She slid a paper napkin down the length of one blade of the fan which moved a little and set her off balance. She yelped no louder than a cooing newborn and her feet went over the bed. Kakashi caught her, not letting her feet touch the ground and her arms naturally fell on his shoulders.
"That was close," he remarked, not meaning to tighten his hold on her.
"I have enough chakra control to avoid being a damsel in distress. Thanks."
Rei pulled away, but Kakashi's arms stayed wrapped around her lower back. She squirmed in his embrace again, but with none of the force she used before and he felt like he was in a trance. If he let her go, she could slip away again, and he'd go back to pretending his career kept him lonely. Everyday women could get more of his fake smiles at their advancements to settle him down.
"Rei."
He said her name with two thousand five hundred and fifty-six days attached to it, and hearkening back to her training didn't help because this wasn't a mission. Turning off her emotions didn't mean life or death. Her eyes didn't reflect the longing that left bruises on his heart. Instead, he thought he detected a little fear. Fear and a heap of immortal pride so he let go, and it felt like something had broken his arms.
She wandered to the window hoping to throw her feelings out of it, or perhaps, trade them for the breeze wafting in. The past kept slamming her across the head, and she didn't want to miss Kakashi. She'd asked him to let her go all the while holding onto a dead and buried reason to stay angry at him. But time had passed. She realized it in her sleeping pattern and the way her joints popped when she stretched every morning. The life of a shinobi started taking a toll long before one's thirtieth birthday, and she'd just come home for the first time in seven years. Everything made her feel dated, but seeing him made her feel seventeen again.
To many people, he was an idiot of a genius, cut from the same perverted cloth as Jiraiya, but Kakashi knew the greatest ninja art was deception. His guard stayed up even when he napped in open fields and kept his forefinger pressed against the spine of subpar works of literature. If Tsunade and Shizune had not been jarred by him stepping into the Hokage's office without an invitation, they would have witnessed him slip after years of performing a perfect act. His fingers had curled against their will and he waited with suspended breathing for Rei to turn around. He knew it was her like he knew his own name. There was something rosy about her chakra, something as buttery as the petals of a pink rose.
"Pakkun hasn't changed a bit," she said, hushed, like she'd told a secret.
"Yeah." Kakashi sighed.
Silence engulfed the room again and there was only the smell of lemon-fresh-something mixing with the night air. Rei leaned, feeling the front of him against the back of her, and she turned, predicting the future, knowing the past had ushered both of them to this spot in her now-immaculate apartment. Kakashi slowly tilted his headband up, uncovering his inherited eye, and it stung. Rei looked away, overturning destiny in her head, telling herself that it was time for him to go, but he moved closer, planting one of his feet between hers, and the other outside of her left foot. He tugged the fabric of his mask down and rubbed her chin, guiding her face up to his. She didn't want him to go or for him to let go. Trusting no one for the sake of the job and being alone had fallen off her mind.
His lips felt the way coming home should have, and for a minute she really was seventeen again, and he'd just kissed her for the first time. Back then, there was no finesse and their teeth clicked against each other and she awkwardly cracked her neck to the side as he rested a too-firm hand on her cheek, but now they began and ended like the sun's rise and fall.
Her mouth was honeysuckle and just like the warmth coming in through the window, and he hated needing to breathe. She broke the kiss first and rested her palms against the windowsill, backing into it.
"Damn it, Kakashi." Same quiet tone.
He rubbed his thumbs up and down the sides of her face, and brought his head back down, requesting her lips again, and all of the power had seeped out of her. The next kiss was deprived and famished and he pushed her all the way back and closed the window in one move. He pecked the skin under her bottom lip and started a trail that ended with his teeth grazing over her carotid. Kakashi sucked her neck, making her eyes open wide and suddenly from the sensation. She soon melted as he bit once, sucked a little while, and glided his tongue along the redness he left behind. He nibbled until he reached her collarbone, and her head rolled against the window. Her vest had become a nuisance so he unzipped it and tossed it aside. A zap of electricity was in his touch as he slipped his hands under her t-shirt, moving up and taking the fabric along as well.
