Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and I do not intend to make a profit off this story. The characters described within belong to their respective creators.
Troublemaker
Theon was on top of me. That was the way these things usually started out, then they shifted. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked, leaning down so he could whisper into my ear. My whole body shivered at the feeling of his breath on my skin. We were in the stables. I could see bits of dust from the hay floating through the air above us. It was as cold in here as it was outside. Yesterday it had snowed and for the first time in a while it had actually stuck. Not for the first time did I wish that we didn't have to hide that we were doing this together. It would have been so much nicer if we were inside in my bed. Or his bed for that matter.
These meetings between us happened infrequently enough that I hadn't had enough time to get comfortable with the whole thing. As the time between each of our rendevous increased I was always terrified that it meant he'd gotten bored with me and gone back to the brothel. They always seemed to have something new and exciting there. I was only one person. There you could have a pick of two or three, all who specialized in different things. What I had didn't feel like it was special at all.
I had a hand on his hip. I grabbed hold tightly and nodded. If I'd tried to speak right now nothing coherent would have come out. It never did when he teased me like this. My whole vocabulary became low moans. I knew he'd seen me nod but he still wasn't doing anything. "Please," I whined, my voice sounding so unlike my own.
His grin grew wider, if that was even possible. I felt him grab onto my belt and pull upwards, lifting part of my back up from the ground. Instantly cold air rushed in to fill the gap. I gasped. The belt unfastened easily in his practiced hands and he pulled my tunic up until he could get at my pants. My cock was rock hard and wanting. He pushed his hand inside my clothing and I shifted my hips to try and get him to touch me. Theon was happy to oblige. As soon as his skin so much as brushed against mine it was all I could do to keep from coming right then.
Theon took my cock in his hand. He ran a finger up the shaft as slowly as he could. It was an almost divine torture. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. His lips were at my throat, sucking at my neck. My hands were useless. I wanted to move them so I could pull him down onto me. I wanted to touch my cock along with his and get things moving along. Instead they stayed where they were, firmly planted on his thighs on either side of me.
His finger stopped tracing my cock and then slowly encircled it. He took a few strokes, lightly cupping it so I felt a slight pressure but wasn't able to enjoy most of it to the fullest. My teeth were digging holes into my lip at this point. I was still trying to hold back something that couldn't be held back.
"Do you want to try that thing we were talking about?" he asked against my throat. A week or so ago I'd been in Maester Luwin's study fetching him a book when I found a volume he'd kept hidden behind a pile of others. It fell open on the floor in front of me. Inside were drawings of women and men coupling with each other in a variety of different positions. While Theon had kept me apprised of the basics of having sex with a woman I'd never really thought anything like that might have been possible between two men. And yet there it was. I told Theon about it and he said he'd heard of it but hadn't wanted to do anything with me I didn't feel comfortable with. It seemed odd that he would have been happy to keep on the way we were with late night fumbling in the stables if there was a whole world of other possibilities out there. I found I had no such hesitation. Right then anything that involved the both of us sounded good.
All the while he was waiting for my response he kept gently running his hand up and down my cock. My mind started to try and gauge how likely it would be that someone would find us before we were through. It was only by sheer luck that we hadn't been caught sooner. No matter where we went in the castle it always seemed like there was someone there watching. The stables were usually a safe place to meet but you could never tell if a messenger from one of the other houses was going to come riding in late at night with a message. Ravens only went so fast. Right then I didn't have the mental capacity to figure it out. All I wanted to do was be with him, no matter what form that took.
I had no words. The thought made my cock jump in his hand. It took all of my concentration to nod my head yes. I felt something drop onto my chest. When I picked it up with a shaking hand it was a small bottle of oil. "Ros gave me some. I didn't tell her what I was using it for." At the mention of Ros' name a bit of my enthusiasm dampened. The way he talked about her was as if their relationship had a lot more to it than prostitute and client. There was something deeper there, if not love then at least friendship. He must have seen how I felt about that because his whole demeanor changed. "Robb, I told you I'm not seeing her as much anymore. But I still have to go sometimes or else people will find out about us." I still held the oil. My mind was whirring with a thousand different possibilities for what would happen in the future. Right now though I was more focused on what was going to happen between us.
"Let's try it," I said, handing him the oil. In response he gave my cock a good strong stroke. My breath hitched and I almost came right then. He slowly moved his hand away and slipped over so he wasn't sitting on top of me anymore. I was suddenly aware of how utterly absurd all of this was. I was lying on my back in a stable with my cock sticking out. It had started to snow again and a drift of it had formed against my boots. The cold was making continuing with this less and less attractive. Or at least it should have.
"You should get on your hands and knees," he said. "That way you can brace yourself against something." It also meant I wouldn't get to see his face. A lot of the appeal of this was seeing how it affected him. Most of the time he pretended he was above everything that was going on around him. I loved being able to feel like I had broken through that. Still he had a lot more experience in these matters than I ever did. He might have a point.
I slowly got to my hands and knees and turned so I was facing the back of the stall. Had we been outside far away from the castle this might have been almost perfect. Right now all I could see were the piles of hay that hadn't been cleaned up very well.
Theon ran his hands along the waist of my pants and then pulled them down with little preamble. The more skin that was exposed to the air the more warmth my body lost. "This is what the oil feels like," he said. Something warm and wet was rubbed against my thigh. "Is that okay?"
Right now the anticipation of whatever he was going to do was worse than him actually doing it. "Yes," I hissed.
Slowly he ran a finger coated with some of the oil along my entrance. It didn't feel bad but I knew that was only the beginning. When he finally started to push his finger into me I tried as hard as I could to relax but that only made it even worse. He kept pushing, stopping every once in a while to let me adjust. I had my forehead down against my arms trying to focus on breathing in and out. After he got one finger in I couldn't even take any joy out of that because I knew it wasn't enough for what we wanted to do. He slowly moved his hand away and then came back with two fingers. This time it definitely hurt and I had to bite back grunts of pain. Tears came to my eyes unbidden. "Do you want me to keep going?" he asked.
