I haven't written SN fanfic in a long time but was inspired by last week's episode Bad Boys. :)
Title: What might have been
author: Cindy Ryan
spoilers: Bad Boys
category: Postep
As much as his brother tried to mask the pain the visit to Sonny's in New York brought Sam still saw it. He saw it in Dean's eyes when he thought Sam wasn't looking. The wistfulness mixed with sadness and a bit of longing. For two months Dean had a taste of a normal life one he almost had a good chance at having. At sixteen Dean could've left hunting behind. Could've went to high school, had friends, girlfriends, sports, and school dances. However Dean gave all of it up for Sam and he was grateful. Grateful beyond words.
'I know it wasn't always easy.'
As soon as the words left his mouth Sam had nearly choked on the bitter laughter they left behind. That was the understatement of the century. They'd literally been to hell and back. Survived things that were most people's nightmares. Yet Dean had always stood by Sam and Sam would always do the same. It was what they did who they were.
Walking through the farm house Sam caught a glimpse of the brother he didn't know. The two months Dean hadn't been a hunter or provider or big brother. He'd just been a teenager. One trying to work through the normal teenage things with somebody like Sonny who cared and showed him the ropes. Sam was almost jealous. But he was glad Dean had that time with Sonny even if it had ended far too soon and with regrets.
Sam would never be able to repay Dean for all he'd done. Partly Dean hadn't had a choice it was what their father had wanted. Carry on the family legacy. Sam knew it was more than that to Dean it was taking care of his little brother. Keeping a promise made years ago in Kansas. It humbled Sam to realize he was loved that much. To know what Dean had given up. The glimpse of the life Dean could've had in the farmlands of New York was a reminder to Sam of how truly lucky he was. If roles had been reversed Sam didn't know if he would've been as strong as Dean. To come back to hunting and all the unknowns of the road. Sam had a chance at a normal life too; at Stanford with Jess. That had been taken away from him. As had Dean's window into a normal life. Sam knew the heartache that came with that loss and he found no words to describe the person Dean was. Hero had always come closest and for now it would do. Dean was his hero growing up and would always be.
Driving away from Sonny's farmhouse was harder for Dean than he expected. He knew going there would bring everything back. He thought he'd been prepared for it. But seeing Sam's reaction realizing the choice Dean had made had brought things full circle for Dean. Even now he could still hear Sonny making that promise that he'd stick his neck out for Dean if he wanted to stay. That he'd go toe to toe with Dean's father to give Dean a chance at happiness. That had floored Dean then nobody outside of Bobby had ever done that for him or Sam.
Sam thought it'd been a difficult choice for Dean to leave. In ways it was but in other ways it hadn't been a choice. When it came to his brother it never was. Sam was everything always had been always would be. Dean had made a promise that horrible day in Kansas to Sam to his father to his fallen mother that he would look after his baby brother no matter what.
That night in New York had been a turning point in Dean's life. For a few brief weeks Dean saw what normal was. Saw what a future with somebody like Robin could have been. Working that farm had been one of the hardest things Dean had ever done but he saw why Sonny loved it. Why Sonny had put those life lessons to kids for so many years. It was a hard life but had it's rewards. Rewards of family, love and pride.
However leaving that farmhouse behind Dean felt a sense of peace. Like everyone else Dean had regrets but not when it came to the choice he made that night. Sam and his family had needed him there had been no choice. The Winchesters looked after each other. It was the family code. It got them through the dark times then and it'd get Sam and Dean through whatever was to come.
"Let's go home, Sammy."Dean stated quietly as he merged onto the highway.
Out of the corner of his eye Dean saw Sam smile and reach for the radio. Dean swatted his hand away. Some things would never change and that was fine by Dean.
end