He kneeled to kiss the flesh above her hipbone, and Rei hadn't the faintest idea of what to do with her hands. She only felt an ache between her legs and his mouth too close to it. Her pants were the next item to go and he smiled at her secret. He'd have to tease her about wearing sexy underwear during a mission. He looked up at her, and she quickly shifted her eyes until his teeth snagged her panties. She gasped like a shamed woman and he choked his laughter. With his teeth and fingers, he pulled the black lace down the curve of her hips until it fell, soundless on the floor. He snaked his arms around her legs and lifted her up to sit on the windowsill.
Rei had always lamented not having much of a view from the larger window in the room, but she was thankful now. Kakashi paused at her wetness and pressed a thumb against it. She winced from the tingling that spread out to her toes, but before she could speak on the sensation, he buried his face into her. She scraped at the walls and breathed his name involuntarily as he tasted her.
"Hmm?" He continued dragging his tongue over her, pushing her left leg up and turning his head to achieve more comfortable access. Rei rested her other leg over his shoulder and arched as he drew circles on her clit with the tip of his tongue.
"Ka… kashi, what… are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious?" He mumbled in between mouthfuls.
She opted to ignore his remark, succumbing to the pressure of his tongue and the fingers he now used along with it to unravel her. An indecipherable plea spilled from her and she decided to focus on something graver than her old flame guiding her to places she didn't know she wanted to go.
Konohagakure didn't know scandal. Tragedy was more its cup of tea so tales of a strange woman's ass pressed into a window at the dead of night would more than stir the villagers. Rei hoped no one could see, or if they could, she would remain anonymous.
The distraction didn't last as long as she liked. The pad of Kakashi's middle finger massaged another place and she wanted to climb the walls. To hell with him and those places because with every second his finger swirled, she felt less and less able to control her response. She was the victim of mercy he was not in the mood to bestow.
"Damn it!" She snapped and pushed up to get away but he put his free hand on her thigh firmly. "No, I'm going to – please!"
"It's fine," he assured her. "Just breathe. I promise you, it's fine."
He continued to knead her, bringing her to the edge with an expertise befitting him, and she shattered like an overpowered sword, drenching him in her ruin. Kakashi licked his fingers, then her, taking her down from the high, and she folded into the window frame, limp and unable to see things as she had before. She shivered from the whirl of the ceiling fan and he left hot kisses up the length of her leg. She opened her eyes completely and the previous moments were as hazy as a daydream.
Kakashi chucked his damp vest somewhere near her own and stood, taking in the scene of her all flushed and illuminated by starlight sneaking in through the window. She was enigmatic that way, and he'd always enjoyed puzzles. Her body told the story of a thing unwound, but her eyes shot daggers at him.
"What?" he said, playing the fool and she sucked her teeth and closed her legs. "Take that shirt off."
She cut her eyes back at him, sharp as kunai, and he held his hands up defensively.
"Take that shirt off, please?"
She folded her arms across her chest and went back to ignoring him. She filed everything from before under 'Things to Forget' as well. Kakashi thumbed the hem of his turtleneck and pulled it over his head, adding to their pile of discarded attire.
"There. Now don't you want to take yours off too?"
The air in the room was sticky and the remains of her orgasm trickled down her legs when she stood. She matched his casual look with a defiant one, refusing without words to remove her shirt. He'd already won in so many ways that she couldn't have predicted when she set foot into the Leaf.
He wanted to see all of her and run his hands over every inch so she'd remember them days later, but it'd be better if no days would pass between them again. An abundance had already come and gone. He pinched her shirt between his fingers and pulled her near. Red streaks fading into purple lined the side of her neck and he put his attention back on painting her with his tongue and teeth. Her skin burned and she yanked the silvery spikes of hair above the nape of his neck as he sucked more bruises onto her. His hands disappeared again under her shirt and he kissed his handiwork. She arched into him but he leaned back to accommodate the shirt that he pulled over her head in a fluid sweep.
