Already Dead

If they tell you that she died of sleeping pills you must know that she died of a wasting grief, of a slow bleeding at the soul.
- Clifford Odets

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to me?

That's easy - I died.

Well, that's not technically true. I didn't all die; just the most important parts of me.

Just my heart and soul.

Just my happiness and smile.

Leaving me a fucking empty pain filled shell of darkness.

And I was sick of it.

I was sick of the pain and the hurt; of never feeling happy and living in constant darkness; of being unable to smile when I was with my friends; of not knowing where I was or what I was doing. I was sick of the fucking gaping holes that had been torn through my heart and soul, rendering it useless.

I wanted out.

"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never escape it alive anyway."Edward used to say this all the time. But, hey, don't get all excited, he didn't make it up; he copied it from a movie or book. Or from some man that kept his promises.

I thought about this saying while I was sat on the subway on my way home after my last day at work. I clutched my bag to my chest as if it was my life line. When, in fact, it was quite the opposite; it held a myriad of bottles from a handful of different pharmacies – you can only buy so many in each one you see and I needed more.

So I sat there on the subway, watching the lights of each station flash by, listening to the sound of the pills in my bag rattle and thinking of Edward. I hadn't let myself think of him in six months – it hurt too much. But why not indulge my delusions now – the pain couldn't last longer than my life.

Six months. That was how long I had been trying to live without Edward. No one can say I didn't try, because I did. I went out, I went to work, I ate and slept and talked. But I wasn't really there; I knew that straight away. When Edward walked away from me I felt a rather substantial part of myself run off with him. I knew then that I couldn't survive without him. I didn't want to.

Everyone knew that I wasn't the same; my friends and family. And it was for them that I tried. I went on the dates that they set up; I listened to their gossip and tried to hide my pain. But they knew; I could see it in their eyes. I was hurting them – and I didn't want to do that. My inability to cope hurt them; but I couldn't change that, I just couldn't put myself back together again. I stitched up the tears in my heart, but I knew they wouldn't hold; there were still gaping holes between the stitches.

I got off at my stop and walked the small distance to the penthouse flat that I used to share with Edward in a daze. I thought I saw him everywhere, on every street corner, smiling secretly and beckoning me towards me. I could smell him around me like I was back in his arms. And I revelled in it; enjoying the smell that haunted my dreams and still lingered in our flat.

"Honey, I'm home." I chuckled darkly to myself when I opened the apartment door and slipped into the dark room.

Esme, Edwards' mom decorated the flat, and everything in it reminded me of the family I once thought I belonged to. Edward showed me that I didn't.

I know this all makes me sound mad at Edward, but I'm not. He did what he had to do, and now

I will.

I left the lights off and walked through the open living room and into the kitchen, dropping my coat and bag along the way. I poured myself a glass of ice water and sat at the table pulling my bag onto my lap.

I pulled out the bottles of pills one at a time, lining them up in a straight line; height organised and labels all facing me. There was a total of thirteen bottles lined up in front of me; offering me salvation. I sipped my water as I looked at them.

After an indeterminable amount of time, just sat staring my fate in the eyes, I stood up and pushed the chair back. The scraping of the legs on the linoleum made me jump after the intense silence.

I walked back through the room picking up my bag and coat and hanging them in the closet. I washed the dishes from the morning and tidied the kitchen. I was going to make this as easy as I could for everyone else. Everyone I left behind. I would not leave a mess.

I stood back and looked around what was once our home and I felt my chest constrict. So many parts of Edward still lived here; his leather chairs, the stack of his business magazines on the coffee table, his favourite coffee mug hung on a hook over the coffee machine, his toothbrush standing next to mine, an almost empty tube of hair gel in the cupboard with my deodorant. Normally, I would not let myself look around at these things, but now – tonight – I didn't see a reason not to.

Edward was the only one who could ever soothe my pain, and tonight, my last night, I wanted him with me.

I pulled a chair over to the counter and stepped up onto it, feeling around in the cabinets above my head for something I knew Edward had left there. My fingers scrapped against the glass bottle and I stretched myself higher reaching for it.

I took a glass, the half full bottle and my line of pill bottles to the seat in the window. The place Edward used to sit and drink at night. I used to sit with him sometimes, in his lap. I'd watch his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed, breath in the alcohol soaked breath that escaped through his open lips as he sighed after swallowing. I'd lean down and press my lips to his, tasting the bitter taste of the Cuervo on his lips. Edward and tequila was a fucking divine taste.

