Pour Some Sugar On Me
Ron overhears something, and tries his best to talk to someone about it. Oliver/Katie. Fluff/Humor. Rated T.
A gift to Littlebirds for the TLX Fic Exchange Challenge. Merry Christmas.
I don't own anything.
The Bakery itself was decorated in sort of a combination of a sense of homeliness, warmth, freedom, and a love of Quidditch and good food. The walls were covered in hundreds, if not thousands of pictures and paintings of scenes from Quidditch Matches and types of cakes they had both made, and attended to over the 5 years they had been married.
The Hallway that Ronald Bilius Weasley was walking through was no exception, as it clearly displayed the love of that sport that both Katie Bell and Oliver Wood shared that was only rivaled by their undying love, and affection for one another.
Ron, 8 days ago, had commissioned both of them to bake a cake for Harry. He had told them it had to be absolutely perfect, and that it had to include Quidditch in some way, shape or form. He really hoped that they had pulled it off.
After all, it wasn't every day that your best mate got hitched the very next day.
Harry had told Ron about 4 weeks ago that he had popped the question to Hermione, and she had said yes. Though Ron had loved Hermione, he knew they had no chance together. They had tried dating, but it only lasted about 2 months before they both decided to end it.
So, instead of getting angry at his friend, he had immediately volunteered for the job of Best Man.
Hermione had picked Tonks to be her Maid of Honor, to which the bubbly Auror had happily said yes to as well. All in all, life seemed to be good.
But it was funny though. He had always figured he would be the first out of the Trio to get married.
As he neared the doorway, he heard a voice and stopped. It was not the voice itself that startled him. It was the words coming out of the mouth of Katie Bell that did.
"Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up," came Katie's voice from the other room. Ron's cheeks blushed redder than they already were as he heard Katie say it .
"It tastes so great, Katie!" Oliver's voice exclaimed.
As Ron leaned against the doorway, he could hear the two of them kissing one another, along with the screeches of the table being scooted against the floor to another spot.
Ronald Weasley was no stranger when it came to sex. From Fred and George's Play-wizard magazines to his numerous exploits in the Room of Requirement with Luna Lovegood, during the brief time in 7th Year they had dated, he could safely say that he knew a thing or two about the art of sex.
But even with all of that experience under his belt, he had never, ever shagged on a kitchen table. Especially when that table probably was being used to make his best mate's wedding cake.
It took everything inside Ron to keep from screaming out, barging in there and demanding to know what the Bloody Hell was wrong with them. He really didn't need to see the Former Gryffindor Qudditch Captain and his wife in the nude. Though he would not deny that Katie Bell was indeed beautiful, and that he had often fantasized of her.
He decided then and there that he needed to leave. Needed to get away before he had the urge to look in. Damn it. It was there already.
As he rushed out as quickly as he could, he realized that he had to tell someone about it. Anyone.
The first people that came to mind were his brothers. They'd understand.
Without a second thought, Ron apparated to the Ministry of Magic.
"Percy, can I talk with you a minute?" asked Ron, taking a seat at Percy's office. At everyone's surprise, Percy had actually risen up in the ranks of the Ministry, and was now a personal assistant to the Minister of Magic himself.
Honestly though, Ron was amazed at Percy's office. It was lined with plagues dedicated to the achievements that Percy had accomplished during his career in the Ministry. But on the other hand, it was also lined with pictures of Percy and his new wife, as well as various pictures of Percy in rarely used and seen casual wear, relaxing.
What amazed Ron the most though was that Percy had actually even acknowledged that he had a life outside the Ministry. It was quite cool and breath-taking, if one knew of Percy's personality.
"Not now Ronald. I am too busy." replied Percy, without even looking up. He was battling the dreaded paperwork dragon and seemed to be in a loosing battle.
"But it's really important!" yelled out Ron, desperately hoping Percy would let him talk to him about what he had heard. He had to talk with somebody.
"Is anyone dying, dead, or in danger of dying?" asked Percy nonchalantly, finally looking up from his battle.
"No, but…" began Ron.
"Then good-day. If you need to talk with someone, go see Bill and Charlie." Percy then resumed his valiant, but in the end, futile attempt to slay the paperwork dragon.
"But…But." stuttered Ron. Was Percy serious? How could anything be more important than what he had heard?
"No 'buts'." he sharply retorted. Ron decided then and there that Percy was an absolute, and total git. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
"Where are they at then?"
"Over at the Three Broomsticks. Now leave me alone!"
