A/N: This story was written for The Houses Competition, Year 2, Round 9.

House: Gryffindor

Year: 2 (Year 3 standing in)

Category: Short

Prompts: 2. [Speech] "You were the one with noodles in your hair." and 8. [Prompt] Grey Eyes

Word count: 1995 words (written on Google docs)

Betas: Thank you to CK (Theoretical-Optimist) and Lilly (Lilly Caia) for beta'ing.

I hope I didn't fail miserably trying to capture a three-year-old's voice in this. Most of what I used came from my niece (currently) and my cousin (many years ago). I also know you might be wondering why on Earth I have Narcissa calling Teddy 'Edward', but given that she was so prim and proper, I'd imagine she might try to use his formal birth name out of habit. Don't ask me what I was thinking about with what he calls her :')

This story was mainly inspired by a Tweet someone once wrote that went something like, 'The loudest sound in the world is my three-year-old asking if I'm doing a number two in a public bathroom', and although I had to cut heaps of words for the competition (and thus the scene wasn't what I'd imagine it would be), I had a great chuckle at that. Maybe that's just me though haha. The rest, as mentioned, comes from my own experiences with toddlers and the stories I've heard friends and strangers alike tell of their time with the precious creatures. The story isn't my best, but I do hope it has given someone in the FanFiction universe a laugh :D (because you all deserve to smile!)

This is gifted to a beautiful friend, and words cannot express enough how lucky I am to have her. For Cel (CelestialRosegold) Xx

Twilfitt and Toddlers

"What time will you be home?"

"I'm not sure. I'm meeting my friends after work, so I might come back this afternoon to change."

Narcissa watched as Draco pulled on his travel cloak and fastened the buttons. She sighed as she remembered that, once upon a time, she was the one doing them up for him, his hands and fingers too little to manage such a task. Now, he didn't seem to need her for anything, and the older he grew, the more that fact became obvious.

"Are you sure you don't want to call in sick? We could go to Diagon Alley," she said, getting up and adjusting his tie so that it sat neatly underneath his collar.

"I'm fine, Mother," he said, rolling his eyes. "I can dress myself."

She took a step back and held up her hands. "Alright, alright, I'm just making sure."

Draco finished fixing up his cloak before turning to her, his grey eyes softening. "Look, I've already promised Nott and Zabini—er, Theodore and Blaise—that I'd meet them tonight, and I have a pile of parchment to get through. Why don't you go pick out a good book from Father's library, or pay Aunt Andromeda a visit?"

Narcissa sighed again. With Lucius… away and Draco always out, the manor seemed to feel even larger than usual, much like it had when Draco had first started at Hogwarts.

She plastered a smile on her face, though, and said, "I might just do that."

Draco pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Go and have some fun; you deserve it. Now, I've got to go."

Her smile faltered as she watched him walk to the fireplace and disappear in a swirl of bright green flames, and it took all her resolve to not follow him to Gringotts.

"Edward Remus Lupin, if you don't put some pants on this instant, I'll—Ooooh, come back here, child!"

Narcissa raised a thin eyebrow as a three-year-old with wild blue hair came waddling past her, waving about a toy wolf in his chubby hand. He was followed closely behind by a tall, red-faced witch holding a pair of trousers.

"Was Nymphadora ever this much trouble?" Narcissa asked.

The witch bent over to catch her breath. Brushing a few strands of greying hair from her face, she rolled her eyes. "And hello to you, too, Cissy."

Narcissa smiled and walked over to her sister. Giving her a peck on both cheeks, she then stepped back and looked around. The comfortable house was usually kept neat and tidy; as her eyes roamed over the room, however, it seemed that a child-sized potion had exploded inside. Mismatched socks and shoes hung over the back of chairs, drawings were scattered about the floor, and as she took a step forward to see what the dining room was like, biscuit crumbs crunched beneath her shoe.

She wrinkled her nose. "Really, Andy, I'm surprised. Surely you have a handle on young Edward?"

The boy ran past again, giggling. Andromeda leapt forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, trying to wrestle the trousers over his squirming legs.

"I'm a big boy now. I can do it myself!" he protested.

With a deep breath, Andromeda managed to pull them up over his waist, snapping the elastic in place. The boy wriggled away, his grey eyes once more focused on the toy in his hand.

"I'm not as young as I was, and boys can be quite a handful," Andromeda said, straightening up.

Unable to help herself, Narcissa snorted. "I managed to keep Draco under control and maintain a pristine household."

"We don't all have house-elves running around after us," Andromeda said. When Narcissa rolled her eyes, she added, "Since it's so easy raising a boy, why don't you spend the day with Teddy and show me how it's done?"

Edward was now sitting on the ground, attempting to see how many biscuits he could fit into his toy's mouth. He grinned up at her, his hair turning a pale blond that looked very much like Draco's did at the same age.

"I would love to," she said, holding her hand out to Edward. The boy slowly stumbled to his feet and took it. "We're going to have a fun day shopping, aren't we?"

"I'm hungry, Nanna Narcy! I want lunch."

Narcissa's smile was strained; she hadn't realised how fussy children could be, and shopping wasn't giving her as much joy as she had thought it would. She clutched onto Edward's hand, determined not to lose him in the crowd.

"Remember your manners, Edward," she gently chided.

The boy pouted. "I want lunch, please."

Narcissa smiled and squeezed his hand. "Good boy. I'll find us somewhere nice to eat after we try some outfits on in Twilfitt and Tattings. Do you need to go to the lavatory first?" When Edward tilted his head, she sighed. "Do you need the toilet?"

"Nope."

