Okay, So this is my first fanfic, so I would LOVE feedback, constructive criticism, ect. I would also like to know if my German is off, my story is more-or-less historically incorrect, or anything else that might have gone wrong. I switch between Human names and countries for the sake of inconsistency. Special thanks to Houdeanie, who was my ruthless editor. I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia or any characters, I do, however, own this, so ummm.....there's your copyright. Enjoy!
With a stifled yawn, Ludwig removed yet another sheet of paperwork from the now overworked typewriter and added it to the stack of finished papers. The mound of papers had grown satisfyingly larger since earlier that day. This was a small comfort though, for what lay on each one was nothing short of depressing. The German economy was plummeting in one pile, and the WWI casualties were looming in another. How uplifting. Ludwig craned his neck 90 degrees to the left to stare at the lovely Bavarian cuckoo clock on the wall.
"Scheiße, 2:30?" He mumbled under his breath.
Suddenly that damn clock wasn't so cute anymore. With a great heave up out of the chair, which seemed to have melded to his butt somehow, he dragged himself to his bedroom before he was able to catch a glimpse of his unfinished work. He silently closed the door to his office and slowly made his way down the dark and lonely hall.
After 5 minutes of obsessive dental hygiene, and 3 minutes of changing and relieving himself, Ludwig slid into the sheets of the large wooden bed and released the tension in every muscle in his body. That is, until he turned to see that a drooling Prussian was snoring softly in his face. Ludwig massaged his temples, counted to ten and calmly, yet with a touch of I'm-Really-Fracking-Tired-So-Get-Out in his voice, he whispered, "Gilbert…Gilbert…hey, Gilbert…"
No Response. He decided to press his luck and poke him. Gilbert shot upright in the bed.
"YOU CAN'T STOP THE AWESOME!" he screamed, and plunked back onto the drool-covered pillow, continuing his presumably interesting dream.
At this point, Ludwig was about to pop a vein, so he simply lifted the other man over his shoulder, walked up the old stairs, slammed open the door to Gilbert's room and threw him onto his own bed. Ludwig then trudged back to his room, stumbling over a rug or two on his way. He had now wasted 32 minutes that could be spent sleeping…not that anyone was counting or anything. Too tired to care about the wrinkled sheets that Gilbert left on the other side of the bed, Ludwig simply dragged his pathetic carapace into bed, yanked the covers over his head, and was out cold.
KABOOM! "Gah!" thunk!
Ludwig removed himself from the cold floor of his bedroom and went to give the source of the rude awakening a piece of his mind. When the door opened, billows of smoke filed into the room. A terrible thought crossed his mind. 'An attacker!' he thought, alarmed. That would've explained the noise and… He grabbed the revolver on the mantelpiece (no, those things were NOT just for show) and ran down the hall. The intruder would soon be acquainted with his lead bullets. The smoke grew thicker as he advanced. He tightened his grip on the revolver as he laid his body flat against the wall adjacent to the large entry room. He leapt into the center of the doorway, gun loaded.
"ALRIGHT! NOBODY MOVE!" he bellowed.
"GAHHH DON'T SHOOT! I'M SORRY! IT WASN'T ME, I SWEAR! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! WAAAAAHH!" a disembodied, yet disturbingly familiar voice wailed. The smoke started to clear, and a sobbing Italian was rolling on the floor in anguish.
"I'MSORRYI'MSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRYIMSO-oh! It's just you, Germany! Thank god, I thought someone was attacking your house or followed me here or something cuz I promise I didn't bring anyone with me! "
"What…are…you…doing…here…Italy?" Ludwig said, each word between bated breaths. The troublesome person was the LAST face he wanted to see right now. Italy's facial expression quickly changed and he bounced off the ground to face the much taller man.
"Well, I came here to see you!" he chimed with a cute smile. Ludwig could feel the color starting to rush to his face and quickly turned away.
"Err…c'mon, we should look for the culprit, or at least get out of this damn smoke."
"Veh~?"
"We still could be in danger, stupid!"
"AAAH! I DUN WANNA DIE!"
"Shhh! Shut up!"
Feliciano then pulled a white flag out from seemingly nowhere and frantically waved it from side to side. Ludwig yanked the flag out of his surprisingly strong grip and snapped it in two. Unfortunately for him, Feliciano had another one ready to go.
"Where the hell do you keep those things?" Ludwig whispered loudly.
"Oh, just down my-"
"Never mind, I don't want to know where it g- WOULD YOU PUT THAT THING DOWN!?"
Feliciano quickly dropped the flag in fear of pushing Ludwig farther off the cliff of patience. Ludwig kicked the flags to the side. He then crept down the corridor, still gripping the revolver.
