Lane: Ohemgee! 'Tis our first story on our new account
Mira: So of course it's a crack fic…
Lane: That is just so like us…
Mira: Yeah...let's get goin' so the story I can meet Ed! *grabs popcorn*
Ed: *sweatdrops*
Lane: Yeah, and story me can meet the adorable Alphonse Elric! *tada pose*
Al: *sweatdrop* Um…they don't own FMA…or me and Brother…
Ed: But they own the plot line… *shudders*
Lane & Mira: And ourselves!
MAD Academy
A Collaborative Project by:
Mira Hinder and Lane Render
A Fullmetal Alchemist
Crack / Alternate Universe Fanime
Lane's POV
Before School; At School
"I'm so bored," I grumbled, typing angrily away on the laptop I was using. I decided that my OC Chihiro would not, in fact, forgive Kukai that easily. Poor Kukai, victim of my bad mood.
Mrs. Riley looked at me from her desk, "There's not much else I can do for you, sweetie," my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Riley, said, "Please don't take it out on the laptop."
Mrs. Riley is my ultra cool homeroom/English teacher (who calls everyone sweetie for some reason.) She's really short, which makes me like her more (I'm kinda short, but she's shorter than me with high heels on) and she's about 30. She takes pity on me when my dad brings me to school early (every day) and lets me into homeroom, where we keep our school-given laptops.
And our uber tiny school can afford them is because we go to a very rich school for uber-ly talented kids. Good at computers, good at reading, writing, math, science, or social studies, good at music, good at art, good at drama, good at dance, any of that stuff. No sports, though…ew. Only the Arts, general school stuff, and technology.
I looked up at her with what I imagine was an 'oh, I said that out loud?' look. "I don't mean right now…I just mean that nothing ever happens here. I live in the middle of freakin' nowhere," I muttered. 'But at least we got clam chowder,' I thought to myself.
"There's a new boy in our homeroom," she told me, completely calm, like it was nothing.
"WHA-!?" Definitely not nothing.
"His name is Alphonse Elric. He's going to be sitting between you and Mira," said once again like it was nothing.
I was very happy.
* * *
Al's POV
Morning Homeroom; Mrs. Riley's Homeroom
I stood outside the room. "Brother, can we just leave?"
Ed laughed. "No Al. Go on, and just be glad Roy Mustang isn't your homeroom teacher. I swear, both of these worlds just hate me. I'll see you at lunch," he told me, walking down the hall.
"Yeah," I mumbled, walking into the room.
"Hello!" exclaimed a short, red haired woman brightly. "You must be Alphonse!"
"Just Al," I told her, her excitement making me nervous.
"Alright Al! You just sit between Lane and Mira," she told me, pointing towards a blonde girl with glasses and a girl with reddish brown hair who were whispering fervently to each other. They both looked up when I walked over, immediately dropping their conversation.
"Hey, you must be Al," said the blonde girl with a warm smile, "I'm Lane," she said, sticking her hand out. I shook it. "This 'tis Mira," she said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder at the other girl.
"Great, enthusiastic way to introduce me Lane. Glad you love me so much," she said sarcastically. Then she smiled at me. "Yo!"
"Here, can I see your schedule?" Lane asked. I nodded and handed it to her. She started to explain it to me. "Alright, so we have a three day cycle. Today's a Day 3, so tomorrow will be a Day 1. Today you'll be following the periods in this column. Don't worry about the times, the teachers will just tell you when the period's over. Alright, you've got Science first, which is right next to my class, so I'll show you there. Then you've got Spanish with me, so just wait for me by the water fountain and I'll show you there. Then you've got Social Studies with Mira and our friend Wrath-"
Oh no…Wrath. That was going to be weird.
"Oh no, Wrath," Mira and Lane said in unison. Weird…
They both looked towards a very depressed looking boy sitting in a seat by the door with his head in his arms. He looked just like the Wrath from my world, minus Ed's arm and leg. Mira and Lane both ran over to him and flung their arms around him, squeezing him so tight I didn't know how he could possibly breathe. "We're sorry Wrath!" they both exclaimed.