Part of me wanted to tell him yes, part of me was ready to give up. But the people in the drawings had looked so happy. And I knew that part couldn't have been completely made up just to amuse the maesters who illustrated the books. It felt like I had to see this through. "Yes," I said. It sounded like I'd been crying for hours. Theon leaned over and kissed the back of my neck. I felt him pour more oil over his fingers and then push forward. The oil helped a little bit. I couldn't imagine trying to do this without it.
One of his fingers brushed against something that brought a brief flutter of pleasure and pain all mixed together. I gasped and Theon stopped. "No..no keep touching there!" I commanded. He obeyed. Whatever spot that was hidden deep inside of me it felt like it contained all of the pleasure in the world. His fingers kept on hitting it. My cock had gone soft when he'd started this, now it was starting to come back to life. I could feel it hanging down beneath me struggling to achieve release. With a little time two fingers became three. He was hitting that spot with every stroke now. I was pushing back against him with each movement of his fingers.
Theon was breathing heavily behind me. I'm sure he was in a torture of his own. "Please Theon, just fuck me." I whined. I wasn't sure where that had come from. He was happy to oblige. The fingers left me. The warmth and comfort that I'd felt a few moments ago went with it. He shifted behind me. I could hear him rearranging his clothing. Then he put a hand on my thigh. Something pressed against my entrance. It was larger than the fingers had been. I knew if I didn't try to relax this would hurt more than anything else. When his cock finally entered me it was a shock of pain that brought a sharp gasp out of me. He put his hands on my sides. It was almost like being frozen. I couldn't breathe for a moment. All I felt was pain and discomfort. Theon waited. I could hear him panting desperately above me.
Eventually I can't say I got used to it, but it felt almost like his cock was just there and unless it moved one way or the other I was going to go crazy. I pushed against him, trying to get it so he could hit that spot again. He slowly thrust forward. The tip of his cock grazed it. My eyes filled with stars. I didn't bother hiding my moan. It felt like such a loss when he moved backwards only to thrust forward again. I didn't have that much leverage to push against him. In the position we were in I couldn't put my legs around him and draw him down into me. I couldn't see his face. For some reason that seemed extremely important. Right now it was almost as if I was all alone going through this by myself.
We settled into a steady rhythm. In and out, slow and fast. I hoped we were being quiet enough that no one would come to investigate the strange noises in the stables. I could hear the horses making noises all around us. Theon put an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his breath against the back of my neck. From time to time he would kiss the small patch of exposed skin there. With each thrust he let out a grunt. I took a chance that I could balance well enough on one arm so that I could stroke my cock with the other. Once I touched it, it almost felt like I was giving myself permission to lose all control. The pleasure almost doubled. I was going to come soon, there was no doubt about it.
All of it had to come to an end. Theon gave an especially vigorous thrust and then I felt something warm filling me. He slumped against me and I had to put both of my hands on the floor to keep from falling down. Theon rolled to one side on the ground. The warmth was slowly being sucked away from me. Once I knew I wasn't going to fall I jerked my cock the final few steps that would take me to oblivion. I came harder than I ever had before. I let myself collapse on the other side of the stall. The only evidence that we'd been here was a wet patch on the floor.
Theon was smiling and laughing happily. Neither of us had quite caught our breath yet. My body still hummed with the memory of how good it had all felt. A part of me wanted to know when we could do it again. That seemed like it would be the best use of a day, fucking ourselves into oblivion, sleeping, then doing it all over again. The way he was looking at me I knew he would probably agree.
"How do you feel?" he asked once he'd recovered somewhat. "I was trying not to hurt you."
There was a pleasant ache, much like the kind I'd have after working out in the practice yard. It was satisfying, as if I'd accomplished something. "It hurts, but it's not too bad." I said. "How are you?"
Theon was slowly putting himself back together. He got to his feet, his legs wobbling, and pulled his pants up. His belt was on the other side of the stable. He picked it up and put it back on carefully. "I'll live. That was a wild ride. Who knew you had it in you?" he asked, cracking a smile at me. A glimmer of hope fluttered in me. Maybe he wouldn't feel like he had to go to Ros if I was there.
I started to try to get to my feet. My legs gave out almost immediately. Theon rushed over to help me. "Guess I haven't quite recovered yet," I said. Once I'd taken a few steps I was almost back to normal. I turned to him and kissed him. He was surprised and didn't close his eyes at first. The kiss lasted longer than ours usually did. "I wouldn't mind trying it again sometime."
"I heard something over there!" one of the guards yelled from up above us. "Go down to the stables and check it out. Maybe one of those damned chickens got in with the horses again." I could hear someone coming down the stairs. Maybe we'd been louder than we had intended. Theon and I both exchanged looks of terror. I kicked the straw around to try and cover up the evidence of what we'd done. If they decided to bring dogs to check it out I'm sure they would have found me with no trouble.
Theon grabbed my hand and dragged me along behind him. If we tried to run to the castle itself we would have been caught immediately. He led us to the crypts. No one would ever think to look for us there. There were torches up at the top of the stairs but as we descended there was nothing but darkness. I'd never really been down here like this without a torch. It was cold and even though I knew the statues couldn't move it felt like if we weren't watching them that anything was possible. I kept my hand in Theon's. Normally I wasn't scared of anything, but down here in the dark I didn't want to think about what could reach out and attack us. I'd thought Theon would have made fun of me for it but he didn't let go.
Down here I couldn't really hear what was going on up above us. The torchlight flickered and I heard echoed footsteps but none of them seemed to be near the crypt entrance. Theon and I found one of the walls and hunkered down on the floor. "How long do you think they're going to keep searching?" he asked.
"I don't know. I just hope I didn't forget something in the stall." I pulled my cloak tightly around myself and tried not to think about how cold and wet it was down here. Now that my eyes had adjusted to the light I could almost make out the statues lining the path. They loomed ominously in the dark.
