EMPTY CHAIRS.
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing belongs to its fabulously rich owners. This songfic belongs to middle-class me.
Song: "Empty Chairs" by Don MacLean. Lyrics denoted ~like this~. (If you have this song, play it before/after/during reading, it's such a lovely song IMHO.)
Warnings: shounen-ai, death. Small amount of bad language.
Summary: Alone, one young man mourns the loss of his lover.
Pairing: 2+3
************
Moonlight streamed through a window pane, illuminating a lone figure lying on one side of a double bed, in the manner of a man accustomed to having another warm body to share the other side with. Bright eyes stared blankly, unblinking, at the ceiling, as one hand crept over, hoping against hope to find a familiar form.
~I feel the trembling tingle of a sleepless night
Creep through my fingers and the moon is bright
Beams of blue come flickering through my window pane
Like gypsy moths that dance around a candle flame~
Finding nothing, the hand was withdrawn with a muttered curse as the boy rolled over, trying to turn his back on that empty half of the bed.
[It isn't fair. Why? If you had to die, why wasn't it during the war? Why'd you have to... to...]
~And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would~
Slipping his hand underneath the pillow next to his, he brought out the bouquet that had been there for a week. The flowers were mangled, crushed and bent, but to him they were still beautiful. [Like you. Beautiful one moment, broken the next. You were here... just a month ago, dammit, you were here! I remember you! The moon came in through the window; reflected off your hair, your face, made you look so lovely... you looked so peaceful when you slept. Your hair draped across the pillow... I used to complain that your bangs got in my face when we slept, tell you to cut them off -- like I was one to talk about hair, with my braid! God, if only you were back... I'd never tell you to cut it again.]
As he had for so many nights before, he brought the broken blooms to his face and breathed deeply. [Relena left this at your grave. I'm surprised -- never realised she thought so highly of you... or maybe it was out of pity for me. Who knows. Who cares.]
~Moonlight used to bathe the contours of your face
While chestnut hair fell all around the pillow case
And the fragrance of your flowers rest beneath my head
A sympathy bouquet left with the love that's dead~
[Why'd you believe that idiot doctor? It was like you gave up from the start. I never believed the guy -- since when could someone like you, who survived getting blown up and floating in space for god-knows-how-long, die of something as simple as that? At least we agreed on one thing. No treatment. If I had believed the doctor, MADE you have the treatment... you might still be here today. If you knew you were sick... WHY didn't you take the treatment, goddammit? Didn't you WANT to get better? Wasn't I worth staying alive for?]
~And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would~
Tears flowed freely now, hands tightly clutching the abused flowers. [You kept talking about when you died -- I kept telling you not to be stupid, you weren't going to die, you weren't even sick. So I went on as if nothing was wrong... Earning money that should have gone to the hospital, to save your life... and instead it paid for your funeral. In the note... you said you wanted me to remember the good stuff, you looking normal, not made ugly by all that crap the doctors would have put into you before you died. You didn't want me to spend money you were positive would have been a waste only to have to pay for a burial on top of it all. Didn't you know I'd rather have you here with me now, however sick and ugly, rather than pretty memories and an empty bed?? Don't you know I'd rather be poor as hell with you than have all the money in the world without you?]
[Were you so sure you were going to die that you had to kill yourself first?]
~I never thought the words you said were true
I never thought you said just what you meant
I never knew how much I needed you
I never thought you'd leave
Until you went~
Duo dragged himself unwillingly out of bed, shuffling off to have a shower, getting ready to leave their -- his -- rented apartment for work. With one bottle of tablets, Trowa had saved him the substantial burden of hospital fees, but there were still funeral arrangements to be paid for.
Paid for out of the funds that was to have bought their first home.
Duo glared at the sun, shining brightly as if nothing was wrong, as if the world hadn't come crashing down exactly 26 days ago.
He didn't last long at work. One too many sympathetic "I know how you feel" comments from well-meaning colleagues had forced the boss to send him home before actual bodily harm was inflicted by an enraged Duo. His fury lasted him all the way home before dissolving, leaving him bereft of protection against the grief that came crashing down on his chest.
