Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Story Notes: First posted on Elysian Fields August 18th 2014 as a response to two challenges.

Dawn's only six years old, and yet she thinks she knows better than me.

Angel's a vampire, but a good vampire. And while he and I may never be together, that doesn't take away the hope that one day we might be. I've seen it in movies; love always finds a way.

Dawn doesn't think so. She says that Angel's scary.

Which I guess I can understand, being a vampire and all…but Dawn thinks the whole 'Slaying' thing is awesome. So how can she be afraid of Angel when he's part of the Slayer gig?

I mean, how can a face that dreamy be anything evil?

OK, so Dawn isn't as stupid as I thought she was.

Now seven, still thinking that Angel's bad news…and yet she stands up to a vampire who is evil and is able to bluff him.

Spike's clever. I noticed that right off after he attacked the school. The only reason I'm still alive is because Mom showed up with an axe. But this makes it even more shocking that Dawn was able to trick him.

It was pretty smart. A spell was cast which turned people into what they were wearing, and I was turned into a frikkin' damsel. Horrible. The spell didn't affect Dawn, because she made her costume instead of buying it.

She dressed up as a Vampire Slayer – a famous one. Don't know her name, though; Buffy and reading are non-mixy things.

So when Spike had me cornered with the others unable to come rescue me, Dawn jumped in the way and pretended to be an actual Slayer. And Spike fell for it!

Of course, Dawn being Dawn, teased him after the spell was broken while I was beating him up. The only way the moment could've been any more perfect would've been the addition of a camera to catch Spike's expression, and the timely arrival of the Academy Awards people to give Dawn a well-deserved Oscar.

Spike spared Dawn.

I don't know what to say about that.

Ford showed up today. It was nice seeing a familiar face from LA, especially one who knew about my Slayer life. But then that all came crashing down when he tried to hand me over to Spike in exchange for making him a vampire.

But he tried to hand over Dawn as proof that he was serious. I would normally tell Dawn to be careful who she trusted, but this was Ford. I trusted him.

And yet…Spike let her go. Didn't eat her or even give her to his sick girlfriend. From what Dawn told me, it was a one-time deal; Spike actually admired Dawn for how clever she was. Yeah, apparently he'd never been tricked by a seven-year-old before.

Angel claims that it's a game in order to throw me off, but Spike doesn't seem like the kind of vampire who would play games. He charged into the school two days early because he couldn't wait; not really the kinda guy who sticks to his plans.

And when I held his girlfriend at stake-point, he immediately backed down. I thought vampires couldn't love?

Angel lost his soul, and it's all my fault.

Dawn's freaking out. She keeps on telling me, "I told you so!" and I can't help but agree. I moved too fast with him. I didn't think about what could happen. I mean, his soul is a curse, and what usually breaks curses in fairy tales?

Keeping Dawn safe is my top priority. If only she didn't keep running off all the time. To where, I don't know.

Dawn almost died.

After losing Jenny, and almost losing Mom…

And I have Spike to thank. Spike!

It solved the mystery of where she'd been running off to. She discovered that Spike was still alive even before I did, and decided to buy him blood from the butcher's with her pocket money as payment for letting her go that time.

To Spike's credit, he told her to only come during the day, and then not to enter the building at all when Angel lost his soul. But this time…this time she slipped up.

It's a huge mercy that the blood she'd been buying paid off.

Spike came to us in the library with Dawn riding piggy-back, before explaining that he wanted to make a truce. He wants Drusilla back and Angelus gone, meaning for once, our motives are joined. Giles didn't like it, but I agreed.

He saved Dawn, and I owe him for that.

It feels like everything's crashing down around me.

Kendra's dead, and the cops think I'm the one who killed her. Willow's in hospital, Xander's hurt, and Giles has been kidnapped. Not to mention Mom now knows I'm the Slayer.

So I smile when I see Dawn bouncing up and down around Spike, introducing him to Mom as her hero (yeah, I need to explain that later; not looking forwards to it) and asking him all sorts of questions about vampires.

Spike, again to his credit, actually seems OK around her. I even caught him smiling for a few seconds.

I wanted to tell her to keep away from him, but seeing her so happy, I didn't have the heart. And it's not like Spike's sticking around; he told me that he's taking Drusilla and leaving, never to return.

I only hope it stays that way.

I trust Spike with Dawn more than I trust Angel with her.

It's a hard realization to make, and one I struggled to accept.

