Love survives everything

by Klaar

Harm doesn’t know what to do with his life now that he has lost the love of his life to Mic

Title - Love survives everything (by Klaar)

E-mail – klaards@yahoo.com

Rating – G

Classification – V – R Mac/Harm

Spoilers – Ofcourse most of the characters from JAG are included in this story. But I do not

own them! The songs included are I thought she knew (by 'N sync'), She's out

of my life (by Machael Jackson) and Amazed (by Lonestar). I can't say were I

would place this story because I'm Belgian and I follow JAG by reviews written on

the internet. But I would say…certainly after Boomerang.

Summary – Harm doesn't know what to do with his life now that he has lost the love of his

life to Brumby …

Please excuse me for some faults in my English language 'cause it's not my

own language.

FRIDAY

6pm

JAG HEADCARTERS

FALLS CHURCH

Lt Colonel Sarah Mackenzie closed the report she had been working on. I should go home now, if I want to have enough time to change before Mic will be there to pick me up for our evening out with some friends of him, she thought by herself. She would rather not go home, she hated those evenings with her fiancees friends. It made her always feel so bad about herself. Like she wasn't worthed anything…and Mic didn't do anything to make her feel better, he would tell his friends stuff about her that would only make it worse. But hey well, it's better then sitting at home just by herself with nobody around. So she put everything in her briefcase and went into the bullpen. There she looked over to her partners office and saw he wasn't around.

'Hey Hariette, do you know where Harm is?'

'Yes M'm, he went to the library to do some research for the Andersons case. Do you need him?'

'No, thanks Hariette, I just wanted to wish him a good weekend…but well can you tell him that when you see him? I have to head home now if I want to get ready before Mic picks me up later.'

'Sure m'm, you and Mic go out this evening?'

'Yeah…with some Australian friends of his.'

'You don't sound too enthousiastic'

'Oh well, I could think of some other things to do this evening…'

'Then why don't you tell him that m'm?'

'He IS my fiancee Hariette, I should spend time with him and get to know his friends better.'

'M'm with all due respect, but it isn't because you are engaged, you have to do everything he says to you. Bud and I go out without eachother.'

'Yes you're right Hariette, but hey well, it will turn out better then expected… it usually goes that way… But well now I really have to run or I will never make it on time! But thanks for the talk…'

'No problem m'm and I will tell Harm you went home when I see him.'

'Thanks a lot … have a nice weekend Hariette!'

'You too m'm…and good luck this evening.'

About 15 minutes later Harm strolls into the bullpen. And walks over to Mac's office to ask her opinion on the case he was working on. He was quite surprised when he noticed she wasn't there because the last week she was always one of the last persons in the office…

'Sir…'

'Yes Hariette, do you need something?'

'Well not exactly, but the Colonel just asked me to tell you she had headed home…she wanted to say goodbye but you weren't in your office and she had to hury for her evening out with Mic and some of his friends…'

'Oh … thank you Hariette.' He sounded a bit disappointed, …

Hariette stuck around with a nervous expression on her face, thinking of how (and if) she should say the other things she wanted to tell him.

'Hariette?'

'Yes Sir'

'Do you need something else?'

'No sir'

'Well, then I'll be in my office if anybody needs me' Harm started walking towards his office and just as he reached it Hariette spoke up…

'Sir, permission to speak freely…'

'Sure Hariette, come on in … what's on your mind?'

The young Lt paused a minute searching for words,

'Well sir, do you know anything about the Colonels evening out?'

'No Hariette … why would I know anything about that.'

'Well sir…'

'Hariette, we're in my office, just call me Harm OK?'

'Yes si … I mean Harm. Sorry…'

The Cdr. looked at the junior officer, a smile forming … He liked Hariette a lot, but she should get a bit more sure about herself.