"It's okay…you were just helping the new boy, right?" he said, smiling at me. Wow…it felt weird to think this about a boy (who was apparently my age…) but he was so cute. In a little kid kind of way. "My name's Wrath."
"Yup, our Wrath! He's so adorable!" Mira said.
"Umm, back to your schedule, right?" Lane said, recovering from whatever that was. "So, period four you come back to homeroom for English. Mira and Wrath will bring you here after Spanish, they need to pass by anyway." I looked at Mira and Wrath doubtfully, they were paying no attention. Mira was busy obsessing over Wrath… "Don't worry, they will. Everyone's locker is outside their homeroom. Your locker number…" her eyes scanned over my schedule "…15, next to Wrath's. You're combination is right there," she said, pointing at the number on the sheet.
"Uh…"
"Wrath will show you how to do it. You can drop of the books that the Science, Math, and Spanish teachers will give you. Then I'll help you with the rest of the schedule during English. "Kay," she said, smiling at me brightly.
"Wow, thanks," I said, speechless at how absolutely helpful she was being.
* * *
Ed's POV
Math; Period 1
I rushed out of homeroom at the sound of the bell. 'Dammit! It's like Mustang follows me everywhere!'
I quickly filed into Math class with a few other students in my grade. And another short blonde bespectacled girl who was shorter than me and looked about a year younger. They all took their seats and the teacher…my Teacher Izumi Curtis…started the class by introducing me to the room of about ten students.
As I sat down behind the blonde girl, she turned to look at me, "So you're Alphonse's brother?" she smiled.
"Right," I held my hand out for her to shake, "Edward Elric."
"Lane Render," she shook my hand and said, "I'm in Al's homeroom."
"Then how are you in a Junior class?"
She laughed as if she got this question all the time, "This school is so small that being at an honors level means you are one grade ahead. And being at an AP level means you're two grades ahead. I'm an AP leveled Math-wiz…so here I am!"
"Render! Elric!"
We both jumped at the sound of our names, "Y-yes Mrs. Curtis?"
"Are you two going to pay attention to the lesson at all?"
"Y-yes Mrs. Curtis."
* * *
Mira's POV
Science; Period 2
Wrath and I sat in our seats for Science.
"So, Mira?" I looked over at Wrath, "Whatcha think of the new kid?"
"Al? He seems very nice. But he also has an older brother. I can't wait to meet him!"
Wrath peered up at me, then nodded with a sweet smile on his face.
"You're so cute!" I squealed, wrapping my arms around him.
"Alright, class," Mr. Mustang came in and closed the door, "Today, and for the remainder of this term, we'll be learning about the Reproductive System!"
"…" There was a moment of awkward silence in the classroom.
* * *
Social Studies; Period 3
Wrath and I waited at the door of Social Studies for Lane to bring Al by.
"Hey, Mira! Wrath!" both of us turned to see Envy walking towards us, completely ignoring Mustang's Science class.
"Hey Envy," I waved, happy to see him even though he was the biggest pervert on the face of the planet.
"Hey big bro!" Wrath jumped up and down and waved vigorously at Envy.
Envy ruffled Wrath's hair and made him stop jumping. I laughed as I looked over his shoulder to see Mustang coming over. He grabbed Envy by the ear and dragged him off to class muttering something to him about being to preoccupied with girls and not enough with school.
"Like you can talk, Pops," Envy chuckled as he was dragged, "You're worse than I am!"
I couldn't help but smile.
"What'd he do now?" Lane rolled her eyes as she walked up with Al.
"Ahhhh…nothing. You know Mustang's bound to think he did though," I giggled.
Lane suddenly whipped out her phone, "Haha! Yes!" she had a triumphant face on.
Al, Wrath, and I all tilted our heads to the same side and gave her the same "huh?" look.
She then proceeded to run full speed into her Science class.
* * *
Envy's POV
Science; Period 3
I sat in my seat and looked to my right. Sitting there was a guy with blonde hair and gold eyes. He was staring up at Mr. Mustang with a twitch in his eye.
