- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -
EB: dave! ! ! ! !
TG: oh my god calm down man you sound like jade
EB: sorry. its just kind of exciting dont you think?
TG: what is
TG: who died
EB: no one died!
TG: it was the pope wasnt it
TG: who am i even kidding of course it wasnt the pope
TG: that bastard is going to live forever i mean have you seen him
EB: yes dave ive seen the pope
TG: yeah but have you
TG: seen him like i mean really seen him
TG: . /tumblr_maz7ihg2Ih1rhczmvo1_
TG: hes going to out live all of us just you watch
EB: ok i get it dave haha
EB: but seriously youve gotta be at least apathetically excited.
TG: apathetically excited
EB: ok you know what i mean.
TG: do i
EB: oh my god just stop. i have to leave for piano lessons in a couple minutes.
EB: work with me here.
TG: alright yeah im apathetically excited
EB: apathetically excited?
TG: your words man not mine
TG: oh no
TG: you meant
TG: ok yeah im actually excited
TG: yo
TG: dude
TG: where are you bro
TG: did my unironic excitement scare you off man
TG: bro
TG: bro
TG: broski
TG: broseph
TG: brohan
TG: brodeo
TG: brosicle
TG: brocean
TG: brofessor
TG: brosideon
TG: broba fett
TG: brohemian
TG: brotato chip
TG: brohammad
TG: bromosapien
TG: brotein shake
TG: brorontosaurus
TG: broesph stalin
TG: abroham lincoln
TG: brorack bromama
TG: brorannasaurus rex
TG: come on man that was the whole bro list
TG: i just went through the whole bro list
TG: what does that tell you about our situation
TG: think egbert
TG: ill give you a hint
TG: it begins with
TG: dire
TG: and ends with
TG:
TG: so yeah
TG: just dire
TG: i dont mean just dire as in its enough
TG: this situation is plenty dire
- ectobiologist [EB] has become an idle chum -
TG: really
TG: long distance is so fucked up
TG: i couldnt have been told that like five minutes ago
TG: before i went through the bro list
TG: you know
TG: the sad thing is i actually had to look it up
TG: now bro list is on my history
TG: fuck you too egbert
- turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
Dave pushes his chair away from the computer and rubs his red-rimmed and red-iris eyes in exasperation. Having his best friend live states away is a lot harder when the dork's always so busy. The guy must be in at least fifty clubs and taking a minimum of three AP classes to be this booked. He's hardly ever on when he needs him to be. But that's mostly because Dave has nothing to do all day before Bro gets home from work, or when Bro works from home and kicks him out of the apartment. He always makes sure to bring his PDA out with him, so he can talk to Rose or Jade or John when he's available. Over all, his evenings roaming the streets of downtown Dallas are mostly spent talking to Jade. The girl's on a deserted island by herself, she needs someone to talk to. And Dave might as well be an island himself with all the social interaction he has daily.
His computer chirps ripely.
Okay, so maybe he does get some social interaction during his day, but it's still considerably lower than average.
He muses to himself that maybe he should get some supplements for that.
Friend vitamins.
No, that's dumb.
- apocalypseArisen [AA] has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -
AA: hey dave
TG: sup babe
AA: i need a favor
TG: anything
TG: except murdering the pope
TG: because its impossible
AA: you dont know until you try
TG: you dont try until you know
AA: 0_0
AA: touche
TG: thats right aradia
TG: ive been studying the pope
TG: but i wont try anything until i do know
AA: 0_0
TG: until i know his secrets i mean
TG: the secret to killing him you know
AA: i got it
TG: knew youd see it my way
TG: so this favor of yours
AA: oh right
AA: but first i need to know something
AA: is it true youre friends with john
TG: travolta
TG: yeah me and him are tight
AA: no
AA: egbert
TG: you know egbert
AA: yes and i was hoping
TG: you know egbert
AA: yeah
TG: how is that even possible
TG: why have you never mentioned this to me before
TG: you've gone to school with me for what
TG: twenty six years
AA: it cant be that many
TG: twenty six years
TG: twetny six whole years and you think you know a girl
AA: i met egbert a few weeks ago
AA: theres this weird pesterchum side bar thing that suggests mutual chums
AA: you havent noticed that
TG: no what are you talking about
TG: oh
TG: i see what you're talking about
TG: wait
TG: whos twinarmageddons
AA: no one! !