'Now What was it you wanted to tell me about Mac's date…'

'Well, it's just that she didn't sound to happy about it, it was just as if she didn't want to go home just 'cause of what (or maybe who) would be waiting over there. She said she could think of something else to do tonight… I don't understand why she is going if she doesn't want to. I thought maybe she told you more about it …'

'No she hasn't Hariette… We don't talk to eachother like that anymore.'

'Sir, euhm…Harm. With all due respect. But if you are gonna wait much longer you are gonna lose her to Mic '

Harm became very quiet. I already lost her…he thought by himself. But ofcourse he didn't say that out loud. Instead he said something totally different:

'Why would I lose her Hariette, I don't own her … and if you will let me now please I still have some work to do before I can head home…'

'Yes sir, sorry sir'

Hariette left the office and was thinking by herself about how stupid two people could be. First of all they were ruïning a beautiful friendship over some relationship. And second and also the worst, the relationships that destroyed this friendship weren't even the right ones. Even a baby could see that those two actually loved eachother and not the other persons in their lives. But she couldn't do anymore then she had already done…. It was probably in their own hands. Still mesmerized in her thoughts she put her stuff away and went looking for her husband to go home to her son.

FRIDAY

LATER IN THE EVENING

HARMS APARTMENT

Harm sat in front of his window looking at the stars that were tinkeling outside. It looked all so peaceful outside, but his mind wasn't peaceful at all. He sat there thinking about what Hariette had told her earlier in the office. She wasn't right when she told him he would lose Mac, he had already lost her. And it was his own fault, if he had only spoken up that night on the ferry in Australia… He knew then that he loved her with all his heart. Why hadn't he told her that?? He still blamed himself for that after all those months. But now he couldn't change that anymore, she was engaged to another man and wouldn't do anything to come between them. Then suddenly a song came up on the radio…the first lyrics caught his ears and he found himself listening to them …

She was my once in a lifetime
Happy ending come true
Ohhhhh I guess I should have told her
I thought she knew
She said I took her for granted
That's the last thing I would do
Oh I'll never understand it
I thought she knew
I thought she knew my world revolved around her
My love light burned for her alone
But she couldn't see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should have known, I should have known

Not everything has a good ending he thought…whatever the ending in this one is, it can't be good. I would even be lucky if she doesn't move to Australia once she is married. I really should have told her that night on the ferry, but hey … I thought she knew. How could I be so stupid, I really thought she knew that she was the only thing that matered in my life…that I quit flying because I couldn't live without her. But now I know that she couldn't see through my soul that evening … no one is to blame but myself. I should have known that she wouldn't wait for me, I really should have known…

A heart full of words left unspoken
Now that we're through
I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken
Oh, I thought she knew (I thought she knew)

Now I'm sitting here in front of my window my heart full of unspoken words. It even caused our friendship to be over. This silence here is killing me… I really would do anything to have that go away, but I know it won't go away, it's just me now in my own silent world from now on. Even Renee couldn't solve that, so now I'm alone again. And maybe I don't deserve any better.

I thought she knew my world revolved around her
My love light burned for her alone
But she couldn't see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should have known, I should have known

I really really should have known that I would lose her if I didn't speak up. I should have known…but now it's to late… And I really can't blame her. It would make everything a lot easier, but I can't blame anyone else but me. Not even Bugme!

She was my once in a lifetime
Happy ending come true
Woahhh, I guess I should have told her
But I thought she knew (I thought she knew)
I thought she knew (I thought she knew)
I thought she knew (I thought she knew)
Ohhhhh, I thought that she knew

When the song came to an ending Harm found himself crying. He didn't want it, but he just couldn't help it. His world was nothing without Sarah…he lost his one and true love and his best friend at the same time… He closed his curtains and went to bed, still thinking about how true that song was for him.