"Hey," I leaned over and poked him in the arm. When he looked over I asked, "You that new kid? Edward Elric?"
He nodded, looking at me with a strange expression on his face.
"Good," I whipped out my phone and quickly texted Lane.
"What are you doing?" Ed inquired.
"My friend told me to watch for a new kid with 'uber-cool blonde hair'," I shut my phone.
"Your friend?" Ed twitched, "Would you be talking about Lane Render by any chance?"
As an answer, Lane sped over to us and jumped on my desk, "Hey Envy. Hey Ed."
* * *
Mira's POV
Lunch; Period 6
Wrath followed me into the Lunchroom. I peered around quickly and found Lane sitting at a table with Envy. She waved us down and we sat, but it seemed like we weren't the only ones being waved down.
Al and another older blonde boy came over with us and Wrath and the two of them sat before I could even think about sitting.
"Hm," Lane struck a thinking pose, "We may have an issue here…"
"Not entirely," I smiled kindly, lying, "I'm going to the library anyway."
Envy sighed, "Aw! Why, Babe?!" he teased.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, "I'm not doing so hot in Science and I need to pass to stay in Chorus…and Band…and Drama Club…and Science Club!" I pantomimed pulling my hair out, "Argh! I've got to study!"
I missed the look that Envy and Lane shared. Their look of pure evil.
"Ed can help!" they pointed to the elder blonde boy.
"He's really good in Science!" Lane cheered, covering Ed's mouth.
"He is in our class after all!" Envy pointed out, gesturing to himself in Lane.
Wrath and Al sweat dropped.
"Really?!" I jumped up and down, clutching my bag to my chest so it wouldn't hit anyone, "Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Thankyouthankyouthankyousoveryveryverymuch!!"
"I guess I can't say no to that…" Ed mumbled and smirked up at me. His golden eyes shined strangely in the light. He got up, "Here sit down," I sat and he dragged a chair over for himself.
* * *
Mira's POV
Gym; Period 7
Right as I was about to walk into the Girl's Locker Room, someone came up behind me and grabbed my ass, "Hey, babe."
"Cut it out, Envy!" I pushed him back, turning to see that Ed and Al were right behind him.
"Fine," he leaned in and pecked me on the cheek before turning and running across the hall to the Boy's Locker Room, "Later Babe!"
I flailed my arms in chibi form and yelled after him, "I'm gonna get you back for that later, Palm-Tree-Head!" I stormed into the Locker Room.
I greeted a few of my friends and twisted the combination into my locker. I took out the school-issued Gym clothes and stripped down. I pulled on my shirt with my back to the door. I always felt weird having the Gym locker closest to the door of the Locker Room…it was…awkward!
Right as I was about to pull on my shorts, the door busted open.
* * *
Ed's POV
Mira stormed into the Locker Room. Al and I made our way into the Locker Room across the hall.
Envy was laughing with a group of boys from our grade. He high-fived them and said, "She tastes like strawberries," he licked his lips to the amusement of the other boys.
I rolled my eyes as Al and I changed.
"Hey Elric," Al and I both turned to the sound of Envy's voice, "Ed, all of the guys in our grade that came to the school in the middle of the year had to go through…an initiation…"
I raised an eyebrow at him.
* * *
Mira's POV
As the door opened, I turned. A blonde streak ran in and hit me, causing us both to fall over. Whoever it was fell on top of me. All the girls in the Locker Room started yelling something about perverts.
Whoever it was had their head smashed on my…chest…area…
He lifted his head up and I saw those golden eyes.
"ED!?!?"
We both jumped up and I started whacking him with the first thing I grabbed…my Gym shorts.
"…Mira…hey…wait…" I pushed him so his back hit the door, dropping my shorts in the process.
"GET OUT! PEVERT!"
"Hold on!"
I paused for a fraction of a second and he flashed Envy's green camera st me and ran from the Locker Room.
There was a moment of silence from all of us girls.
I turned and growled, "Let's kill him…"
Evil agreeing laughter greeted me.
