Burn My Wings
A Vampire Knight Fan Fiction
Disclaimer: Vampire Knight and its characters are, unfortunately, not mine *sighs sadly* I'm merely playing around with them in order to make our BL dreams come true.
Pairings: Kaname/Zero, naturally ;D
Warnings: AU,OOC-ness, no plot, crappy writing and the author's failed attempts at being funny, original and creative — same old, same old. Oh, and there's some mature content, so read at your own discretion.
A/N: And here is another oneshot. I started writing it a few months back, and now it's ready, I guess.
In essence, it's just my boring version of a KaZe Angels&Demons AU. So yeah, a total cliche, and very possibly a crappy one -_-; Sorry for that. And sorry if the citrusy parts suck royally.
I think I wanted to give this one some sort of mysterious and darkish vibe while also trying to make it a bit different, but I think I failed miserably as usual *sighs* So I only hope it won't be a complete disappointment for you, dearests *bows deeply in apology* But hey, at least you won't have to waste as much time on it as you were forced to with my last gigantic monster of a oneshot xD
English is not my first language, so there are definitely mistakes like bad grammar and typos. All those mistakes are mine, so I apologize for them in advance too.
Would be truly happy to hear your thoughts at the end of this.
Hope you will enjoy reading! :D
I.
Heaven was unusually lively. Everyone seemed tense — nervous, agitated even, for some reason. They did a terrible job of hiding it, so naturally he got curious and started asking questions.
"Oh, haven't you heard?" his friend of many decades asked in response, excitement all but oozing out of him. That got him all the more intrigued.
Leaning closer and covering the side of his mouth with one hand as though about to share a big secret, his friend whispered loudly, "They captured a fallen one!"
His eyes widened at the news. Unconsciously, he leaned a little closer as well, asking in the same manner, "A demon? It that true?"
He received an enthusiastic nod in response.
"Are you sure?"
Another nod, even more vigorous than the previous one.
"How do you even know that?" He asked next with a small frown.
"I heard some of the guards talk about it on their way down."
"Eavesdropped, you mean," he remarked with a knowing look.
"That's irrelevant," his friend dismissed easily with a careless wave of his hand. "What important is, it must be true! I think those guards even went to get that thing and help bring it here!" his friend replied animatedly with a huge smile never leaving his face. He actually got worried it would split at some point from how wide the other's mouth had stretched.
His eyebrows rose. "They're going to bring it here?"
Here? Of all places…? But wasn't that…
"Isn't it forbidden to let one of them in?" he asked, frowning.
"Well, I guess it is, but-" his friend started, but stopped before finishing, shaking his head in dismissal. "Ah, well, who cares, anyway? Aren't you excited?"
His frown still hadn't left his face. "About what?"
"We'll get to see one!"
He blinked, then slowly tilted his head to the side. "We will?"
"Wouldn't you like to?"
There was a long moment of silence between the two.
"Well?" his friend prompted him impatiently, still smiling widely with his eyes sparkling brightly, his excitement hadn't diminished in the slightest.
Another brief silence. Then he finally answered, "I'm in."
Deep down, he felt uneasy about it for some reason. His curiosity, however, was stronger, and it got the better of him.
It was too bad he had no way of knowing how much that one decision would change his fate. If he did, maybe he would have done it all differently.
…Or maybe he wouldn't have.
II.
They had indeed brought it to Heaven, that demon. He hadn't seen it, hadn't gotten even a glimpse of it, and neither had his friend and partner in crime. He was pretty sure that almost no one had, yet everyone knew it was there among them — they could sense its presence, feel the subtle shift in the air. He was amazed how much change a single being could bring to a place.
"I think the adults left. Now is the time," his friend whispered after looking around the corner. "Let's go."
He nodded.
The two snuck forward, soon coming to a stop beside a glass cage. It was dark inside — much darker than outside. They couldn't see anything when they peered cautiously in, so they slowly moved father along the glass wall.
Still nothing.
They got closer, their hands coming to rest on the cold surface.
He thought there was some movement inside, but he couldn't be sure. His friend didn't seem to have noticed anything, so perhaps he was just imagining-
All of a sudden, a pale palm settled on the other side of the glass, covering the small space between their two hands. They froze, their eyes widened and breath caught in their throats. He could feel his heart begin to race.
The next thing they saw were the eyes. They were glowing in the dark, which made them the only clearly visible thing about the being across from them. The rest of its face was still obscured by thick shadows. It was only when the being slowly moved forward that its features became more discernible.
His heart quickened further, he inhaled sharply. From the corner of his eye, he noticed his friend retreat a few steps, but he stayed. He couldn't move, neither did he really want to.
The being finally came into full view.
He was left completely breathless.
III.
"That being… He wasn't what I expected. At all." His friend paused, frowning thoughtfully before turning to him and speaking again, "He is a 'he', right?"
"I believe so," he replied with a vague nod, still lost in thought after the encounter. His friend was right. That demon wasn't what he had imagined either — not in the slightest. On the contrary, he was the opposite of what he had expected. So…
Different, intense, mysterious, dangerous — albeit in a very subtle, subdued manner. So…
"I honestly thought the fallen ones were supposed to be scary," sounded beside him, interrupting his thoughts. "And ugly, even disgusting!"
He nodded. He had thought so too.
"But that one… He wasn't like that at all! He was…well, he was…"
"…Beautiful," he finished for his friend, who only nodded in confirmation.
A contemplative silence ensued.
"…I want to see him again," he quietly admitted after some time, to his friend's greatest surprise and secret agreement.
IV.
He had done it. He had actually come to meet the mysterious being again — alone this time around, unable to stay away for some reason.
"What is your name?"
The demon's question was met with silence. It lasted for a few moments, then the demon let out a soft — sensual, seductive even — chuckle. It did weird things to his body, sending uncontrollable yet shamefully pleasant shivers down his spine.
"I won't use it to enslave you or anything. It's impossible anyway," the demon tried to ease his doubts. And it actually worked.
That, or he simply stopped caring anymore when he replied to the other's previous inquiry.
"…Kaname."
The demon's smile widened.
He nodded, then tried the name on his tongue, "Kaname…"
That, too, did the weirdest things to his normally calm body. He was actually beginning to think he had fallen ill or something of the sort at some point in time, even if the very notion of it was ridiculous in its improbability.