Theon moved so his cloak was over both of us. I wished I had thought of that first. It was the kind of thing I would have to think about doing for my wife whenever I got married. Maester Luwin and Mother were always going on and on about the people whose needs I would have to put first in the future. The list always seemed to be never-ending. I put my cloak over the both of us too. It really didn't help much to keep out the cold. We wound up sitting down hugging each other while trying to stave off the worst of it. I could feel him shivering against me. Theon had always been a lot more sensitive to the cold than any of the rest of us. Mother was always complaining about how much firewood it took to heat his room compared to everyone else's. "Are you going to be okay?" I asked. "I can go up and take the blame so you can sneak past them to get warm."
He shook his head stubbornly. "I'm fine. I don't think I could run that fast anyway." I would have pushed the issue but I knew he'd never give in.
We huddled into each other, sharing our body heat. The walls were wet and occasionally a drop of water fell from the ceiling onto us. Given all of that we fell into an uneasy sleep under the watchful eyes of all the statues around us.
When we both woke up it was morning. Sunlight shot down the staircase and onto the floor. We stumbled to untangle ourselves from each other and get to our feet. I was freezing. Theon's lips almost looked like they were tinged blue. Right then I cursed myself for not figuring out a way out of this situation sooner. Theon didn't appear to hold a grudge or anything against me. He looked at me and smiled. Bits and pieces of what we'd done last night floated through my memory. I kissed him boldly, sliding my tongue past his lips as soon as he let me. He put his arms around me and for a moment the greatest warmth in the world was there right between us. It felt like it was all worth it.
It was still early, before many of the servants other than those in the kitchens were up and about. We were able to get back to our bedrooms without anyone seeing us. I settled into my bed and covered myself with as many furs as I could. It was strange to feel warm again. I didn't give in to temptation to build the fire up higher. That would be a dead giveaway that I had been outside last night. Instead I curled up under as many furs and blankets as I could and tried to close out the rest of the world.
That didn't last very long. Bran burst into the room yelling something about how I'd promised him I would give him some archery pointers today and why was I still asleep. By the time I'd groggily managed to wake enough to sit up he had advanced the topic on to why I looked so bad, hadn't I gotten enough sleep? Was I sick? Should he get Maester Luwin or Mother?
"I'm fine, I just had a bad dream and couldn't get back to sleep," I said. Bran looked at me expectantly. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to go into all of the details of my dream or what.
I started to get to my feet and a shot of pain went through my body. Apparently what Theon and I had done yesterday was going to have effects that lasted more than a few minutes. "What's wrong? Are you sure I shouldn't get Mother?" he demanded, jumping onto the bed beside me.
"I'll be fine. I think I was just too cold last night and I need to thaw out," I said. He appeared to accept this explanation and didn't continue harping on about telling other people about it. I knew if he got either of them they would make it into a much bigger deal than it needed to be and I'd wind up having to take a bunch of medicine that I didn't need and be watched for days afterward to make sure that I recovered.
Bran followed me all down the stairs to the Great Hall and kept on asking me questions about the world outside the walls and if he thought Father would take him to one of the other castles the next time he went off to visit them. I gave him monosyllabic answers and tried to eat my breakfast as quickly as I could. Jon was here too. He gave me a funny look. I knew he was going to want to talk to me later too. Theon was nowhere to be seen. I wondered if he was still in bed.
Once we were out in the practice yard I managed to do a good enough job giving Bran pointers. It helped that he was doing well enough on his own and there was little that I needed to do to get him back on track. My lack of sleep was catching up with me. I kept on finding myself forgetting where I was until a sudden noise would snap me out of it. I thought I did a good enough job hiding it though that no one noticed.
Of course I hadn't taken Jon into account. When I was busy putting up the bows and arrows that Bran hadn't used he snuck in behind me. I turned around and he was there staring at me. Jon always had a sad demeanor, but right now it almost looked like he was about to cry. "Where were you last night? I wanted to ask you about something but you weren't in your room."
I always felt bad for him. No one apart from Father, Arya, Theon, and I ever really acted like he existed. The weight of the world seemed to be perpetually on his shoulders. As a bastard child he wasn't expected to amount to much. There was muttering that he was going to be sent to join the Night's Watch like Uncle Benjen when he was old enough. I wasn't really sure how to take some of that weight away from him. I'm not sure if he would have wanted me to, he'd carried it for so long. "I couldn't sleep so I walked the walls for a little bit," I said. "What did you want to ask me?"
He seemed to have forgotten all about that. I didn't know if he really even had something to ask me about. "Were you with Theon? He wasn't in his room either."
"I saw him, yes, but we didn't really talk or anything." For right now it was best to keep things between Theon and I a secret. No matter how much I might have wanted to tell everyone that they were wrong about Theon I knew it would fall on deaf ears. Everyone had been told for so long that Theon was going to betray us all I think they all thought it was true.
"Do you want to go for a ride later? It might help you get to sleep tonight if you had trouble," he asked. I almost said yes but then I thought about what would happen if I was sitting on a horse for hours with the way that my backside felt now.
"No, not today." I pointed off at a sort of dark cloud in the sky. "It might storm again. Father would want us to stay close to home."
"Then do you want to go to the hot springs? It's been so cloudy lately. I had to get some more furs for my bed last night." Jon suggested. I didn't have the heart to say no yet again. Maybe it would help soothe the parts that still hurt.
The hot springs were surrounded by trees so it was hard to see if anyone was there before we actually got to the waters. Of course Theon must have had a similar idea. He was sitting in the largest pool with his eyes closed. As he heard us approach he looked at us both and smiled. There was something feral in his gaze as he looked at me. I felt a prick of something twinging inside me. Last night hadn't been all that long ago. If Jon noticed anything different between us he didn't say anything. He stripped off his clothing and got into the water.