THAT SAME EVENING

A RESTAURANT IN DC

Mac sat there only half listening to the conversation that was going on at the table she was sitting at. She was totally distracted and once she even didn't here a question that was asked her. She could see on Mics face that she would hear about it later at the apartment. He would probably get mad at her for not showing interest in his friends. Harm would never do such a thing. There she was again … wandering about Harm. She really shouldn't do that but she couldn't help it, lately he was the only one she could think about. And she felt really bad about that, she should be thinking about her wedding instead of her best friend. He wasn't even her best friend anymore. At least he didn't think of her as his best friend anymore, but she…wel she couldn't just let him go. For her he was still het best friend. Even more. But she really shouldn't go into that…she gave him his chance on that ferry, but he just couldn't let go… Damnit, why can't he just let go!

'Hey luv, aren't you listening to what I'm saying?'

'Sorry Mic, what did you want to know?'

'Oh leave it, it's not important…'

'I'm really sorry, it's just this case I'm working on, I was just thinking about it…'

She knew she was lying, but what should she say…that she was really thinking about her partner, about her one and only love?

MONDAY

JAG HEADCARTERS

FALLS CHURCH

'Tiner!'

'Yes sir?'

'Can you get Col Mackenzie and Cdr. Rabb in my office please. ASAP!'

'Yes sir, I'll go get them right away…'

'Colonel, the Admiral would like to see you and the Comander in his office ASAP. But the Comander is not in his office, do you know where he is?'

'Thank you Tiner, and no I don't know where the Comander is… I'll explain the Admiral.'

Mac left her office and went straight to her commanders office, stopping by Harms to see if he had arrived in the meantime. He hadn't. Mac sighed and thought about what to say to the Admiral…

'Colonel MacKenzie reporting sir!'

'At ease Colonel. Where is your partner?'

'I don't know sir, he still hasn't arrived.'

'Damn Rabb, it gets worse every week…I wonder when he will be here this time!'

'I don't know sir.'

'That's OK, well I've got a new case for you and Rabb, but since he isn't here I'll leave it to you and Lt. Roberts. Everything you need to know is in the file.'

'Yes sir…I'll brief the Lt. Sir.'

'OK then, dismissed.

'Aye aye sir' Mac said before starting to leave the office…

'Ah and Colonel. When you see the Cdr. tell him that I want to see him ASAP.'

'I will sir.'

Mac left the office and called out to Bud to meet her in her office to go over the new case. They worked on it the whole morning. Just when she wen tout to grab some lunch she saw her partner walk into the bullpen…

'Hey Harm, for god's sake, where were you this morning. And why aren't you wearing your uniform?'

'Good afternoon, Colonel…Will you excuse me, I want to go see the Admiral .'

'He's in his office and he wants to see you ASAP!'

'Well, then I'll be on my way…Colonel'

Mac watched Harm disapear through the door of the Admirals office. She wondered why he had been so formal … But she would talk to him about it later, first she was going to grab some lunch.

AFTER LUNCH

JAG HEADCARTERS
FALLS CHURCH

'Hi Hariette, do you know if Harm is in his office?'

'No he isn't m'm, he left right after his meeting with the Admiral. I said hello, but I don't think he heard me, 'cause he just walked away, he didn't even look at me. He seemed really distracted.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with him Hariette, he's been so cold for weeks!'

'I think I might know what the problem is m'm.'

'Then tell me, what is it?'

'I probably shouldn't….'

'Come on Hariette, when you say A, you shoud say B too … Let's go into my office, I guess that will be a lot more comfortable.'

The pair strolled over to Macs office. Once they were in Mac closed the door and the curtains. Although she didn't exactly know why she did that… .

'Now tell me Hariette, what do you think the problem is?'

'Don't kill me for saying this m'm, but ….'

'Just call me Mac or Sarah, we're in a private conversation…'

'Well Sarah, I guess the problem is Mic.'

'What has Mic to do wtih any of this?'