"It's nice to meet you, Kaname," the demon said with a slight, smooth tilt of his head and a gentle smile. "My name is Zero."
"Zero…" Kaname breathed the beautiful demon's name, a responding smile slowly stretching his lips.
V.
"You spoke to him?!" Kaname's best friend, Takuma, exclaimed in a mix of shock and excitement, only to receive critical glances from every occupant of the spacious reading room they were currently in. His form hunching, he scratched the back of his blond head awkwardly with a sheepish smile and a few apologetic gestures. When all eyes turned away and gave them back their relative privacy, Takuma returned his attention to Kaname, who was already engrossed in his book anew by then. Not minding his friend's lack of attention to his person, Takuma asked in an excited whisper, "When?!"
Kaname looked up at the other, only to get bombarded with another question without even getting a chance to answer the first one. "How?!" Kaname furrowed his brows at the weirdness of the inquiry, about to comment on it when Takuma continued further and got even closer in his overly excited state. "How was it?!" Kaname was leaning into the chair's soft backrest with his book pressed firmly against his chest by then. Takuma's face got even closer, his emerald eyes almost literally sparkling. "What was he like?!"
It was a good thing the blond stopped at that. Kaname's personal space was already near non-existent and he had nowhere to lean away from his friend anymore.
Stunned burgundy eyes blinked rapidly at wide with excitement emerald ones. Uncomfortable with such proximity, Kaname put his hand on Takuma's shoulder and gently pushed, finally regaining much-needed space between them.
Releasing a quiet sigh of relief, Kaname finally spoke, "Some while ago." Once again, he frowned at the ridiculous question that had come second, but graced it with a reply nonetheless, "The same way I usually speak to everyone else." Then the third one. "It was...an unusual experience..." he trailed off, getting lost in the memory of his brief encounter with the demon.
There was a long moment of silence, until Takuma couldn't take it anymore. "And?!" the blond prompted in a barely contained whisper, leaning closer once more.
Kaname blinked at him before asking, "And what?"
"What was he like?!"
Kaname's lips formed a barely audible 'Oh' at the realization. "Well, um..." he struggled to find the right words, coming up empty-handed in the end, "I can't really say. It's..." he paused to think some more, his eyebrows drawn into a frown, "...difficult to explain."
Takuma's shoulders slumped, a disappointed sigh left him at the lack of descriptive information. It wasn't long before he perked up again though. "Did you at least learn his name?"
"...Maybe next time," Kaname replied, averting his eyes down to his book. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't help the childish desire to keep that bit of information all to himself for a little longer. "If there will be one."
There would indeed be a next time, and it wouldn't be that far apart from the previous one. Then another one would come, then again, and again, eventually becoming a regular occasion.
VI.
"Kaname…"
It was hot. Suffocatingly, scorchingly hot.
"Kaname…"
He was burning up, he couldn't breathe.
A chuckle sounded.
He knew that voice. It was the one that always did the weirdest things to his body. It was taunting him now, its owner enjoying his misery without a doubt.
"Are you alright, Kaname?" Zero asked sweetly, brushing his fingers across his cheek in a fleeting, barely palpable touch that sent shivers through him. "Tell me where it hurts…" That pale hand was fully covering his cheek now, soft and gentle and pleasantly cool. "Tell me where it hurts, and I'll make it better…" the demon promised.
Kaname blinked several times to get his blurry vision to clear, only to realize that his eyes weren't the reason he couldn't see properly — it was a thick blanket of fog all around him that obscured everything from proper view, leaving only a silhouette of a familiar form that was currently hovering over him.
"I can make it all better, if you let me. Just let me in, Kaname…" Zero drew closer, and his face finally came out of the fog. A shuddering breath fell from Kaname's lips as he drank in the sight of the beautiful being before him, drowning in those pools of pure amethyst. "Let me in…" Zero implored again, and Kaname couldn't help but let his gaze wander to the other's full, curved into a subtle smile rosy lips. They got closer, parting a bit, and that smile playing on them slowly widened. A gentle hand brushed softly against his cheek before covering it. He felt Zero's hot breath on his lips when the demon repeated, "Let me in…" He leaned down, and Kaname involuntarily leaned up to meet him, but before that could happen, Zero himself suddenly turned into mist.
Kaname woke up gasping for breath, his heart racing and his whole body hot and sweaty. His nightclothes clung uncomfortably to it. He scowled distastefully, peeling the damp material off his skin, when a certain…problem…became known to him.
Kaname immediately froze, staring down at a particular part of his anatomy protruding through the thin fabric of his nightgown. He blinked numbly a few times, shocked and confused beyond words.
After a while though, he came out of his daze, and his scowl darkened, now also accompanied by an angry blush on his cheeks. Clenching his teeth, he bent his knees and leaned forward to hug them tightly to his chest and bury his face in them.
It was disgusting.
He was disgusting.
VII.
Kaname did his best to stay away from the silver-haired demon after that shameful dream. He returned to his usual routine that consisted of quiet reading, occasional interactions with his peers, mandatory — boring, if he were honest — studies and overall peacefulness.
It was nice, it was familiar, it was quiet and comfortingly uneventful and…lacking.
And dull. Terribly, frustratingly dull. Kaname came to realize he hated feeling that way.
Deep down, he knew what it was he felt was laking, he knew what it was he wanted, but he refused to admit it. He did his best to ignore it, to deny it, to fight it. He really did.
…It was just too bad that his 'best' wasn't good enough in the end.
"Is it that unusual?"
There he was again, standing by that cage, face to face with the dangerous — Kaname knew he was dangerous, even if he hadn't done anything, he just knew — demon once again. There was that unchangeable enigmatic smile playing on his full lips, making his eyes narrow ever so slightly in a somewhat mischievous manner. It was extremely pleasing to his eye, Kaname found. He struggled to tear his gaze away from it, even though he knew he shouldn't stare too much.
"Kaname?"
Kaname blinked, dumbfounded. He had been asked a question, he was sure of it — the demon loved asking questions. But he couldn't for the life of him remember what that question had been. "What?"
"My hair. You keep staring at it. It's actually starting to get a bit creepy."
"O-oh," Kaname lowered his eyes, blushing with embarrassment, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
Zero chuckled. "Is it that unusual?" he repeated his previous question.
