As Daphney Chutneywings, a well-equipped, young brown-haired girl, tightly clutched the box of the pregnancy-test; she felt a tear slip down her cheek, ruining her perfectly drawn eyeliner.
The next day at her school Degroozi Seenya High, she raced to her locker to find her 'bffl', Whopper Burger standing next to it, impatiently picking at her über long finger nails.
'Hey, Whop…' started Daphney, slowly taking her books out of her locker.
Whopper rolled her eyes, then sweetly smiled at her dim-witted friend.
'Yes Daphney?'
'You know how you're my bfffffffffl?' She smiled.
Not knowing what all those extra f's meant, Whopper nodded slowly. 'Uh, yeah…'
'I'm not fat,' Daphney said bluntly.
Whopper scoffed. 'Yes you are.'
'I'm pregnant.'
'And fat,' Whopper added.
A few moments passed as Daphney grabbed all her fluffy-topped pens from her locker, and shoved them into her pockets.
'So, who's the daddy-o?'
Daphney paused, trying not to burst out into tears.
'That's the thing…'
'You dirty hoe!' Whopper shouted, not being able to contain herself.
'I don't know. It could be Rico, Johnny, Philip or Miranda.'
Whopper's baby-blue eyes bulged out of her head.
'Miranda?!'
'I needed the money,' Daphney shrugged.
'Well. You're fu-'
Meanwhile, in the cheap library of Degroozi Seenya High;
Between the Science Fiction and the Fiction Fiction, Norman Gobb was trying to study for his up and coming history test.
His stalker, Miranda Mangopants was sitting directly opposite him, staring at his deep green eyes.
'Norman…' she began.
He turned his iPod up a tad louder, and flipped the page, completely ignoring her.
'You're the cheese to my macaroni. The gay sex to my AIDS. The shaving cream to my hairy chest. Norman, I love you. You're beautiful. And amazing. I want you inside of me. Inside of me… INSIDE OF ME GOD DAMN IT!'
Norman blinked, then replied; 'What? Sorry? I had my iPod on.'
Picking up her folder, Miranda ran out the door, tears streaming down her face.
Norman shrugged and went on learning.
After school at the Jingle residence;
Momma and Poppa Jingle were sitting at the tv, angrily shouting at the TV.
Poppa Jingle gulped down another beer as his eyes shot to the door, leading into the kitchen.
'Hey momma, hey poppa!' shouted Jason Jingle, slugging his backpack over one shoulder. 'I'm off to-'
'JASON!'
Jason jumped, then answered his father.
'Yes Poppa?'
'SHUT UP,' shouted his fat, dad. He finished off his beer then tossed the can carelessly over his shoulder.
Jason bit his lip and sat on the old, beaten-up couch.
His gorgeous brother –who looked identical to him, yet was way better looking- Johnny, flounced in the room and flashed his smile as his mother.
'Hey momma. I'm off to a friends. I'll be back by eight? Alright?'
His mother swooned, then fanned herself with her hand. 'Ohh. Eleven if you must. Here take all my money that we need for your brother's orthodontist appointment,' She tipped out the contents of her wallet into Johnny's smooth hands.
'There. There. Now have fun.'
'Don't get anyone pregnant,' joked his dad.
He smiled, as he skipped out the door. 'I'll try!'
Poppa Jingle sighed. 'Gotta love that kid,'
'Now as I was saying dad-' started Jason.
'PISS OFF, KID. I'M TRY'NNA WATCH THE TELLY HERE!'
Jason ran off to his room and played Limp Bizkit. He then made a collage of ugly people, stuck it above his wall, then ripped it off. He read all the Twilight books, then threw up because they were so horrible. He had a bubble bath with his duck, George. Then went to bed, crying.
Kate Hörr grew up in a broken family.
She lived in a scummy neighbourhood. And had a scummy mother, who always had scummy boyfriends.
Kate had had multiple boyfriends, often at the same time. Something about her long blonde hair, and dark-outlined eyes mesmerized them into thinking she was a sweet, lovely girl. Of course, she wasn't.
She was bitchy and rude. (She had learnt this all from her mother)
That Friday, after her morning smoke, she hopped in the car of her year ten boyfriend, and almost ate his face off. After she had wiped the spit from her face and reapplied her makeup, they drove off to the school. A few boys whistled, and Kate smiled. All the girls wanted to be her, and all the guys wanted to be inside her. It was just the way she liked it.
At the morning assembly, thick-as-thieves, tight-as-a-button, couple, Timmy and Tammy sat, side by side, smiling eagerly. Today was their six-month anniversary and they were finally going to do the honky.
Hahahahaha. Sorry, that phrase made me laugh. Anyway, back to it…
'You know what I'm thinking right now, babe…' whispered Timmy, into Tammy's small ear.
She beamed. 'That my new perfume just smells absolutely, totally ab-fab!'
His face hardened, much like his swelling erection. 'Uh. No.'
Moving his backpack in front of his crotch, Timmy cleared his throat and stared up front.
'Assoyez-vous, fermez le fait de foutre dans un sale état et arrêtez de vous toucher, vous les bâtards pré-pubescents!,' said their principal, Mr. Bing, butting out a cigarette on the newly polished floor.
The students stiffened, not knowing what on earth he had just said.
'Righty-o. The Degroozi Seenya Dance is comin' up. And you know what that means…'
He waited for the dim-witted students to understand.
'It's time to get organised!' he said, hitting the play button on a near-by portable CD player.
Tiny, shimmering disco balls came down from the high gym ceiling, as Bing struck a pose.
He continued dancing until he finally realised the school population had left the room.
'Ah. Crumbs,' he sighed.