Sometimes

This is for FelineofAvenueB, who texted me at midnight and told me to write her a drarry. : )

A/N- Ok…I know the characters are a little off. They just did NOT want to do what they were supposed to. I swear, Harry wanted to join Voldemort.

For a long time, Harry didn't think their relationship was going to work out. Sometimes love just wasn't enough.

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There was a broom cupboard that Draco had found near the kitchens. It opened to the word, 'Prongs', and was big enough for the four-poster bed that had been in it. The sheets had been nibbled around the edges by mice and were streaked by mice's other leavings, but the house elves had replaced them easily enough. What had surprised him was that while the hangings were the traditional Slytherin green, the ruined sheets had been red.

Draco, in an uncharacteristically romantic mood, had decided this meant that they were not the first or only Gryffindor/Slytherin couple, and thus were not immediately doomed to failure.

Harry, on the other hand, had started casting detection spells, convinced that someone was spying on them and that the room was a trap. He didn't find anything though, and so the room was deemed their new meeting place. They ended up spending a lot of time there, and were often found themselves late to meals, or skipping them altogether.

HDHDHDHDHD

The day it first occurred to Harry that not all was well in their relationship, they were in their room, tangled together and panting, and already late for lunch.

"I got a letter from my father today," Draco said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Oh? What'd he say?" Harry asked, running his finger lazily down Draco's sweaty chest.

"Um…Mother is well, they're going to France for a bit, he still can't find a new house elf, and my initiation should be any time now." Draco reciprocated with a hand running through Harry's rumpled hair.

Harry chuckled. "Good, he was horrible to Dobby. What initiation?" The finger on Draco's chest turned into a hand rubbing the mess on Draco's stomach into his skin.

"Mmm, you know I love it when you do that, Harry. S'like I can carry you around inside my skin all day. And THE initiation of course. How many secret societies am I clamoring to join?" He quirked an eyebrow and Harry just had to strain upwards to kiss him.

"I don't understand it, I just feel messy and sticky. I can be happy just carrying around the memory of you inside me all day. I didn't know you were clamoring to join any secret societies. Is the Gobstones team a secret society?"

Draco shuddered and decided not to think about Harry remembering him inside him, or they'd never finish this conversation. "No, it's not the bloody Gobstones team, love. The Death Eaters. Masks, cloaks, ridding the world of mudbloods, ringing any bells?"

Harry frowned and sat up. "The Death Eaters? Why do you want to join them? They're out to kill me, remember?"

Draco, confused, sat up and rested his chin on Harry's shoulder. "Yes, the Death Eaters. I want to help them get rid of mudbloods, make the wizarding world a better place." He chuckled, "And of course it helps that anyone who helps them will end up pretty well off in that better world. As for the killing you, that was just a misunderstanding, I'm sure. You nearly killed our leader! But you were just a baby, you didn't know what you were doing, and I'm sure if you told him you weren't going to do it again, the Dark Lord would leave you alone, probably even make you inner circle. You're pretty powerful, even more than me."

"But, Draco, he's EVIL! He killed my parents!"

"He's killed lots of people, and we'll have to kill more, probably. They're polluting the wizarding race, Harry. It's like weeding the garden. It's too bad about your parents, but your mother was a weed. You understand, right?"

"No, I don't bloody well understand! By that same logic, I'm a weed! And you're dehumanizing the whole thing, like it's a garden instead of real lives at stake!"

"Dehumanizing? Really Harry?"

"Hermione taught it to me. Don't change the subject."

"I wasn't trying to. But come on, Harry, you didn't really think things would change without any lives lost? Muggles kill each other all the time. It's the way the world works."

"I don't think the world needs to change! I thought you didn't either! I thought you were a good person, Draco, even if you don't always act like it." Harry threw the sheets of his legs and started pacing the room. Draco had to keep his eyes only glued to Harry's face if he wanted to get this straightened out.

"I am a good person! That's why I'm doing this, that's why I want to join! And, of course, the promise of power doesn't hurt. But are you really that naive? I figured you'd come around, that you'd figured it out, when we got together!"

"I thought you'd learned the error of your ways and wanted to break away from your father when we got together!"

"You did? But he's right!" Draco cried, pulling his eyes from where they'd strayed down Harry's chest back to his eyes.