With that, Ron stormed out to find his other brothers. He Should've cursed Percy right then and there. He should have taken his wand and put those really funny hexes Fred and George had taught him to use. He was sure they would've understood completely. Hell, they'd probably cheer him on to do it more than once, perhaps even joining in on the fun themselves.
Then again, he would have a really hard time figuring out how to explain to Mum why Percy had turned into a purple shrew with yellow spots that couldn't stop singing famous songs by the Weird Sisters.
On the other hand, it would be so worth it.
Ron walked into the Three Broomsticks, and immediately found Bill and Charlie in a booth, sipping on some beers, with hot dates next to both of them. Bill obviously had the stunning Fleur on his arm, while Charlie seemed distracted with the hot, pink haired minx lavishing him kisses.
Damn it. Why couldn't he get a girl like that? He had tried to ask out Daphne Greengrass after the war, but she had ran off with Pansy Parkinson. Hell, even his fling with Luna Freaking Lovegood hadn't lasted more than 3 months.
"Hey Ron! How are you doing?" asked Charlie, looking up from his date to talk with his little brother.
"Pretty good Charlie. Hey Bill." replied the younger Weasley, acknowledging both of his elder brothers. "Who's your date, Charlie?"
"Oh. This is Rae. She graduated 3 years after I did. Been together for about 4 months now." he replied nonchalantly, while Rae simply waved a hand in Ron's direction before she went back spoiling Charlie with kisses upon kisses.
"So what's up?" asked Bill, curiously.
Ron realized then and there that both of them were too distracted by their girlfriends to really and truly pay attention to what he had to say. Why wasn't anyone able to pay attention to him when he actually needed them to?
"Never mind. It's not really that important." Ron left the Leaky Cauldron lost in his own thoughts and disappointed. He reminisced on the Muggle saying his father had once told him he heard that Muggles sometimes use when dealing with the Police. "Never around when you need them, but always around when you don't want them."
He couldn't help but wonder if that saying could be used to apply to his family. They were always around when he didn't want them to be, but when he needed them, they were too busy to help him.
Ron then decided that if anybody would listen to him, it would be Ginny. She always had time to listen to him.
Plus, he'd rather talk with her about it, rather than talk with Fred and George. Those two would never understand, and would probably make fun of him for spying on Katie and Oliver.
Wait. Was it Fred and George or Gred and Forge?
Without holding that thought at all, he apparated to Ginny's Herbology shop.
"Uh, Gin?" asked Ron as he walked into the Herbology Shop. With so many flowers, plants, pots, and gardening acessories around, Ron had a hard time remembering that it was a shop, and not some greenhouse in Hogwarts.
"Hey Ron. How are you?" replied Ginny as she magically appeared from behind some roses that were behind her brother, startling Ron and causing him to fall onto some glass cases.
As the glass shattered and Ron fell on his back, Ginny switched into full assault mode and yelled, "Get out Ron! Those are the Man-Eating Plants!"
"But.." began Ron.
"No Buts! Get the Bloody Hell Out!" continued to yell Ginny as she began firing off curse after curse at the Man-Eating Plants attempting to kill her brother.
Ron noted, as he ran for his life, that his little sister had evolved quite rapidly from the time she had become a Hogwarts Student. Gone was the Fan girl who couldn't handle herself of yesterday. Ron could honestly say that Ginny had become somewhat of a Amazonian Warrior when it came to dueling.
Though he would take it with him to the grave, he was scared of his sister when she dueled. Period. No 'Ifs', 'Ands' or 'Buts' about it.
Which made him ponder, just for a moment, how come she had chosen to become a humble Herbologist, instead of joining the Hit-Wizards, like any Witch with her prodigious skill set would do.
He realized then, after he felt he had ran for his life enough, that he had no other choice. He had really been hoping to avoid having to talk with the Duo of Mayhem. The Brothers of Discord. The Masters of Pranks.
"Hey Fred! Hey George!" yelled out Ron as he apparated to the front of Fred and George's Joke Shop.
"Hey.." began Fred.
"Ron. How are…" continued George.
"You?" finished Fred.
Though he had spent 18 of his 25 years living with his brothers, Ron still couldn't understand how Fred and George were so in synch with one another's thoughts. Or was it Gred and Forge? He couldn't really figure out who was who, come to think of it.
"Been pretty good. Hey, can I talk with you guys a sec?" asked Ron, resisting the urge to ask them how they knew one another's thoughts all the time.
"Sorry Little Brother. Can't…" began George.