She wasn't one for senselessness and she knew she'd given enough of herself to him already. He'd made her come hard and keenly, and left her without a hiding place. She couldn't deny the pleasure. She really didn't want to. He'd seen it for himself. She unhooked her bra, letting it dangle from her finger by a strap before it fell beside her. He matched her by removing the rest of his clothing and kicking it away, and she went breathless from the sight of him – just for a second until he rushed her into another kiss.
"You gave me a hickey, you bastard," she rasped as he pecked her nose.
"I guess I got carried away." A bit of a chuckle tumbled out of him as he parted from her to rifle through his clothing, shaking out each article. "Ah! Here we go."
He presented a condom trapped between his fore and middle fingers, and Rei jerked her head back.
"You carry them around in your vest?"
"Why not?" he asked, removing it from the packaging.
"Oh, yeah. My mistake. Kunai, shuriken, and contraceptives. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"A ninja should be prepared."
He rolled the condom on, distracting her from her rant, and closed the distance between them once again. The moment seemed more real now and she became very aware of what they were doing. Again, fucking Kakashi was not on her list of things to do after coming home. The whole thing made her understand weak excuses for the first time in her life, but honestly, it all just happened.
It was hard to feel like she could last when they moved to her bed and he pushed himself inside her, rolling his hips as she maintained a dip in her spine. She was pleased that he couldn't see her face; the way it twisted when he went deeper and exhaled her name.
Kakashi didn't care if she consumed him. Few things had felt right for a long time. Being with her wasn't something he expected to erase their troubled history. In the morning, they would still have problems. But at the moment, having her was a heart's desire fulfilled. He'd longed for it behind intentional ambiguity and his allegiance to the village. He stopped letting others too close ages ago. The need to connect had been buried with his father and his shame, but he still wanted Rei, and all she'd wanted was the old him back. It was always funny; the way life worked.
Drops of his sweat fell on her back. Rei gripped the bedsheets desperately as he encouraged the loose cannon of her aching need. She brushed her bangs from her eyes and turned to see him as much as she could. He smiled and she dropped her head again. He leaned down, almost touching her back, and she pushed her legs out a little to make it easier for him.
"You're close, aren't you?" he inquired.
He quickened his thrusts at her silence and she arched again, throwing her head back. He wrapped her hair around his wrist and tugged sweetly, tilting her head more to look at her better.
"Aren't you?"
"Yes. I am." Her needy moans melted him. "I am."
Her eyes rolled and he uncoiled her hair from his wrist and gripped her hips to stabilize her. He watched himself fall in and out of her, building up his own release. He swept his right hand around to rub her clit and the world blanked. She stuffed her mouth with the sheets to smother her cries and not alert her neighbors of her personal matters and Kakashi liked the sound of her holding back because she was doing a horrible job at it. She was so wet he thought he'd slip out, but he persisted until the power of her orgasm made her crumble and he followed her, strong and certainly. Rei fell onto her side, trying to catch her breath, and Kakashi pulled the covers back and helped her underneath them. She nestled into the join of his arm and sleep came quickly, lasting until dawn.
Morning engulfed the night. It was never a calm transition. Rei didn't know why people thought it was the other way around. The light chased away darkness because it was much more formidable. Even though the sunrise and the morning dew embodied a perpetual fresh-start, not everything could be reset. She rubbed one eye with the hard end of her palm and flung herself into a sitting position. Her room was clean because she'd spent the early part of the evening straightening up and wiping things down. The rest of the night took a very different turn. Rei frowned and then she prayed, but nothing could turn back time. She and Kakashi had sex and the sore pull in her neck as she stretched reminded her of every way he'd possessed her. She rubbed the hickey and plopped back down into a mess of pillows.
