Rain
Summary: Strangely, the weather almost always matched her mood. And today it fit perfectly.
Pairing: Tony and Kate, although it's angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the song either.
A/N: The song is "Rain" with Patty Griffin. Please R&R!
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes the hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep,
with all this rain falling down
Kate felt awful as she stepped out of the apartment building. She knew she should have said something, explained herself. Tony had called her earlier today. It was Saturday so the call was unexpected. He'd sounded weird on his voice and tentatively asked her to come. Puzzled as hell, she'd agreed and showed up at his place less than fifteen minutes later. The look he'd given her scared her. He looked so sincere and...it wasn't the Tony she knew. Five minutes later she knew why he'd acted so weird. He'd talked for almost three minutes. Kate barely remembered what he'd said. Only the last line; I love you, Kate´ That wasn't what she'd expected. She'd heard that before. And then she'd been so stupid to believe it. So stupid and it had all ended with her, trying to repair a broken heart. The explanation sounded tacky in her head and she knew she couldn't say that to him. So now, she'd left his apartment. She'd muttered some excuse and then burst out the door. The thing was, she so badly had wanted to just smile and say; I love you too´ But she couldn't. That would mean open your heart, reveal yourself to someone. And Kate wasn't sure if she could do that again. Not after what happened last time.
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Ra-a-a-in
Kate pulled her coat tighter around her and walked down the street. It was pretty empty on the streets and the sound from her heels echoed between the buildings. She kept walking. The familiar smell of rain lingered in the air. It had rained earlier today. Strangely, the weather almost always matched her mood. Today it fit perfectly. She felt a few droplets on her face. It was starting to rain again. She didn't care. It just fit her mood. The sky was grey, just as gray as life seemed to be right now.
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Somethings you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now I don't want to beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Kate turned left and decided to walk another lap around the neighbourhood. She needed to think, to sort out everything. She hadn't really opened up to someone for almost eight years. She'd kept everything for herself. Everything that was to private and sacred to reveal. Things that she would only tell when she dared to let her walls down. Whenever that was going to be. One thing she knew for certain after this first lap around the neighbourhood; she loved him too. She was in love with Tony. But admitting that would mean – open up. And for that she needed to trust him. Kate decided that there was different kinds of trust. On one level, the work level, she trusted Tony with her life. Everyday, at work. But as fast as the clock struck 1700 they were on another level. The private level, that Kate liked to keep – exactly – private! She sighed. She didn't knew if she could ask that trust from Tony. She knew what he was like, what he did on the weekends. How many "love of his life" he had. And now, one of them was her. That was what bothered her the most. Was she just like the others? A small voice told her that no, this was different. From the way Tony'd sounded when he called. The way he looked when he opened his door. And if that was the case, it would mean committment, long-term. Lifetime, maybe? No, she couldn't ask for that. One thing Kate knew for certain, people changed. And they could change very fast.
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Ra-a-a-in
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Ra-a-a-in
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Ra-a-a-in
Kate once again passed his apartment door. One more round. Just one more. Now the rain fell freely from the clouds. She was soaked and so was her mind. What was she going to say? How would she explain the way she took off? Would he'd changed his mind because of the way she burst out his door? To her surprise a tear trickled down her cheek. Was it anger? Disappointment? Frustration? Confusion? There were so many options.
But when it came to her relationship with Tony, there were only two options. Two paths to choose between. She could go back and take a chance. Open up for the second time and this time, actually take a leap. Chance for once. But this was Tony. His friendship meant very much. But on the other hand, he'd admitted that he was in love with her. Things could never go back to the way they were. Not a chance. It would be just as tensed as it had been in his apartment a while ago. Kate passed the yellow brick building for the third time today. She'd walked half her round by now. It still rained, she was soaked. Her thin coat was slicked against her skin. And she had approximately a mile left to walk. That was almost seven minutes. Seven minutes before she had to make her decision. The rain mixed with her tears as she reluctantly continued to walk towards his building.
A/N: So, what did you think? Please tell me. What shall Kate do now? Should I continue this one? Please please review. You know how much I like your reviews:D
//Ida