But after seeing what I saw… Actions speak louder than words, and Spike's actions spoke to me loud and clear.

I panicked when I heard him on the other end of the phone; it was a harsh reminder that I hadn't revoked his invitation into my home. But from what Mom told me later, he'd only come to talk about getting dumped by Drusilla. Yeah, he was depressed because his ho-bag girlfriend – well-known for sleeping with pretty much anything that moves – slept with other demons before breaking up with him.

Dawn came down the stairs in the middle of the talk, and was of course excited to see her "hero" again. Apparently even Spike seemed genuinely pleased to see her; Mom told me that he smiled and kept her entertained.

Angel and I arrived at the same time, me through the front door while he tried to get in through the side door – but couldn't, because I hadn't re-invited him into my home. He was there seconds before I was, and just as I ran into the kitchen, I saw the shocking sight.

Spike pushing Dawn as far away from the door as possible before turning and punching Angel in the face – while yelling to stay away from her.

I think I stood there for a solid minute before Mom helped me into a chair. Dawn clutched to me, trembling, while Spike ranted on about how Angel and I could never be friends after what happened.

His words got to me. Whenever I look at Angel, all I see is Dawn's terrified face, reminding me of what Angelus could have done to her. Family comes before friends and/or boyfriends. Dawn has to come before Angel.

Angel tried to explain that Angelus wasn't him, but I honestly don't know what to believe. Because if the soul mattered, why does Spike care about Drusilla? Why does he seem to care about Dawn?

But in accepting that the soul doesn't matter, I'm accepting that Angel never truly loved me. And I don't think I'm ready to face that.

Keeping Angel away from me is enough for now. Finding out that he wants me – so badly he's willing to lose his soul again – helps.

Why the hell does Spike keep on coming back?

This time he was after a ring called the Gem of Amara, which makes vampires completely invulnerable to their usual weaknesses. It felt weird fighting him in the day.

I was surprised when Mom said Spike hadn't come to her before or even after the fight. He'd gone to see Mom and Dawn before, so why didn't he this time?

Then again, seeing the family of the Slayer you plan on killing probably would've been a little awkward.

Dawn brought Spike to Giles's home, like he was a pet she wanted to keep. Xander even made a joke about it.

Apparently the commando guys caught him and put something in his head; something that stops him from hurting people. Dawn found him wandering around, starving, and thought we could help.

After what he tried to do to Willow, I was ready to stake him. But upon Spike's insistence that he knew "stuff" about the commandos – added to that Dawn's big, pleading puppy-dog eyes – I decided to let him in.

But I tied him up for good measure.

Dawn never left his side once – apart from to grab brandy for him, which I took away from her very quickly – and I even caught the two having what sounded like a normal conversation.

By the end of the night, he was untied and eating thanksgiving dinner with the rest of us. Xander and Giles didn't like it, but I felt he deserved it.

Because he saved Dawn again; took several arrows to the back while shielding her from the Native Americans, and almost dusting himself in the process. He didn't have to do it, especially after the way we treated him, and it proved that he really did have something in his head and really did need our help.

Not gonna stop me from punching him and snarking at him every now and again. College is stressful; I need some kind of release.

Ew.

Ewwww.

I kissed Spike today.

OK, to his credit, not a bad kisser. But it's still…Spike.

Thank god it was only a spell.

The only person who actually enjoyed themselves was Dawn. When she found out that Spike and I were engaged, she jumped up and down excitedly before insisting upon being a bridesmaid.

Spike was acting like a big brother to her, and even stated that one of the best parts about marrying me was because Dawn would become his little sister. I would say that was part of the spell, but after seeing how he acts around her…

After the spell was broken, Dawn sulked for hours. She even proclaimed that she'll hate Riley forever because I'm with him and not Spike.

How and why does Dawn think Spike and I would make a great couple?

Spike's staying in my house.

Giles had a friend coming over from England, and needed someone to take Spike. At first we thought he'd be sharing Xander's basement, but then Dawn suggested he could sleep in the basement at our house.

Spike in my house. Ew.

And of course, Mom was fine with it. She's such a sucker for a sob story, and after hearing about Spike's new chip, she made sure to stock the fridge with blood. Again, ew.

But when I stopped by the house after everyone lost their voices, I found him sitting on the couch with Dawn, watching a movie. Using the old fashioned communication of a pen and paper, Mom explained that Dawn had freaked out earlier on and Spike comforted her.

Weird.

And while Spike staying in my house is still…ew…at least he's helping out. Mom even made him do some house work. I had a camera ready that time.

