Hey guys(: This summer has been so hectic, it's unbelievable. I figured I'd have nothing to do, but since I got my license... not so much, haha. I've been thinking about writing this for a long time, but wasn't able to find the right lyrics to fit it. I'm pretty sure I found them. This is Harder Than You Know by Escape The Fate. ( .com/watch?v=mBhccqEEWI0 ) There's the link to the song, if you want to check it out. Please Read&Reveiw. Thanks! -Christina.

You said this could only get better.
There's no rush, 'cause we have each other.
You said this would last forever,
But now I doubt if I was your only lover.
Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love's the same.
'Cause I'm not over you
Baby, don't talk to me.
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder then you know.
'Cause girl you're driving me so crazy

A light knock on the hard wooden door woke Meredith Grey up from the only sleep she had finally achieved. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Mom," The eighteen year old shut her eyes tightly and rolled away from her mother, hoping she'd understand the not-so-subtle hint.

"I called Doctor Wyatt-" Ellis started, but Meredith almost jumped out of bed at that sound of that name. "Meredith."

"No. I don't need a freaking shrink again, Mom. I'm fine. All I really want is to be left alone."

"Well, I don't want you alone right now, Meredith. What you've been going through these past two years… you don't need to be alone."

"Well, what I want is my boyfriend, but he's so distant right now, I don't even know what to do."

"Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. You're both hurting right now-"

Meredith scoffed. "I thought you were a general surgeon, not a psychiatrist."

"I'm a mother. I'm your mother."

"Really? That's funny because I've never noticed that before," Meredith sunk back under her covers and turned away. "I'm not going suicidal so, hey, let me fucking sleep."

"I'll be back in the morning." Ellis turned on her heel and was about to leave, but sighed. "I love you, Meredith."

She couldn't respond. Meredith didn't want her mother to know she was crying, so she didn't utter a single word back.

How can I miss you if you never would stay?
If you need time I guess I'll go away.
Inside me now there's only heartache and pain.
So where's the fire?
You've become the rain.
Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love's the same 'cause I'm not over you.
Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder then you know,
('cause girl your driving me so crazy)

"Knock, knock," Angela Shepherd walked into her only son's bedroom and took a seat on his computer chair. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better," Derek was tossing a basketball in the air, repeatedly. "You?"

"The same," She sighed. "You should be at that hospital right now, Derek. Your girlfriend needs you."

"Every time I walk into that building, someone I love, dies. First Dad, then Uncle Andrew, Cody, and now…" He threw the basketball at the wall, not caring what it was going to hit next.

"Honey-"

"No. Nothing is going to make this better."

"Meredith still needs you. And you need her. You two need to be going through this together." Angela rose to her feet. "Come on, I'll drive you to the hospital."

"I have plans." Derek quickly wiped his eyes before his Mom could see how much everything was effecting him. "I need to just get away and not think about everything."

"This isn't something you can run away from, Derek. "

"Running away would mean me never talking to my girlfriend again. That is not my intention. I just need... me-time right now."

"This is the last piece of advice I'm giving you. Go see Meredith, Derek. She needs you and you need her."

"I will see her. When I'm ready, I will see her."

And if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go..
Not loving you is harder then you know.
Yeah
So I'll make the call, and I'll leave today
I'm gonna miss you 'cause I love you baby
Yeah, I'll make the call I'm leaving today

"Doctor Jameson?" Angela Shepherd walked up to the OB/GYN that was on call when Meredith was rushed into the emergency room.

"Mrs. Shepherd, correct?" The young doctor closed the chart she was reading and looked at the older women.

"Yes. I was just wondering, if you have time, of course, if you could explain to me, again, what happened?"

"Of course. Why don't we go talk in a private area." Sarah Jameson led Angela to a conference room, then proceeded to close the door. "Meredith had a placental abruption. In plain English it means that the placenta detached from the uterus. As I'm sure you know the placenta is the only connection to the mother for blood and other necessities."

"And there was absolutely nothing you could do?"

"In some cases, the placenta doesn't completely detach and there is a chance of saving both the mother's and the baby's life, but in Meredith's case, there was too much damage and we had to save her life."

"I understand." She slowly nodded.

"Mrs. Shepherd, I can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family. If you or your son or anyone else wants to talk, we have grief counselors available here."

"I'm a little concerned for Derek, honestly. I think he doesn't want to accept that this happened."

"He's in denial. He just lost his daughter."

"I'm going to try to get him to talk to someone. He really needs it." Angela put her head in her hands.

Leaving always drives me crazy
Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go.
Not loving you is harder
Then you know,
Yeah
Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go
(I'm trying to let go)
Not loving you is harder
Then you know,
('cause girl your driving me so crazy)

"Just give me the fucking bottle," Derek finally snapped at his best friend who let out a sigh and passed him the bottle scotch.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No." Derek took a long sip of the alcohol in his hands and breathed a sigh of relief. It's a fix. Only a temporary fix, but something.

"Derek. Come on," Mark Sloan could see the hurt that Derek was going through. He's seen it before. When they were fourteen and Jonathan Shepherd was murdered in his own shop, Derek turned to alcohol. The same went for his uncle and their friend Cody. It was his vice. The thing Mark knew, though, was it would just be tonight, maybe tomorrow, then he would stop. "You know you need to be at that hospital."

"Visiting hours are over," He mumbled.

"Meredith's step-dad runs the place. I really don't think they're going to stop you from seeing your girlfriend at eight o'clock at night."

"I just need to think, Mark," With that, Derek took another long sip from the bottle in his hands.

And if you don't want me then I guess I'll hav'ta go!
(I guess I'll hav'ta go)
not loving you is harder then you know
(girl your driving me so crazy)
Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go. Not loving you is harder,
then you know, girl your driving me so crazy.