"Alright."

She led them through the winding cobbled street of Diagon Alley, secretly relieved that they didn't need to make a stop. A few people smiled when they saw Edward, and it lightened her step.

"Look, Edward, Eeylops have some peacocks out the front. Would you like to look?" she asked, stopping in front of the Emporium.

When she looked down at the boy, however, he was shaking his head. His hair had turned a sickly green colour, and his cheeks were flushed. He was bouncing from toe to toe, his knees pressed together at a funny angle.

Narcissa's heart rate quickened, and she knelt down in front of him. "What's wrong? Are you sick? Are you in pain?" she asked.

Edward screwed up his face. "Toilet," he whispered.

"Pardon?"

"Toilet. I have to go to the potty!" the boy said.

"But I just asked—oh, alright."

Narcissa stood back up and looked around. Seeing a sign pointing towards a public lavatory down a side alley, she took another deep breath and marched towards it.

She turned her nose up at the brick building. She had always avoided using the public bathrooms whenever she could; if she did need to powder her nose, it was only ever in the well-lit, beautifully scented lavatories of fine restaurants.

"Alright, Edward, be quick," she said, nudging the boy towards the male door.

The boy stared up at her with wide, grey eyes. "I'm supposed to go in with you."

Narcissa looked at the door, sneering as a rather large, sweaty-looking man came ambling out. His hands were dripping wet, and as he passed by them, he wiped them on the front of his robes.

"You'll be fine," she said.

The boy shook his head and, gripping onto her hand, dragged her towards the female toilets. He pushed open the door, and she had no choice but to give small, embarrassed nods at the other witches hovering around the sinks.

When they entered a stall, she locked the door behind them. "Well, do what you need to do."

Edward simply blinked at her.

"What?"

"Turn around. I can't tinkle if you look," he said.

Narcissa huffed and faced the door. When no sound came, however, she spun back around.

"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing that his trousers were still on.

"I'm empty," he said.

At this rate, she was sure she would have to visit Madame Primpernelle's Boutique to get some more wrinkle potions. "Are you sure you don't want to try?"

Edward shook his head and grinned. "I'm hungry."

"Well, I need to use the bathroom now."

She guided him over to the door and turned back to the toilet seat. It seemed clean enough, but just in case, she placed a few squares of toilet paper around the rim before squatting over it.

"No, Edward, don't open the door!"

No sooner had she sat down did Edward start playing with the lock.

"Oh, are you doing a poo instead?" he asked in what was possibly the loudest voice he had ever used.

Narcissa's heart stopped as she listened to the snorts of laughter coming from the sinks. Her cheeks burned as she finished up, grabbed Edward's hand, and washed her own hands in record speed.

"Can we look at the owls now?" Edward asked as they retreated back into Diagon Alley.

"We're getting lunch. You're hungry, remember?" she said through gritted teeth.

With relief, she saw a small restaurant and pulled Edward into it. She helped him into a chair, settled herself in, and picked up the menu. Most of the food didn't seem to require the use of silverware, but when she saw that there was a 'Whizzing Wizard's Wonders' children's option, she supposed it wasn't too bad.

Edward held his chubby hands out for the menu. "I can read," he said.

At that moment, she was reminded of Draco again, and a smile lit up her face. Draco had always insisted he read menus for himself, and just like Edward was now, his grey eyes would scan the text only to stop on the most interesting looking picture.

"I want this one," Edward said, pointing to a picture of some spaghetti.

"Are you sure you'll eat it?"

The boy nodded. Narcissa took her wand out and tapped the item, as well as some pasta for herself. The menu disappeared and their food soon appeared on the table.

Edward was more interested in the plastic toy dragon that came with his meal, and he began to slide it around in the pasta sauce.

"We do not play with our food," she said, unable to help but smile as he put the toy down and picked up a plastic fork.

Andromeda had appeared to have taught Edward how to eat like a proper young boy, and although the meal hadn't come with a knife, he used the fork rather than his fingers to pick up the noodles.

"Chew with your mouth closed, please."

Edward blinked up at her, his grey eyes slightly confused. The boy then picked up his toy again and started pushing it around the table.

"Eat up, we still have plenty of shopping to do. Now, I know your grandmother said not to spend—Oh!"

It was too late to cover herself from the splatter of pasta sauce as it made its way to her face. Edward had plonked his toy into his meal with a little more vigour than before, and as she cleared some of it from her eyes, she saw the boy grinning at her.

As she dusted the remaining particles of Floo powder off her, Narcissa found yet another piece of pasta stuck behind her ear. She couldn't wait for a long, hot soak in the tub.

"Oh, Draco, you're home."

Her son glanced at her for a second before fiddling with the cufflinks on his shirt. "I have to leave; Zabini has someone he wants to introduce me to."

"You're not wearing that are you? That tie doesn't match your shirt, and you really ought to pick another hat." Narcissa walked up to him, taking off his pointed black hat. "Honestly, I think you might need me to dress you still."

"Are you sure about that?" Draco rolled his eyes. "You were the one with noodles in your hair. I saw you pulling them out just now; is that a new fashion statement or something?"

Narcissa's hands flew to her hair, her cheeks burning as she realised there were probably more pieces of pasta hiding in it. When Draco put a hand on her shoulder and smiled down at her, however, she relaxed.

"I have to get going, but maybe we could go shopping this weekend?"

Perhaps her son didn't need her after all; he knew how to look after himself, and others.

She smiled at him and walked over to the settee. Sinking down into the plush cushions piled on top, she sighed and said, "That sounds lovely, dear, but I think I've had enough shopping for a year."