"But…I love you, Draco. I thought…I thought you were on my side." Harry stopped pacing, looking hurt as he stared back into Draco's eyes.

"I love you too. I thought I was on your side, too. I just thought that your side was…my side."

"I don't want to be on different sides, Draco."

"Me neither. Can't you just…stop being so stubborn and come home with me over break? We'll talk to my father, and he can talk to the Dark Lord."

"Why don't you stop being so stubborn and come talk to Dumbledore right now?"

"Harry…" Draco buried his head in his hands.

Harry's heart squeezed. He slid onto the bed beside Draco and pulled him into his arms. "I'm sorry, love. We'll work it out. I wish we could just agree to disagree, but this is too important."

Draco turned so Harry was in his arms and kissed his head. "Yeah. Maybe we could agree to disagree for now?"

Harry was skeptical, but he just wanted it to go away, to go back to the way they were ten minutes ago, so he nodded.

HDHDHDHDHD

Thy continued meeting in their room, but it was always strained. They were always waiting for the other to say they were right, that of course he would come over to their side. And neither of them ever considered saying it themselves.

"Harry?" Draco asked. They were again lying on their bed, sweaty and panting, only their hands touching as they stared at the ceiling.

"Yeah?" Harry said, flinching. They hardly ever spoke anymore, and it couldn't be good that Draco was breaking that silence.

"Have you changed your mind yet? Because the initiation is going to be over break, and we leave tomorrow… You could still come with me, spend Christmas at the manor, please, Harry." Draco said, rolling onto his side to stare pleadingly at Harry's ear.

"Draco, you know I can't do that." Harry didn't look at him.

"No, I don't! Why the bloody hell can't you?" Draco cried, slamming his fist into the mattress.

"Because I'm the Boy-Who-Lived! I can't just go join Voldemort, even if I wanted to! Which I don't!" Harry threw an arm over his face, trying not to see Draco's wide eyes.

"Don't say his name! Merlin, Harry. Why don't you want to join him, anyway?"

"Um…besides the fact that he's always trying to kill me? Can't you see what would happen if Voldemort wins? Do you know how few purebloods there are left? Not enough! It wouldn't take long for them to be totally inbred, until they died out completely. And he wouldn't be happy with just the wizarding world, sooner or later he'd want the muggle world too. And they'd kill whatever was left. Seriously, Draco, can you name a single pureblood you aren't related to? Isn't everyone in Slytherin your cousin or something?"

"Everyone in Slytherin isn't a pureblood," Draco said slowly. "You're right that there aren't very many left. So many families are intermarrying with the mudbloods. That's why we have to get rid of them before it's too late."

"It's already too late! That ship has sailed! There are more of them than there are of you, Draco!' Harry yelled, "Everyone has muggle blood these days! My mom did, and I do, and so does Voldemort!"

Draco was silent. Harry wanted to apologize for losing his temper, but the desire left him when Draco said, "That's not true. The Dark Lord can't have muggle blood. He wants to kill muggles."

"Yeah, but it's not really because he thinks they're inferior. It's some sick revenge."

"No. I don't believe you. The Dark Lord has the right of it, and so does my father, and so do I. You'll see." Draco got up and started getting dressed.

"Draco, you don't understand. It's not just politics, he's dangerous. What if he hurts you? I couldn't stand that. I still love you, you know that, don't you?" Harry said, watching worriedly.

Draco pulled his shirt over his head. "Yeah, I know. I love you too. He won't hurt me though. He only wants what's best for the wizarding world."

Harry was silent, watching Draco struggle with his tie. He must really be upset, Draco's tie was always perfect. Harry walked over, pushed Draco's hands out of the way and carefully tied the tie, then smoothed the wrinkles out of his shirt and robes. His hair was a mess too. Harry combed it with his fingers until it was presentable, then looked down to see Draco watching him with soft eyes. Harry smiled, framed Draco's face with his hands, and kissed him sweetly.

When he finally pulled back, Draco's robes were mussed again and his hair was a mess. He grinned and fixed them, glad he wasn't wearing anything and so didn't have to worry about it. "Draco, there's this spell Hermione found, it'll tell me if you're in trouble. Can I cast it on you?"

"Don't worry about me, Harry. I'll be ok."