"Are you sure you should be in here Snow? Don't you melt in hot water?" Theon teased. Jon blushed. I don't think they ever knew how to take each other. They could have been close friends but most of the time they misinterpreted each others' friendly overtures as meanspirited jests.
"Very funny. I've never heard that one before," Jon sniped back. "Did you get that one from Bran?"
I got undressed quickly, conscious that Theon was watching me the entire time. By the time I got into the water he and Jon were bitching at each other about some perceived slight they had with each other. Usually I was supposed to be the leader and direct them back to common ground. Today I didn't really feel up to it.
The water felt good on my muscles. I hoped it would make it so that walking and sitting wasn't so painful. I sat down next to Theon, which was probably a poor choice. He spared me a quick glance of concern before turning back to his conversation with Jon. I rested my head on the rocks behind me and closed my eyes.
It was during this reverie that I was conscious that Theon had moved his leg so it was touching mine. He was using his hands to illustrate a point in his conversation with Jon. Once they went back under the water his hand went on my thigh for a touch that only lasted a second before he moved it again. Somehow I managed to keep my eyes closed and pretend everything was normal. Inside me every sense seemed like it had gone on high alert. I wouldn't have put it past Theon to tease me right in front of Jon. That wouldn't have been out of character for him.
For a moment it almost seemed like Theon was going to reach out and grab my cock right in front of Jon. Instead he put his hand down right next to me, grazing down my thigh before using the rock beneath us as leverage to push himself to his feet. He didn't look back at me as he walked over to his clothes and got dressed slowly before leaving. I couldn't help myself watching him the entire time. A part of me wanted to grab him and drag him back over to me.
Once Theon was gone Jon turned to look at me. "There's something going on between you two. If you're not careful Father or Mother are going to notice." There was a latent threat underneath those words. I wasn't sure how far Jon might go out of a perceived need to break us apart.
I didn't say anything which in some ways was almost worse than saying something. Jon had the good graces not to look smug. He did look sad though. "You're not taking this seriously, are you? You know both of you are going to have to get married soon." He rubbed at his shoulder. "You're both probably going to get hurt. Maybe you more than him."
The lurking specter of marriage was one I hadn't fully considered. It was inevitable that it was going to happen, it just seemed so far off that it wasn't worth considering right now. In my dreams I'd had the stupid idea that we'd get to see each other all the time even after we were married. There would be a castle for him right over the next hill. We could see each other whenever we wanted. Dreams weren't the reality. After we got married Theon would be sent back to the Iron Islands which were pretty much an entire world away and I would have to stay here. "It just happened between us. He's really not that bad once you get to know him."
Jon narrowed his eyes. "If you say so. I think you might be the only person he lets see that side of him."
The rest of the day went pretty much as it normally did. Maester Luwin gave a short lesson on crop rotation, we went down to the practice yard to work on swordplay, then there was dinner and everyone slowly split off to go to their rooms. I went to mine with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. Would I find a note telling me to meet him in the stables? Maybe we could continue where we left off last night. The feeling I'd felt when he was inside me, I wanted him to feel that too.
Instead I wound up waiting by the window until it grew dark. It became very obvious that he wasn't coming. This wasn't unusual. Our meetings were never scheduled and hardly ever happened two days in a row. I shouldn't have been surprised. Even so a sinking feeling filled my stomach. Was it possible that all of what we'd had together had been leading up to this and now that he'd done it with me he was going to forget about all of it? A heavy weight settled in my stomach. Maybe Jon had a point. Maybe I was the one who was going to be hurt the most from this.
I went to bed but found I couldn't sleep so I went up to the walls. The guards kept their distance from me. I'm sure they thought I would tattle on them if they weren't keeping watch properly. And perhaps I would have if I truly cared enough right then. At that point in time there was no reason to worry about what lurked outside the walls. As far as anyone knew we were as safe as could be inside them. The night was not a cold one and for once it wasn't raining or snowing. There was still a gloomy quality to the air but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I walked over to where I could see into the village. Some of the buildings still had fires shining in their windows. I watched a few villagers walking back and forth. The brothel was on the other side of the village. I wondered if Theon was there.
I walked the walls until my legs started to hurt and the sun was beginning to rise over the tops of the trees. My body felt like it was starting to get used to the lack of sleep. These past few days had demonstrated how little I could get by on. It was almost like living in a cloud. Nothing really mattered and thinking took much longer than it used to. Still I had to keep up appearances. I headed downstairs and went into my room. My bed looked very inviting but I knew if I got into it I would stay there. Either Father or Mother would want to know what was wrong with me. I couldn't very well say I was pining for the son of a man who had betrayed them. That wouldn't have worked out for me so well.
Theon was not at breakfast that morning. He didn't show up for lessons. Maester Luwin noticed his absence but didn't seem concerned by it. Jon sat next to me with one of his guilty looks on his face. I didn't really know what had happened. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
After the lessons were over Jon practically ran away from me. If I didn't think he had something to do with it before I definitely knew it now. I followed him down the hallways trying to catch up to him without arousing anyone's suspicion. Servants and guards got in my way more than once, blocking me when I tried to get past them. Eventually I got frustrated at being stopped at every turn so I pushed my way through the worst of it and started running after Jon.
He heard me coming after him and increased his speed. "Jon!" I yelled. "I need to talk to you!"
It was almost as if he hadn't heard me at all. Once he reached the practice yard he had lots of free space to play around with. He ran at full tilt toward the main gate. I ran after him, prepared to jump on him if he got too far ahead. It had rained hard earlier today and there were puddles and mud all through the practice yard. He looked back to see me and slipped on the wet ground. It took him longer to get back up to speed than it took for me to catch him. I grabbed him from behind and we both landed hard on the dirt.
"Robb, I'm sorry!" he said.
"What did you do?" I demanded. For a moment I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold myself back. There was no way I could if it turned out he'd told Theon something to make him go away.
"I told your Father about you and Theon," he said.
Rage burned through me. It took all I had not to lash out. Instead I focused on keeping him pinned beneath me. "Why would you do that? What would be the point?" I demanded. "What happened?!"