Hearing another footstep behind him, he whipped around in shocked joy. "Trowa!"
Nothing. Nobody.
[Just an echo. My own footsteps. I'm going crazy.]
~Morning comes and morning goes with no regret
And evening brings the memories I can't forget
Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs
And empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs~
Dropping into a chair, Duo lifted up the photograph on the dresser drawer, and the carefully preserved folded up letter below it. He stared at the photo, taken a few days after they'd gotten the damn test results. He had his arms wrapped around Trowa, grinning like an idiot, while Trowa's hands rested on those same arms, looking at the camera with a sad smile.
Putting the photo down and picking up the letter, he began to read it, even though he had memorised every word, letter and tear-smudge long ago.
[You did what you thought was best for us... but doesn't 'us' involve asking me??] Duo wondered as he re-read those precious last words.
"...Above all, please don't forget that I love you. That's why I'm doing this. So you won't be burdened. I could never forgive myself that, Duo. Please forgive me. I love you.
--Trowa."
[Richer or poorer, sickness and health... You would have supported me if I'd become sick. Didn't you think I'd support you?] Duo laughed, a bitter, frightening sound. [Of course you didn't. I wouldn't even listen to you when you tried to say you were sick! No wonder you gave up! And you still wanted to make things easy on me, so before you got to the point where even I would have seen it, taken you to expensive treatments that would have been too late by then, you quietly slipped away from me. You always were so quiet, and thoughtful in your quiet way too.]
[The doctor, you... God, why didn't I believe one of you? EITHER of you? If I'd believed just one of you, then you wouldn't, wouldn't... WHY, TROWA??]
Sympathy cards filled the mail. Flowers piled up on a grave in a cemetery a few miles away. And alone in a room filled with photographs, clothes, memories and a flute, Duo wept.
~And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would~
##OWARI##
************
Author's note: sniffle I thought I'd try something serious without my normal 4+3, but I found I couldn't write something serious without Trowa in it. -_-;; So here it is. Dedicated to Darkflame and anyone else who likes 2x3 or unusual pairings of any sort.
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing belongs to its fabulously rich owners. This songfic belongs to middle-class me.
Song: "Empty Chairs" by Don MacLean. Lyrics denoted ~like this~. (If you have this song, play it before/after/during reading, it's such a lovely song IMHO.)
Warnings: shounen-ai, death. Small amount of bad language.
Summary: Alone, one young man mourns the loss of his lover.
Pairing: 2+3
************
Moonlight streamed through a window pane, illuminating a lone figure lying on one side of a double bed, in the manner of a man accustomed to having another warm body to share the other side with. Bright eyes stared blankly, unblinking, at the ceiling, as one hand crept over, hoping against hope to find a familiar form.
~I feel the trembling tingle of a sleepless night
Creep through my fingers and the moon is bright
Beams of blue come flickering through my window pane
Like gypsy moths that dance around a candle flame~
Finding nothing, the hand was withdrawn with a muttered curse as the boy rolled over, trying to turn his back on that empty half of the bed.
[It isn't fair. Why? If you had to die, why wasn't it during the war? Why'd you have to... to...]
~And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would~
Slipping his hand underneath the pillow next to his, he brought out the bouquet that had been there for a week. The flowers were mangled, crushed and bent, but to him they were still beautiful. [Like you. Beautiful one moment, broken the next. You were here... just a month ago, dammit, you were here! I remember you! The moon came in through the window; reflected off your hair, your face, made you look so lovely... you looked so peaceful when you slept. Your hair draped across the pillow... I used to complain that your bangs got in my face when we slept, tell you to cut them off -- like I was one to talk about hair, with my braid! God, if only you were back... I'd never tell you to cut it again.]
As he had for so many nights before, he brought the broken blooms to his face and breathed deeply. [Relena left this at your grave. I'm surprised -- never realised she thought so highly of you... or maybe it was out of pity for me. Who knows. Who cares.]