"Ok. But just in case. If you're really ok, it won't matter." Harry reached for his wand and twirled it enticingly.

"Alright, alright. But it'll be a waste of time," Draco said, crossing his arms and standing still.

Harry grinned and waved his wand. Draco felt a warmth settle in his chest and smiled. "Ok, love. A kiss for luck?"

"Of course. C'mere," Harry said, pulling Draco in for another long kiss.

Draco's eyes were closed when he pulled back. "Mmm. Love you."

"Love you too. You'd better go pack."

So with a grin, Draco went back to his dorm, and Harry was left to realize that he'd just sent the man he loved into the hands of Voldemort.

Fuck.

HDHDHDHDHD

"Are you prepared, Draco?" Draco's father asked imperiously when he stepped into the great hall of the Manor.

"Yes, Father." Draco was finally wearing the huge black robes his father wore on missions, and he had never felt more proud. He was ready. He was going to do this, and he was going to be great, and he was going to be right. Harry would see.

"Good. Now, Draco, you will not embarrass me, do you hear? When addressed by the Dark Lord, you must say only, 'Yes, Master'. You are not to ask questions, you are not to refuse orders, you are not to do anything but bow, kiss the hem of his robes, and say 'Yes, Master'." Lucius said, looking down his nose at his son.

"Yes, Father," Draco said, nearly quivering with excitement.

"Excellent. Let's go then." He held out his arm and Draco grasped it, slightly dismayed. He'd been hoping his father would explain what was going to happen, to calm his nerves a little, but maybe it was supposed to be a surprise. His father never talked about Death Eater meetings, they were probably secret.

They appeared in a damp place, with two masked and hooded men guarding the doors. Lucius showed them his mark, and muttered something to them with a gesture at Draco. They leered menacingly and let him pass.

Draco's father led him down a dark tunnel, past a gnarled house elf mopping up what looked like blood, and finally to an opening into a larger chamber. It was also guarded by two large men in masks and Death Eater cloaks. He left Draco there for a moment while he ducked inside, and Draco glanced nervously around the tunnel. There wasn't much to see and he hoped his father didn't take very long because there was water dripping down the walls and a colony of bats rustling down another corridor and the air was stale. It had been stale since they first arrived and Draco was starting to feel sick.

Lucius returned with a mask, which he handed to Draco with a pinched smile. "Don't put that on until you're told. Follow me."

Draco clutched the mask with white knuckled fingers as he silently followed. Lucius put his own mask on and seemed to take a deep breath before entering the larger chamber.

The room must have been silenced, because Draco could hear the screaming as soon as he was past the guards. Horrible screaming, like he had never imagined. The ranks of robed and masked figures shifted to let them through, and he saw one of them writhing on the floor, the screaming coming from behind the mask. There was a figure, a horrible figure, an inhuman figure, perched on what looked like a throne, watching the screaming with what looked like enjoyment. Finally it stopped, and the figure gasped for breath before crawling forward to kiss the hem of the robe of the creature on the throne. It whimpered something, but Draco couldn't make it out, only that it ended in "Master".

The figure crawled back among the others, leaving only Lucius and Draco in front of the creature on the throne. It smiled, and Draco fought a cringe. What was it?

"Ah, young Draco…. Come to join my little flock at last?" The creature asked in a horrible voice, getting up from the throne. There was a murmur of cruel laughter coming from behind him but when Draco tilted his head to look, there was just a solid wall of masks and robes on all sides. His father was nowhere to be found.

"Um…yes, Master," Draco stammered, feeling very, very alone.

"Hmm…very good…I see dear Lucius has taught you well…" The awful voice seemed to drag out the words as the creature circled Draco slowly, as if looking for any flaws.

"Yes, Master," Draco said, more confidently now.

"Excellent…excellent…. Now, are you ready to take my mark, young Draco? It will hurt, but what's a little pain compared to the changes that are ahead?" The creature that Draco realized must be the Dark Lord stopped in front of him. There was more laughter behind him, but Draco didn't dare look. He was ready, he was so ready, all the horrible things happening around him didn't matter, he was ready. But he had a question first.

"Yes, Master. But, could I ask you something first?" he said, trying very hard not to quiver.

The Dark Lord, who had turned as if to sit back down on his throne, whipped his head around to stare at Draco and hissed in surprise. The peanut gallery behind him gasped and murmured in horror.

