A/N - So I always thought that Santana and Rachel could also be a couple and this is my attempt at Pezberry. Only I will admit that I just can't help myself and Faberry tends to appear regardless in my stories. So what I can say is you will get both Pezberry and Faberry and I will probably need your help in deciding endgame here. Enjoy!
The One That Got Away
or
The Five times Rachel Kissed a Girl and the one time the Girl kissed back
And in another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world
And in other life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
The second time Rachel kisses a girl was at the end of her first year at NYADA. And what surprised her, the most about that encounter was not the way she responded to the kiss (or how wet it got her) or what happened after (her third ever orgasm and first girlfriend).
What surprised Rachel the most was the first image to pop into her head was that of Santana in her cheerios outfit, leaning against the doorway of the choir room. That ever present smirk on her face and a chaser of an insult falling from her lips. It was jarring yet it suddenly all made sense in a weird 'oh my goddess' epiphany considering the first time she had kissed a girl, it had been Santana.
And even as she finally realizes what she truly wants, she knows that all she'll ever have are memories. And the only thing she does is to change her facebook status to taken and… gay. The taken part lasts about four months although the gay stays there for the longest time.
Four Years Ago
She's not uncomfortable as she used to be at these parties of Noah's. The first time she had come was sophomore year and that had been a complete disaster from the start and all she can remember was crying in the downstairs bathroom until Santana had barged in angrily, demanding she let people use the facilities and telling her she could easily cry in the garage and bother less people.
Then each subsequent party got more familiar and had less tears although the one constant was Santana's ever present insults. Her clothes or shoes or just her presence, nothing could sit right with the fiery Latina and all Rachel could do was to accept that their interaction would always be like that, quick strikes that hurt and cut.
This time, she seeks it out, not because she's used to it but mainly because she wants it over with so that she can at least enjoy her last few days in Lima before flying to New York and finally absofinalfuckinglutely begin her life. She knows she's a bit drunk when she curses in her head. So she walks through Noah's house, stopping every now and again to say hi to Tina or to make plans with Kurt as to what to do in their first week in New York.
She even finally spent more than thirty minutes talking to Quinn. Not the stilted half conversations they were prone to but a full blown one with plans to meet up since Yale was only an hour or so away from New York. She still felt so guilty but its buried deep within and she tries to focus on Quinn's hazel eyes and not the chair that she's still in or the fact that her hands keep fidgeting with a piece of paper. Her dreams of dancing at Nationals never really materializing but she was still as determined as ever to try.
So Rachel promises that she'll visit first chance she got and bends to hug Quinn because at last, they were friends like her and Mercedes or Tina or Sugar or even Brittany. It was something she had truly hoped for and even if it had taken an accident and not marrying Finn to achieve it, at least it was finally true.
Her only regret was never being able to bridge the gap with Santana. It wasn't as if she didn't try. Even Finn had managed to at least stop the volley of insults if only to accept that without them, he and Santana would barely say five words to each other.
"San…" She hears Brittany's voice up ahead and it stops her in her tracks. Out of all the couples in Glee, they were the only ones still together. Tina and Mike had broken up last week. She and Finn hadn't even lasted through Valentine's Day. Kurt had caught Blaine kissing Sebastian which at least led to their Glee Club banding together like nothing before.
Kicking Blaine out and supporting Kurt brought all of them together, giving them a solidarity that only came with time and circumstance. But it also left only two Glee couples and Mercedes and Sam held on longer than anyone of them could imagine. Only finally ending it not because of any third party or drifting apart. But only because they knew they were going to different colleges and maybe time apart would eventually bring them together.
With her and Finn, it wasn't for want of trying. They had tried so hard, giving up parts of themselves for each other. Only to finally realize that they were losing themselves, so Finn had actually done the one right thing by breaking up with her. Her initial shock soon replaced by a feeling that she was always going to be missing something.
"Please don't be mad." Brittany's voice drops and Rachel can picture her reaching out. "You know I love you right?" She's pleading now and Rachel holds her breath, wondering if this is really the end in more ways than one.
"Then why….why won't you just come with me." Santana's voice sounds so different from the razor sharp words spat out in her direction every now and then. She sounds broken, off, like she's lost.
"I love you so much."
Rachel feels like she's intruding now so she hurries back from where she came from, running into Noah.
"Hey. What's the hurry?" He's slightly buzzed and she can see him staring at her breast as opposed to her face.
"Nothing." She bites her lower lip as she glances back to see Brittany reaching out but Santana slapping her hands away with such force that she can hear the retort of the contact.
"Cool. Just have fun Rach, ok?" He touches her cheek and she remembers how sweet he can be, "And maybe later we can make out in my bedroom since you're not with Finn anymore." And then she's reminded that he tends to not always think with the head on his shoulders.
She rolls her eyes at his raucous laughter and turns to wander around trying her best to navigate away from Brittany or Santana only it seems that Noah's house is not as big as she thought it was as she passes a bedroom only to hear that familiar voice.
"Please B, don't…don't leave me." Santana's crying now, sobs swallowed because she's trying to get all her words out. "I thought… we had plans…" Her voice has that harsh quality like she's hurting and it's the only way it can leak out.
"We can still be together, just not you know…in the same city."
"That's not being together, B." Her voice drops. "I thought we would be together always…I love you."
"I love you too. It's just that…it's a full ride and I get to dance." Brittany's crying too, her muffled voice most probably because she's hugging Santana, her face buried in the crook of the Latina's neck. "We can still be…"
"What? A long distance couple? NYU is a long way away from UCLA." She sounds shell shocked like the news was slowly seeping into her, squeezing any ounce of hope and happiness out of her.