'I guess the Cdr. feels bad about you and Mic. He feels that he has lost you to Mic I think…'

'I don't think that's true Hariette, it's Harm who backed away when I asked him how he felt about me…'

'But Sarah, don't you think that maybe he was just scared then? Because I think he really loves you with all his heart, but is afraid to tell you that …'

'Harm doesn't love me Hariette, he practically told me that right into my face…'

'I am not sure about that Sarah… Do you still love him as much as you told me once?'

'Ofcourse I do Hariette, but I have moved on now…'

'Have you?'

That comment mad Mac go quiet. She didn't know what to answer this time…because she didn't know herself. Had she moved on? Can she move on?

Just then there was a knock on her door en Tiner came in to tell her the Admiral wanted to see her. She told him she wuld be right there and stood up to leave her office.

Just before he left Hariette spoke to her…

'Sarah, will you think about what I've said here?

Mac just looked at her and left her office.

She went into the Admirals office.

'Colonel, do you know why Cdr. Rabb was here earlier?'

'No sir, I have no idea about that…'

'Mac, he came her to bring me his resignation…'

'What? Why would he do that?'

'I don't know the real reason… he just told me he couldn't keep working here. He had some other things he wanted to do.'

'But…the navy is Harms life! How could he throw that all away? I don't understand!'

'Neither do I Sarah, but I have this feeling that it has something to do with what's going on between you two lately.'

'What's going on between the two of us?'

'I think you know what I mean'

'Probably yes…'

'Look Mac, I'm going to keep this resignation for a couple of days before I send it through. Go talk to him, see if he really knows what he's doing. I think you are the only one that can get through to him.'

'I don't know sir, lately we don't seem to understand eachother very good…but I'll try and bring him back sir…'

'Good, you have the rest of the day and the two next days of. Dismissed.'

'aye aye sir!'

Mac left the office wondering about how she was going to talk to Harm, she really didn't know what to say to him. Would Hariette have been right when she said that it was all about her relationship with Mic. Does he really love her? Damnit, it was really going to be hard to talk to him…but she would have to, because she really couldn't imagine JAG without him. She would die if she had to work there without him… Oh man. She really shouldn't think that way about someone she only called her friend. That moment she knew it, she couldn't go through with marrying Mic, it wouldn't work. She always thought she could learn to love him, but she can't. The only one she could ever love is Harm…

By the time she came to that conclusion, she found herself outside in front of her car. She decided she would first go over to Mics to tell him it was over…she didn't think she could face Harm knowing that she was still wearing Mics ring.

THE SAME TIME

HARMS APARTMENT

UNION STATION

Harm was sitting in his apartment. The curtains were closed so there came not a ray of sunshine into his apartment, he didn't feel like sunlight, he wasn't in the mood for it.

He didn't even bother to put the lights on…

He kept thinking his resignation…he was no longer a navy-man…that felt really strange, but he knew he had to do it. He couldn't keep working there…and everyday facing his only love…married to another guy. No he made the right decission…. He had to put Sarah out of his life if he wanted to move on.

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
And I don't know wether to laugh or cry
I don't know wether to live or die
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life

It really really hurts…I never thought it would hurt this much to cut Sarah out of my life. I thought I could go on much easier without her. I don't know what I should do. Laugh and think of the good times we had, or cry about the bad times?

It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
To think for two years she was here
And I took her for granted I was so cavalier
Now the way that it stands
She's out of my hands

Well, I resigned, it's out of my hands now. I can't do anything about it anymore. For 5 years we were partners … I think I loved her from the beginning. But I took her for granted, I thought she would wait for me.But I can't expect that from her…she deserves a life with someone who can give her all she wants.

So I've learned that love's not possession
And I've learned that love won't wait
Now I've learned that love needs expression
But I learned too late

I know now that you can't just own love…it won't wait for you. I should have expressed myself on that ferry. I know that now, but it's too late….

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
Damned indecision and cursed pride
Kept my love for her locked deep inside
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life

Why couldn't I decide what I wanted … why couldn't I let go. It hurts so bad now. I know I'm gonna miss her so much…I really don't know what to do anymore.

