It'd been close to seventeen years when the whole Cheers gang was last together, Cliff guessed. He could clearly remember it like it was yesterday. The first to go was Diane, California. She'd been wearing a minty green blouse, or was it olive? He wasn't very good with colors. Anyways, she hadn't changed much since that day. Crazy as ever.
A derisive smile crossed his lips as he continued surveying his surroundings. Across the bar from him sat Frasier with his wife, Charlotte. If he were to guess, Frasier was unconsciously still pining for Diane. What else explained the uncanny resemblance between Diane and Charlotte? But he wasn't going to bring up that fact, none of his business so he swept his eyes past them as he looked over at Sam.
Oh, good old Sam. Like Diane not much had changed his best friend. Yes, his hair had grayed around the edges and it was now shorter, cropped in tighter but otherwise from the looks of it he was still the alpha male. Or so he assumed. There couldn't be any other way. It was actually quite comforting.
And to cement the sameness, the unchanged nature of the gang was trusted Norm. Next to him, to his left, Norm sat in his usual spot drinking his cold beer. Nearly empty Norm stopped and looked at his glass mug, swiveling it contents.
'Here, let me get you another.' Sam said as he took the mug from a relieved Norm.
'Oh thank God Sam, I thought I was going to have a panic attack.' Norm said, pointing at the beer tap. 'By all that's holy fill her up.'
Cliff looked over at Frasier as the doctor began to chuckle. 'This bar would make a fascinating study, wouldn't you agree Charlotte?' He said as he took a sip from his drink.
Yes, indeed thought Cliff as he looked over at Diane again.
'Studying the lives of bar patrons and what brings them there.' said Frasier. 'I should pitch the idea to Michael.'
Watching her from afar, Cliff observed how she sipped her merlot daintily, her fingers grasping the stem all girlie. Even the manner in which she carried herself remained the same.
"Clifford, you've been studying me for the better of three minutes." Diane said, her eyes sweeping towards his as he stood from his stool besides his best friend Norm. "Now what has your mind so occupied?"
'Watch him, Charlotte.' Cliff heard Frasier tell Charlotte 'Anecdotal nonsense.'
Ignoring Frasier, Cliff stopped before Diane, his hands in his pockets as he bent his head and told not just her but the entire room. 'Ancient Egyptians believed that the soul lived beyond the human body, so they were buried with many of their possessions, even their beloved pets.' Cliff said as he hunched over the bar besides Diane. " their organs, in urns...'
"And their brains were scooped out through the nose." Frasier, from the opposite end of the bar, stated, "Your point being, Clifford?"
"The bar feels just like that." Cliff said, as he looked over the small group together again.
"Morbid." Frasier said as he took a drink from his beer, then smiled at Charlotte. 'Life of the bar patron. A fascinating assortment of Homosapians.'
"But beautiful none the less, Clifford. I'm glad we're all together again, too." Diane quickly added.
Norm held a hand against his chest. "Oh... Nope, just heart burn."
"You know, that's also why we now have urns." Cliff said.
"Oh, give me a break, all this lovey dovey is just ugh. Clavin shouldn't you be heading home?" Carla asked, strolling back into the main bar and taking a seat.
"No, mom has been gone, back to sunny Florida, for a week now. Why?" Clifford asked.
"No reason, only that your period is starting to show."
Just as Clifford was about to come back with a retort of his own, the bar door opened and in walked Woody followed by his wobbling wife, a smile plastered on her petite face.
"Hey, guys, my has no one changed?" Woody cheerily said as he bound down the steps with his wife. The door opened once more as Frasier stood and greeted Woody and his wife with a hug.
"Woody, still in politics I see." Frasier said. "I've been apace of your reforms, you know. And let me just say, they are ground breaking."
"Thank you , and I've caught some of your show when in Ohio." Woody said. "I love the girl that was on two weeks back, Mary I think. Is she still.."
"Work in progress." Frasier said, his fingers tapped the mohagony bar counter as he looked away from the group and took a swig of his beer.
"Is that the woman who claimed to be in a relationship..." Diane chimed in, causing Frasier to intently stare at his glass as if suddenly it became the most fascinating thing in the cosmos.
"Oh, the one with the teddy bear obsession, the red-head." Cliff said.
"Work in progress." Frasier sighed, annoyed, and slumped back on his stool. "My god people, it's not like we don't all have our own eccentricities.' And he took another swig as his girlfriend, Charlotte, tended to his bruised ego by rubbing his back.