I unscrewed each bottle and emptied the pills into a mountain of white, blue, red and grey. Flat circle pills mixed with plastic coated little tubes. I smiled at them, nodding at their promise.

I folded my legs up on the chair, my knees touching my chest and sank back into its soft leather. I turned my face to the side and sniffed, it still smelt strongly of Edward. I closed my eyes breathing him in deeply and feeling the stitches in my heart snapping, my arm automatically clutched to my chest, trying to hold me together. But it was no use; my heart and soul were already bleeding.

I pushed the glass onto the table next to the chair and unscrewed the lid. I held the bottle to my nose, the smell of the alcohol mixed with Edward and I felt my eyes stinging at the familiar smell.

I pressed my lips to the bottle and let my tongue slip out to run around the lip of the bottle, trying to taste Edward on it. He wasn't there. So I threw my head back and guzzled the drink; taking long slow drinks without breathing. I broke away with a gasp when I ran out of breath.

I didn't drink often, and when I did I didn't drink a lot. It was a common fact that I couldn't hold my liquor. My eyes drifted closed, I could already feel the effect of the alcohol on my body. When I opened my eyes I saw the reflection of Edward in the window; he was sat behind me on the chair, smirking at me. His fingers ran down my throat, following the burn of the tequila.

I leant back further into the leather chair and felt Edward's strong arms wrap around me. His nose replaced his fingers on my throat and I leant into his touch.

"I missed you." I turned my head and mumbled into his neck.

"I know baby, I know you did." I watched Edward's lips move. "But you don't need to anymore."

I sighed, breathing in his breath, my lips automatically opening and sucking in his taste.

"You can be with me every day soon baby." He whispered into my ear as I popped a bill into my mouth. I nodded eagerly and dry swallowed.

"I'll be with him again." I whispered and grabbed a claw full of pills and threw them into my mouth. I chewed them up; the powder drying my mouth and making me cough, the bitter taste screwing up my face. I gulped from the bottle again and swallowed the powder.

"More?" I looked up to Edward and he stroked my tear soaked hair back from my face.

"This is all you baby. Whatever you want to do. Don't do it for me." Edward whispered into my hair.

Whatever I want? Not for him? These were completely contradictory terms. Everything I wanted to do was for him. Without him I didn't want anything. I wanted this.

With tears in my eyes I swallowed another handful.

"You don't want me to do this for you? You don't want to be with me?" I was angry now. He was here with me; he should be helping me get rid of the pain, not adding to it.

"Bella." Edward ran his hands through his hair and frowned at me. "Don't put words in my mouth, you always do that. Did I say I didn't want to be with you?"

I scrapped the last pills into my mouth and swallowed them; my throat was sore now from dry swallowing so much.

"Yes!" I shouted at him. I downed the rest of the golden liquid and threw the bottle at his precious widescreen TV.

"Yes you fucking did!" I stood up from the chair and felt the world spin, "You left me Fuckward! You got up and left and you didn't come back! You left me for dead!" Edward stood up and wrapped his arms around me, he ran his fingers through my hair and cupped my cheeks, my voice softened at his ministrations, "You did this to me baby, you ripped me apart and left me with my soul bleeding." I whispered into his hands. "You killed me the day you left, all I'm doing is shattering this empty shell." I threw my arms open wide, wobbling in Edward's hands,

"There's nothing left in here!" I shouted and slammed my fists into my chest, "I'm not here! I haven't been here," I slammed my chest again, "for six fucking months Edward! Not since you left me!"

Edward shook his head, his green eyes burning with passion, "No, Bella. I didn't do this to you. I did not kill you. You are here!" He pulled my hands away from my chest and placed his palm over my heart. "You're here baby, I feel you."

"No," I shook my head, the movement making my brain hurt, "No I'm not. You killed me Edward. You killed my heart and soul. Without them, without you, I am dead." Hot tears scalded my eyes before they ran down my face.