"Eh-? Wait! Don't leave me, Germany! I'm scared. Please?" Feliciano whimpered, on the verge of tears.
"Ah, um...just be quiet and get over here, would you?" Ludwig said slightly softer. Dammit, why wasn't he good with that crying thing? It's just like leaking eyes, right? Feliciano ran over and clung to the edge of Ludwig's pajamas. He rolled his eyes and continued to creep down the hall. The smoke was starting to subside and sink to the ground when another loud bang went off.
KABOOM! The noise of another explosion filled the old house.
"They just won't quit will they?" Ludwig growled.
"Gah! Germany, HOLD ME!"
Feliciano leaped into Ludwig's arms, catching the large German off-guard. Who, inevitably, loosened his grip in surprise. The whimpering man fell through and landed rump-first on the hardwood floor.
"Ouch!"
"I ah- apologize, but you scared me."
"Just protect me, please!"
Ludwig sighed. "You really need to fend for yourself one of these days…."
Returning to the problem at hand, Ludwig shoved the other man behind him and tried to trace the source of the blast. When he located the most plausible area, he laid flat on his belly and started to crawl military style toward the other side of the house, while Feliciano was walking next to him.
"You look funny when you drag your body across the floor, Germany."
"Idiot! Get down, NOW! We may still have the element of surprise, and the last thing I need is for you to ruin it!"
"Veh…okay"
Italy joined him on the floor and struggled to keep up. It was harder than it looked, and even though Italy was quite small, he felt like deadweight across the floor.
"Germany…slow down," Feliciano panted.
"Do you do ANYTHING during training?"
Italy giggled nervously in response.
"This is serious business! Now move out!"
"Yes sir!"
The short exchange had no affect whatsoever on Feliciano, except that he had gained a determined look on his face.
'Heh. This intruder must not be very experienced.' Germany thought to himself 'He could've destroyed the entire place by now if he knew what he was doing.' He grimaced and looked back at Italy as he crawled along. 'Wait, that's really bad. This guy here is holding me back constantly. It's his damn fault I get into trouble!'
The smoke was so thick; Ludwig's sharp, blue eyes were tearing up. But the smoke smelled…sort of good.
"Italy, shield your eyes!" He hissed.
The smaller man quickly complied, whist panicking rapidly behind a corner. For the second time today, Germany jumped in the archway of a large room with a fully loaded gun.
"NIEMAND BEWEGEN!" he commanded.
"Tölpel!" An aloof and disembodied voice exclaimed.
"Oi! Found the window!" said another, more demanding voice.
"Well, don't just stand there, get some air in here,"
Ludwig paused. Clearly, this wasn't an eminent threat. But who-
"I'm going! I'm going! You can't rush awesome, you know!"
Oh. Gilbert. Germany lowered the gun and stepped into the room. As the smoke cleared, he could make out his kitchen, singed and covered in soot.
"I'm not rushing awesome, I'm rushing you," said the other voice.
"What on EARTH happened to my kitchen?! This is filthy!" Germany insisted loudly, his hands twitching.
A bespectacled brunette man stepped out of the smoke.
"Ludwig, you're joining us for breakfast? Very well, sit down." He turned his head to the doorway. "Feliciano, I'm sure you're hungry also."
The cowering Italian came out of his hiding place around the corner and reluctantly entered the room, griping a white flag tightly.
"WOULD YOU STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING FLAGS!?" Ludwig snapped to Feliciano, who was on the verge of tears. He quickly dropped the flag and started bawling.
"Hey…ah…it's okay, it's just Prussia and Austria." Germany said quickly. That damn crying! Why did it get to him so much?!
"JUST Prussia and Austria? Just awesome, is what you mean!" the albino man proclaimed. He poked the Austrian next to him repeatedly. "Right, Specs? Hey, right? Hey, Specs. We're awesome, huh? Well, actually, I'm awesome, to be exact."
"Please leave me out of this, you fool." Austria growled, trying to keep his cool. It was clear, however, that he was at his wits end.
A childish pout spread over Prussia's face. "Pssh! I gave you the most awesomest offer ever. You should be kissing my feet." He huffed and crossed his arms.
Roderich groaned and rolled his eyes, ignoring the ridiculous demands of the Prussian. He brushed pass him coolly, however, Prussia would have the last laugh. He always did, since he was so awesome. He waved Austria's glasses in front of him as the other man blindly stumbled across the room, running into a wall.
"How the hell did you…?"
"Awesome powers, of course."
"There are other words in the German language, you know. Why don't you go out on a limb and widen your limited vocabulary? Now give those back, you simpleton."
"Nope."