TG: are those two exclamation marks i see
AA: they identify as excitement poles
AA: but in this case they are very unexcited
AA: lackluster poles
AA: really apathetic lackluter poles
TG: apathetically excited
AA: no
TG: egbert's words not mine
TG: hey aradia
TG: what if i chat up twinarmewhattits
AA: that's not a very good idea
TG: oh
AA: what
AA: what is oh
AA: dave this is not the time
AA: dave
TG: my cursor
AA: what about your cursor
AA: dave stay with us
AA: someone call a doctor
TG: my cursor
TG: its acting up on its own
AA: no
AA: dave
AA: cursors don't do that
TG: this is weird
TG: it's going towards
AA: dave no
TG: ta
TG: that is the weirdest thing
AA: please no
AA: dave
AA: dave?
AA: dave!
AA: don't talk to him!
TG: ta says hi
TG: also that you have a great butt
TG: that is so nice of him
TG: aradia
- apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pesting turntechGodhead [TG] -
TG: aww
TG: was it something ta said
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] -
- apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -
AA: he never said that!
AA: you jerk
AA: i still need that favor
AA: dave
But by the time TA had told Aradia that he had no idea who turntechGodhead was, Dave was already in the kitchen, preparing a nice, rich hotpocket. He unwraps the salty pastry with the apathetic excitement of a coolkid on Christmas and places it into the microwave as delicately as he could while still actually moving it.
1:00
He steps back from the microwave and watches in un-apathetic excitement (because hotpckets are hot shit) as the savory treat rotiserates.
0:52
0:51
0:50
0:49
"I see pepperoni is a favorite."
0:49
0:48
"Shit." He lifts a hand to his heart and takes a deep breath.
0:47
0:46
"Bro, what the fuck."
0:45
"I don't know, you're the one who insists on pepperoni. I'm telling you, if you just open your mind to the wonder of ham and cheese -"
0:41
"And have to fight you tooth and nail for every meal."
0:38
"I'll pass."
0:37
Bro gives a shark-toothed grin as he leans against the doorpost.
0:36
"Nothing gets past you."
0:35
0:34
"Yeah, not even your sick obsession with sparring me."
0:33
0:32
"Whoa, buddy. If we're calling each other out on obsessions, then the amount of time you spend staring at a computer screen should definitely be brought to the jury's attention."
0:27
0:26
"Jury. Okay. Well how about your puppet websites then?"
0:25
0:24
"Hey, I said obsessions, not genius buisness pursuits which is what paid for that hotpocket, you ungrateful little bitch."
0:21
"Even us coolguys can only take so much of downy puppet ass." he gave a small, ironic shiver.
0:17
"I bet. Well, what about the ones I found in the attic."
0:15
"I thought that was obvious."
0:13
Bro ruffled his hair.
0:11
0:10
0:09
"It was to mess with you, man."
0:08
"I think the jury should also note that as an obsession."
0:07
0:06
"Passtime, lil dude. Passtimes and obessions are two completely differnt things."
0:03
0:02
"Yeah, well -"
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
"Here's your hotpocket." Bro flashstepped to the microwave and offered its delicious contents to the kitchen's only patron.
"Ow, hot." he threw it at Dave and flashstepped back to his own room.
"Ah!" Dave threw it onto a plate in searing panic.
Before even inspecting the wound on his arm, he turns on the faucet and runs his entire left side under the cool, cool water. He gives a coolkid sigh of apathetic relief. God, those things are a thousand degrees when you first take them out. Shit be leathal, yo.
Like after every exchange he's had with his bro before, he's left confused and disorientated. He couldn't recall what even got them on the subject of obsessions or how they got an entire jury so fast, but he smiles a small, ironic smile because at least he's not being kicked out of the apartment or left alone all day.
It might be weird to outsiders, but this is Dave's family. A leathal as shit hotpocket, a smuppet-website owner, and an outdated computer.