I stumbled to the bathroom, gripping each surface and counter as I went. Edward trailed behind me. I gripped the counter over the sink until my knuckles turned white. My entire body seemed to be turning to jelly, painful jelly that wobbled in a pot of pins – spiking and stabbing me with every movement. My mouth hung open over the sink and my breaths came fast and shallow; rattling through my chest, burning through my throat and grating through my mouth. Every breath hurt. My entire body hurt. My eyes stung in the light over the sink. My brain felt heavy and fuzzy, my vision was clouded by a grey mist. I could feel myself sinking into the pain.

I didn't think it would be like this; my death. I thought it would be easy and painless. Full of Edward and peace.

I splashed cold water on my face; it felt as if someone had taken a razor blade to my face and cut my skin off, but the pain helped jolt me into awareness and aware from the pain. Edward's hand rested on the small of my back, rubbing small circles with his fingers. I stood up and looked into the mirror, directly into my own eyes.

They were red and bloodshot, my skin was pale and grey; my hair was a mess on top of my head. I was still wearing my shirt and skirt from work. Slowly with trembling fingers I began to unbutton my top, I managed the first two without help; then Edward's nimble fingers took over. I worked on the zipper of my skirt while Edward pushed the blouse over my shoulders. They hit the floor at the same time, leaving me in my bra and panties. I felt freer without them; calmer, more at peace.

I leant back on the counter and looked at the girl that was meant to be me.

"I want you to know that I understand." I looked down from my reflection to the marble sink top, "I understand why you don't want to be with me; I'm a mess. I wouldn't want to be with me either." I looked up at Edward briefly; his eyes were wide and full of tears, his chin wobbled under the thin layer of stubble. "You're off the hook Edward."

"Bella, no." I looked up at him again; the tears had overflowed from his eyes and down his face. "I don't want to be let off your hook."

"I forgive you Edward." I spoke to him in the mirror before I turned around to face the mirage. The tears in his eyes and on his face tore into me and I looked away. I looked at his hands, clawed into white knuckled fists.

"This is not your fault." I pushed off from the counter, Edward dissolved into mist as I walked through him.

"Don't leave me Bella. Don't do this." Edward's voice drifted to me and I stumbled and banged my way down the hall.

A flashing light caught my attention and I stumbled over to the phone. I pressed the button and listened as I was told I have a message. It sounded as if I was listening to the voice on the phone through muffling walls; but I knew it was Jacob.

"Bella! Where are ya Loca!? We missed you at lunch today, and now you aren't here with us! We're gunna start thinking you don't love us anymore!" Jacob laughed through the phone, and in my narcotic numbed state I laughed along with him. I heard Alice and Rose laugh with him and whirled around, seeing them in my room. I stumbled towards my girls, my arms out reached to them but they didn't see me. They were too busy dancing and laughing; their eyes full of light and life. Not dead and dull like mine. They were happy.

"...So look Bells; I don't know where you are and I'm starting to worry about you, and I promised Charlie I would look after ya, so I'm gunna swing by in a few – unless you call me and promise me you are ok in the next few minutes..."

I stumbled over to the phone's table and reached for it, but my limbs were heavy and didn't do what I wanted them to. The phone fell of the table and clattered to the hardwood floor; the answering machine shattering and cutting off Jacob's voice. I fell down with it and searched between the broken pieces for the phone.

With shaking fingers and a clouded mind I hit redial. I lifted the phone to my ear and the ringing vibrated through my head, shaking my already muddled brain. I felt my body slump sideways, and I didn't have the strength to stop myself. I held the phone to my ear as I lay on the floor.

"Bella! Loca! Where the fuck have ya been?" Jacob's voice was shockingly loud and it hurt my head. My ears felt as if they were bleeding.

"J... Jake?" I mumbled into the phone. I was having trouble making my lips work.

"Bella?"

"I'm here." My voice came out as a hoarse whisper.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Jacob's voice got louder and the pitch was higher as he started to realise something was wrong.

"I'm ok Jake... everything is going to be... ok...now." I stuttered with a smile. Everything would be ok, soon. "I won't hurt you anymore ... you can all live again when I've gone."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Where are you Bella?" I could hear Rosalie and Alice in the background now.

"Tell Alice and Rose that I love them. And I love you Jake..." I swallowed thickly, my mouth was so dry, but I couldn't move from my fallen position to get a drink. "You three are the best three friends I've ever had..."

"Bella, where the fuck are you?" Jacob shouted at me.

"My death will give you all life again." I managed to laugh dryly at my near death poetic language. And I was near death; I could feel it creeping up on me. I could see the Grim Reaper leaning in the corner, watching me with a cigarette hanging from his lips.