Spike can hurt demons. And now he wants to become a demon hunter like me.

OK, he doesn't really want to become a "white hat", as he calls us; he only wants to hunt demons because he's bored. But I guess 'excited-about-hurting-demons' Spike is better than 'sulking-loser-who-wants-to-dust-himself' Spike. Dawn told me that it was getting pretty bad, especially after he was forced to wear one of Xander's Hawaiian shirts – a punishment not even he deserved.

When he popped up on patrol, I almost yelled at him. But then I remembered seeing him sitting under the table with Dawn after the earthquake, and defending her from that world-ending demon even though he thought it'd give him a headache… So I decided to just let him go without comment.

I still trust him with Dawn. Even though I want her to start socializing with kids her own age instead of a vampire who keeps proclaiming how evil he is despite the fact that he hangs around a little kid not even a fraction of his age.

It's easier to make a list of things I do trust Spike with instead of listing all the things I don't trust him with.

Because that's pretty much everything other than one thing: Dawn.

I debate whether or not to add Mom to the list as well, but he's never saved her from anything, so I leave it for the time being.

Spike pushed Dawn behind him when Riley arrived after Professor Walsh almost killed me. Riley noticed, but his attempt to call me out led to a fight I don't think we can come back from. On top of taking drugs in order to keep up with me on patrol, he doesn't seem to understand that the Initiative is evil. Apparently trying to kill me was a "mistake".

I'm so glad I didn't sleep with him.

Faith stole my body – and the only ones who figured it out were Spike and Dawn.

A girl named Tara did too, but she used magic, so it doesn't count.

From what Dawn told me, Spike came by the house – so glad that he moved into a crypt where he belongs – and after talking to Faith in my body, he realized it wasn't me.

He and Dawn went on a "secret mission" as she called it to find out the truth. They found the remains of the contraption Faith used to switch into my body, and also the tape the Mayor left for her. They were able to convince Giles before I got there.

But what's worse than finding out that your mortal enemy knows you better than your friends do?

Riley slept with Faith.

His "first time" with me was actually with Faith. I know I was glad that I didn't sleep with him, but that was when I didn't know what side he was on. But he never pushed to sleep with me; never even gave me any hints about wanting to. But once he comes face to face with Faith?

I stay away from him – while ignoring Dawn's all too familiar words of, "I told you so."

So Spike can give good advice, apparently.

I was asking him about how he knew it was me – something about knowing the way I walk, talk and carry myself, and ew to knowing way too much about me – and mentioned that I still wanted to make things work with Riley. He told me that I was trying too hard, because I was trying to replace Angel.

Then it hit me. Riley is Angel. A rebound guy. They even look almost identical.

I broke up with Riley, officially. Dawn was pleased – until I told her it didn't mean I was gonna go jumping into Spike's lap.

Sometimes she's cute when she sulks.

I can now add Mom to the list of things I trust Spike with.

Adam attacked Mom and Dawn. He thought Slayer powers are inherited, concluding that Mom and Dawn must have them, too. He wanted to dissect them; take them apart.

It was Angelus all over again.

Spike had stopped by for a drink and a talk with Mom, so was there when Adam's demons attacked. He got them both to safety.

And then I found out why he likes Dawn so much; she reminds him of his own sister, who died when she was about Dawn's age. Added to that, Mom reminds him of his mother, too.

Then, when it was all over, Spike told us that Adam made him an offer of acting as a double agent for him in exchange for getting his chip out. Spike suggested that he could still act as a double agent – but for us instead. When asked about why he's turning down the offer of his chip being taken out, Spike said he knew Adam won't hold his end of the bargain, but I'm sure whether to believe his reasoning – especially after what he did.

I'm beginning to wonder why I still hate him.

I'm so glad I'm over Riley. He seriously accused me of sleeping with Angel? Nice to know that he thinks I'm a slut.

Angel showed up as well, trying to apologize for what happened with Faith in LA. That talk went a little better.

I tried to ignore the fact that I felt nothing for him.

If I still loved him, then all that pain would've been worth it. Discovering that I may have fallen out of love with him… It almost makes everything I went through pointless. Like the love meant nothing.

If only I'd listened to Dawn back then…

Spike's been acting weird.

Coming over to see Dawn isn't weird – it's actually become a routine, strange as that is – but unlike before when he would always ignore me, he actually seems to be trying to talk to me.

Almost trying too hard, like he wants to get my attention.