Kaname looked up with a confused frown.
"My coloring," Zero specified. "Haven't you ever seen it before?"
"…No."
Zero tilted his head slightly to the side. Kaname found himself following the faintest movements of silver strands with his eyes. He blinked after a moment with a small start, coming out of his brief daze, then forced his gaze back to amethyst eyes. Amusement glimmered in them, and Kaname knew then that he had been caught. Mentally cursing himself, he tried to suppress a flush of embarrassment he could feel rising to his cheeks.
Zero took a small step forward. Kaname took an involuntary step back. The action caused the demon's smile to widen slightly. It sent small shivers up the angel's spine.
"…Do you like it?" Zero asked another question after a while of strained — at least it seemed that way to Kaname — silence.
Kaname didn't reply.
Slowly, Zero's hand rose, elegant and graceful and beautifully pale.
Sometimes Kaname couldn't help wondering if the creature before him was actually real, if he was flesh and blood. Such thoughts inevitably compelled him to check for himself, but he suppressed the urge time and time again.
Zero placed his hand flat on the glass surface of the cage wall. "Do you?" he gently pressed for a reply.
Kaname didn't even notice himself give an absent nod and step closer once more as he unknowingly answered, "I do." His eyes were glued to the pale palm, his fingers traced the cold glass as his own hand went up as well. It stopped right over Zero's.
A deep chuckle came from the demon. It sent another wave of shivers through Kaname and made him look up. An inaudible, shaky breath escaped him as his eyes clashed with Zero's amethyst ones anew. The quiet intensity in them was mesmerizing. Paralyzing even.
A long silence passed.
Ever so slowly, Zero got closer. Kaname forced himself to stay in place.
"What part of it?" Zero inquired next.
Kaname blinked absently. It took him a few seconds to pick up the thread of their conversation anew. "Everything," he replied honestly before he could stop himself.
A quiet chuckle followed. Kaname knew he should be feeling embarrassed, but he didn't, strangely enough.
"Do you think it's real?" came another question.
A faint frown crossed Kaname's features. "Is it not?"
"It can be an illusion. Demons are good at that."
Kaname blinked. "Is it?" he asked curiously, tilting his head slightly to the side.
"Will you be disappointed if it is?" Zero asked back.
Kaname's frown deepened in thought. "…I don't know."
Zero's smile widened further, he got closer again. "Would you like to find out?"
Kaname didn't fight that urge this time. He stepped forward. "…Yes."
Zero put his other hand on the glass. Kaname mirrored the action without delay.
"…Are you sure?"
Kaname didn't hesitate this time. "Yes," he repeated his previous reply.
Amethyst eyes narrowed slightly, darkening, deepening in their mesmerizing intensity.
"…Then let me in…"
Burgundy eyes widened. Kaname inhaled sharply, his pulse raced as the dream from some time ago flashed through his mind.
Stiffly, he took a step backwards. Then another one.
Zero's smile stretched further as he watched the angel unblinkingly.
Kaname retreated another couple of steps. A long moment of tense stillness passed. Then he fled.
VIII.
Lying on his back, Kaname stared up at the silver-haired demon leaning over him on all fours.
After a long, breathless while, one pale hand moved — slowly, flowingly. The demon's every move seemed to be like that, quiet and unthreatening, careful even, but never hesitant.
The back of pale fingers gave Kaname's cheek a light caress. The angel released a shuddering breath, shivering at the contact. His own fingers flexed, itching to reciprocate the unexpectedly scorching touch.
Zero let out a soft snort. "It's okay, you don't have to hold back. Not here." He leaned down, shortening the distance between them to a mere couple of inches. "No one will know. It's just the two of us." His hand moved down, slowly tracing a path from the side of Kaname's face to his chest. "It's your world, you can do whatever you want, just…" His hand went lower, lower and lower still. Kaname inhaled sharply when it reached a particular region of his body that not even he himself had touched. "Let me in."
That hand slid under his clothes, he could feel its delicate, cool yet burning touch on his skin. A startled gasp escaped Kaname when long pale fingers curled around that part of his anatomy, his own hand went up to grab the demon's wrist. He didn't push the offending limb away though, neither did he force it to stop — not completely, at least.
"Let me in," Zero whispered the words again, his hot breath tickling Kaname's skin. His hand started to move, slowly.
Kaname sucked in another sharp breath, his form tensed up.
The hand kept moving. Kaname's eyes fluttered shut briefly, his breathing began to quicken.
"It's okay," Zero whispered next, nuzzling the side of Kaname's face with his nose. "Don't be afraid," he coaxed, brushing a few light kisses over the angel's smooth cheek before whispering into his ear, "Let me in."
Kaname's fingers curled, one hand gripping the sheets tightly and the other clutching the demon's wrist. His back arched, he threw his head back, his heels dug into the mattress as he involuntarily jerked his hips up.
Zero chuckled, the sound sending shivers through Kaname's form. The hand picked up speed.
Kaname forced his eyes open when he felt Zero lean back. Hazy burgundy orbs clashed with piercing amethyst ones.
Zero's hand squeezed, eliciting a strangled groan from Kaname. The angel's hips bucked another couple of times, his fingers curled further. He could feel his nails pierce the demon's flesh.
It was hot. Kaname couldn't breathe. His body grew tenser by the second, the movements of his hips soon became erratic.
He knew what he was doing was wrong — obscene, forbidden, dirty, shameful, disgusting. He wanted to stop, he tried to time and time again, he really did. But he couldn't. His burning body wouldn't listen to reason. He was powerless to stop its mindless chase of steadily heightening pleasure he hadn't known existed before.
He could feel it, he was close. To what exactly he had no idea and he didn't care. He just knew he was almost there. Just a bit more. Faster, harder. Only a few more-
All of a sudden, Zero stopped, squeezing Kaname tighter and pinning his lower half down with his hips.
Groaning loudly, Kaname arched his back and tried to thrust up once more, but Zero didn't let him, pushing him down harder.
"Shh," the silver-haired demon cooed, brushing a few now damp strands of chocolate brown hair out of Kaname's face, "It's okay." He cupped Kaname's cheek and stroked it gently with his thumb. "It's okay, I promise." His hand moved up and down once more, slowly, sensually.