"I thought you two were getting too close. I really didn't want you to get hurt." He tried to guard his face like he thought I was going to hit him. If he kept talking I wasn't sure I could hold myself back. "Father went out riding with him this morning."
I'd seen Father since and he hadn't said anything. "And you were jealous that we were so close? Did you feel left out?" I could have punched him. "Do you know how many times I've stuck up for you when Mother was talking about punishing you? So Theon and I are getting closer, that doesn't matter. I would never forget about you. We've gone through so much together I wouldn't let this change things." I let him up. He didn't make any move to defend himself in case I decided to lash out at him. "I have to go find him."
"How would you even know where he is?" Jon asked, standing across from me.
"I don't. But I'm going to try to find him," I said. "I'm pretty sure that's what he would do for me."
It took longer than I thought to get a horse out of the stable and then ride out into the area surrounding Winterfell. Jon had followed me out of embarrassment. I think he was scared that what he'd done might have driven a permanent wedge between us. Right then I didn't care. I needed to know that Theon was somewhere safe before I headed back home for the lecture Mother was sure to give me. And most likely Father too if Jon had anything to say about it.
"Where do you think he went?" Jon asked from behind me. At this point I really didn't know.
"Let's check in the village first. At the brothel." That's where I would go if I had to drown my sorrows. I turned my horse and started to head into the village. I'd been here a few times with Theon and Jon but never really found the courage to go upstairs with any of the prostitutes that tempted me with what they could do. I wasn't looking forward to seeing Ros, who the last time I saw her had been all over Theon in a way that I could only dream about, let alone maybe having to talk to her. I wasn't even sure where to start.
The village was small and despite the few hours of daylight left it was still fairly busy out in the streets. A few of the villagers recognized us and gave perfunctory bows of acknowledgment. Father had told us never to let our differences in status hold us back, we were supposed to treat everyone with fairness and honor. So far that had worked, creating a group of people who were willing to follow Father no matter what he did.
While the streets were still busy the brothel wasn't. Ros was sitting at one of the tables sharing a bottle of cheap alcohol with a few of the others. Her smile widened as she saw me. "Two in one day? How did I get so lucky?"
Jon blushed next to me. I kept my face immobile. "I'm not here for that," I said.
She nodded. "I know. You and your friend are too far gone for that. Did the oil work out? He wouldn't tell me." Color spread all the way from my neck to my forehead. It felt like I might burn alive. "He was here earlier. Couldn't manage to get it up so we talked a bit." She reached out and pinched my cheek. "All he could talk about was you."
I stepped a few paces back. I had to keep emotions out of this or she was going to ruin everything. I'd been telling myself he only considered this a distraction. It wasn't really anything serious or something that could continue for very long. I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice. "Did he say where he was going?"
She looked like she was thinking for a moment before she shook her head. "No, he didn't. I thought he was going back to the castle. I'm guessing he never made it." She reached out for Jon's hand. "I don't have anyone to warm my bed tonight. Are you interested? We could try out some new things." While the words were inviting her eyes showed she really didn't care. I wondered if that was how she acted with Theon.
Jon snatched his hand back. "Not today. Maybe some other time. Thanks for offering." He put his hand on my arm. "We really need to keep looking for him. It's getting dark."
"Thank you for your help, Ros." I said. I dug in my pocket and found a few coins, more than enough to pay for a night in her company. I put them on the table. She acted like she didn't notice them but I knew as soon as we were gone she'd take them.
Jon and I went to our horses. I didn't remark on anything that Ros had said. He didn't say anything either. Once I was back in the saddle everything felt right, though I had no idea where to go from there. The horse underneath me shifted from side to side. She didn't know where to go either. It was raining again. The water dripped onto my cloak and made the air steam up in front of our faces. Jon looked completely miserable next to me. The sun was setting and the sky had turned a unique shade of grey and blue.
"You should go back home. I can keep looking on my own." Right then I really didn't want to have any witnesses to what I thought I might find. I had a feeling that Theon wouldn't appreciate everything coming out in front of Jon.
Jon started to protest. He didn't feel he could leave me alone like that. "Your mother is..."
"Going to yell at you, yes I know. Maybe take that as part of your punishment for telling Father." I sighed and pointed back at Winterfell. "Go home. I'll be back later, I promise." There was a look of betrayal on his face but right then I didn't really care about that. We could make it up to each other later. Maybe years from now this could be something we could laugh about.
It took him a while but he finally turned his horse and rode away. I caught him glancing back a few times. Then he was gone. Once I couldn't see him anymore I got on my horse and left. I didn't want him to travel back and follow me. That would make things much more difficult.
The rain got harder the further away from the village I got. I got away from the woods and out onto the open plains. My grip on the reins grew tight. It really felt like I shouldn't have talked to Ros at all. It only brought up things that were probably best unsaid. For a long time I'd been trying to keep my hopes and expectations low that what Theon and I were doing actually meant anything. Because it was true, it wasn't going to last. It couldn't last. No matter what we did we were going to be torn apart eventually. It was important not to get drawn in to it. The only problem was my heart wasn't listening.
I rode off into the hills surrounding the village. I didn't have a destination in mind. The further away I got from the village the more I realized I had been stupid to send Jon away. There were still wildlings out here. They wouldn't be happy to see us. I was in no shape to take on a group of them if they decided to attack me.
After riding for a while without purpose an idea came to me. There was one place Father would have taken Theon that would have been out of the ordinary. I knuckled down and urged the horse into a gallop. I shouldn't have done it on the wet ground. It would have been easy for the horse to misstep and throw me. Right then I wasn't thinking about that.
When I finally got to the judgement ground I saw a horse there but there wasn't anyone around. The horse was familiar. I thought it was one of the new ones that Father had brought back from the last horse market. Stones stuck out from the earth in a haphazard circle. I got off of my horse and led it up to the place where I had seen Father cut the heads off the worst criminals- deserters from the Night's Watch, murderers who couldn't be redeemed. Here in the dark it cast a dark shadow over everything.