It started when Dracula came to town and we teamed up against him (over a debt of eleven pounds, which is just dumb). Then there was the team up against Harmony – even though I didn't need it because, come on, it's Harmony – and while he pissed me off when he kidnapped a former Initiative doctor in order to get his chip out, it felt like he wasn't even trying.

And then when Mom was in hospital, he was a complete gentleman around her. What the hell?

And then, when I got him to babysit Dawn, he sent me these weird-ass mixed signals while we talked out on the front lawn.

I mean, 'never really liked me anyway'? What the hell does that mean?

Dawn isn't my sister.

A monk told me that she's actually a Key; a form of energy that opens dimensions. They turned this energy into human form in order to hide it from this demon bitch named Glory.

They then gave Dawn to me, because they knew I'd protect her. They also decided to alter our memories so it was like she was there the whole time. She arrived around the same time I first arrived in Sunnydale.

It explained why she was always drawn to the supernatural and the weird – so basically Spike.

How's he gonna take it if I tell him?

I added Tara to the list of things I can trust Spike with. He gave himself a headache while proving that she wasn't a demon; he deserves the further trust.

After some consideration, I added Willow to the list, too. Because she and Tara come as a package, and she seems to have forgiven Spike for the whole 'bottle-in-the-face' thing.

I put a question mark next to Dawn, because I don't know whether or not to tell him about her being the Key.

I finally decided to tell Spike about Dawn.

He saved my life, gave me a helpful talk about Slayers, and then comforted me after I found out Mom was going to the hospital.

He took it surprisingly well. Said there was always something pure about her.

I removed the question mark.

I added the killing of demons to the list. Together we killed a giant snake, an alien worm thing and a house full of vampires. It's like he's become my patrol buddy.

After that, the list just grew.

Taking care of Mom while she's ill; that went on the list, joined to Mom's name.

I added Anya to the list, too. I couldn't add Xander and Giles, because they still hate Spike, and I can't see Spike going out of his way to save people who hate him.

But then again, he saved me. Although I'm not really sure I hate him anymore…

Dawn has a secret.

I think it's to get back at me. She's ten, but she's smart; she knows I'm keeping something from her. Spike thinks I should tell her, but I don't know if I should.

And speaking of Spike… The secret seems to concern him. I tried asking him about it, but he just looked nervous before quickly changing the subject.

Now I know how Dawn feels. Maybe I should tell her?

Giant troll? Average.

The Council invasion? Annoying, but I saw it coming.

Spike's increasingly weird behaviour? Increasingly weird.

Dawn found out.

And I was on the receiving end of more, "I told you so" comments, this time from Spike.

He was just as scared as I was when we found out Dawn was missing. I knew because of how angry he was. There're two types of anger when it comes to Spike.

The first is always over-the-top, in which he'll trip over himself and make painfully obvious mistakes during fights, not to mention there's always a lot of yelling and a lot of snarls which are more hilarious than scary.

And then there's the second kind of anger; the one where he has a quick temper and will always snap at me whenever I ask him something. Always dead serious and, I'll admit, pretty damn scary. This was the anger I saw; he was angry at me for not telling Dawn, instead letting her find out on her own.

He really, truly cares about her. So when we found Dawn being cornered by Glory, I told Spike to take Dawn and run while the rest of us kept Glory distracted.

And what's with the box of chocolates Spike gave me for my birthday?

Spike loves me.

That explains the chocolates.

It was also Dawn's secret. She didn't mean to spill the beans, but once she did, I couldn't un-hear it.

I don't really hate Spike that much anymore, mostly because of Dawn. But having him fall in love with me… It freaked me out. I want to find myself a nice, normal guy…and instead I get Spike.

The reminder of what happened with Angel was enough to send me running, after Spike himself said he loves me. I know Spike's different from Angel, but I can't do the vampire thing again. I've been there, I got the t-shirt; it had a picture of a broken heart on it.

Adding Drusilla to the mix just made things more complicated.

Spike really set himself back with his 'chain-Buffy-up-until-she-loves-me' stunt. Hello, vampire hate; I really did miss you.

I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I revoked Spike's invitation.

And now Dawn won't speak to me, which just makes me feel horrible.

Xander's an idiot.

Hasn't he learnt what magic can do?

He tried this truth spell in order to get Anya to open up to him, only it hit the rest of us and we could do nothing by tell the truth for the entire day. Thank god Glory was nowhere to be seen.

Spike really does love me.