Kaname gave a disgruntled groan, scowling when Zero only chuckled at his misery. Eventually though, he did manage to somewhat calm down enough to cease his struggling. Still, it was killing him. Zero was killing him. Cruelly. Kaname let go of the sheets and grabbed the demon's thigh.
Zero smiled. "There, what a good little angel you are, Kaname," he praised. "I just love that about you." He moaned lowly as his hips rocked against Kaname, earning a whimper from the angel.
Kaname couldn't help trying to thrust up again, but failed this time either.
"I'm going to miss you, you know. I really am."
"Wh-what…?" Kaname asked with a frown, panting softly.
"I will have to leave here soon," Zero explained, "Otherwise they will come for me. He is getting worried."
'They'? 'He'…?
"Who?" Kaname's hand moved higher up Zero's thigh, clutching it tighter.
"My people. My brother," came Zero's reply.
"You have a brother?"
Zero nodded. "I do. And trust me, you don't want him here. None of you innocent little angels do."
"Why?"
Zero arched his eyebrows before giving an amused chuckle. "Do you even need to ask?"
Kaname chose not to reply.
Zero leaned closer after a few moments of silence, breaking it with another question.
"Will you miss me, Kaname?"
Kaname knew he would, but he chose not to answer this time as well, only to get punished for it a second later.
Zero's fingers squeezed and his thumb shifted, circling and teasing and doing everything just right.
Kaname gasped, tensing, clutching, arching, thrusting up.
"Will you?" Zero pressed, his hand still working Kaname deliciously yet excruciatingly slowly.
Kaname did his best to regulate his breathing as he replied, "N-no."
Zero snorted. "Liar."
Kaname swallowed hard when Zero's fingers slowed down and squeezed again. "I'm not."
"You are," Zero insisted. "What a naughty, naughty little angel," he reprimanded playfully, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "What am I going to do with you?"
Kaname exhaled a shaky breath. "I'm not-," another one, "-lying," he insisted.
Zero titled his head to the side with a raised eyebrow, an amused smile playing on his lips.
"You won't leave," Kaname answered Zero's unvoiced question. "You can't." He paused to breathe. "You won't be able to."
Zero's lips stretched into a smirk. "I will." A languid stroke. "I can." Another one. "I will." And another.
It was almost literally killing Kaname what the merciless demon was doing to him. He was so close. So close. Yet just when he was almost there, Zero would stop and hinder him from getting any further, keeping him teetering just on the edge.
"And you know why that is?" Kaname didn't reply, but Zero answered anyway, "Because you will help me."
Kaname frowned. "Wh-wha-?" He wouldn't. Of course he wouldn't. Never. Why would he? "I-"
"You will," Zero insisted, slowly closing the distance between them almost completely. Such absolute proximity set Kaname's skin on fire. He could feel Zero's fingers threading through his hair. The demon's hand on his lower body began to move again, slow and steady at first, then the pace increased.
"I know you will," Zero whispered against Kaname's cheek before giving it a light kiss. Then another one, and another one, slowly making his way to the corner of the brunet's mouth.
Kaname's eyes were long closed by then, a concentrated frown creased his brow. He was panting through parted lips, his hands were desperately clutching — clawing almost — whatever part of the demon's body they could reach. His back arched again as his breathing became heavier. It was the closest he had gotten to that point he had been chasing this whole time.
"…Won't you, Kaname?"
Then Zero's lips were on his. Kaname gave a small start at the unexpected contact, gasping, his eyes opened. The silver-haired demon brushed his mouth over Kaname's again and again before biting the brunet's lower lip lightly, playfully. Kaname leaned forward without thinking, reciprocating each and every caress, eagerly engaging in a deep, heated kiss as he was finally pushed over the blissful edge.
IX.
"…Were you serious?"
"About what?"
"About what you said…back then."
"Back when?"
"Back then."
"Back when?"
A groan. A very frustrated one. And a scowl. Kaname was the first to look away after what seemed like hours of undisturbed eye contact. The action earned an amused chuckle from Zero, and Kaname mentally cursed himself when the melodious sound reached his ears. He had lost. Again. The silver-haired demon always managed to fluster him.
"…I was," Zero replied after a long silence. It was only then that Kaname looked up at him anew. "Why? You still doubt me?"
Kaname frowned. "I won't help you."
"You will."
"I won't," the angel insisted.
"Are you sure?" the demon asked with a tilt of his head and a playful smile on his lips. "Truly?" He slowly got closer to the glass like he had done so many times before.
Kaname pressed his lips together. "…I won't," he repeated after a few seconds of hesitation.
Zero's smile slowly stretched into a smirk. He got as close as was only possible, then averted his gaze to the side, looking down at Kaname's hand on the other side of the glass, separated from his own only by the transparent wall. His eyes lingered there for a bit before returning to his companion's face, his expression softened.
"…Don't you want to know what it really feels like…?" Zero asked quietly, almost imploringly even.
It took Kaname no more than a second to see what the other meant. He exhaled a shuddering breath.
"Don't you want to see for yourself? To make sure?" Zero's hand rose, stopping over Kaname's face behind the glass. "I know I want you to," the demon confessed as his fingers slowly moved over the cold surface, as though tracing Kaname's features. " I really do," he all but breathed out, hypnotizing the dark-haired angel further with his beseeching eyes. Kaname couldn't help stepping forward to get as close as the glass would allow him as he listened to those dangerously sweet, tempting words. "…Don't you want it too?"
Kaname did. Wanted, longed, yearned. Not a dream, not an illusion — he craved the real contact.
He mirrored Zero's last action, tracing his fingers over the silver-haired demon's face behind the glass wall before letting his hand slide down to return to its previous position over the other's pale palm. He pressed his forehead against the cool surface. Its coldness made him crave warmth even more.
Still...
"...I won't do it," Kaname insisted stubbornly one more time.
Zero gave the brunet an indulgent smile. He lingered for another while, then he started to retreat into the darkness of the deeper part of his cage. "We will see about that."
X.
Zero had cut him off. He didn't invade his mind anymore, neither did he talk to him like before when Kaname visited him — he didn't even emerge from the darkness of his cage to show himself.
Kaname struggled to comprehend the reason behind Zero's sudden change in behavior.
