Match Maker

WARNING! :)

I tend to have long up-date gaps depending if I'm working but I'll try to update as soon as I possibly can!

Contains Gay pairings, OCC and other things such as language and there will be other things later etc...U have been warned

Do not own Harry Potter

Summary: Match Maker match maker find me a match...Ron is being set up in many blind dates and has no choice, but to go unless he is to fail...Potions...What the F%#! And who the hell is playing Match Maker? Read and find out Bawwwhhhhaaaa p.s This is an AU were no one is dead except Voldemort.

Pairings: HarryXDraco, HermioneXVictor, RonXSeverus, LupinXSirius

Hello this is my first Harry Potter story so please be nice, thank you (:

Chapter One: Little Men

Friday evening

He had been alone like every other holiday, grading papers and creating new test for his students to take. He hadn't even eaten dinner yet as he eyed it from across the room, a spell keeping the food warm. It had taken him five hours to finish and was entirely tired as he no longer felt the need to eat but just sleep.

He stepped into his bedroom and looked around only a few of his personal things were here, he left his mind wonder to his home and remembered that he need to go shopping. He took off his robes exposing a lean abdomen the the fire from the chiminy liked his back, as he pulled back the covers.

He let his eyes close relaxing before he fell asleep, but little that he know, that little men were to give him a rude awakening

A loud bagging on the door echoed into the entire vicinity of his private quarters, he turned to the clock it was five forty-two in the fucking morning, but he knew better knowing that there might be a pressing matter at hand so he pulled on his robes as quickly as possible and ran to the front door, opening it to reveal a gasping group of mindless twits who looked at him with sheepish grins, and knowing these bunch of god for sake morons he shut the door turning around to go back to the warmth of his bed.

While unfoundedly for him the door seemed to roar back to life with the pounding of the group behind it, "Severus Please! We need your help, it is a real emergency we swear it this time!"

'Just turn around don't listen to them, just walk calmly back to you room and they will go away...' he had truly tired to ignore the yells for help, but his loyalty to his...friends? 'Yes, his loyalty to friends was too great even if they were a bunch of fucking sons of bit-," What!"

The five men stood for a moment amazed every time that Severus had opened the door, because after all the shit that they had put him through they never expected the man to open the door ever again, but he did, "Well?," Severus walked into his living room sitting down in one of the arm chairs as the group settled down taking a few breaths as they began to speak at once. Severus unable to fallow any of the stories just held up his hand to quiet them and they understood, "I swear you are all like a bunch of my worst student, hmmm no wonder I have such trouble with all you children.

"Hey that not fair to say me and Sirius we don't have any pups!" Severus looked over to Lupin and Sirius, "Yes, that is true, but I have no doubt that once you do have pups I will have a very difficult time controlling them in class like I do now with Draco, Harry, Ron, Jenny and let's not forget your other children before that hmm Authur." James, Lucius, Sisius and Lupin looked to Author, "Yeah umm about that you see that why we're here actually."

Severus narrowed his eyes at the men, "What has your O so glories son done this time James?"

"Hey! Why do you always assume it is Harry who has done something!" Severus just shot him a 'really you're going to ask such a stupid question look.' "Ok so he gets in trouble, but's it not like my kid is the only one-"

"Yes that is true, but if we go back down memory lane who was the one that got us detention for a two months for dying the headmasters hair a flamingo pink, or getting to use the pologiespotion to turn into girls and sneak into the girls showers without knowing how fucking long it lasted till it wore off thus lading us back in detention for another two months Oh and lets' not forget the library affair. I still have Ms. Lucille (The head librarian) glaring at me for that!

The men took a moment to remember the library affair, "Such a wonderful time was it not." Lucius leaned back into the sofa, "It was a time that shall never be forgotten."

Severus, for just a moment, let a smirk play on his lips, but this was no time to remember such things, "Why is it that you are all here?" In that second they all remembered why it that they were there, "You know that Draco and Harry are together and that Hermione is with Victor Krum right?" He nodded not understanding what this had to do with anything, "Well you see were kind off worried that Ron is never going to meet anyone that he likes, so we were wondering if you could possibly you know..."