I found Theon lying on the ground near the stone. His clothes were completely soaked. Water splashed over his face. I got down off of my horse and walked over to where he was lying. "I was looking for you all day," I said.
Theon didn't look too surprised to see me. He almost looked angry that I was there. "Maybe I didn't want to be found." He started to get to his feet. His skin was grey, verging on pure white. I held out my hand so he could grab on to it. When he took mine he couldn't hold on without supreme effort.
"Jon shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have told Father."
"So he's the one I have to thank for your father dragging me out here and reminding me of my place?" He was shivering now and looked like he was completely frozen. I'm not sure all of it was from the cold. "Because I've never really forgotten where I stand with your family. If my father messes up then my head is forfeit."
"But you know Father wouldn't really..." But even as I said it I knew it was a lie. Father would do it. He wouldn't feel good about it but he would do it.
"He made it plain that if anything else happened between us he wouldn't hesitate to take me out here. I'm not stupid. They have other plans for you." Theon glared at me. "They don't include me."
"What did he tell you to do?" It seemed odd that Father hadn't talked to me about any of this. This seemed like one of those lessons where we'd have a deep father son discussion about my future.
Theon gritted his teeth in a grim smile. "He told me to tell you this was all a game. This wasn't anything serious." His grin started to waiver. "I was trying to get up the nerve to talk to you."
My stomach twisted. The thought that if I hadn't decided to come out here and find him I might have never found out about any of this was overwhelming. "Is that why you went to go see Ros?" I asked. "To distract yourself?"
He pushed me away. "Yes! She's the only one who understands what it's like to be stuck here hoping someone will be kind enough to let you out."
"Is it really that bad here? At least Mother doesn't treat you like a complete pariah like she does Jon." Words flowed out from me that I hadn't thought all the way through. This was a discussion we really should have had a long time ago.
"I should be happy with that? I don't know when I'll ever be able to go home. I have a sister. I have parents too. I'm never going to see them again because my father stepped out of line." He pointed to the execution site. "And your father made that perfectly clear to me today." Once his arm went to his side he held on to himself and started shivering.
I took off my cloak and held it out to him. Even though it was soaking wet it had to have been drier than anything he had on right now. "You need to put on something dry. You're going to get sick like this."
"Now you're giving me more charity? The high and mighty Robb Stark saves me yet again?" I got the impression that if he hadn't been so cold he would have thrown the cloak I'd given him to the ground. Instead he huddled into it angrily. "I want to go home." That home was half a world away didn't seem to matter.
"Do you remember anything about Pyke?" I asked. I wasn't sure how much he actually did. He'd come to Winterfell ten years ago. I could barely remember things from that long ago. In some ways it felt like he'd been here with us forever.
He'd told us a lot of stories about what it was like living on Pyke. It always felt like they weren't fully based on anything in reality. The picture he painted made it feel like it was a magical wonderland where everyone was waiting with bated breath for his return. Maybe part of that was true. I didn't know. The others got tired of listening to how wonderful things were on the Iron Islands. I never did. I'm sure if our situations had been reversed I would have done the same thing. And he would have listened to me.
"I remember enough," he said. The expression on his face almost looked like he was daring me to challenge him. Maybe if it hadn't been raining and the sky wasn't turning dark I would have. Right now I was freezing. Water dripped down all over my body. I could feel it collecting in my boots. I couldn't imagine what Theon must have felt like.
"Why don't you tell me about it while we ride back?" I asked. I could see him start to get ready to argue with me. I reached out and put a hand on his arm. He could have easily pulled away from me but he didn't. "All of this can wait."
It took a little longer to get back on our horses than it normally did. My fingers wouldn't grip the right way so it was a struggle to get back up on my horse. Theon was almost completely hopeless at it. We had to rub our hands together to get any kind of feeling back. I helped him get back on his horse. At first I thought he was going to fight me, but he accepted my help without any comment.
It had gotten dark while we were out here talking to each other. Thankfully the moon was out somewhat so there was still a little light left to see. I wasn't sure how far we were away from home. It was hard to see the path. Even in the daytime it wasn't very obvious. No one ever came out here unless they had to. The horses were eager to get back to the stables. They didn't require much coaxing to set a steady pace, even in the dark. I'd let Theon keep my cloak and each step I was slowly starting to regret it.
Once we reached the woods the shadows started to lengthen and everything looked sinister. The horses started to move slower. It was harder to see where to go. "We should stay close together," I said. It was hard to tell if he took my suggestion. With every step I hoped that things would start to look familiar. Between the rain and the rapidly encroaching night it didn't look like that would be the case.
Something burst out of the trees in front of us. My horse, never calm at the best of times, reared up in distress. Ordinarily I would have been able to hold on. This time my hands slipped off the reins and I couldn't keep my balance on the saddle. I hit the ground hard. Luckily all of the rain had made it soft so I didn't get hurt that I could tell.
Theon moved his horse so he was in between me and whatever was out there. His hand went to his sword. I scrambled to my feet and found my own sword. A deer stood outlined in the moonlight. Up this close it was massive. It felt like it towered above us. Its antlers were huge, they reached out to the treetops. Somehow it had made it through all the hunts Father had led this year. It stood there watching us, its eyes unwavering. It felt like time stood still. We all stared at each other for what could have been an eternity before the deer heard something and ran off.
I stood there in shocked silence. Theon got off of his horse. "Robb, are you okay?" he asked, grabbing the reins for my horse before she got too far away.
Instead of just being wet, now I was wet and covered with mud. Right then the whole situation seemed completely ridiculous. Even with the nighttime sounds all around us I almost felt invincible. I started to laugh. Theon was staring at me like I'd gone insane. And maybe I had.