Was he angry? Upset? Did he hate him…? Kaname kept mentally asking himself, but never came up with any definite answers. He had no idea what the silver-haired demon was thinking, and that, on top of complete silence between them, made Kaname feel all the more…
Empty.
Lonely.
Cold.
Uneasy.
Despondent.
Hurt.
Betrayed.
Abandoned.
Foolish.
Ashamed.
Irritated.
Impatient.
Confused.
Angry.
Frustrated.
…And thirsty in ways he couldn't possibly understand or explain.
Kaname didn't know how to handle such a range of foreign — not to mention negative — emotions. He didn't know what to do with them, how to get rid of them. He didn't know what he could do to make it better and return to normal.
It was affecting him too much. He had been forced to realize that when his friends and family had started expressing their concerns.
'Kaname, are you okay? You don't look so well…' his best friend, Takuma, would observe.
'Kaname-onii-sama, what is wrong?' his little sister, Yuuki, would ask with a worried frown.
'Kaname-sama, please don't strain yourself. Just rest, I will take care of everything,' another friend — and an avid admirer — of his would offer to help him with the smallest task.
'…You should take it easy,' another friend would advise after giving him a long, scrutinizing look.
'What is it, dear child? What is it that has been troubling your mind lately?' his father would inquire gently.
They would keep asking and he would keep evading them. There was no way he could tell any of his peers the truth.
Then it got worse, and the loss of contact began to affect him physically — to the point of causing him actual pain. And it only kept increasing as time passed, receding a little only when he was near the cage, near him. It didn't take long for Kaname to find himself literally unable to stay away.
"It pains me to see you like that," came Zero's familiar voice all of a sudden, sending tickling shivers through Kaname. He had forgotten how pleasant it was, how good it felt to hear it. It even made that pain subside a bit.
Sitting on the floor with his back against the glass wall, Kaname turned his head sideways to peer into the cage. There was nothing but darkness in it still, but he knew Zero was watching him, he could feel it. He turned away and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall anew with a long sigh.
"It truly does, you know," Zero insisted.
Kaname didn't look at the other as he replied, "Then stop doing this to me. I know it's your fault."
"It is," Zero admitted. "But I'm not doing anything, and you're the only one who can make it stop."
Kaname snorted.
"…I'm not lying," Zero spoke after a while of silence, his voice taking on a warmer tone. "I wouldn't lie to you, Kaname."
"You're a demon."
"Doesn't mean I can't be truthful."
"Why would you be?"
"Because I want to be."
Zero's words were met with another while of silence.
Sighing, Kaname half-turned around and pressed his head against the glass wall. "It hurts," he said. "Make it stop. I know you can."
"I can," Zero admitted. "I will, if you let me… Just come here," he implored.
Kaname released an uneven breath and shook his head.
"Come here, Kaname."
Kaname looked up when he thought the voice had gotten closer. It had, and so had its owner — the familiar pale hand on the glass confirmed it. The rest of the demon's body remained enveloped in misty darkness though. But even so, Kaname felt his heart leap and speed up with involuntary joy at the proximity.
"Come here," Zero repeated, quieter this time. His hand slid down, and Kaname knew the other was now kneeling behind the glass. "Come here, and I will make it better," came a whispered promise next. "Come here, and I will take away the pain…"
Kaname turned around further to fully face Zero. He could see it, the darkness shifting, the mist retreating as the silver-haired demon's familiar features finally came into view. Kaname planted his hand on the glass over Zero's.
"Come here…" the demon implored yet again, amethyst eyes soulful, beseeching, "And I will make it all better…" Kaname shuddered at the feeling of that sinful promise caressing his skin, wrapping around him and pulling him in further. "Come to me…" Slowly, Zero rose and started to retreat. Kaname got up as well, pressing both hands against the glass. "And I will quench that insatiable thirst within you…" His form disappeared into the darkness, but his words remained in the form of whispered echoes.
Kaname managed to ignore them for a few long moments. Then…
He summoned his powers.
He reached unseeingly for an invisible lock that kept the cage sealed.
He took a deep breath, waiting a tense second.
…And then he destroyed the lock along with the glass wall. The darkness was freed, and it spread everywhere, limitless in its amount. Kaname paid it no heed though as he rushed forward, straight into awaiting pale arms.
Finally, he knew what they felt like in reality. And it was better than any dream or fantasy he had had.
XI.
A gasp escaped Kaname as his mouth was released from a passionate kiss and he was pushed roughly onto the floor. He was almost completely undressed now — they both were, although Kaname honestly had no recollection of how exactly they had ended up in such a state.
It was hot — impossibly, scorchingly so. Kaname almost felt like he was drowning in the heat, and Zero's touches, pleasantly cool and intoxicating, seemed to be the only thing preventing him from suffocating. He wanted more, and his body had no trouble expressing it as it moved against Zero in their dance of passion.
Eager hands kept reaching out greedily, grabbing and squeezing and exploring every bit of flesh they could seize. Hungry lips kept tasting and savoring every patch of skin they could claim.
Kaname gripped silver hair and snaked an arm around Zero's middle to hold the demon tightly in place as he impatiently bucked his hips up. The action was followed by twin moans that got muffled by the pair's locked mouths and intertwined tongues. Zero's hips continued rocking wantonly against Kaname's for a little longer before the silver-haired demon released the angel's lips and retreated, chuckling at a groan of protest he was given as he did so.
Kaname tried to follow, but Zero didn't let him, pushing the brunet down by the chest as he lifted his lower body up a bit and removed his fingers from inside his passage before taking a firm hold of Kaname's hard member.
Kaname went completely still as he avidly watched Zero lower himself down on him. A shuddering breath escaped him when he felt his organ touch the demon's entrance. His hands gripped pale thighs, he involuntarily tensed up in anticipation.
Smirking, Zero began to slide down further — slowly, almost excruciatingly so. Kaname scowled at the realization that Zero was teasing him again, which only amused the said demon. Kaname's fingers curled, his nails bit into ivory flesh. Impatient, the brunet tried to pull the other down, but Zero didn't oblige, staying stubbornly in place. It was only when Kaname let a pathetic whimper escape him that the silver-haired demon took pity on him and sank all the way down with a triumphant smirk.
