Thin as Rice Paper

By Nix Winter

Disclaimer: I don't own WK

Notes: There is a poll at Please come vote for who Youji should be with!

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Youji

It was winter. Cold. Aya hadn't spoken to Youji in six months, not more than a mission or a flower arrangement required.

It was because of a single kiss at the beginning of summer. Youji had been drunk, smoke clinging to him like amorphous gray memories, ghosts that waited for his next breath to be drawn in. Youji thought of that one kiss often, of how Aya's fingers had touched his cheek. In that moment, that short little moment, Youji had remembered what it was to be alive again.

And then it had gone away.

When Aya-chan left for France, fall had turned into a dark time for Aya, then they'd lightened, and Aya's life went on. He returned to university. He became Ran again.

They spoke of the kiss. Once. Ran told him not to worry about it. Youji's spark of life that he'd been holding to so tightly, died.

Now it was winter. And cold.

"Do you want a brownie, Youji," Omi asked, setting the brownie down on the counter next to Youji, smiled brightly.

"Not right now, Omi, thanks," Youji said, continuing work on an arrangement of purple orchids.

Krittiker had moved on from them, for now. Left them to heal after the Temple went into the ocean.

"Are you sure? Do you want some coffee?"

Youji wasn't part of Ran's life. Ran was moving towards being someone, someone clean and decent again. Omi'd said that Ran was going to be an accountant. "Sure, Omi. If you want."

It would be coffee that didn't get drank, but whatever. A slender finger traced an orchid petal, a violet velvet reminder. Aya, no Ran, had the most beautiful eyes. Youji wasn't good enough for him. He knew he should just think differently, just move in a different direction, because he knew he was dying without Aya.

That's why he'd chosen the slowest death. Maybe he'd drink the coffee that Omi was bringing him. Maybe his stomach would just throw it back up. Probably not. His body was pretty good at surviving. It would just make it take longer. Some part of him wished that Aya would walk through the door. No, Ran, and well, Ran was off at University.

Omi set the coffee down, and smiled. It was a smile that made Youji take a step side ways. Why he hadn't seen the big whole in his plan before, he wasn't sure why he hadn't seen it before. They were going to notice if he starved himself to death. For a brief flash, he thought about doing something quicker, warm, light brown coffee in his hands, eyes on the snow. He thought about just going for a walk.

"Youji?"

He smiled at Omi, a pain in his chest as his resolve broke. "No. I'm not okay, but it's not the first time. You don't have to worry about me, Omi-kun. I wouldn't do anything to let you down."

"I wasn't worried about me, Youji-kun."