"Yes but."
"No." It's the way she expels the word, like she's trying to keep herself together and not just break open only that word opens a floodgate and what comes out are the sound of cries so heartbreaking that Rachel feels an ache in her chest.
"Let's go home, we can..."
"No." This time Santana shouts. "We're done."
It happens so fast that all Rachel has time for is to brace herself as the door slams open and Santana barrels into her, Her hands reaching out to steady herself but more to offer some form of comfort because the look on Santana's face is pure agony.
"Just get the fuck away." The snarl accompanying the words is feral but Rachel does not let go. Instead, her fingers curl around Santana's wrists even as she feels the girl push at her. "Get off." her voice hoarse and shattered.
"No." Rachel's tone soft even as she firmly holds onto Santana, "Please, let me..." But she does not have the time to finish as Santana pulls her hands free, her shoulders down as she rams into Rachel, sending the smaller girl into the wall before she falls to the ground.
Still Rachel tries to reach out but Santana rushes past and the sound of Noah's front door slamming sounds more final than anything else she's heard tonight.
"Rachel?" She looks up to see Brittany standing there, her eyes red and puffy as her hand reaches out to help Rachel to her feet.
"Hey Britt. Are you…are you ok?" She sees Brittany shake her head.
"Did you hear any of it?" What Brittany lacked in book smarts, she more than made up for in intuition.
Rachel nods even as she averts her eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean…I.."
"It's ok. Maybe you can…You're going to NYADA right? Maybe you can see her when you're there. Make sure she's alright." Brittany looks at her so earnestly only she can't help but shake her head.
"We're not friends Britt. I mean I really wish we were… but you and Santana. We've been teammates and I've always wished…but we're not friends and now it's too late."
"Why?"
Maybe she has overestimated Brittany's level of insight. "Because in a few days, we'll all be going our separate ways and it's too late for that. So no."
"You sound like Santana." The tears that accompany that statement makes Rachel feel like she's responsible for the blonde's sadness only she knows that its actually all on Santana and all she can do is maybe try because that was what she had wanted all along.
Do you know which dorm she's staying at?" Brittany just stares at her before swiping at her eyes and finally pulling Rachel into a hug so tight that Rachel feels like she's completely safe and encircled.
"It's the farthest from Campus.." she sees Brittany give her a half smile like she's reminiscing before the state of her situation hits her and her face falls. "…because it's the only one with a dance studio around the corner…for me. Will you promise to go and see her?"
She takes her promises seriously, never making them lightly and always keeping them regardless of how long it took. Rachel had a long list of them, some already fulfilled while others she knows will take time, like actually finally calling Santana a friend.
'Ok"
And because it felt like a huge weight on her, she didn't wait until New York, actually going over to Santana's the day before she was to fly to New York.
#$#$#$#$#$
"Can we talk?" Her tone is unsure and she's actually thrown by the fact that Santana hasn't as yet insulted her or slammed the door in her face. Rachel can see that she's preparing herself though as her hand tightens around the handle of the door. "Please."
"What do you want?" Santana feels like she's barely hanging on although she knows that it's only until the end of the week and then maybe when she leaves, she'll also leave her heartache behind.
Its wishful thinking more than anything else but she really doesn't have a choice. It was either hope for the best or accept that she'll always feel this empty. She's surprised to see Rachel on her doorstep and even more surprised to see the girl's hand reach out.
For a second, she thinks Rachel wants to make contact like she did yesterday. The distinct memory of Rachel's hands encircling her wrists, that point of contact the only thing that really kept her from collapsing to the ground and just giving up. That one touch allowing her to collect herself and at least leave Noah's house without embarrassing herself further.
Only now, Rachel's hand does not make contact but hovers in front of her, a piece of paper held between tapered fingers. Instinctively Santana reaches out to take it. Rachel's handwriting was so much like her, rounded letters threatening to spill off the page with stars that dot the i's. Emotion poured onto paper.
"It's my dorm address. And walking directions from the nearest subway station….Daddy found a vegan restaurant about eight blocks down although there are numerous coffee shops in the area. I'm not really sure if they use free trade coffee beans although if the Lima Bean here does then don't you think the coffee shops in New York would too?"
The words come out in a rush like she needs to fill the silence that she knows is distancing her from Santana. And when she makes eye contact, she can see Santana's expression morph from surprise to disdain in about five seconds flat. Still, she does not give up as her eyes go back to now focusing on the paper in Santana's hands. Those tapered fingers grasping the flimsy cut out paper.
Suddenly, she's hit by a mental picture of those fingers trailing up her arm and actually shakes her head which unsurprisingly perplexes Santana enough to spur her into finally reacting as she arches her eyebrow (giving her a more devilish look compared to when Quinn would do that.)
And that one look suddenly speaks volumes to Rachel as she takes the implied dare and steps forward. Her momentum driven by an unsaid need as her hands grip soft cotton and pulls forward.
The kiss is wrong, the trajectory too fast and contact too hard. But then Santana takes over, her knee pushing between Rachel's legs as her nails dig into pliable flesh. Her head tilting and her tongue pushing through.
And Rachel finally understands the concept and execution of taking one's breath away. Sharing the same space with the Latina and feeling that tongue caressing, her breath stolen by proximity and arousal.
But as quickly as it occurs does it stop just as abruptly when Santana pushes her away, causing her to stumble backwards as she falls, scraping her palms on the floor as she sees Santana shut the door with so much force that she feels the air it displaces, push against her sprawled bare legs.
She scrambles to her feet and does not look back figuratively and physically, leaving for New York on the first flight out of Columbus the next morning.
End Part 1