"Right now. You see we are…" continued Fred.
"Closing up for the day." finished George as he locked the shop up.
Ron stared incredulously at his two brothers. They never closed shop! It was open 24/7 for God's sake!
"What do you mean?" he demanded from them, while they simply stared at him with smirks on their faces.
"We're going out of…" began Fred.
"Town today Little Brother. We're going…" continued George.
"To see the World. We figured…"
"That there's all sorts of jokes and prank materials out there we…"
"Haven't even discovered yet!" finished Fred.
"But…But…What about the Wedding Tomorrow?" demanded Ron as he tried to get them to stay.
"We'll be there Little…" began George.
"Brother. But we need to…" continued Fred.
"Check into our Hotel tonight!" finished George. Without saying a word more, the two apparated away, leaving Ron standing there, with his jaw dropped and hanging slack.
Ronald Bilius Weasley was now officially out of ideas. He did not know what the Bloody Hell he was going to do. The Wedding was tomorrow. He really didn't want to have to tell Harry, but he was running out of options.
It was then that he noticed that it had gotten dark. He knew he was a little ways away from the Leaky Cauldron, so he decided to rent a room there. Maybe he'd get something to eat and drink as well. He needed something. ANYTHING to get the idea of Katie and Oliver out of his head.
Ron walked back into the Leaky Cauldron and ordered some of Tom's best Fire-Whisky, along with a shot glass to go with it.
After taking a seat in a corner booth, he poured a shot and down it in a single gulp, allowing the warm alcohol to wash his stress away. More importantly, the 150 Proof Liquor was making the mental image of Katie and Oliver shagging on the same table as Harry's cake go away.
However, he knew he couldn't show up at the Wedding with a Hangover, so he decided that one more shot would be his last.
"Hi Ron." said a dreamy voice. Ron turned around and low behold, there stood Luna Lovegood.
"Hey Luna! How have you been?" replied flustered Red-Head. What the Bloody Hell was she doing here?
"I've been good, Ron. Tomorrow, I want you to help me with something at the Reception, before the Bride and Groom arrive. I can't do it by myself." the strange woman replied as she sat down in front of him.
"Luna, I'd love to help, but can I talk with you a sec?" asked Ron. Could this be his chance to finally talk about it to someone? Even if that someone was more crazy and insane than Bellatrix Lestrange?
"Sure. What is it Ron?" she asked, staring him directly in the eyes with a dreamy look in her eyes. The same look Luna had had on her face during the 3 months they had dated. She looked beautiful when she had that look.
With that, Ron let it all out, starting from the beginning, working his way all the way up to the present. He even told her about Ginny having to save him from Giant, Man-Eating Plants that he didn't know how she even got her hands on in the first place.
"And that's leaves us here, sitting in this bar, Luna." finished Ron before taking a deep breath.
Luna sat there for a moment. Just a moment. Perhaps two. Then, she asked, "You have heard of the Humming-Beegle, right?"
This caused Ron to drop his jaw for the second time that day. Was she serious?
"The Humming What?" he demanded.
"The Humming Beegle. It's found in flowers and disrupts Weddings and all sorts of important events with flowers in them! We have got to rid Harry and Hermione's flowers of them before they ruin the wedding!" explained Luna in a hasty manor.
That was it. He was done. He had no other choice but to tell Harry the next day.
"You know what Luna, let's do that!" replied Ron. He then thought of something else. "Hey Luna."
"Yes, Ron?"
"You want to go out with me some time?" asked Ron. Why not? It'd be nice to try it again, he wouldn't deny it.
"Sure!"
The Next Day
"You nervous, Harry?" asked Ron as they waited for Hermione to be walked down the aisle with her Father to be given away. He and Luna had already inspected the Flowers and had determined that no Humming Beegles were present.
"You have no idea, Ron." replied Harry, as he waited as well.
Both Harry and Hermione had decided to hold the Wedding outside the Burrow, just like Bill and Fleur's Wedding. Hopefully this time nothing would happen.
Ron knew that Harry was nervous. He was probably more nervous than he had been when he finally popped the question to Hermione. This was, after-all, the most important thing he had done in his life.
Aside from, of course, handing Voldemort his arse on a silver platter. Ron guessed that was kind of an important thing he had done. Duh.
Then again, Ron was also nervous. He had to tell Harry about the cake. But that could wait.
Suddenly, before anyone knew it, Hermione had been given away by her father, and it was now time to exchange the vows.