* * *
Envy's POV
I almost busted my sides when Elric walked over and handed me my camera, wiping blood off of his mouth, "What's the matter?" I chuckled, gesturing to the blood, "Girls hit hard?"
"No…they didn't even touch me…"
It took me a minute to realize what he meant. Then I laughed even harder.
"Brother, you pervert!" Al looked at his elder brother with a shocked expression.
"ENVY!" Mira, face as red as her hair, stomped up to us, "HAND! IT!! OVER!!!" her gaze was fixed on the camera, "OR ELSE!!!!"
I glanced at Ed and Al. Ed's face was redder that Mira's and Al was looking very afraid of the small girl in front of us. So…I decided someone had to say it. And I was the dummy who volunteered, "'Or else' what?" then I took it further and asked, "You and what army?"
She chuckled evilly and pulled out a baseball bat.
That wouldn't have been so bad…
But a swarm of angry girls mobbed behind her with rubber dodge balls in their hands. The rest of the guys in the Gym backed away from them. Ed, Al, and I stayed put.
"This army," she lifted the bat like a sword and yelled, "CHARGE!!!!"
* * *
Mira's POV
'Ahhhh," I though, deleting the picture of me off of Envy's camera, 'Revenge is sweet!' I went over the pictures of Ed, Al, and Envy in just their boxers, 'And NAKED!'
"Call them off!"
I peered up to the basketball hoop. Sitting on the backboard were the Elric brothers, both only in their underwear. Sitting with his butt in the hoop itself was Envy, "Call them off!" he repeated, glancing down at the near-rabid mob of girls below him.
I pretended not to hear him, gazing up smugly and cocking an eyebrow.
"Fine!" he choked out the next words, "I-I'm…sorry."
I popped the sim card out of the camera, stuck it in my pocket, and waved my rabid girls off just as the Gym teacher, Ms. Hawkeye, walked in.
* * *
Needless to say, those boys got a good talking-to.
But…
Being a good girl, mostly because I was feeling slightly guilty, I saved them.
I'm such a wuss.
* * *
Lane's POV
Afternoon Homeroom; Mrs. Riley's Homeroom
Wrath ran into homeroom, throwing his arms around me.
"Wrath, honey?" I said, looking down at him worriedly.
"I ran into the two new boys, Brother, and Mira in the hallway…Mira's being scary!" he cried, though it was muffled by my shoulder, which he was pressing his face into.
'Oh no,' I thought, 'what did Envy do. Worse, what did Envy make Ed –slash– Al do?
Al ran into homeroom, straight up to me. "She's not going to kill Ed, right?" he asked me, looking like he was seriously afraid she might.
"Oh no," I groaned.
"Shut up, Elric! I don't want to hear your crap!" Mira yelled, storming into homeroom.
"Mira, it's not my fault, I-"
Mira turned around a glared at him, the furious whipping around of her red hair adding an even more intimidating affect. I saw Ed flinch back. "Stop trying to feed me lies. I've known you for one day, and already, this!" She proceeded to slam the door in his face.
"Don't take it out on the door, Hun," Mrs. Riley said halfheartedly.
Mira stormed past us to grab her coat and bag. "Mira-" I started, but she cut me off.
"Shut up, big brother's coming to pick me up," she snapped at me.
I faintly heard an adorable voice in the background ask, "Mrs. Riley, can I go to big brother's homeroom?"
"Of course, Wrath sweetie."
"Mira, we've got Science Club today," I told her. "You're brother knows that."
"Right," she sighed, dropping into a seat. I sat in the seat next to her, waiting for her to say something. I saw Al out of the corner of my eye go up to Mrs. Riley, and I faintly heard him ask if he could also go to his brother's homeroom.
Mira didn't say anything, so I asked, "What happened, Mira?"
"That jackass! He-"
Envy's POV
Afternoon Homeroom; Mr. Mustang's Homeroom
I sat in my seat, right next to shortie.
He turned to glare at me with eyes that seemed to glow with fire…wow, that was good, why'd I fail English?
"This is your fault," he growled. I could almost see the flames.