"Don't do anything stupid..."

"Goodbye." My voice cracked as I spoke and my throat was too sore for any sort of volume; as I hung up the phone I wasn't even sure Jacob heard me. I wouldn't cry about saying goodbye to my friends; I knew that in the end this was best for them. When they didn't have to look after me anymore they could finally live their own lives again. Alice could finally open the new store she had been too distracted to design, Rose could move on with her life with Emmett without the rain cloud of my pain dampening her boyfriend pleasure. And Jacob could finally ease up on himself; he could stop worrying and looking after me.

I swallowed thickly; my throat was heavy and thick, it felt like it was closing. From the corner of the room the Grim Reaper saluted me; letting me know he would be taking me soon. I turned my back on him and held the phone close to my face; my vision was clouded and mist swirled around encroaching in from the edges.

I dialled slowly; my fingers were shaking so badly that it took me four attempts to dial the correct number.

"What's up!" Edward greeted and I felt my lips pull up into a smile, "You've reached Edward Cullen, sorry I missed your call, I'm obviously busy! If you leave me a message I might call you back."

"Edward," I smiled around his name, "I don't want you to blame yourself for this... I don't blame you, for anything... this is all on me," tears ran down my face and my voice came out in stuttered quiet whispers. "I love you Edward... I will always love you." My voice croaked and I gasped for breath, it rattled through my chest and wheezed through my tight throat. I tasted blood in my mouth. I felt like I was being suffocated." Goodbye, my love."

The phone slipped through my fingers and hit the floor. My eyes flitted closed and I drifted into the darkness happily. There was no pain in the darkness. There was no anything.

I floated in the blackness, I was the only one here; there was nothing else. I could be happy here, knowing that everyone I loved would be happy soon. I could hear muffled sounds around me but I made no attempt to move towards them. I couldn't move; I couldn't even think about moving. I was nothing, I was only darkness; there was no me. I was just floating darkness. But I was happy here.

I let myself relax into the darkness. My mind loosened; it drifted away from me. I was losing myself. My thoughts became less and less frequent and much more random. I thought of the moment I first saw Edward; the time Rose and I got arrested for Indecent Exposure, riding my bike with Jake, shopping with Alice. Then I saw Edward leaving me, I saw myself in the mirror earlier today. I saw Edward smiling at me; hair wet from a shower, towel hanging low on his hips, cigarette hanging from his lips, smirking at me.

Then I saw nothing.

I was nothing.

It was over.

Peace.

"Bella!" Jacob screamed and slammed into Bella's apartment door again. "Bella, open the door!" He screamed and kicked the door.

"Jake, back up!" Rose screamed as she came running up the stairs and along the hall, "I got the key."

"Hurry!" I kept up a constant strand of 'pleases' and 'hurries' and general panic. My entire body was shaking, the effects of the alcohol completely disappeared in the adrenaline of the moment.

"I'm in!" Rose burst through the door but blocked it with her body. "Oh no."

Jacob pushed past her, sending Rose flying to the side. "Bella, you stupid girl what have you done!"

I stood outside Bella's door and watched Jake skid to a stop and fall to his knees besides her. I couldn't walk inside. Going in there would make it real.

Jacob shook Bella, he was screaming at her to wake up but she didn't move. Freezing tears fell down my face and my knees gave out. I fell to the floor in my best friend's doorway.

Everything turned blurry; it was all moving too fast. I watched Jacob take Bella's pulse and swear at her, he called her stupid and ignorant; when really he should be calling me that.

Bella was my best friend and I let her get to this stage; I knew she was in pain but I was too wrapped up in myself to notice how bad she was. This was my fault. I should have been with her, helping her put herself back together.

"Fuck." Jake spat and I looked up, "Rosalie call 911, she's not breathing, I can't find her pulse."

With shaking fingers I clicked my purse open and pulled my cell out. I scrolled through my contacts to a number I hadn't used in months.

"Alice."

"Edward," my voice sounded calm despite the panic rocking through my body, "You need to come to Bella's there's been an ... accident."

"I'm already on my way. I'll be two minutes." Edward sounded out of breath, I could hear his feet pounding on the pavement, "Alice, is she ok?"

"Hurry." I hung up my cell and let it slip through my fingers.

