Neal's inner demon was working overtime today.

'Tell Peter!' was playing on repeat inside his head, but alas Neal was once again not listening to his own common sense. Something he had learned to do long ago, when he was too young to stop it becoming a habit.

Ellen had told Mozzie there was always a little conman in him, but in truth it was Neal's outward confidence, which he used to hid his true feelings that everyone – even those closest to him now – saw as intentional deviousness.

Neal grew up a neglected child. Neal knows this, his mother knows this. Neither one of them can change it now. Ellen knew, and regrets she'd let her desire to keep her little family together get in the way of what truly mattered. She was young then, no kids of her own, barely a social life let alone a love interest to share her life with. She was married to her work and James Bennett was her partner. His broken trust broke her, even if she wasn't in WITSEC and being forced to deny her whole existence, she'd still have struggled to settle down and trust anyone. Children learn their traits from the adults around them. Ellen died wondering if Neal's inability to trust anyone was actually all her fault.

'Tell Peter!'

Neal swipes at his ear, as if swatting away a fly. The habit of ignoring what was in front of him still ingrained. Though he's got better with the trust issue. He trusts Peter. He really does. But he knows Peter doesn't always trust him, in which lies the problem.

Peter knew Abigail made him because Peter asked the question outright. "Did she make you Neal?" He'd watched their conversation on the monitor. Neal had no problem telling Peter the truth then, after all, he trusted Peter and he never lied to him. He was getting better at the not deflecting thing too.

'TELL PETER!'

He tried. He really did. Sitting at the briefing room table, listening to Peter build their plan which was set to fail, the fear and frustration building up and up. But offering up the truth without direct prompt or questioning was a foreign concept. Like an adult who'd never learnt to use manners or dog that had never been house trained, he'd been guarding his secrets too long, trained to withhold and deceive his entire life... Neal really didn't know how to tell the truth when it wasn't being explicitly asked of him.

"I was just thinking of what to do with Abigale." He said after Peter had noticed his deep in thought face and asked what he was thinking.

Truth. He was thinking of what to do with Abigale and he was prompting Peter to consider why she was moving so quickly. But Peter dismissed the idea, didn't follow up with the question Neal was hoping for… Neal feels his eyes fill and quickly looks away, disappointed and despaired, he chooses to distract himself with someone else's problems.

…

'Tell Peter' The voice had taken on a bored tone.

Sick and tired of being ignored, of the complete utter disregard of all Peter has done for him. The voice was well aware that Peter has fought for him, defended him, travelled around the world to save him, so why the hell was Neal still not listening?

Mozzie.

Neal, as has already been established, lacks guidance. His aliases are suave and sophisticated and confident. Neal Caffrey -the real Neal Caffrey - is anxious, childish and often hides behind the characters he creates to avoid the reality that he doesn't know who he really is, doesn't know who he wants to be. Only thing he does know right now is he really doesn't want to upset Peter. But Mozzie isn't listening, like Peter, he isn't asking the right questions. Mozzie, who was reading Rousseau late at night and therefore high on his mission of the greater good, was insistent doing a small wrong was worth the right that would result. In Mozzie's world fair isn't a factor, and the scales of justice are always slightly unbalanced. Mozzie neglects the moral side of any dilemma. He sees in black and white. Catching a murderer is of greater importance than a piece of art. Neal agrees. But what Mozzie doesn't see is the impact is like a shock wave, to get the art he's lying to Peter, he's letting him down. Peter could lose his job because he trusts Neal and that is what Neal can't live with. Mozzie doesn't see how much someone like Peter means to him. Neal shied away from telling Mozzie the truth about his mother. He had no problem telling Peter.

So, when Abigale arrives at his place, Neal tells her no. He knows it's the right decision and has no problem with making it. But then Abigale throws a curveball and Neal's flashing back to when the warehouse exploded and Peter turned on him. That starts a domino effect of all the times Peter's chosen the other guys side over Neal's - Reece and the Jade elephant, Fowler and the pink diamond… The thoughts swirl and eventually settle on a damning conclusion - Peter was never going to believe him. He would send him back to jail and Neal would lose everything anyway.

'TELL PETER!'

Neal had an opportunity, after Diana's date. And the voice had to give Neal credit, he tried, he tired to do what it was screaming but, in the end, like always, he needed Peter to lead the way and Peter completely missed the mark.

"She could be waiting to see if there's a better way in" Neal offered up on a platter and practically begged Peter to ask "What other way?"

But Peter dismissed him with an airy "suppose", letting Neal know there and then he wasn't thinking too hard on it. He wasn't taking Neal's concerns seriously. And why should he? Neal didn't know anymore.

Blackmail set, Neal knows he can't risk losing Peter, or rather risk Peter losing all he has because of him and his focus is now on preventing that and that alone.

…

'Tell Peter!'

Finally, Neal hears the voice but it's too late.

"I wish I'd told Peter everything from the beginning." He says out loud, sigh as heavy and lonesome as ever.

Mozzie doesn't help, pushing him along in the wrong direction. Mozzie is always pushing him in the opposite direction to Peter. Neal knows he has to be strong, but he struggles. Mozzie pulls one way and Peter pulls him another. It's a constant battle being fought and sometimes Neal gets tired of it. He plans the heist, tells Peter as much truth as he feels he can at this juncture, but again it all relies on Peter asking him the right questions.

"I checked your anklet the other day"

'Listen Peter' the voice had taken on a different mantra temporarily. Urging Peter to listen, to realise something else was going on and that Neal really needed him to hear it. The proud smile Peter gave him after Neal told the truth, that he really did think Peter's way was the best way… Neal is going to miss having that smile aimed his way. It's then he realises he could have gotten it all wrong… Peter might well have believed him this time, because things had changed… they'd changed. And Neal was about to blow everything.

"Get agents in that room right now."

Too late, it was on and Neal had to cowboy up.

Hiding behind the divide he still didn't have his head in the game, the usual rush at achieving the impossible, pride in his ability to outsmart everyone was missing. This was nothing like the Degas. Neal felt sick to his stomach and just wanted to get out of there.

…

"Maybe we should take a break."

Neal had been attempting to stall them, nothing more. Give himself time to hand over the Pascal and put the rest of his plan into motion. The part he hadn't told Mozzie about.

"Never stop running."

He said to Diana later that evening, after one too many wines. Thinking he might need to take his own advice after today.

"What if you want to stop running?"

Neal looks up. The words were what he needed to hear. Strange that Diana should be the person to ask him the right question in the end.