"Goddamn it."
She cursed herself for being so easy and remembered how proudly he once boasted about being able to sweet-talk anyone. Her body was singing, brought back to life with his touch. She needed a bath, a long one, to wash away all of what he'd done.
"At least he's gone, the jerk."
The bedroom door opened with a lazy yawn as she felt herself dozing off, and she hopped up again.
"Good morning," Kakashi said, startling her. His clothes were different. Rei gathered cover over her naked body and turned to face the window by her bed, showing her back to him.
"Go away."
"But I've made pancakes." He drew out his words like there was no way she could refuse. "You won't be able to go too much longer on an empty stomach especially after –"
She growled. If he said another word, he'd be dead on sight.
"Oh, come on. There's bacon in the oven, rice, and omelets. I can't eat it all by myself."
Her stomach quaked at the menu. It all sounded good and she was starving and thirsty. Her tongue felt like cotton. Kakashi sat on the bed and reached out to brush her shoulder. She turned around, giving him a nasty look.
"'Forgot you weren't a morning person."
"Shut the hell up, Kakashi."
Kakashi sighed and removed his vest. Rei stared at the cracks in the windowsill, counting them, the ways they branched off, and the minutes until he'd disappear and it'd be yesterday again. She would tell him to eat dirt and not to follow her. He moved closer to her and rolled her over. Before she could speak, he kissed her as deep as her delusions were about to take her. She fidgeted in protest, but softened when his tongue slid across hers.
"Let's eat, okay?" He offered again.
She moved to sit up, pushing him back, and stood on her knees, securing the sheet over her breasts with a hand. The useless show of modesty amused him. He retrieved a robe for her and she tied the sash snug around her waist.
Clearly, he'd acquired many handy skills over the years. His cooking was superb. She watched as he laid out seasonings and sides. He'd gone home, showered and dressed, and then out to the market to gather things for her empty refrigerator and cupboards.
"How's the food?" he asked, pouring himself a glass of water.
"It's good."
"Good."
More time dragged on and evaporated as they ate, and there were no answers for what they called themselves doing. To someone on the outside, they looked like a happy couple having breakfast after a passionate night together, but they weren't even friends, hardly acquaintances. As far as she was concerned he was either an enemy or just a guy she was determined to ignore for the rest of her life. That is how it was supposed to be. She stood and pushed her chair in before walking her empty plate to the sink. She gripped the edge of the counter, indenting her hands with the cut of its edges.
"Something wrong?"
He piled his dishes into the sink as well using the tiny bit of space she'd left open.
"What are we even doing?" she asked, turning to lean against the countertop.
"You and I are having breakfast."
Every time he playfully deflected, she wanted to pummel him, but he wasn't dodging nearly as much as she was. She didn't want to face the elephant in the room, but she hated how normal he was as if nothing had happened, as if she'd be fool enough to let it happen again.
"You know what I mean," she started, "I'm still angry with you. Nothing has changed that."
"Right. You're still angry with me about my personal feelings about my own father after all these years. I guess I understood when we were teenagers, but it's just ridiculous now. Honestly."
He left her to chew on that and began clearing the table and putting things away. Kakashi was patient. People required such virtue, and he'd waited for Rei at the beginning and end of each day for some time now. He knew the starting point of her gripe with him, but lessening it to a mere gripe was unfair. His father had cracked from the fallout of his own shame and taken his life, and the news shook Konohagakure off-kilter. The ridicule Kakashi already faced from those that lusted to poke holes in his perfection had lulled him to nonchalance so grave that his father's death was just a blow to the jaw. The heaviness of the pain subsided quickly and left only a dull ache. Everyone expected him to fall apart, but he refused, blanketing his heart with a new ninja way, and Rei never accepted it.
"Your feelings changed you and made you an asshole. Feel however you want about Sakumo, but you used his death to justify wandering around like a block of ice. That is what has angered me all these years, Kakashi."