I pushed myself up onto my shaking legs and began the excruciatingly long walk towards Bella. My breath hitched in my throat and I saw nothing except Bella. My beautiful, funny, talented, lively, kind and loving best friend. The girl lying on the floor in her underwear was not my Bella. This girl was an impostor.

I sank down beside Bella and pulled her into my lap. I cradled her head in my arms and watched as my tears fell onto her face. My Bella. Gone.

The only sounds in the room were our irregular breaths and screams of pain. Rosalie and Jacob held each other on the floor on the other side of Bella's body; I couldn't see their faces but I could see their pain. I pulled Bella closer to me, holding her to my chest as I rocked us both; I smoothed the hair from her face, brushing it down her back. I wiped away the trickle of blood on her lips. And I kissed her forehead, wet with my tears.

"Bella," I sobbed, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you like I should have been. It shouldn't have been like this, I'm sorry you were hurting so much that you thought this was your only way out. I'm sorry I didn't help you. I hope you are happier now, B. I love you." I broke down in painful sobs that tore from my mouth and turned my vision red with pain.

"Bella!" Edward ran into the room, the rubber on his converse squeaking on the floor as he skidded to a stop. He paused for a moment taking the scene in.

"Bella, Bella , Bella ... no no no no no," He ran towards us and fell to the floor next to Bella. His hands paused over her body as if touching her would make it more real. His eyes were red and his face was wet with tears. I watched his fingers ghost over her wrist and neck, checking for a pulse that I knew wasn't there.

"She's gone, we didn't save her." I managed to slow my crying enough to mutter those few words.

The light left Edward's eyes when he finally gave up the search for her pulse; he tried to do CPR but it didn't help, she was gone. I saw the exact moment he broke.

Edward fell over Bella, pulling her entire body onto his lap and cradling her. "Bella, baby love. I'm sorry, this isn't what I wanted." I tried to turn away, to give him privacy, but I couldn't move; I was frozen with grief. "I love you Bella, I always have and I always will. I left you for you. I wasn't good for you baby," he kissed her cheeks and forehead; "I was holding you back. You wanted to move to New York and write but you stayed here with me. You couldn't follow your dreams with me..." Edwards' words were swallowed by a gut-wrenching sob and he collapsed over her. I watched his sobs shake both him and the body that once belonged to Bella.

"Get away from her." Rosalie spoke quietly, but we all heard her.

"Rose, please." My voice was hoarse from crying.

"No, Alice. This arsehole did this," she pointed to Bella, "He has no right to come running in here now declaring his love. You don't just leave someone you love."

"Rosalie is right." Edward straightened up but his arms stayed on Bella. "I do not deserve this. I'm sorry. I should go. Bella wouldn't want me here." He kissed Bella gently on the lips before placing her carefully on the ground.

"You still don't get it do you!" Rose rounded on Edward when he walked past her, "All Bella ever wanted was you here!"

"I was no good for her." Edward mumbled, his eyes looked vacant and his hands were fisted at his side.

"No. You are not." This time Jacob spoke up and I gasped in shock.

"Don't Alice," He held a hand up to me, "You have no idea what these past six months have been like." He turned on Edward, "Watching my oldest friend whither into a shell of her former self because some cockpit dumped her, and now you say it's for her own fucking good? Well I say fuck you!" Jacob pushed Edward making him stumble back against the wall. Edward looked to the ground, his tears puddling on the marble.

"You have no idea what it's like to hear your best friend tell you she loves you and goodbye, tell you what she's done. To hear her voice get weaker and weaker on the phone and to know that you won't get there in time to save her!" Jake collapsed on the floor and Rose sank down with him pulling him into her arms, "You have no idea what it's like to know you're going to have to tell your fathers' oldest friend, a man who was like an uncle to you, that his daughter died and you couldn't do anything to help."

"I'm sorry." Edward sobbed and I ached to go to him. I knew that this wasn't just his fault. I was to blame; we all were.

"You fucking should be. This is all your fucking fault!" Rose screamed.

Outside sirens blared.

"Get out of here." Jake spoke through his tears. Edward turned and left without looking up. I watched him go with a sinking feeling in my heart.

Something white, on the floor between the broken pieces of the answering machine caught my attention and I placed Bella's hand on the floor to go to it.

"Edward, wait." I took the steps two at a time, I could see Edward in front of me but he wouldn't stop.

