Captain America/Spider-Man in The Flag Avenger
Chapter One
It was the year 196X and the entire world was abuzz with anticipation for the American Moon Launch. Press corps from all around the world were gathered at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida as President Richard Nixon made speech introducing the brave American astronauts of the Apollo 11 mission, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.
"Though our nation may be but a toddler in the grand course of the world's history, already we have accomplished many grand achievements that put the oldest empires to envy." Said President Richard Nixon to audience of press people and citizens in hushed anticipation. "These accomplishments include Hollywood, automobile, airplane, Coca-Cola, cheeseburger, and my election. But something that will dwarf even my Presidency in its grandiosity is America winning the Space Race by putting the First Man on the Moon."
To this everyone erupted in cheers hooting and applause. In the audience, representing New York's Daily Bugle paper, was noted teenage photohound Peter Parker who is also the Amazing and sometimes Spectacular Spider-Man in his private life.
"Wow this is the most fantastic thing I have ever heard! And I hang out with the Fantastic Four! Men on the Moon, is it possible?" Peter Parker wondered in his thoughts as he took pictures for his paper.
"Tasked with the responsibility of seeing this monumental mission to its end are Nonplussed Neil Armstrong and Boisterous Buzz Aldrin!" Richard Nixon introduced as Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin stepped into the spotlight while a rock and roll rendition of the National Anthem blared. "And to see them through is a special experimental new computer artificial intelligence technology equipped onto Apollo 11. Developed by Stark Industries, it is my pleasure to introduce USA 9000!"
"Hello My Fellow Americans. I am USA 9000." Said a calm, synthesized voice over the loudspeakers. "You may not be able to see me now but I can see you all. And it will be my honor to serve the greatest nation by helping these men make it to the Moon."
"And make it they will! Suck it, Commies!" Richard Nixon flashed out his peace signs but his palms were facing inwards so he was instead flipping off the USSR V-style. To this the applause became the loudest and President Nixon's ratings shot through the roof.
But not all was well.
Later that day Neil Armstrong was making last preparations before launch in the NASA locker room. Neil Armstrong was reading newspaper showing all the bad things happening in America right now like racism crime and Vietnam. As his eyes ate bad news after bad news, Neil Armstrong started to feel inner doubts about the purity of the Moon Mission.
"What if this Moon Mission is all just bread and circuses to distract the American people from how bad life really is outside?" Neil Armstrong wondered to himself. Almost on cue, Neil Armstrong then heard a feminine whistle coming from the showers.
As the atmosphere become ominous, Neil Armstrong crept to the showers, ready for anything. Neil Armstrong then ripped open the curtains to the showers to find nothing. As he scratched his head in confusion, there was a tap on his shoulder. Nearly jumping out of his skin, Neil Armstrong shrieked and whirled around to find himself gazing into the eyes of the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, even more gorgeous than his wife Claire Foy.
"Jumping Jehoshaphat!" Neil Armstrong proclaimed as he eyed the mysterious woman. She was a pale-skinned, redheaded candlestick of a beauty, dressed in a form-fitting black bodysuit that left no curves to the imagination. "Who are you?"
"I am known by many names in the underworld but you can call me Black Widow!" The woman spoke to him in an alluring Russian accent. "So I hear you are having doubts about America, ja?"
"How did you know? I have told no one about this, not even my wife!" Neil Armstrong stammered in confusion.
"Do not trouble yourself over such trivial formalities, big boy. When there is secrets, Soviet Russia finds a way." Black Widow winked before advancing on him flirtatiously and Neil Armstrong nervously began backing into the showers.
"What do you want from me?" Neil Armstrong asked before he backed into something. Whirling around, he saw that it was another Commie spy. This one was a tall well-built man, with short brown hair, wearing a domino mask. With some morbid curiosity, Neil Armstrong saw that this man had a robot arm.
"I am Winter Soldier and you will take a moment of your time to listen to our plan. It is too late to stop Apollo 11 but we have been sent to make sure Russia still wins the Space War." The Winter Soldier exclaimed as he placed his two very firm and strong hands on Neil Armstrong's quivering shoulders. "Now what say you, Neil Armstrong? What you answer with may very well be a matter of life and death."
"What... what will you do if I say no?" Neil Armstrong asked, because he was kind of dense as being an astronaut didn't require much thinking.