Zero's eyes slid shut and his head rolled back with a low moan that got almost completely drowned out by Kaname's own sound of pleasure. He waited for a short while, then slowly rose up and dropped down again, repeating the action over and over with his pace gradually quickening. It didn't take long for Kaname to start thrusting up to meet Zero. His grip on pale thighs tightened, turning almost bruising, as he pulled the silver-haired demon harder against him, forcing himself as deep as he could go.
Their moans were growing in volume and frequency by the second, accompanied by the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh. They both turned into a panting mess, delirious in their wild dance of carnal pleasure.
After one particularly hard, deep thrust followed by a loud, pleasured cry from Zero, Kaname rose and enclosed the silver-haired demon in a tight embrace. He flipped them over and forced partially flushed pale legs wider apart, earning himself a light laugh and a playful kiss from Zero. He responded eagerly, deepening their kiss, his hands slid up the demon's back, his fingers curled upon reaching the shoulders, gripping them tightly.
A groan muffled by Zero's mouth on his escaped Kaname as Zero wrapped his arms around his neck and locked his legs around him, pulling him closer and urging him deeperinside.
Kaname resumed his thrusts, moving slowly at first, then a little faster, gradually increasing his pace. It didn't take long for their movements to become erratic once more, and this time they didn't stop — they kept going until the very end, reaching their peaks almost simultaneously with loud moans of pleasure, and they continued to rock against each other even after that as they rode out their orgasms.
Eventually though, their movements slowed down, turning languidly sensual. Their hands caressed each other's heated skin lazily while they exchanged unhurried kisses, deep and sweet, as they came down from their intense high.
They stopped after some time, but remained connected, allowing only a bit of space to come between their now slightly swollen lips. Their eyes locked, still dazed and half-closed. They studied each other's features for a while, then slowly closed the barely existent distance between them and exchanged several more languid kisses.
Zero gave a soft groan when Kaname reluctantly slid out of him. Sitting up, the angel brought the demon onto his lap, never once breaking their embrace. They continued kissing for another while before Zero decided to speak for the first time.
"I took it away," he said quietly. He let his lips brush against Kaname's a few more times, then pulled away, cupping the angel's cheek gently as he elaborated in response to Kaname's inquiring frown, "My poison. You can make your own choice now."
'Choice…? About what…?' Kaname wanted to ask, but Zero continued before he could voice his questions.
"Goodbye, Kaname," the silver-haired demon said as he bent down and gave the brunet one last kiss. It was slow and sweet, and Kaname savored every moment of it. All too soon, however, Zero retreated. Looking into Kaname's burgundy eyes and stroking his smooth cheek gently with his thumb, he gave the dark-haired angel a promise, "I will be waiting for you..."
Kaname tensed up, freezing for a second. His arms automatically tightened around Zero in an attempt to keep him in place, to prevent his escape, but it was no use.
Gracing him with one last warm smile, the demon turned into smoke, becoming one with the misty darkness that soon dissipated altogether.
There was nothing but light around Kaname now — bright and warm and familiar. It was something Kaname knew well, something he was born of, something he lived off and thrived on. It had always brought him comfort and joy without fail — he was that kind of creature, after all, it was essential to his existence. It always had been.
Right now, however…
The only thing he could feel as that wonderful light enveloped him in its gentle embrace was emptiness. It seemed different — blinding, intrusive, unforgiving. It lacked something now, its appeal was gone in Kaname's eyes, and he had no idea why that was so.
It was a terrible feeling. One he hadn't experience before and didn't know how to handle.
He hoped it was a temporary change. He really did, but…
But deep down, a small part of him knew there was no turning back. And if he were truthful, he wasn't sure it was really such a bad thing.
XII.
They had locked him away. His peers, the other angels. They had locked him away as soon as they had found him in his less than decent state in Zero's former cage.
They had been terrified, he could tell. And confused. Abhorred. Panicked. Incredulous. Flustered. Worried. Cautious.
Kaname was pretty sure they had thought him contagious or something close to that, if the way they had reluctantly escorted him to his rooms — all the while maintaining as much distance as social etiquette allowed them — was anything to go by. In their eyes, he was contaminated, and they had to — they must, they had no choice but to — isolate and purify him.
So they had done just that — or tried to, at the very least, by locking him away from their world. They honestly believed they could do it. They honestly thought they could 'fix' him. They honestly expected him to forget Zero — they were actually foolish enough to truly believe they could make him.
'Stop fighting it,' they — his elders — would say, 'you are only making it worse for yourself.'
He refused to listen. Time and time again, he resisted.
'It's not worth it,' they would try to convince him, 'That abomination is not worth it.'
Time and time again, they failed.
'It only used you,' they would keep trying, 'It deceived you, it poisoned your mind, it contaminated your body and soul…'
He hated those words, hated the way they spoke of Zero, the way they referred to him.
'But it's alright. We can still help you,' they would insist, 'You still can be saved.'
Fools. What fools they were. Didn't they get that he didn't need to be saved? That he didn't want to be saved? Certainly not the way they planned to do it.
'We will erase its vile existence from your pure being,' they would promise, proud and pleased with themselves. They really seemed to think they were doing him a favor. 'We will guide you back to light, so you can be with us again. We will banish the darkness.'
He wouldn't let them.
'Forever.'
He wouldn't yield.
XIII.
Kaname had escaped. After a very long time of constant resistance, careful planning and deceit resulting in at least three murders, he had managed to break free. He had abandoned everything — his family, his friends, his race, his future, his Master, his grace...
And now he was falling. Rapidly, unstoppably, painfully. He was getting torn apart — he could feel it with every cell of his being. He was being scorched by suffocatingly thick, toxic air. It felt so heavy it was a wonder it didn't slow down his fall. His eyes were burning, but he did his best to keep them open for as long as he could. He was afraid he would find himself somewhere else if he so much as blinked. He wanted to see it all, even if it hurt.
He wanted this. The pain, the fear, the unknown, the excitement and the terror of it all. He wanted to see the amethyst-eyed cause of his downfall. He wanted to see Zero. He needed it.
It was an obsession. Mad and incurable. And so very, very welcome.
Some angel he was, wasn't he?
Ah, right…
He wasn't. Not anymore. He could feel it. He could feel his powers leave him, he could feel his celestial essence seep out of him, he could feel the skies desert him the closer he got to the ground.