"Whatever," I said shrugging it off. "I know what'll cheer you up, some good, old-fashioned rap!"
He cocked an eyebrow. "Old-fashioned rap? That's an oxymoron."
I pulled out my iPod, sticking an ear bud in my ear. "Dude, you can't use words like oxymoron with me. I have no clue what they mean." I offered him an ear bud. He sighed and took it.
I pressed play. "Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."
His face was priceless.
Al's POV
While Ed was making a pretty disgusted face, he also seemed extremely fascinated by whatever it was Envy was having him listen to. So Wrath and I just sat on our own.
We were both silent for a while.
Wrath's POV
I fidgeted around, trying to tell myself to just leave him alone. I finally couldn't take it any more. "So Al, what do you think of school here? Do like you're teachers? Do you like your classes? Are you finding your way around okay? Do you need any more help?" the words just kept flowing out, as I bounced up and down in my chair.
"Wrath," he said, gripping my shoulders, and forcing me down in my seat, "calm down."
"Write, sorry…I'm just really energetic," I said, smiling at him.
"I noticed that," he said, smiling back. "Well, the teachers here are nice, and you, Mira, and Lane are being really helpful. I like my classes, too."
"Hey, hey, hey! I have an idea! Why don't you stay for Science Club!?"
Al's POV
I opened my mouth to respond, but Wrath wasn't looking at me. "Hey Mr. Mustang, can Al stay for Science Club, too? And Ed too!" he added, looking back at my brother, who wasn't paying attention.
"Sure," Colonel…I mean Mr. Mustang answered, not really listening.
Lane's POV
After School; Science Club
She told me the whole story, complete with a big rant at the end.
"Mira, I realize that was very, very, very, asshole-ish, but he is apologizing, and you know Envy and his friends can be very…persuasive. Plus, Ed doesn't seem like the type who could back down anyway."
"I don't care," she huffed.
"Mira, Lane, you can go to your club now," Mrs. Riley told us, "All the buses are gone."
"C'mon, let's go!" I cheered, grabbing Mira's arm. I dragged her full speed to the Science room.
I dropped her arm, flung my arms out and yelled, "Roy!" before glomping said Science teacher.
He sighed, knowing too well that it would be impossible to get me off him. "You know, one day the principal is going to walk by, take this the wrong way, and fire me on the spot. And it will be all your fault when it happens."
I let go of him. "You're such a killjoy, Roy."
I scanned the room until I found my favorite palm tree. He was sitting listening to his iPod. I also saw Ed sitting next to him making a disgusted face, staring at the iPod.
I sighed, deciding to let Mira be grumpy on her own. I bounced over to the two boys. "Hi Ed! Hi Envy, baby!" I kissed Envy on the cheek and hugged him, whispering in his ear "Mira's mad… but I'm not gonna be part of this."
* * *
Mira's POV
Let me explain something about Mustang's "Science Club".
It's not a Science Club.
It's more like a Hang-Out-After-School Club because we didn't do anything but hang out with a teacher's supervision…
Today it was an Ignore-Idiot-Number-One-And-Idiot-Number-Two Club.
So, I tried to ignore Envy (aka Idiot Number 1) when I saw him standing over me. I concentrated on the Math homework I got earlier that day.
"Mira," he poked my shoulder.
I bent lower and checked the Math on one of the problems.
"Don't try to fool with me, Babe," he snickered, "I know you already did all of your homework."
'Dammit! Why does he have to be right?!' I looked up at him silently, putting on my best bored face.
He knelt down and clasped his hands together, joking around with me, "I'm so so so so sorry!
Please forgive me, Beautiful!"
I smirked and leaned my head on my hand, "Oh fine!"
He jumped up and grinned at me, "Girls are so vain!"
"Ah, shut up!" he should be glad I even forgave him.
Envy: *evil laughter*
Ed: …I'll kill you! *chases*
Mira: Heh!
Lane: Amazing first chapter!
Al: *sweat drops*
Lane: We do not own the song Love Game!
Mira: Lady Gaga does!
Envy: The best song ever!
Lane & Mira: R&R please!