"Remember your daughter?" Winter Soldier winked before he grabbed Neil Armstrong by the collar and leaned in with intimidation.. "It wasn't cancer that killed her. IT WAS ME."
The next day it was the launch of Apollo 11 to the moon. Press people were clustered all around NASA, trying to get best picture. Perched high above them with web-made advantage was Peter Parker as he got all the best pictures, laughing at his proletariat competitors.
"This is why JJ pays me the big bucks!" Peter Parker stated taking pictures that made all of LIFE Magazine look like amateurs as Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walked to Apollo 11 rocket.
Suddenly Peter Parker experienced a sharp jabbing like red-hot needles in his brain. It was his Spider-Sense warning him of danger right as the astronauts were boarding the rocket!
"My Spider-Sense is tingling! But that could only mean one thing!" Peter Parker said with horrible realization. "One of those two astronauts is actually saboteur! But who?"
There was only one way to find out. It would be dangerous and he would not be getting overtime or health insurance for it but Peter Parker knew that with great power came great responsibility. And making sure Americans made it first to the Moon mattered even more than Uncle Ben's life.
Peter Parker put on his Spider-Man costume and also a space suit that his friend Johnny Storm from Fantastic Four gave him for his birthday. There had been about a hundred hyperactive tarantulas in the suit when he had first put it on but what was a few pranks between bros?
Spider-Man shot his webs and swung onto Apollo 11, and hitched a ride all the way to the Moon.
On the Moon Neil Armstrong was the first to exit. He was the First Man on the Moon. Even with the dark task that he had accepted he was still in awe at what he had accomplished. Suddenly the entire Earth, with the petty destructive conflicts and schemes of its superpowers, seemed so tiny from where he was standing.
Neil Armstrong began to jump around, tall enough to leap buildings in a single bound if there were any buildings on the moon which there weren't because there was no one before Neil Armstrong on the Moon to build any.
"Wow I feel like Superman. This gives me idea of some poetic quote to say." Neil Armstrong said to himself.
"Let's hear it then Neil Armstrong." Buzz Aldrin chimed in as he drove up in the Lunar Rover.
"Very well. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil Armstrong said and broadcast to entire world, for a brief moment, everyone was rapt and applauded. There was a split second of world peace, before everyone got back to their old tricks.
"Wow Neil Armstrong that was really a poetic quote, even more poetic than I was expecting. Here why do we not make it even more poetic by cementing you in the annals of the Great American Poets?" Buzz Aldrin suggested patriotically as he handed the American flag to Neil Armstrong. "Plant the flag in the Moon and let's claim it for America."
Neil Armstrong stared at the flag in his hands for a moment, knowing that there was no turning back after this last chance to come to his senses. But he knew that he was damned, do or don't. The Winter Soldier knew where his family lived, after all.
"I'm sorry Buzz Aldrin. I cannot do this." Neil Armstrong tossed the flag to the ground. "I will not plant the flag in the Moon."
'WHAAAAAAT." Buzz Aldrin if he was drinking tea would've spat it out then. "Neil Armstrong you must plant the flag! This is great American ice cream sundae of accomplishment but an ice cream sundae is nothing without cherry on top!"
"No Buzz Aldrin I cannot claim the Moon for America when America is at its most divided and spiraling into the depths of damnation in Tartarus. I have seen USA for the lie and decadent den of filth that it is." Neil Armstrong stood firm. "Instead, why don't we TAKE A KNEE for CIVIL RIGHTS, FEMINIST REVOLUTION, AND PEACE WITH THE VC."
"No Neil Armstrong how could you have fallen to criminality and communism? President Nixon tasked us with one thing! ONE THING." Buzz Aldrin pleaded horrified but his words fell on deaf ears.
'THAT DOES NOT MATTER. SOON WE WILL VOTE HIM OUT. AND ALL HIS ENABLERS TOO. A BLUE WAVE IS COMING TRICKY DICK." Neil Armstrong raved like a madman and got ready to take a knee but suddenly Spider-Man swung in on his webline and kicked Neil Armstrong in the chest.
"So it was you my Spider-Sense was warning me about!" Spider-Man said with disgust. "Commie Scum don't you know that the American people paid for this mission! You came here on rockets built by Americans, with American technology. You are American astronauts, this is no UN mission and it sure as heck ain't no Commie Mission!"