Harry began by saying, "I, Harry Potter, take you, Hermione, to be my beloved wife. I promise to have you and to hold you from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."
With that, Ron reached into his pocket when Harry turned to face him and pulled out what he thought was the ring. What he saw brought a look of horror to his face. It was a crackerjack box ring.
Harry's face had the same look. He asked in a sharp whisper, "Mate, where's the real ring at?"
"I thought I had it!" whispered Ron back before he began digging through his pockets.
George finally rose from his seat and walked up to Ron and gave him the ring. He said, "Just a bit of fun Ron."
Ron should've killed George right then and there. He should have taken out his wand and Avada Kedvara'd him right then and there for nearly giving him a heart attack.
Of course, then he'd probably in up as a cell mate with Bellatrix in Azkaban for the rest of his life.
"Oh knock it off you two!" said Hermione, giving them both a glare that Ron knew very well. He finally knocked it off and handed the ring to Harry while George walked back to his seat.
Harry, without hesitation, placed the ring onto Hermione's hand and whispered, "I love you, Hermione."
Hermione smiled the biggest she had ever smiled and replied, "I, Hermione Granger, take you, Harry, to be my beloved Husband. I promise to have you and to hold you from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."
She was then handed her own ring by Tonks and placed it onto Harry's hand. As she did so, "I love you more" was whispered by her.
The Priest also smiled at the Young Couple's love and announced, "If there are none who object, by the Power Vested in me by God and the Queen of England, I pronounce you both Man and Wife. You may kiss the Bride."
The young couple received a standing ovation as both of them kissed for the first time as a married couple. All in all, it was a happy day.
Ron, unfortunately, knew it was going to get bad.
About an hour later and it was finally time for the part Ron had been dreading: The Cutting of the Cake.
"Harry and Hermione, on behalf of me and Katie, we'd like to…" began Oliver as he stood in front of the veiled cake.
"This Quidditch themed cake to both of you. Ron requested it special made." finished Katie, wearing a smile as big as the sun as she pulled the cover off of the cake. It was everything that Ron had asked it to be and more. At 6 Tiers High and surrounded by Quidditch Posts and players, as well as a Bride and Groom at the very top, it was very impressive.
"Thanks you guys! It looks great!" declared Harry, earning an applause from the Audience.
Just as both Husband and Wife were about to cut the cake, Ron finally had enough. "Guys, don't do it!"
Both of them turned to Ron with looks of surprise and slight anger evident. Harry finally broke the silence. "Why not?"
"Because…Because…Because Oliver and Katie shagged on the same table it was made on, that's why!" Ron finally blurted out, releasing all of his pent up anger and stress, while pointing directly at Oliver and Katie.
A number of things happened a few seconds after he had. Charlie and Bill started snickering behind the beer glasses they had in their hands. Percy got up and apparatted away out of disgust of it. And Fred and George asked Katie and Oliver why they hadn't let them watch.
Oh, and the entire crowd was in an uproar.
"Calm down everyone!" yelled out Hermione in a voice that one very rarely heard used by Hermione Potter.
"The cake was poured from a bowl into the cake pan! It didn't actually touch the counter! There's nothing wrong with it!" she continued, looking flustered.
"Ron, what in the world ever made you think that?" asked Katie, genuinely curious.
"I heard you and Oliver in your kitchen yesterday afternoon and thought…" began Ron before Oliver laughed. "What's so funny?"
"That? That wasn't me shagging Katie. I had spilled some sugar on her and she wanted me to lick it off. That's all it was!" declared Oliver in an amused voice.
The entire crowd now looked at Ron, with everyone doing a variation of either shaking their heads or rolling their eyes at him.
Well. Ron now realized that he had made a complete fool out of himself. He finally admitted, "Well, I guess…I'm sorry guys. It just heard that way when you said it. Can you and Katie, or Harry and Hermione forgive me?"
The two couples looked at one another, nodded and said in chorus, "We forgive you."
With a sigh of relief, the drama was over and Harry and Hermione cut into their Wedding Cake to continue the celebrations.
Later on, during the dances, and with Luna in his arms, Ron realized that sometimes, not everything is as it seems, and sometimes even the weirdest things can turn out to have a simple explanation. And he decided to himself, that he didn't need to jump to conclusions so quickly.
But still, he couldn't help but think of the old Muggle Song, 'Pour Some Sugar On Me'. It seemed to be appropriate, in his not so humble opinion, for the whole thing.
I hope you enjoyed it, Littlebirds. Merry Christmas.