(KaoxHaru)

No Regrets

fanfic by lu.e3

Kaoru's POV

The sun is strong and warm on the skin of my bare arm. Streaming through the window, the patch of sunshine lying across the table is peaceful and reminds me of the sunny day when I said goodbye. I will always remember the way you told me to look after myself, to study well and to keep in contact; eyes looking straight into mine, hands resting lightly on my shoulders, voice quiet and earnest. The wind was strong that day and strands of your hair were blowing softly into your pink tinged face.

You would always say the practical things. You said it to everyone, with your solemn brown eyes, while the rest of us would drift away into those brown depthless pupils and wonder at what those swirls meant.

But you said something else to me that day. While we all hugged each other and said our teary but heartfelt goodbyes, I was the last to leave. I didn't mean to be the last one to leave. I cherished and lingered in our embrace, knowing that your heart would never feel the same tug in my heart. Unknowingly, I let you go and watched you fall away from me.

Haruhi, you really are an amazing person. I remember feeling my façade falter for the first time since the day I told you I loved Hikaru more. With that characteristic tilt of your head that I have always loved, you asked the unasked question.

Is something wrong, Kaoru?

Not even my twin brother was able to see through my smiles and my cheery appearance.

No, nothing is wrong.

I betrayed myself. And you saw it in my face. Then, so unlike you, you put your hands on my face and forced me to look straight at you. Your fingers were resting on my cheeks and I wanted to kiss them.

Nothing is wrong!!! What are you doing?

You had stepped back as if burnt. I remember wanting to push my hands deep in my pockets, to hide my eyes under my hair, to walk away and to leave it at that. But you didn't let me.

Kaoru. Goodbye. Spoken, soft as the wind. Even though we are graduating, I'll see you again. Thank you for everything. And I wish you the best for the future. No regrets, Kaoru. I wish you'll live life to the fullest, with no regrets.

The last time I saw your face; it was with a true smile. That natural rockie smile, meaning every ounce of kindness you meant.

To live life with no regrets? It is something that I have pondered on. And I have taken the message to heart. I want to be happy. I want to be able explore the fresh world so new to me, and to feel the warmth of the sunshine.

The door tinkles. You were never one for being late. I look up from my table and search for your eyes. The coffee shop is not too crowded on this Saturday morning. Through the morning sunshine, I see a tumble of brown hair and the glimmer of brown eyes.

"Kaoru?" Your voice has lost its child-like quality and is much deeper now. I realize that I'm standing up. You've grown taller, and your head almost tickles my chin. "Why have you arranged to meet me?"

I smile. Always the one for being blunt and direct. I don't mind. "To tell you the truth." I say honestly. My heart is pounding with the old fear. But I'm determined to not let it rule me this time. My arm is actually shaking as I offer to draw up a chair.

You tilt your head. "The truth?"

Suddenly, the years fall away. I sense the way you open yourself up and give me the chance to say what I have always wanted and needed to tell. I love you. I love you more than Hikaru. It is like the day we said goodbye, except this time I'm not going to back away. I'm going to tell the truth.

I smile slightly. "Would you like a coffee?"

"Would you?" you reply. "Yes, if it will make it easier."

My thoughts tumble into speech. "You told me to live life without regrets."

"I did."

"I have-"

"You have lots to tell me." I stare at the shy smile lighting up your face. Something hits me hard. I feel dizzy. I feel warmth flush through my body.

You knew.

All along.

You were just waiting for me.

A/N: when I caught up with the manga, and found that Kaoru opted out, I WAS SO UPSET! KaoxHaru was one of my favourite pairings. Finally, I decided to write this alternate ending! Love to know what you think of it,

lu.e3