Soon it would be over. Soon he would be no more — at least not as he had been before. Soon. Any second now.
…The actual fall itself was painful. Excruciatingly so. Kaname was almost sure he had been torn apart into tiny pieces, but his body didn't seem to be missing any parts as far as he could tell.
It was loud. Deafeningly so. He thought the whole world must have heard it. The notion scared him, its probability made him feel unsafe.
It was bright. Blindingly so. For a few moments, there was nothing but whiteness around him. It was so intense and so painful to look at he had to close his eyes. It was a wonder he could still see after that.
It was violent and explosive and it very literally tore the ground apart. He had to crawl out of it, and the damage he saw he had caused was irreparable.
He was sure he would be found. If his former peers decided to come after him, he knew they would have no trouble pinpointing his location with all the mess he had caused. He would be found, he would be hunted down, and he would most probably be executed, either right on the spot or after being dragged back up to meet his final judgement.
He couldn't let it happen. He had to move — he had to leave, and fast.
Disoriented and barely keeping his balance on his two feet, Kaname fled. His wings were completely spread out, damaged and deteriorating. Their once brilliant purest white color was gone, they had turned dark, murky grey at some point in time, and they seemed to continue changing their shade until it reached the deepest, darkest black — the feathers falling out bit by bit testified to that.
Kaname's wings wouldn't take him high into the sky anymore, they were too weak and ruined beyond repair, and they kept slowly burning away. They could still move though, they could still fly somewhat, painful as it was for their owner. So he flew through all the pain, as far as his dying wings would take him.
After some time though, it got unbearable and he was forced to slow down and walk.
But then another while later his legs gave out on him as well, and he had to crawl through intensified pain his body was experiencing. Granted, he had found a hiding place — a cave — before he was forced to his knees, and it wasn't that far away. He wanted to rest, even a little bit, but he couldn't yet. It wasn't safe. He still didn't feel safe.
So he crawled his way into the cave, and it was only then that he managed to find at least some semblance of relative peace and calm — provided that he could ignore the pain, of course. Which was becoming increasingly difficult with every passing second.
He was getting worse, feeling hot and cold at the same time, delirious, scared, lonely and miserable. His body was shaking uncontrollably as its every cell was being rebuilt, slowly and painfully.
Doubled over on the cold, uncomfortable ground, he screwed his eyes shut and curled his fingers against the stony surface beneath. He was sure he had hurt himself, but he didn't care. He only wanted to distract himself from the torture his back — his almost literally burning wings — kept subjecting him to.
It didn't help though. Nothing did. The pain continued to intensify. Until…
Kaname released a shuddering breath as he felt a cool touch caress whatever remained of his previously grand wings. It was light and gentle and wonderfully familiar, and just like that, that touch made it all better.
Anguished burgundy eyes blinked, a faint frown crossed Kaname's features. Slowly, he turned his head to look up and to the side. His eyes widened in disbelief. He was hallucinating now too, it seemed. It was the only plausible explanation for the sight he was met with. But that was okay, he would take whatever he could.
Kaname tried to straighten up, but his body wouldn't listen. Its shaking worsened, turning violent. He squeezed his eyes shut and curled into himself more with a pained groan that echoed off the stone walls.
That cool touch returned after leaving him for an excruciatingly long second, seeming even more wonderful than before as it slowly spread through his body, soothing the intense pain to a much more bearable dull ache.
A shuddering sigh of relief tumbled past Kaname's lips. He felt his tense wings drop bonelessly as his form relaxed. Soon the shaking eased too. He could finally breathe, he could finally think, he could finally make his body listen to him — at least to an extent.
"H-how…" Kaname managed to speak at long last, "how did you find me…?" he asked in a hoarse, barely audible voice his own ears found unrecognizable.
A chuckle came. It was just the way he remembered it, and it still had the same effect on him.
"It was hard to miss a calamity of such an extent," the same familiar voice answered in the same familiar manner as pale arms enclosed him, pulling him into a gentle embrace. "You made quite a mess out there, my dear angel."
"…I'm not one anymore," Kaname remarked quietly as he leaned against the warm body and reciprocated the embrace weakly. "You should know that."
"I do," was whispered just above his ear as familiar fingers threaded through his hair just the way he wanted them to.
A while of silence passed. Then that voice returned.
"Does it still hurt?" it inquired.
"Not as much as before," Kaname replied honestly.
"…Do you regret it?"
"No. I chose this."
"Doesn't mean you can't regret it."
"But I don't. I wanted this." 'To be with you…' was left unsaid. It was too embarrassing to say it out loud, even if he was only imagining speaking to the object of his obsessive affection. "I still do."
"Despite the pain?"
"Despite the pain."
They lapsed into silence once more. Kaname could feel he was slowly drifting off. And for once in a very long while, that feeling didn't scare him, it was nice and warm and almost welcome. There was only one thing that bothered him, and he didn't hesitate to voice it.
"Stay," he implored, clutching at the warm body in his arms weakly. "Don't go anywhere."
He heard a smile in that voice when it replied, "I won't."
"Don't leave me again."
"I won't."
"Promise?"
A soft chuckle came. Kaname could tell that smile got wider when the actual reply followed, "Promise."
A sad smile curled Kaname's lips. He knew it wasn't even real, that whole experience. But he still needed it. So he continued pretending that he wasn't imagining it.
"I will hold you to that…" was the last thing Kaname managed to say before surrendering to darkness.
XIV.
The next time Kaname woke up, the pain was gone. Completely. Without so much as a trace of it left. Kaname had to wonder whether it all hadn't been just a dream. He wouldn't be surprised. He knew for sure at least one thing had been.
Zero.
He wasn't there. He never had been. Kaname had been alone all this time.
He sighed deeply, disappointed by the realization. He had known he had been hallucinating since the beginning, but he still couldn't help but hope he would be wrong.
With another sigh, Kaname rose to his feet and slowly made his way out of the cave, absently surprised to find how deep inside it he had managed to get in his previous condition.
It was dark outside. There was nothing around him — the area seemed deserted. Still, he couldn't help but find the view — the combination of darkness and shadows and silver light of quietly shining spots high above him — breathtakingly beautiful.
For a long while, Kaname couldn't help but stare, mesmerized. Then a faint noise from somewhere behind him startled him out of his daze and forced his attention away from the beautiful sight.