And it's not the obsessive love I thought it was before. It's…pure. He just didn't know how to express himself – which still doesn't excuse him from chaining me up, but at least I can understand the why of it.

It's hard, facing truths about yourself. I never knew just how much Angel hurt me, and how much I'd actually let him hurt me because of my 'he's-my-soul-mate' delusion. But he isn't, and I know that now. He was only my first love; a teenage crush.

That doesn't make Spike's feelings for me any less scary.

I threw away the trust list. I don't need it anymore.

Glory kidnapped Spike, and he never said a word.

She tortured him – in a way that could give Angelus a run for his money – and he never told her anything.

He protected Dawn. She's recently been calling him the big brother she never had, and he may as well be.

I kissed him. No 'ew' thoughts this time. It was only a small kiss, because his face looked like hell on toast. But looking at the wonder in his eyes, I might as well have told him that I loved him back.

Which I don't. But I trust him, completely this time. And that's enough.

Glory doesn't come after him, and I hope that things will quieten down for the time being.

Mom.

Dead.

Gone.

Spike was with me when I found her. He was able to keep calm and call 911, and helped explain things to the paramedics when they arrived. I was a broken mess; I was crying, walking back and forth, throwing up all over the floor…

He held me as I cried myself dry. Then he held Dawn as she did the same.

And he cried, too. Only later did he tell me just how his mother died.

If I wasn't over Angel before, what he did the day after the funeral certainly did it for me.

Things were going OK. I stayed by the grave into the night, so no demon would try anything; the last thing I needed was to kill my own mother because some creature thought it would be funny to bring her into the undead crowd.

Spike sat with me with an arm around my shoulder, and things were fine until Angel showed up.

He wanted to know whether Spike and I were together, and if we weren't, why I was letting him touch me. My reply that it was none of his business was apparently a 'yes, we are together' in his book.

Yeah, arguing's the last thing I needed on a night like this.

It ended when Spike punched Angel in the face. He said that if Angel really loved me, he'd let me go and, you know, not yell at me about things which weren't his business right after my mother's funeral. That seemed to hit a cord in him, and he stalked away.

I thought I'd seen the last of him. Until Dawn tried to bring Mom back to life.

Not only had Angel taken her to this creepy old guy to get a spell, but he also put her in danger when they went to get a demon egg. Any arguments I had about Angel's soul evaporated pretty much instantly. The soul doesn't make a difference; it only holds him back from being a complete psychopath.

It doesn't stop him from being a jealous ex. 'Make me happy' my ass.

Spike and I were able to stop Dawn from doing the spell. I don't think any of us would've been able to kill Mom if she'd shown up at the door.

I never really thought about what Spike had to go through with Drusilla. I only did when I saw him with Tara, keeping an eye on her and Dawn while I hurried to stop Willow.

Loving has always been part of him; I know that now. He needs to physically care for someone, watch out for them, keep them safe and sound.

Maybe that's why he's drawn to Dawn? Maybe he knew right from the start, subconsciously, that she's the Key and needs to be protected?

I know that if something happens to me, Dawn will be safe with Spike. Because when it comes to love, he never gives up. He never gave up on me, even when I deserved it.

Love's bitch. Fool for love. Doesn't matter. It's something to be proud of.

Dawn's gone.

Glory…

Spike…calling…need to wake up…

Spike saved the world.

And Dawn.

And me.

He was the only person I could trust to save Dawn from the tower. I was afraid that the others would choose to kill her in order to save the world, and I refused to let that happen. Some hero I am, letting the world go to hell, but I couldn't lose my sister.

I don't blame Spike for getting beat by Doc. No one's perfect, and he really did try. At least he didn't fall off the tower.

When the portal opened, I was ready to jump in. My blood was Dawn's blood; it would close the portal, and both the world and Dawn would be safe.

Spike disagreed with my plan. Instead he drank Dawn's blood and jumped in himself. It was so quick that I didn't get a chance to react.

Never…never got a chance to say goodbye.

Which was why I was relieved when, instead of turning to dust, Spike fell to the ground after closing the portal. He was already dead, technically; he tricked the portal. Clever.

Almost-Apocalypses always make me think about things; some deep, some just plain and simple. This time, it was plain and simple, but it was also deeper in ways I couldn't really comprehend. I need to be happy, no matter what my friends think of me.

I could've been happy a long time ago if I had just listened to my sister. Kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for, and on this particular subject, she was right all along.

I asked Spike out on a date.