The whole ride back from the judgement ground I'd been trying to think of how to say goodbye to all of this. With each step I realized I couldn't. I wouldn't give this up. I'd never really gone against what my parents had said for something so big before. Everything else was something I could eventually beg forgiveness for and be reasonably sure they'd forget. This was different. This could make them both so upset Mother's treatment of Jon would look warm and loving by comparison.
Theon was pacing around in front of me. His hand on his sword twitched nervously. I'm sure he must have thought something strange was happening to me so he had to watch out for the both of us. I brushed the dirt off of my clothes. My hands had a few scrapes but they weren't anything serious. "I'm okay," I said. "The ground broke my fall." He wasn't really looking at me.
I reached out and touched Theon's shoulder. He almost jumped out of his skin. I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him hungrily. The only question was whether or not I was kissing him goodbye. For a moment I thought he was going to fight me and pull away. I thought maybe I'd misread him. Maybe on the ride back he'd been able to do what I couldn't and give all of this up. So I stopped. I dropped my hands to my sides. "I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have."
There was a short pause before he lunged forward and was kissing me back. He couldn't let go of the horses' reins so it was up to me to make it deeper, hold him closer. While the rest of our bodies might have been freezing our mouths seemed to be the last refuge for our body heat.
Our mutual shivering finally made us stop. We pulled apart slowly. Even with the addition of my cloak his lips were still blue and his skin ash white. "You don't have to apologize," he said softly. By an unspoken agreement he handed my horse's reins back to me and we both got back on our mounts.
The ride back was in almost silence. The rain still fell steadily, dripping onto every inch of exposed skin. There was no more wildlife along the way, though from time to time I thought I saw the deer in the distance.
Winterfell finally rose in front of us after what felt like forever. I pulled up short, not sure what to do. By now there was no telling what the reaction would be as we rode in through the gates. Theon stopped beside me. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"They're going to make a big deal out of it when we get back," I said.
Theon, despite being completely soaked and looking miserable, managed a smile. "No, they won't." He coaxed his horse down to the gates. I followed him, unsure of what he was going to do.
"Out late again?" one of the guards called out to him.
"Ros was pretty demanding tonight," Theon replied. He dug in his bag for a few coins and handed them to the guard with a smile. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't remember seeing us pass by."
The guard took a look at me and nodded. "Took the lordship with you, huh? Hope you had fun."
I managed a smile. My fingers found a few coins of their own. The guard's smile grew and he bowed slightly to me. "Thank you kindly. Have a nice night," he said, winking at us.
Thankfully we didn't run into anyone else as we took the horses to the stable. Once my feet were on solid ground my legs started to wobble. The cold started to creep in again. "Do you do this often?"
Theon shrugged. "Only when I don't want your parents finding out where I've been." He started to shiver again. "Need to get somewhere with a fire. Man wasn't meant to get this cold."
"Your room is closer, isn't it?" I asked as innocently as I could.
There was a long pause before he replied. "I suppose so."
"Then lead the way."
While I knew in theory where his room was and had even been there a few times, it was still a surprise when I realized how out of the way it actually was. It was down at the end of a hallway that we only used when guests came to visit. No wonder he was cold all the time. Servants didn't really come out here more than they had to. For our purposes tonight it would do nicely.
There was an anemic looking fire burning in the fireplace when he opened the door. At least that hadn't been neglected. Before he let me into the room he slammed shut his trunk and moved a few items he had out on a table. I supposed he was entitled to his secrets. Then he knelt down and started to try to coax more heat out of the fire. I could hear him cursing under his breath.
I stood behind him awkwardly looking around at the bits and pieces of what he'd left on display. There were a few seashells and a small piece of driftwood on the table. Something in me wanted to touch them but I held myself back. I sensed they might have held a deeper meaning for him.
Theon got the fire going. It made strange shadows on the walls. He spread out my cloak on the floor and then put his next to it. Then he started to unfasten the ties on his shirt. "Maybe they'll be dry by morning," he said.
For whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to start taking my clothes off until he started to remove more of his. The fire helped some with the cold but in some ways it only made me realize how wet I was. There was a part of me that didn't believe that any of this was actually happening.
Theon was naked from the waist up by the time I'd coaxed life back into my fingers. "Are you staying?" he asked. "Because I'm not sharing a bed with you like that."
All the while we'd been making our way to this point I'd thought for sure something would happen that would interrupt us. Now it felt like I had to take this chance before it all changed. My heart started to beat almost impossibly fast in my chest.
By the time I'd decided to start taking my clothes off Theon was naked and in bed. His clothes were laid out in front of the fire. As I watched his skin started to take on a more healthy hue. He smiled at me from where he laid wrapped up in blankets and furs.
"That's not fair," I said. "You did that too fast! I didn't get to see." My own clothes came off slowly, it felt like I fumbled through undoing everything.
"It's not my fault you're so slow," he said. I could feel his eyes on me as I peeled off every layer. When I clambered into bed next to him he pulled away like we were strangers.
Even with the blankets and furs our skin was still freezing when we brushed up against each other. It was awkward between us for the first time in a long while. Perhaps because we'd never truly done much more than messing around in the stable. I could feel him shivering next to me. It made me start to shake in sympathy.
Finally I decided this was stupid. I moved onto my side and looked at him. He was watching me carefully, a half-smile playing on his lips. Maybe he still wanted the deniability, a way to tell Father that it wasn't his fault all of this had happened between us. My recollection of it all was different. I had only gone half way, he'd had to make up the difference.
When we moved toward each other it was almost as one. His mouth was cold but it still felt like there was a jolt of something when our lips met. That pulled me in deeper. Our hands latched on to each other's shoulder, holding tighter than was comfortable. I didn't care at that point if there would be marks tomorrow. They would be covered by our clothing. This would all be something just between us.
I kissed him deeply, warmth starting to grow between us. Theon pulled back and started to nibble at my neck. I let him. His stubble scratched against my skin. I arched into him. The chill that had been in the room before was starting to fade, replaced by the heat coming from the fire. As he continued kissing my neck I ran my hands up and down his body, wanting to memorize every swell and dip. It felt like anywhere I touched was soon covered with goosebumps. His hand never moved from where it was clutching my shoulder.