"Yeah, but we don't all claim to be married to a care bear." Carla laughed "Well, except him." She thumbed in Cliffs direction. "because no woman would dare share anything with swamp monster, here. Just thinking about it, Cliff with a woman eeee!" She visibly shuddered.
That little troll, Cliff thought, baby dispenser. If only he could drop her off in the middle of the California desert. Alone. Eyeing her from across the bar, Cliff opened his mouth to drop one of his many witty comes backs when a boy he hadn't noticed before till now cleared his throat. Damn him! Darting his focus to bare into the man, an unwelcome shiver chilled his spine. Weird.
"Yes?" Cliff said, annoyed "Do you need some water?"
"Finally a good idea, maybe he can use it to melt the wicked Cliff of the West." Carla said as she strode over to both Cliff and the boy. "Hey, kid what's your name?"
But the boy didn't answer her. Instead he gave her a casual look, quickly stared back at Cliff then stood to leave. What the hell was up with that kid, seriously? Did they ever meet? Had he delivered the wrong package? No, it couldn't be that. But if not that than what? He was going to ask as much before once again he was beat to the punch.
'Hey, hey.' Carla said 'Where's a gorgeous boy going in such a hurry?'
This caused the boy to sit back down. His eyes, unpredictably, quickly darted to Cliff. However, this time Cliff swore he saw anger hidden beneath those blue eyes - blue eyes so God damn familiar, yet he couldn't quite place where he saw them before.
'Carla?' Diane chastised 'He could be your son?''
'And if he were I wouldn't let him out of my sight.' Carla shot back as she strolled over to him and grabbed hold of the boys chin. 'Has anyone ever told you you look like a young Sinatra?'
The boy still refused to say anything. Was the boy a mute? Cliff wondered.
'He does, doesn't he?' Sam chipped in. 'Hey, you wouldn't, by any chance, be related to him?'
Still in the grip of that sea wench, all the boy could do was glance at Sam from the corner of his head. 'No.' He allowed his voice to finally be heard. It was deep and raspy.
'Oooh la la, and a voice to accompany a beautiful face.' Carla said. ' If I was younger we could have...'
'Carla?!' Diane cut in. 'Honestly. Son, are you not a bit too young to be in here. How old are you?'
The boy once again glanced at Cliff.
'Ok, what is it?' Cliff huffed out. ' Do I have something in my teeth?' He stuck his finger in his mouth and began to dig around.
Sam broke in, 'so, are we going to guess or no?' He casually said as he popped some cashews into his mouth. 'Did Cliff mess up your order and you're here to exact revenge?'
The boy shook his head in the negative, his jaw clenched as people started to throw around their guesses. Norm who was quiet so far had guessed that maybe Cliff had perhaps missed his house, and so he didn't get an important letter. The guesses ranged from the mail route to the bizarre. The most improbable coming from Charlotte; that he was Cliffs illegitimate son. Even Cliff had to laugh at that. Not that he couldn't father a kid but they had gone through that possibility before and he wasn't going to fall for that again.
'Perhaps we can start by...' Frasier hadn't the chance to finish his thought before the boy stood, strode over to Cliff and, taking a folded-up piece of paper out of his jeans pocket, shoved into Cliffs hands and strode out of the bar. Now he was dead certain the nameless boy had it in for him. Maybe he did miss his house.
'See what you did, Cliffpuckus, and I really liked him.' Carla whined as Cliff unfolded the paper and his mouth fell open. 'What?'
In between the fold was a picture and staring back at him from that picture was the same eyes of the boy, but they didn't belong to the boy. No, they belonged to a woman he hadn't seen in over seventeen years.
Carla snatched the note from his grasp before he even realized what was happening.
'What is it Carla?' Cliff vaguely heard Diane ask.
'I didn't know it'd be this hard to say goodbye, but we come from such diverse backgrounds.' Carla began reading the letter out loud, her voice finicky, quick. 'He could never understand how hard this is for me. If I allow him in, a lowly mailman into my life mother and father would see to it I'd abort our lil precious Jonathan or make our every waking moment a nightmare and so I will allow them to continue believing it was a one night fling with Travis, my fathers business partners son while I continue to hold dear his name, Cliff Clavin. Oh, how I wish it wasn't so... painful. Cliff!' She gritted between clenched teeth.
Yes, Cliff was right. He felt his legs give out underneath him for the second time. His world began to spin around him like a spinning tea kettle in one those infuriating Disney rides. He should have seen the resemblance. How had he missed it? No, maybe he wasn't the dad. Maybe Travis was. Yeah, it had to be that.
Carla began to fake choke, her breathing coming in gasps. 'I flirted with a Clavin.' She cried.