He sat there for a moment in peace and quiet but then there was a knock on his door. He didn't make a move to go open it…

'Harm I know you are in there…come on open the door! I really need to talk to you!'

'Go away Mac, I don't want you here now.'

'Please Harm, I really want to talk to you, I really think we need to talk about what's happening between us.'

'What's happening between us Mac?'

'You know that Harm, we are growing apart….And I don't want that…'

'It just happens Mac, sometimes people are doomed to seperate…'

'So that's what you think we are … doomed.'

'Yes…'

Mac knew Harm didn't mean what he was saying, she heard his voice crack while he was saying that…she knew he was crying and it killed her not to be able to reach out to him. She wanted to hold him in his arms and hug him and kiss him and take all the pain away…

'Please Harm open the door…'

'I can't Mac, I really can't … I'm sorry.'

'Why can't you let me in Harm? Talk to me…'

'I just can't let you into my life again … it hurts…'

'Don't you think it hurts for me to be shut out of you life?'

'You just don't understand Sarah…I love you and I lost you… And now I'm trying to move on with my life … and I can't do that with you there'

'Please Harm, don't shut me out … I love you too…'

'If you love me so much, then why are you marrying Brumby?'

'I'm not…'

Everything grew silent … Mac was scared Harm was going to let her stand there on the other side of teh door. But suddely she heard someone shuffle through the hall and a minute later the door went slightly ajar.

'Do you mean that?'

'Yes I do Harm'

Harm sweeped the door open en Mac could see his tearful eyes looking down at her… They looked at eachother for a minute and then went into eachothers arms.

'I was so scared to lose you Harm'

'I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it…'

'It's okay flyboy, we're together now… I love you'

'I love you too ninja-girl'

They moved into the apartment and started kissing eachother. It starte out soft and lovingly but then it grew more passionate … A couple of minutes later they came up desperatly needing to breath…

Then a song came up on the radio… They both instantly started listening to the lyrics…

'Care to dance ninjagirl?'

'With pleasure flyboy'

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

This words say exactly what I'm thinking, Harm thought to himself. Everytime our eyes meet I start shivering… I always want to feel her close to me. Now that I have her here, I can feel that she loves me…why didn't I see that much earlier? So much time that's wasted…

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

'You know ninjagirl…my love for you grows every minute here. I really want to spend the rest of my life with you here by my side.'

'That's not going te be a problem…I'm not going anywhere'

'You amaze me darling…how can you keep up with me?'

'That's an easy question: love conquers everything'

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me, baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spent the whole night in your eyes

'You touch every place in my heart Sarah'

'Every place?'

'Well maybe there is a spot there for my grandma Sarah too…'

'Maybe'

'Now for sure…Do you mind?'

'No not at all, I love your grandma sarah…'

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

'Wher do we go from now ninjagirl?'

'Just let love lead the way Harm…it will get uw where we belong…just have faith.'

'With you by my side I have faith in everything Sarah…'

'Now you amaze me flyboy!'

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

After the song ended they kept standing there together in eachothers arms… Silently until Harm spoke up.

'Sarah, Love just showed me the way to go…shall I follow it?'

'You decode if you want to follow it Harm'

'I want to..'

'Than do it.'

So Harm got in front of her on his knee.

'I can't offer you a ring now, I can't offer you a palace and much richdom…but what I can offer you is my love. I love you with all my heart Sarah. Will you do my the honor of becoming my wive?'

'Yes Harm I will. Ilove you with al y heart, I've loved you from the moment i met you and I will love you forever, so yes I will be glad becoming the second Sarah Rabb'

You know what will happen next… I could end this story as a fairytale…with 'They lived long and happily ever after'. But that's not how life goes. Everybody has his problems and so will Harm and Sarah. But the one thing that you should always remember is that love survives everything. So don't be afraid to express feeling, because if it's real love then you will survive everything together!

The end.

Please mail me with comments about this story!