He stayed perfectly still, "No I don't know so if you would stop being so dame fucking vague so that you could get to the fucking point so that I many fucking sleep for at least a while longer before I have to start my day that will be great."

"Whoa chill Sev. we just don't know how to go about this because well uhmmm," they guys turned a light shade of pink, "Look just say what it is that you need to-"

"We need your help in finding information on what Ron likes in a bird or bloke..."

"..."

"Get out."

"Just hear us ou-"

"What makes you think that I would know what the hell you son would like isn't that your department!"

"We don't it's just that we think you could help us, please Severus..."

He looked to Arthur and closed his eye while he pinched the bridge of his nose, "And how am I to obtain this information for you hmm?"

"Your really going to he-," Sverus raised his hand, "right um well...we don't know, but maybe if you could give us a list of the students that he might like or have an interest in. The other kids have already given us some of the thing that he likes so that a start." Lucius unfolded a piece of parchment and handed over to Severus.

Ron

has a sweet tooth (Jenny)

plays quidige (Bill)

likes to sleep in boxers when it's hot (Neville)

uses a lilac shampoo (Fred and George)

flys when he needs to clear his head (Harry)

Is actually very intelligent but pretends to be an idiot so that people don't bother him with homework -(Hermione)

Is very sneak when he wants to be (Percy)

Likes to have in depth conversations about random things such as pudding (Victor)

Is good at drawing (Charlie)

Helps in the kitchen and is a very good cook (Molly)

"This doesn't tell me at all in what he is looking for in a person; it just tells me things about him." The guys looked to each other, "Uhhh I swear how did any of you every find anybody to like you much less let you touch them."

"Sooo...", Severus bowed his head in defeat

"Well first we have to wait till the brake is over, then Lupin and Sirius have him for a class so they can watch him and I will do the same then within a week times we will meet again and compare notes, while I will also try to make a list of students that he might have an interested in. Lucius, James ask is Draco and the other could try and find what else he is interest in. For example what does he prefer a brunet, blond ect. Then when we have enough information we will narrow the list and then you guys will set him up in a date."

Lupin raised an eyebrow, "But what if he refuses to go on the date?"

He sighed, "Then he will fail my class, because there is no fucking way that I'm spending all this time and energy on some brat who would refuse to on a simple fucking date, so when the time comes that he doesn't want to date or is refusing to go on anymore then you use that information."

James was the next to ask a question, "Is there no way out for him?"

"Only when he has found someone that he likes or he has gone thought the entire list of people, but don't worry I'll try to keep the list of people short and besides they have to agree to date him first if not then it won't work."

"So will it be a long list then?"

"I don't know, because since he is a quidditch player, is friend with Harry and is a hero in their eye, oh and is a pure blood ,which people would date him for only one of these quality's alone, so the is a possibility that is might be long."

They all stared at him in awe, as Lucius leaned forward "Oh my god you really are a master mind."

The others stood up and moved around his living room, looking under the sofa, the bookshelf and so forth, "What the hell are all you looking for?" Severus glared at the as they came back, "We promise we won't say anything and deny it Severus, but come on where are they?" He looked to James, the true mastermind behind this whole sheared, "Where are who?"

"You know the little men you keep hidden away so that when you get lonely you-," a pink tint colored Severus face as he began to growled, "O getting in the mood are we." Sirius whistled, "Come on guys we should leave him alone," Arthur stood up, "Thank you Arthur." Severus looked to the others as they stood up as well walking over to where Arthur held the door open, "Yeah your right Arthur we should go Severus need s to rest he does work hard after all."

"What? I just thought he would like to be alone, because he has a date with that magazine over there and his hand, " The red headed man smiled wildly as the others bolted for the door slamming, running as far away as they could before they knew that they would be hunted down by their good old friend Severus Snape.

So was it any good? Please review, Oh and I'll have some chapters dedicated just to the flamingo hair, girls locker room and the library affair, but not till later (:

Also I try to make the next chapters long and remember this was like an intoduction as to how this get started and reviws help - with love Tanuki-Rio