"Do I still feel like ice to you? Tell me."
The question made her wooden. She didn't want to admit she had her own defenses that gave everything around her a foundation of quicksand.
"Don't use my response to the end of my father's life to justify your own cowardice. It has always been hard for you to connect to others because all they ever do is leave. That's about the gist of it. Am I right, Rei?"
His words were hot steel slicing through her pride. She felt like a petulant child; summoning anger like he'd wrangled her into something. The truth always cut and there was no jutsu advanced enough to outrun the facts of life.
"Whatever, Kakashi."
He sighed. Cruelty was not his intention, but they were adults now. The past could never be overturned and as skittish as the future was, it still had possibilities, but he couldn't force her to see that. Only dogged hope worked in situations like this.
Rei turned the faucet and let water trickle into the sink, tapping the dishes and defying the silence that his words had left behind. She taught herself not to care what he did and where he went, but all of it withered away with his kisses and everything had become like reaching for a light switch in the dark. She didn't want to abandon her position, her certainty that relationships and intimacy complicated things. She had enough self-awareness to recognize her weaknesses. Kakashi had always been a weakness. Squandering years of fortifying herself against weakness in one night was just foolish. He screwed the faucet until the water stopped, and rested his hand on hers.
"Rei, come on. Stop being a hardass. You really didn't miss me at all?"
"What do you want me to say?"
Rei wondered if Atlas had ever grown to like upholding the sky. Could having that much weight on one's shoulders ever be enjoyable?
Kakashi let his hand wander below the sash of her robe, to the small of her back, and Rei thought of hundreds of things to say but every syllable turned to ash and she let him cast his spell again.
Their bodies joined over and over until they lay tangled in her sheets, a mirror image of the night before. Kakashi folded his arm and used a hand to support his head. He watched her chest rise and fall, capturing tiny breaths finally.
"I need a bath," she said, wiping sweat from her forehead. "Kakashi?"
She willed the words off her tongue, hoping her delivery conveyed sincerity.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry for holding you to impossible standards after Sakumo died. It was not fair of me to have done that."
He hadn't counted on an apology or any of what transpired between them, but he liked being her co-conspirator in a shared destiny.
"Thanks, Rei. I'm sorry for what I said earlier. If anyone understands how you feel, I do."
"I know. With that being said, I –" She faltered and clamped her mouth shut at the sound of his alarm chirping.
He made a goofy noise and retrieved a small device from the breast pocket of his vest hanging on the corner of the footboard.
"I've got to get ready for a training session with one of my students."
Rei nodded and he got up, throwing his clothes on any kind of way and ruffling his hair.
"Kakashi, I –"
He stopped straightening himself out and gave her his attention. She chewed the inside of her cheek and pointed at him wearing a look of perturbed resolve.
"I do not want you to get the wrong idea about what has taken place. You and I are just two adults, who in a fit of misjudgment or rather, insanity, had sex. It is no more and no less than that. I do not want a relationship and you don't have to worry about this happening again. It was a moment of temporary weakness."
Kakashi zipped his vest and patted it down to smooth it out. Rei waited for him to say something, heavy with the feeling of speaking too soon and the words taking off as quick as lightning. She couldn't shove them back down her throat.
"Alright." He shrugged, heading for the door.
His tone betrayed no offense. He sounded as if someone had told him a class had been canceled. She could have sworn he'd be bothered enough to put up a gentle fight the same as when he insisted on walking her home and cleaning her place, but he was agreeable as ever. Sometimes it came off like boredom.
"Alright," she echoed and reached for her robe.
The walk to the front door was arduous and everything along the way felt infected by him. She ignored the kitchen table where she'd sat not too long ago with her legs wrapped around him. It made her want to clean again. Kakashi inched his feet into his sandals and strapped them. His hand paused on the doorknob before he spoke.
"See you around."
He pulled the door behind him and Rei quickly turned the locks and sunk to the floor wondering what the hell had happened.