What Used To Be

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Whoever Is Reading This,

I have no regrets

The explanation for this is simple:

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I had a dream that could never be real, no matter what I could do.

He used to be mine

We use to have a bond so strong

We used to ignore the bitter comments people spat at us

We would ignore the looks of hate and the name calling

He was always there when I just couldn't handle it on some days, he held me close

"Nothing can ever make me stop loving you"

He said it like a mantra each time it happened

And I believed him

I believed the lies he told me

We had made it through so much

I thought we were going to be together until death did us part

Even as the hate from people grew, he was still there

I let myself fall in love

Biggest mistake of my life

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She came in

She was what I wasn't

A girl

Beautiful and long golden hair hidden under a hat

A figure that looked awkward now, but would look amazing as she aged

Courage and bravery ran through her veins

They got closer and closer each passing day, while we got farther and farther away

I would try to talk to him, try to meet him in places

Each time I tried I would be turned down for that girl

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Weeks passed and the day I dreaded came up

He wanted to leave me officially

"I just can't do this anymore…maybe we can still be friends?"

That was all he said

I tried responding and all I got out was a simple 'yes'

They would visit everyday

I felt they were mocking me in every way possible

She was oblivious to our previous relationship

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I saw them everyday

Holding hands or kissing in public

No one cared

They were a man and a woman

That was normal

He always looked so happy and care free, while I sat in self-pity everyday

This is when the dreams began

He would hold me like he used to in my dreams

He would kiss me so passionately in my dreams, I could almost feel it

In my dreams, we were always accepted

No one cared for what we were

The worst part was waking up

I would always wake up to an empty bed

No one holding me, caring for me, loving me

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I dreamt of dark hair, pale skin, and a thin figure

Did he dream of the brightest ones possible?

Did he even still think about me?

Did he even still care, or was I just another person?

My only question for him would be this;

'Do you really love her, or is it easier to love her?'

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This is when I stopped sleeping

I got sick of the dreams that would only be part of the past

He became a wish that would never come true

A star that would forever remain in the night sky

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What eventually pushed me over the edge you may ask?

It was when I received that wedding invitation

You asked me to be your best man

I couldn't say 'no'

When the day finally did roll around, I did what I was supposed to do

I didn't begin to let the silent tears roll down my face until I saw you kiss her

You two pulled away and I saw so much love between you two I had to leave
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This is where we are now

I'm dead and you know my story

I died because I loved someone who lost their love for me

I just couldn't deal with it anymore

Call me weak if you want to

I won't matter

I loved Marshall Lee…and I always will.

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Sincerely,

Gumball

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I had a dream like this

I like this girl (I've told her that) and she rejected me and has a boyfriend

My sad dreams…that shouldn't even be called dreams

I need to become asexual

Comment please

I typed this in about 10 minutes

I'll fix typos later

Thank You

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