At this point, Germany and Italy were staring at the scene in equal parts awkwardness and fascination. In spite of this, Germany felt the need to intervene. He and Austria didn't always see eye-to-eye, but his brother was being…well….himself, and that always called for some form of scolding. He stepped forward and cleared his throat as a warning. Gilbert continued to torment Austria, waving his glasses in front of his face and- was he doing...a victory dance? 'How fitting' Germany contemplated. Meanwhile, a frustrated Roderich madly grasped the air blindly in random places, while yelling colorful strings of rapid German.
"Genug!" roared Germany.
A deathly silence filled the room as everyone realized that they had called upon the wrath of Germany. Gilbert immediately froze, glasses still in hand, while Austria was in mid-lunge for his bifocals. He missed and made a rather impressive face plant on the floor. Gilbert could feel hysterical laughter building up in his chest, and attempted to hold it back, for Ludwig's chilling eyes were locked onto his. Prussia's ghostly pale face turned a brilliant purple and he quickly exploded, falling on the floor next to the temporarily blinded Austrian, guffawing and rolling back and forth. Italy quietly giggled behind him, while Austria's face turned a deeper shade of red every second. Prussia soon received a swift kick in the side from his younger brother, knocking the wind out of his lungs.
"OOF!" He exclaimed breathlessly.
Italy quickly clamped his lips shut, not wanting the same fate to befall upon him.
"Alright, you buffoons! I want an explanation, and I want it NOW!" Germany commanded.
"Very well, Ludwig" Austria said wearily to the wall opposite him.
Ludwig stormed over to where Gilbert was standing, snatched the glasses out of his hands, and shoved them on Austria's face.
"Ah…right" Austria mumbled and turned to face Germany, still a brilliant shade of pink.
"This ignoramus and I were, er…making breakfast, and I realized that we were all out of baking soda. So I asked Gilbert to get some from somewhere in this stupid mansion, which, by the way, is unnecessarily large-"
"Bore someone else with your petty details, Roderich" Ludwig snapped.
Roderich darted a venomous glare his way, but obeyed.
"Anyway," he huffed. "He came back with gun powder. I called him an idiot and whacked him, something he fully deserves. However, I was quite hungry for some Apfelstrudel and reluctantly agreed to play along. I was hoping it would have the same effect if I just used a small amount. And, well, I suppose you can figure out the rest." He grumbled, gesturing to his clothes, which were absolutely covered head-to-toe in soot. His cravat was half-burned off and his hair was messy, something almost unheard of from the haughty Austrian. Germany had just noticed this, since he had been blinded by rage. It was ridiculous, almost comical, considering his face was still vibrantly flushed from repeating the incident to a sizable crowd. That was unimportant, however.
"And so you blow up my pristine kitchen?" he growled in a low, unsettling voice.
"And that is precisely why your cooking has always been more bland then mine. You really need to give cuisine some life and-" Roderich stopped abruptly, realizing that harping on his cooking was the last thing Ludwig needed to hear.
"Strudel?" Gilbert offered his fuming brother. He then took one for himself and sunk his teeth into the charred pastry. Everyone stared at him in disbelieve and disgust. Feliciano held his hand over his mouth, motioning to vomit. The albino then turned to his audience and took another bite.
" Thish ishnt harf bad, Shpecksf," he said, muffled by his full mouth.
"Gilbert! Spit that out, right NOW! There are trace metals in there!" Germany barked.
"Looshen upf Wesht. There'sh not enuff ta kill me" He, literally, spat back. He took the plate of explosive strudel and shoved it in his brother's face, gesturing once again to try them. Ludwig picked one up cautiously with his thumb and forefinger, and sniffed it. Next to him, Italy saw how much Prussia was enjoying the thing, so he also took a hold of one and inspected it. He didn't eat ANYTHING that didn't suit his taste buds, and it DID look like something that scary English guy would make. Nevertheless, his curiosity took the better of him and he gnawed around the edge.
"Wha! This is really good, Austria! " he exclaimed excitedly. He proceeded to take the remaining Apfelstrudel, but got his hand swatted away by a ravenous Roderich.
"Don't be a glutton, Italy. Let everyone have one, please." he said, excited that his cooking had been success. He went on to take it and took a distinguished yet rather large bite. He nodded in approval at his own culinary skill and continued to eat. He turned to Germany and sighed. The worrywart was still checking his for lead, or something on those lines. It's not like it would detonate or anything.
"We haven't died yet, now eat," he assured the other man.
He put it reluctantly back on the plate in response. The hungry Italian snatched it, quick as a flash.
"No thanks," he mumbled. "I'm not hungry anymore…."
"Psshf, whatefer. More fur ush." Gilbert said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't you realize that these stupid things could drastically shorten your life span!? You could get cancer or lead poisoning!" He lectured, as a last resort.