When we finally pulled apart Theon's eyes were half-closed. He didn't resist when I pushed him onto his back. His hands slipped off of me and flopped onto the bed. There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "What are you doing?" he asked.
Something broke in me then. I leaned over so my mouth was next to his ear. My hand worked its way between us. When it found his cock Theon bit down on his lip but remained defiant. "I want to fuck you," I whispered against his ear. I felt his whole body tense and then release beneath me. Still he said nothing.
I was getting hard. It seemed impossible but it felt like even just saying the words aloud was almost like performing the act.
The moment stretched out between us. I kept my mouth by his ear and my hand on his cock. I closed my eyes and let things stay that way. After I'd given him time to think about it I slowly moved away. That was when Theon seemed to put everything together in his head. He pushed up past me and out of the bed. I watched him go, half fearing he was going to suddenly decide to kick me out of the room. Instead I heard him digging around in his trunk for something. His skin was cast in shades of yellow and orange.
Theon glanced back at me. His eyes glittered with something dangerous. It reminded me of the way the deer in the woods had looked, wild and somehow truly alive.
I laid back down in bed and watched as he found whatever it was he was looking for. Theon hopped into bed next to me. He handed me the rest of the bottle of oil he'd had the other day. I took it from him gently, sure I was going to drop and break it. "Try and be gentle," he said. His voice was thick and sounded like it hurt coming out of his throat. He leaned over and kissed me, a open-mouthed desperate one that took my breath away.
It felt like he'd made his mind up to let me do whatever I wanted. I resumed my previous position over him. I wasn't going to let this be like the night in the stable where I couldn't even see his face. This would be different.
My cock was slowly stirring to life. It only got harder the more I ran my hands over his body. As I tried to reach for his cock he kept on trying to distract me with kisses. My body felt like it was calling out for him. Some of the furs on top of us shifted. The cold air in the room rushed in to fill the gaps.
I stopped what I was doing and managed to open up the bottle of oil. It spilled onto my fingers and dripped onto Theon's chest. He sucked in a startled breath. His hand latched onto my arm.
"Sorry," I whispered.
Theon laughed a little. We shifted so that we were in a more comfortable position. His legs were on either side of me. They were an almost soothing reminder that this was really happening. I tried to enter him gently with my finger. His grip on my arm tightened.
I tried to remember how it had felt for me. This could take as long as it had to. When it felt like he'd relaxed a little I slowly worked in another finger. At this point the temperature the room really was didn't matter, all that I could feel was the heat between us. Each breath I took felt like a struggle. When I had worked three fingers into him he started to let out desperate gasps that increased in volume with each movement in and out. His hand changed position on my arm and he slowly moved to tighten his legs around me. When I looked in his eyes he was almost pleading with me to go further.
"Are you ready?" I asked.
Theon nodded, looking almost incapable of speech. I slowly slid my fingers out from him. It didn't take long to coat them with oil again and make sure that my cock was covered as well. I could tell Theon was trying to relax but not having much luck.
I tried to take things as slowly and gently as I could. Theon bit down on his bottom lip as I entered him. It was a struggle to push forward without any regard to what he felt. I wanted this to feel good for both of us. The expression on his face was pained but he tried to hide it. Eventually I brushed against something that must have pushed all of that aside. He moaned in pleasure. I could feel his hand on my arm clench. My cock was harder than I'd ever been before. I kissed his neck, watching the muscles in his throat twitch at my touch.
We settled into an unsteady rhythm. The ins and outs were punctuated by groans and heavy breathing. It was a delicate balance. I wanted to come but I didn't this all to end so soon. He had moved one of his legs somewhat behind me in a desperate attempt to get more contact. His eyes were unfocused as I pushed into him again and again.
It all had to come to an end. I could feel it building inside me. I put my head next to his and made one last desperate push forward. When it happened all of the strength I had keeping me upright left me. I slumped down next to him. Somehow I managed to reach over and stroke his cock the last few times that took him over the edge. He shuddered in my hand, his eyes sliding closed.
Afterwards the room was full of the sound of us breathing. It was almost too hot. I wasn't sure which was worse, freezing or boiling alive. Theon got to his feet reluctantly and cleaned himself off with a cloth he pulled out of his trunk. He handed it to me with little ceremony. I cleaned up what I could before handing it back to him. He threw it somewhere and then got back in bed with me. If I had any fantasies about us holding each other afterward they were soon dashed. We laid next to each other in awkward silence.
The fire was dying down in the fireplace. It was hard to see. The cold slowly crept in under the blankets and furs. I thought with some longing about the theoretically warm bed waiting in my room.
I nearly jumped out of the bed when Theon took my hand in his. He held it up out in the half light. It was covered with scratches and scrapes. In all of the excitement of today I hadn't had time to really look at it. "Does it hurt?" he asked.
I slowly took it back. "Not really. It looks worse than it is." I swallowed deeply. Maybe now was the time to talk about what had happened today. "I won't let anything happen to you," I said. It felt like it was important to say. I had the sense that no one had told him anything like that before.
Ordinarily he would have argued with me or accused me of pitying him. Instead Theon gave me a sad smile. Maybe he didn't feel it was worth the energy to fight it. "They're going to be watching us now. If you want this we have to be more careful." He closed his eyes.
"Do you want it? I can talk to Jon, make him tell Father he was wrong." My words felt like they were getting away from me. I was making promises I wasn't sure I would be able to keep. A part of me was desperate to hold on to what we had between us. I hoped he felt the same way.
He took up my hand again. Our fingers laced together with ease. When he spoke it was so quiet I almost didn't hear him. "I want this for however long it lasts."
That idea laid heavy in the room. No matter how much we might have wanted to be together it was going to end. Something was going to change between us and when it did this would only be a memory. Still I wanted it to be the most vivid memory I had.