"Yeah Neil Armstrong this is total lunacy! When American people need to see what we can accomplish when we work together you instead do the Spirit of the Declaration of Independence a disservice by choosing to divide us further! Get this pinko, Spidey!" Buzz Aldrin cheered Spider-Man on as Spider-Man began to pummel Neil Armstrong in the face but before he could smash his space helmet and kill Neil Armstrong with the exposure to the void of space a Soviet super spy space station passed by and from it a hook came out and snagged Spider-Man by his collar. Screaming in surprise, Spider-Man was dragged into the Sputnik darkness.
Coming to in the Soviet Space Station, Spider-Man found himself strapped to an interrogating table. He had been unmasked and lying on her side next to him was the Black Widow, smirking as she twirled his mask in her hands.
"So the Amazing Spider-Man, who has aided in the sabotage of our KGB operations in America, is not even a man! I bet rubles to borscht that you have never held a shaving razor in your life!" Black Widow teased as she patted Spider-Man on his head as she turned her body to lie on top of him. Then she pointed one of her wrist guns to the bottom of his chin. "Now Spider-Man, you will tell me all your secret American secrets or die!"
"Do your worst, Black Widow, you Red Menace! I don't know how you got to Neil Armstrong but I assure you I will never break! IN FACT WHY DON'T I BREAK YOU!" Spider-Man said with defiance as with the proportionate strength of a Spider he broke free of his restraints and tackled Black Widow onto her back.
"Oh poor little Spider-Boy, do you not know what the Female Spider does to the Male?" Black Widow almost shrieked in hysterical joy at the unpredictable thrill of the Spy Game.
Spider-Man and Black Widow then began wrestling for dominance. Spider-Man eventually pinned Black Widow down and held her with a leg lock but she was wilier than a raccoon on garbage day and rowdier than a gila monster backed into the corner and he was having trouble keeping her still.
"I do not enjoy hitting women, even Dirty Commie Women! But I must do it, for America!" Spider-Man punched towards Black Widow's face with enough strength to shatter bone into condensed milk powder but she managed to get her hand free and catch it in time.
"But there is something you are enjoying." Black Widow taunted with a giggle as Spider-Man suddenly became aware of what had happened downstairs the second his interrogation had begun. She grinned devilishly while Spider-Man turned red.
"I am sorry, ma'am. You may be an enemy of America, but I am still just a man. I cannot control it the way I control my webs." Spider-Man blushed apologetically.
"Perhaps we both have overreacted in going for the throat first. There are other ways to get to the heart of the matter." Black Widow suggested as the two lay where they were in uncomfortable awkward yet alluring stillness.
"Perhaps we can settle our differences in a more intellectual manner? We 'debate' and whoever wins gets to take the loser to their homeland as a prisoner of war!" Spider-Man suddenly had bright idea and whispered the specifics into Black Widow's ear.
"Now there is an idea! I accept your challenge. But you have not hope of besting me, you naughty little Arachnid, for I am a professional in everything and you are the rankest of amateurs!" Black Widow agreed as she began blushing too.
"My webs or yours?" Spider-Man asked with horny flirtation as he got off of Black Widow then helped her up.
"Oh you were tangled in my web from the start." Black Widow winked. "Come, Spider-Man, follow me to my quarters. Do you enjoy vodka and the opera, by chance?"
Meanwhile back on the Moon the situation had escalated.
"The Stars and Stripes will be flying on the Moon tonight, even if I have to kill you!" Buzz Aldrin said determinedly as he pulled out from his space suit a Bowie knife readying for Zero-Gravity knife fight for the future of the American Flag.
"I don't think so! Spinning Armstrong Kick!" Neil Armstrong said as he did a roundhouse kick and sent the knife flying into space with the propulsion of magnet train until it hit and killed the Silver Surfer a few light years away.
"Do not make this harder than it has to be, Neil Armstrong!" Buzz Aldrin said hatefully as he and Neil Armstrong began doing high jumps into the air fighting in zero gravity with acrobatics and screaming like Chinese people in wuxia movie.
Buzz Aldrin was starting to get the upper hand but Neil Armstrong made dirty maneuver swinging his big space boot into Buzz Aldrin's nether region.
