Dave was being a retard today, even more than usual. He was hiding from me, and dammit was he good. Occasionally I swore I heard the swish of moving fabric, or saw a shadow move out of the corner of my eye.
It's his own damn fault I wanted to kill him. The bastard had decided to be an obstinate fuckass. Why was he hiding, you might ask?
Because of YOLO. That stupid phrase he had decided to adapt to his vocabulary, and use whenever he saw fit, which was all the time. He explained it to me one time, and it's stupid. You Only Live Once? Well, duh.
I had asked him why he had put his Katana in the freezer when I had asked him countless times not too.
"Because YOLO." Was his response.
When I asked him why he hadn't picked his dirty laundry like I had told him too, Because YOLO.
Why he decided to eat the last bit of Ice Cream? Because YOLO.
Why he left his game controls splayed all over the table, tripping me and making me fall? YOLO.
Why he hadn't taken Bec for a walk yet? YOLO.
"Dave I swear to gog if I hear the phrase YOLO one. More. Time. I am going to CUT YOUR BALLS OFF AND SEW THEM TO YOUR FOREHEAD."
And that's why Dave is hiding now. Because apparently, he thought I was serious. I mean, come on. I don't even have the right kind of needle. What kind of girl does he think I am?
I heard a rustle to my left, and without thinking, pounced. I landed on a somewhat bony blonde boy.
"Dammit Jade. You almost broke my shades." Dave whined, glaring up at me.
"That's not the only thing I'm going to break if you say that word one more time." I snarled, pulling out a kitchen knife that I had in my hand when I threatened Dave.
"Woah girl. Gentle there. Shhhhhh." Dave said, with a nervous chuckle.
"I'm not a horse, David," I saw him cringe at the use of his full name, which only Rose tended to use. "Now promise me you won't say it again, or I'm going to have to buy a new set of kitchen knives, because my food WILL NOT taste like sweaty testicle.
Dave struggled to sit up, and I let him, although only moving down to sit on his legs. I couldn't have him getting away just yet, now could I?
"Yeah, I promise. Now please put the knife away." Dave said, pleading with me from behind his shades.
"Fair enough." I said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen, putting the knife back in the block.
"Now what would you like for dinner sweetie?"
I giggled at the look on his face, complete shock from my change of attitude.
"Uh. Anything. Y-," I glared. "I m-mean P-pizza." He replied.
A week later, Dave came home, plastered out of his mind, bearing a YOLO tattoo across his chest.
Turns out he can't fight when he's drunk.
A/N: This was written because a friend of mine said she didn't like the word YOLO, so a few more friends and I used as much as we possibly could that day, and then this was written.
Who needs editing? YOLO. :'D