England lounged on his couch happily. Nothing could be better than today, he thought idly. No loud Americans, no creepy Russians- beep! He turned to glare at his smart phone as it cheerfully announced a new message. He sighed in disgust; he hated when his perfect days alone were ruined by people trying to talk to him. But he was just a little bored, so he decided to read the text.
"Bonjour" the text read.
He narrowed his eyes at his phone. "NO." he typed back. An instant later there was another message.
"Mais, Angleterre! I need your help!"
"NON" he slammed his fingers into his phone, hoping the stupid frog would understand his own language. Again, as soon as he put his phone down, it pinged again.
"I won't stop bothering you until you answer!" then a second later,
"Please?"
"Please?"
"PLLLEEEAASSEE?!"
England cursed under his breath and finally responded.
"FINE. WHAT"
"RATE THIS" and underneath the text was a picture. A picture of a very nice arse. England almost laughed. Of course, France just wanted to brag about his newest acquisition. Every weekend he had a new girlfriend, and he never could stop rubbing it in to England's face. He was almost tempted to put a four or a five, just to spite France, but he knew if he gave too low of a score then France would freak out and badger him for days enquiring about what exactly was wrong with it. Finally, he gave in and wrote back.
"10" A good long period of silence followed this text. But finally, his phone beeped at him. He picked it up, and realized that it was another picture. Of the same arse, except he could see the rest of the body. He squinted, trying to figure out who it was. Wait! No, it couldn't be-
It was France. Oh no. No No No. He had just rated France a ten on his arse, it wasn't fair, the frog was ugly, and there was no way- beep! His phone went off again.
"So want to come over? ONHONHONHON~" England stared at the offending phone, and was almost tempted to throw it away. But not before he replied one more time. France would know just how mad he was.
"YOU, SIR. ARE A BLOODY WANKER… (And yeah, I'll come over tonight)."