"Mmm." grunted a chorus of Prussia and Italy, shooing away his wary words with their stuffed faces. Austria simply nibbled the food and rolled his eyes. Germany rubbed his temples and turned away while his brother finally swallowed his last bite.
" Say West, you sure are up late today for an early riser. Even my awesome bird woke up before you."
"That's because you poked it until it woke up, you dolt." Austria accused.
"Can it, Specs! You're ruining my moment of glory! Well, I'm always glorious, just super-glorious right now cuz I beat West. HA!"
"Oh. My. Lord! He complimented himself! How utterly unexpected! But wait, gentlemen, he actually did it without saying awesome. Give a large round of applause to Mr. Weillschmidt! Clearly he deserves it," Austria inquired brightly, sarcasm almost seeping from his tongue.
"You're just jealous, y'know."
"Oh my, you hit me right on the mark, Herr Freud. My deepest darkest secret is no match for your superior intellect and intuitive abilities."
"Damn Straight, ya royal ponce!"
"Shut. UP!" commanded Germany, smacking both of them upside the head. "This has gone far enough! For Christ's sake, you two squabble like a married couple!"
Austria looked down quickly, color rushing to his face, partially due to what Ludwig had just said, but mostly because he could hit. Hard. Gilbert on the other hand, just grimaced and rubbed the back of his head.
"Say- ah, Germany?" Feliciano uttered, tugging on the sleeve of the fuming German man.
"WHAT!? " he bellowed in reply.
AH! D-don't hurt me, please! I just think that if we're gonna hang around here that we should maybe call Japan? He might be wondering why we're not present for training...maybe." he mumbled, fiddling with his odd, curly strand of hair.
The color drained from Ludwig's face, as he connected the dots in his brain.
"Italy?" he questioned weakly. "What day is it today?"
"Ah, it's um…Thursday! Hey, what's wrong?"
Thursday. It was Thursday. Thursday was early morning training, every member had to be punctual. And he was running…
"…late," Ludwig whispered, just loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Yea, I kinda came over to see if you were okay, y'know, since you're always the first one to our meetings and you weren't there-"
"Wait here" Germany replied and sprinted down the hall, fixing his hair while he ran.
Prussia started to snicker.
"Lord, what now, Gilbert?" sighed Austria.
"West sure is getting his panties in a bunch for some stupid weekly tea party or sewing circle, or whatever you people do every morning," he cackled. "DON'T FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH!" he shouted tauntingly down the hall and continued to chortle at his own joke.
Within 3 minutes, Ludwig dashed back down the grand hall, his hat in hand.
"Come on, Italy" he said, gesturing toward the door and slowing down to a brisk walk. The smaller man quickly followed, not wanting to be left behind. He opened the door and turned one last time, pointing to Gilbert and Roderich.
"I'll deal with you two later," he threatened and closed the door loudly behind Italy.
The echo of the door closing rang through the now empty halls. The two men remaining stood for a few seconds, until the lack of noise started to annoy Prussia.
"Fwew!" he sighed. "We sure dodged the bullet there, huh, Specs?"
"I suppose. This IS mostly your fault, you do realize."
"Hey, don't let me have all the credit. YOU put those things in the oven."
He chuckled mockingly under his breath and walked away, hoping to get some quality time with his beloved piano. As he started to walk away, he felt a hand grab onto his arm. Gilbert's fire-red eyes were locked on to his, with a determined look burned into his facial expression. They were fixated on each other for what seemed to be an eternity to Roderich.
"Wh-what?" he stammered finally, starting to blush again.
"Ya can't go crying home ta West now, Specs," Gilbert chimed, a mischievous, toothy grin spread wide across his pale face. He slowly raised his hands level to Roderich's face, suspended them for a second, and then yanked his glasses off, running down the hall.
"YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING-!! GET BACK HERE!" Austria shouted, tripping over his feet as he stumbled clumsily down the hall. And all he could hear were a few "niyo niyos" in the distance as he ran into a nearby floor lamp.
Meanwhile; somewhere in the Bavarian countryside:
Japan looked both ways, hoping to catch a glimpse of his allies. The long meadow stretched into the horizon, showing no signs of life. He sighed and sat cross-legged in the grass.
"Is this some sort of Western cultural thing to arrive four hours late?" he inquired to himself. "Europeans are so odd…."
The End
Scheiße-Shit
Tölpel-Dolt/Idiot
NIEMAND BEWEGEN-NOBODY MOVE
Genug- Enough!
Herr Freud- Austria is referring to Professor Sigmund Freud, a famous psychologist with outlandish theories. He was Austrian.
Please look out for my Prussia X Austria Fic. EDIT: First chapter finally out. Sorry about that….
Thank you for reading! :)