"Edward," I pulled him around with my hand on his shoulder. His face was red and wet with tears; his eyes were crazy and wild.

"She's gone." Edward whispered and fell to the ground. "Bella's really gone!" he wrapped his arms around my waist gripping me to him, his face pushed into my stomach.

"Shh, Edward, shh." I looped my arms around his head, running my fingers through his hair.

"It's my fault," Edward sobbed into my stomach; I could feel his tears soaking through the thin material of my dress. "I should have told her the truth."

"It's not just your fault Edward, it's mine too. I should have known." I cried along with him.

"Edward, I should go back," We cried loudly, clinging to each other.

"I don't want to leave Bella on her own when they all come." We could now hear more sirens outside, people were running up the stairs.

"Ok," Edward nodded and pulled back. I held his hand, helping pull him to his unsteady feet.

"I found this." I gave him the letter. He took it with shaking fingers and stared with his eyes open widely at his name on the thick white envelope.

"You should go Edward, before they all get here. I need to go to Bella." Edward nodded and I walked past him, running back up the stairs to Bella.

Of course I wanted to know what was in that letter, and I could have kept it – at least for a while and read it. I could have learnt what Bella was thinking and feeling and I could know why she did this. But I wouldn't do that for Bella, I wasn't there for her on her last night, I didn't help with her pain; so I would do this. I would give Edward this letter. I would help Bella now.

"I won't leave you, Bella. I promise you." I sat next to her and held her hand.

My dearest Edward,

I am writing to you because you aren't here with me and I miss you. I have no one to talk to now you're gone; I am alone. I miss you every single second of my life, my love. You are the best thing I've ever found in my life. These past three years have been the best.

When you left me, you took me a part of me with you; you took my heart and my soul and I don't blame you for that. I would give them to you freely, if only you asked; I would have given them to you anyway. But when you tore them out of my chest, you left me bleeding.

I am an empty shell without you, Edward. But I would not take my heart and soul back, even if you offered them. They are yours, forever. They belong to you, like I thought you belonged to me.

But I now know that was not meant to be; I realize that you don't love me. And, truthfully, Edward; I understand. I always thought it was strange that someone as gorgeously breathtaking as you could want to be with someone like me. I am plain and ordinary, but you, my angel, are like a god. You take my breath away with your beauty, you dazzled me constantly, and there were always butterflies in my stomach when you were near.

And Edward, I want you to know that I still get those butterflies when I think of you, my heart skips a beat when I smell you, my breath catches when I see something that reminds me of you. And that happens all the time; you are everywhere to me Edward; you are my world. But now, those things come with tears and not happiness.

Because the truth is I have not been happy, I have not smiled, since you left me. There is nothing to smile about without you. I am an empty shell of myself; I hardly know who I am anymore, you wouldn't know me if you passed me on the street, but I would know you. I will always know you. I am not here; I am empty; I am a shadow of myself. And I know I cannot go on like this; I am causing my friends and family pain and I can't do that.

I am not writing this letter to make you feel bad, Edward, I am not putting the blame on you or trying to make you feel guilty. I am writing this to let you know; this was all me Edward. I decided to do this. It was my choice. I am too weak. I also want to tell you that I'm sorry and I truly do love you.

You always said I should go to New York and write; that that was my dream, but you were wrong Edward. You were my dream. I can die happy that I lived my dream. How many people can say that?

Would you do me a favour Edward? One last thing? I know I have no right to ask this of you, but you are the only person I can ask; will you talk to Alice, Jacob and Rosalie? Can you reassure them that there was nothing they could do, I was not happy; they were not happy. But, I know how I can be happy again.

Tell Alice to open her second shop, somewhere expensive with important clientele; I've left her money for this. Tell her to remember me in her designs; I'll be her muse.

Tell Jake to get his life sorted out, to tell Leah how he feels; life is too short to hide your feelings. Tell him to remember me on the beach at La Push; I'll always be there with him.

And tell Rose to marry Emmett; they're perfect for each other, tell her to have lots of babies... and a dog- I always wanted a dog. She will make a great mom. Tell her to remember me when she's feeling sad; I'll always be watching over her.

I am sorry for any pain this may cause you. More than anything I fear your pain.

I will not say goodbye, because I believe that one day I will see you again.

I love you, Edward. Please remember me.

Yours forever,

Bella.