"AAAAAAAGH YOU DIRTY OL PRAIRIE DOG. NOW I KNOW FOR REAL YOU HAVE REJECTED AMERICA." Moaned Buzz Aldrin as he writhed on the ground overwhelmed by pain.
"The American Dream is nothing more than crap from seagulls on drunk beachgoers heads." Neil Armstrong mused sadly. "It is not easy thing to work with Communists but they have promised me that this is what will get America to wake up and see what our nation is becoming."
Suddenly over his radio in the space helmet USA 9000's voice came on.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Neil."
From within the Lunar Lander there came the sound of freezer opening, a loud thud like something had just awoken and emerged from cryostasis. Then the door was kicked open, and leaping out onto the Moon in a red white and blue spacesuit was the form of a musclebound giant of a man and in his arms, the iconic shield that had decapitated many a Nazi in World War II.
It was Captain America!
"Captain America?" Neil Armstrong spat. "How did you get to the Moon?"
"We always had his doubts about you, Neil Armstrong. You were too average of a Joe, not an above excellent American! Too ordinary, too susceptible. So on President Nixon's I took a little nap to be awakened by USA 9000 in the event of the most extreme emergencies! And I say, this little temper tantrum of yours certainly qualifies!" Captain America explained as he stormed up to Neil Armstrong, and towered over the little cosmo-traitor.
"Now, Neil Armstrong, you take that flag and you plant it in the Moon! This little God-and-Nation hating phase of yours has come to an end, you space faggot!" Captain America barked with orders.
"No Captain America I will not do it." Neil Armstrong stood firmly and he crossed his arms.
"What are you embarrassed that the Moon Landing, the only reason you are standing here, the only reason that you ARE ALIVE is an AMERICAN ACHIEVEMENT. This is a terrible thing but I WILL BEAT SOME SENSE INTO YOU." Captain America raised his hand to smack Neil Armstrong but as he brought it down, Neil Armstrong suddenly intercepted it with sharp reflexes and caught Captain America's arms.
Captain America looked with surprise and saw that Neil Armstrong's hands had turned goolike, big, and black.
"What… what is this?" Captain America was surprised before something tendril like shot out from Neil Armstrong's chest and sent him flying.
"Spaceships are not the only thing that they work on at NASA. Do you think it was a fire that took out Apollo 1? No it was an experiment gone wrong and you are about to meet it." Neil Armstrong said as the black goo began to envelop his entire body and his mass increased to match Captain America's.
Captain America and Buzz Aldrin looked on in horror. Captain America looked to Buzz Aldrin for explanations frantically.
"I am loathe to admit it but the moon was never the true objective of the Apollo Space Program! No it was to harness Alien Symbiotes as a new super-soldier army before the Soviets could. The American Flag contains a special needle that would penetrate the moon all the way to the core and terraform it with Symbiote Seeds turning the Moon into a Planet of the Symbiotes for America to harvest." Buzz Aldrin spilled the beans. "Neil Armstrong must have stolen one of our Symbiotes for himself!"
"That is correct." Neil Armstrong said as his transformation neared completion. "The symbiotes are living things just like you and I. Just like Muhammed Ali we ain't got no quarrel with the Viet Cong and I cannot let them be exploited for America's selfish wars they have no reason to fight."
"Houston, you have a..." Neil Armstrong's voice became gravely, deep, and guttural as the black goo finished wrapping over his face. Two crescent moon white eyes peered from the blackness, a long tongue unfurling from between two rows of razor sharp teeth. "…problem."
"What in Sweet Lady Liberty's dishwasher is this? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU." Captain America gaped in horror at the symbiotic monstrosity towering over him.
"We… Are… Venom." Neil Armstrong, who was also Venom, replied. Venom then lunged forward to eat Captain America's brains but the star-spangled super soldier bravely caught the alien by the jaw and held his mouth open, the frothy tongue dangling mere inches from his face.
"I don't think so, you ugly black turd!" Captain America said dauntlessly. "I am a real American! And Americans bend no knee for nothing but the Goddamn American Flag! And if you won't honor our flag then I guess I'll have to bury you in it. America smashed on the Redskins, the Ratzis, the Rice Paddy Fuckers and you are next."
Captain America and Venom then began fighting while Buzz Aldrin along with the whole world below looked on in tensed suspense, the fate of all things America resting upon this duel of the fates.