It took Kaname a few moments to find the source of the noise. He blinked, his eyes widened with wonder that was soon joined by curiosity. He tilted his head to the side with another blink, then made towards what looked like a group of intertwined, living silver vines. He was curious to touch them, but his instincts told him not to. They were dangerous, he knew, he felt it in his bones. It didn't make them any less intriguing though — just the opposite. So he kept moving farther ahead, walking alongside those vines, unwittingly growing more and more fascinated by the nature of the mysterious organism with every step he took, only to stop dead in his tracks upon finding its source when he looked up a short while later.
Burgundy eyes went wide as saucers. Kaname gasped sharply, tensing up, a cold shiver coursed through him at the sight before him.
It was a scene of carnage — bloody and cruel and bone-chilling. It was one where his former peers were scattered all around a field in bits and pieces, completely torn apart and literally broken beyond repair. The ground was soaked in their blood, and so were hundreds of silver vines crawling everywhere. And in the middle of all that only one form remained standing and seemingly unscathed — or so it looked from a distance.
Zero…
To anyone else, the sight would have been terrifying. To Kaname, it was anything but.
He immediately assumed it was another dream or illusion. It had to be, his logical mind insisted. Yet there was a small, traitorous part of him that wanted to believe — that actually believed — otherwise.
Kaname hesitated at first, but then Zero turned around, and his body moved of its own accord. He closed the distance between them, unmindful of all the blood and flesh now drenching his feet, stopping a short step away from Zero.
They stood there looking at each other, neither speaking nor moving for a long while. Then, unable to stop himself in spite of his fear of destroying what was most probably a convenient illusion, Kaname lifted his hand and carefully, hesitantly, touched Zero's cheek.
It didn't disappear — he didn't disappear. Nothing did.
"You're real," Kaname breathed out at the feeling of Zero's pale skin under his fingers as he caressed it gently. "Not an illusion…"
Zero chuckled. "All this time you thought I was?"
Kaname didn't reply and only continued studying Zero's face with his hands and eyes. But then another thing caught his attention. His hands. They were different. The skin seemed paler and the nails…they had turned to dangerous-looking, hideous grey and black talons that certainly had never been there before.
Kaname's eyes widened in shock. Startled, he took a step back and retrieved his hands to touch his own face, wondering if it still even remotely resembled its original version.
Zero gave another chuckle. Stepping closer, he reached up and put his hands over Kaname's. "You're beautiful," he said as he smiled up at the now former angel. "Even more so than before."
Kaname pressed his lips together.
Zero's smile widened. "It's true. You should know I wouldn't lie to you."
"…You did before," Kaname argued.
Zero blinked up at him, his brows rose and eyes widened a fraction as he tilted his head to the side, asking, "When?"
"When you left."
Zero frowned.
Kaname elaborated, "Back then, in the cage…" he trailed off, lowering his eyes in embarrassment.
Zero gave a soft 'Oh' that was soonfollowed by a small chuckle.
Kaname looked up at the silver-haired demon accusingly.
"I'm sorry," Zero apologized, but it was completely ruined by another chuckle. "What exactly did I lie to you about?" he tried to changed the subject.
Kaname let him, but not without expressing his mild annoyance with his narrowed gaze.
"…You didn't take it away," he replied after a while. "It still hurt after you had left."
Zero's smile dropped at the realization. His expression turned regretful.
Cupping Kaname's face with both hands, Zero leaned closer. "I'm sorry," he whispered with a sad smile. "I really am."
Kaname's expression softened. He put his hands over Zero's to keep them firmly in place. Then, releasing a shaky sigh, he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against that of the silver-haired demon.
"…What are those?" Kaname asked as he opened his eyes after a long while of silence.
Zero followed his gaze. "These?" he asked, lifting one of his still captured arms a fraction. "Just one of my powers," he replied with a light shrug of his shoulders.
"Is it painful?" Kaname asked next.
"Only at first. Then it's just bearable."
Kaname's hand slid down, his fingertips gently stroked a few silver vines. They shifted slightly, as though leaning into his touch.
Zero exhaled shakily, attracting Kaname's attention back to his face. They stayed still for a breathless moment, then closed the remaining distance between them and let their lips touch in a sequence of slow, gentle kisses.
"We need to get going," Zero whispered after some while when their relatively innocent kisses began gaining heat and passion. "There are more of them coming." Still, he didn't protest when Kaname pulled him in for a deeper, harder kiss of burning need.
"Where will we go…?" Kaname asked after retreating just enough to speak, absently noting that the silver vines had somehow disappeared.
"Where else?" Zero brushed his lips against his a few more times. Kaname could tell the other was smiling — he could hear it, he could feel it. "All the way down, of course."
Kaname tensed slightly. He couldn't help it.
Zero chuckled. "Are you scared? Nervous?"
Kaname gave a vague shrug.
"Don't be. It will be alright," Zero assured him. He stroked his cheek and gave him another soft kiss. "Everybody is looking forward to seeing you."
''Everybody'…?' Kaname frowned, puzzled. "Why would they?"
"Why wouldn't they? After all…" Zero's smile widened. "Who wouldn't want to meet their king…?"
Kaname's eyes widened in bewildered shock. His reaction evoked another chuckle from the silver-haired demon.
Zero gave him one last kiss — long and slow and sensual — before pulling away. "Don't worry, everything will be alright," he said with a reassuring smile. "I promise." His hands slid down Kaname's face, slowly moving down his body before retreating altogether as he stepped backwards. Kaname didn't let him get away though, grabbing his hand a split second after it had left him.
Zero's lips curved further at the other's action. "Come," he beckoned, gently pulling Kaname towards him. "Your new kingdom is waiting…"
Zero led him away, and Kaname let him, well and truly leaving everything behind and embracing the darkness in its entirety.
A new life was ahead of them.
And he couldn't wait to start it.
.
-The End-
.
A/N: And here you have it. As I said in my note at the beginning, nothing special — just another cliched story in this kind of AU setting *shrugs* I still hope it wasn't too terrible and that you got to somewhat enjoy it, even if only a little bit. If you got this far, thank you for reading *bows deeply* Reviews and comments are always welcome and very much appreciated. Take care, have a nice day/night, and hope to see you again soon! :D