~Moonlight used to bathe the contours of your face
While chestnut hair fell all around the pillow case
And the fragrance of your flowers rest beneath my head
A sympathy bouquet left with the love that's dead~
[Why'd you believe that idiot doctor? It was like you gave up from the start. I never believed the guy -- since when could someone like you, who survived getting blown up and floating in space for god-knows-how-long, die of something as simple as that? At least we agreed on one thing. No treatment. If I had believed the doctor, MADE you have the treatment... you might still be here today. If you knew you were sick... WHY didn't you take the treatment, goddammit? Didn't you WANT to get better? Wasn't I worth staying alive for?]
~And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would~
Tears flowed freely now, hands tightly clutching the abused flowers. [You kept talking about when you died -- I kept telling you not to be stupid, you weren't going to die, you weren't even sick. So I went on as if nothing was wrong... Earning money that should have gone to the hospital, to save your life... and instead it paid for your funeral. In the note... you said you wanted me to remember the good stuff, you looking normal, not made ugly by all that crap the doctors would have put into you before you died. You didn't want me to spend money you were positive would have been a waste only to have to pay for a burial on top of it all. Didn't you know I'd rather have you here with me now, however sick and ugly, rather than pretty memories and an empty bed?? Don't you know I'd rather be poor as hell with you than have all the money in the world without you?]
[Were you so sure you were going to die that you had to kill yourself first?]
~I never thought the words you said were true
I never thought you said just what you meant
I never knew how much I needed you
I never thought you'd leave
Until you went~
Duo dragged himself unwillingly out of bed, shuffling off to have a shower, getting ready to leave their -- his -- rented apartment for work. With one bottle of tablets, Trowa had saved him the substantial burden of hospital fees, but there were still funeral arrangements to be paid for.
Paid for out of the funds that was to have bought their first home.
Duo glared at the sun, shining brightly as if nothing was wrong, as if the world hadn't come crashing down exactly 26 days ago.
He didn't last long at work. One too many sympathetic "I know how you feel" comments from well-meaning colleagues had forced the boss to send him home before actual bodily harm was inflicted by an enraged Duo. His fury lasted him all the way home before dissolving, leaving him bereft of protection against the grief that came crashing down on his chest.
Hearing another footstep behind him, he whipped around in shocked joy. "Trowa!"
Nothing. Nobody.
[Just an echo. My own footsteps. I'm going crazy.]
~Morning comes and morning goes with no regret
And evening brings the memories I can't forget
Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs
And empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs~
Dropping into a chair, Duo lifted up the photograph on the dresser drawer, and the carefully preserved folded up letter below it. He stared at the photo, taken a few days after they'd gotten the damn test results. He had his arms wrapped around Trowa, grinning like an idiot, while Trowa's hands rested on those same arms, looking at the camera with a sad smile.
Putting the photo down and picking up the letter, he began to read it, even though he had memorised every word, letter and tear-smudge long ago.
[You did what you thought was best for us... but doesn't 'us' involve asking me??] Duo wondered as he re-read those precious last words.
"...Above all, please don't forget that I love you. That's why I'm doing this. So you won't be burdened. I could never forgive myself that, Duo. Please forgive me. I love you.
--Trowa."
[Richer or poorer, sickness and health... You would have supported me if I'd become sick. Didn't you think I'd support you?] Duo laughed, a bitter, frightening sound. [Of course you didn't. I wouldn't even listen to you when you tried to say you were sick! No wonder you gave up! And you still wanted to make things easy on me, so before you got to the point where even I would have seen it, taken you to expensive treatments that would have been too late by then, you quietly slipped away from me. You always were so quiet, and thoughtful in your quiet way too.]
[The doctor, you... God, why didn't I believe one of you? EITHER of you? If I'd believed just one of you, then you wouldn't, wouldn't... WHY, TROWA??]
Sympathy cards filled the mail. Flowers piled up on a grave in a cemetery a few miles away. And alone in a room filled with photographs, clothes, memories and a flute, Duo wept.
~And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would~
##OWARI##
************
Author's note: sniffle I thought I'd try something serious without my normal 4+3, but I found I couldn't write something serious without Trowa in it. -_-;; So here it is. Dedicated to Darkflame and anyone else who likes 2x3 or unusual pairings of any sort.