"Someone told me that you weren't a pureblood, and of course it isn't true, but I looked it up and I couldn't find any pureblood family you could belong to. So, please, are you, Master?"

Dead silence. There was a horrible whimper from behind him. Draco thought it was his father. Then, "You dare. You DARE suggest…Crucio!"

Pain. If Draco could think, he'd think that he could understand how the Longbottoms were driven insane by this spell, he'd never understood before but he did now and he heard a horrible screaming and it was him this time and it just hurt so much.

It stopped, just for a second, and Draco gasped for breath. His chest felt curiously warm, like he felt when he had Harry wrapped up in his arms. The horrible voice was screaming, and the robed figures were leaving. Draco still hurt, all over, and it was horrible, but not as horrible as when the horrible voice screamed "Crucio!" again, nothing was as horrible as that, not even the other spells, the ones that made his bones crack and his skin bleed from huge gashes, not even his throat, which wasn't making any noise anymore, though Draco could swear he was still screaming.

Draco's vision was getting a little grey at the edges and it was a relief, but he could still feel the warmth in his chest and he thought he could hear Harry's voice and he smiled as the room went black and the pain went away.

HDHDHDHDHD

The first thing Draco noticed when he woke up was that the air wasn't stale anymore. The second thing he noticed was that he hurt. The third thing he noticed was that there was something warm against him and it smelled like Harry.

"Harry?" he rasped in disbelief.

Harry was up in a second, looking at him with wide eyes and carefully not touching him. Draco appreciated this because he really hurt. "Draco! You're ok!" His face was so full of relief and Draco really wanted to kiss him but he didn't want to move.

"Ow," he said, in an attempt to translate this.

"Ow? What hurts?" Harry said frantically, tumbling off the bed and digging through bottles of potions.

Draco turned his head to look at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Right, Cruciatus. Everything, then." Draco was handed a deliciously cool glass bottle and took him a moment before he realized that just holding it wasn't really helping. So he drank it and the deliciously cool liquid did help.

"What happened?" he asked, sighing as the pain slid away.

"You, um…well, I'm not sure exactly, but that danger spell activated, and it took me a while to get to you, because there were some pretty heavy protections on those caves, but I got through and you were lying there and Voldemort was cursing you and you really looked pretty bad. And then you smiled and closed your eyes and I thought you were dead. Um…I may have…lost my temper. But anyway, afterwards, I came over to check on you and you weren't dead! So I brought you back here as fast as I could. I didn't want to take you to Madam Pomfrey, but luckily Hermione's been teaching us a lot of first aid so I could fix all the bones and stuff. Draco, you were really messed up. I wasn't sure you were going to make it. You'll have a lot of scars, I'm sorry. But thank Merlin you're ok!" Harry bit his lip hard and appeared to be restraining himself.

"It's ok, it doesn't hurt anymore, you can touch me," Draco said, struggling into a sitting position.

Harry threw his arms around him and buried his head in Draco's chest, sniffling. Draco wrapped his own arms around Harry and smiled, the warmth back in his chest.

A moment later, something occurred to him. "What do you mean, you lost your temper? What did you do?"

Harry pulled back, biting his lip. Draco couldn't figure out the look on his face, was it fierce or guilty? "Um…well…Voldemort…won't be bothering us again."

"You killed him."

"Er…yes."

Draco sat back against the headboard of their bed, pulling Harry back into his arms. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking. Then he smiled slightly. "Thanks, I think."

Harry, nestled happily again Draco, said, "I know you believed in his cause. But…well…he's my mortal enemy. And I thought he'd killed you."

Draco sighed. "It…it wasn't the way I thought it would be. I don't really think there was a cause. Maybe you were right and he was just out for revenge. Anyway, I'm glad he's dead. I still think the mudbloods should be exterminated, but he wasn't the right person to do it."

"You really think that?" Harry asked, peering up at him.

"Yeah. The wizarding world should be left to the wizards."

Harry laughed, a big smile spreading across his face. "We'll have to discuss that later. But…we're ok? You're not mad?"

"I'm not mad. You saved my life! So…thanks, Harry," Draco said softly, cupping Harry's face in his hands and giving him a slow, sweet kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too."

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But sometimes love was enough.