On The Good Ship Andromeda
On The Good Ship Andromeda
By Saine
Rating: PG
Summary: Harper wakes up from a bump on the head to a completely different Andromeda
Disclaimer: Andromeda is copyright of Tribune Entertainment, this is allin fun, no copyright infringement intended

~

Harper rubbed his head. The last thing he remembered was...well, what was the last thing he remembered? Oh yes. Repairing some battle damage. He must have hit his head on something. Oh well, that was how life went. The universe never waited for repairs to finishbefore dropping something on your head.

"Oh good, you're awake." That certainly did not sound like Trance. Harper looked over to the side. Tyr was standing. He was smiling. And it was definitely not from making Harper jump. That was the only time Tyr ever smiled at him.

"Okay, you can come out now Trance. Ha ha ha. See, I'm laughing already?" Harper stood up and waited for Trance to come out. "Come on you two. I know that this is some joke on me."

"What would Trance be doing here? And why would we be playing a joke on you?" If Harper did not know better, he would have sworn that Tyr was actually concerned about him.

"Because you always get a kick out of making me jump out of my boots?" Harper walked around the bed. The universe would not wait for repairs to be finished, and neither would Dylan. "Hey, where's my tool belt?"

"Tool belt?" Tyr thought for a moment. There was something different about him. Oh yeah. He had switched the chainmail shirt thatmust drive all those Nietzschean females crazy with lust for a long whiterobe. He looked rather like the Wayists that Harper had met. "Oh, thattoolbelt. You must use it."

"Of course I must. I've got repairs to finish."

"Repairs?"

"I thought Nietzscheans were supposed to be as nearly as smart as me. Hello, Tyr, I'm the guy who fixes the ship?"

"Oh dear. Did that bump on your head cause some damage?" Tyrleaned forward, reaching for Harper's head. Harper jerked back quickly. "Come on now. I can't check for damage if you flinch away from me like that."

"I'm fine." I'm not sure about you though. "How aboutyou just show me where my tool belt is?"

"If you insist."

"Of course he does!" Rommie's holographic form appeared beside Tyr. If Harper had thought that Tyr was dressed strangely, he had not prepared himself for Rommie. She was dressed in bright clothing, all loose and, well, any polite person would be hard pressed to call it anything but aneyesore. "Tyr, be a bit more groovy."

"I thought you said I was the grooviest one on the ship?" Groovy? Tyr? Maybe it was not Harper's head that was wrong. Maybe some virus had come aboard. Tyr and groovy in the same sentence just did not work for Harper. That was it. He was sick again.

"Well everyone can be a little bit more groovy."

"How can I be groovier?" Harper asked. As long as he was sick, he may as well enjoy his hallucinations.

"By finishing your work." Tyr grabbed Harper by the shoulder and gently guided him out of the medical bay. Harper glanced behind his shoulder. Rommie was smiling at him, and she gave him a small wave. Hey, this is supposed to be my hallucination! I could beat up Tyr... Harper decided against it. He needed to see how crazy the rest of the ship was. "She may be a peace ship boy, but you do not want to upset her."

"Peace ship?" Now that was just a bit over the too crazy line.

"Yes. You informed us all of what a peace ship was. Surely you know?"

Before Harper could tell Tyr that he had no clue what the hell a peace ship was, a big brown blur passed by them. "Rev!" Tyr shouted. "How many times must we tell you not to run? You could have hurt someone!"

Rev turned around to face them. Harper's eyes nearly popped out ofhis head. He could handle Tyr wearing a Wayist robe. Rommie dressed like a hippie, that was a bit harder to handle.

But Rev in a business suit?

His hallucination was now stomping on the crazy line.

"The Way does not wait for people standing in corridors to move out of the way when Intership Materials stock drops!" Rev waved a plexi at them. "I need to talk to my broker immediately!"

"You need to talk to him immediately every five minutes." Tyr shook his head. "I swear, you Wayists will be the death of us all." The craziness meter went down just by hearing Tyr say that.

"And you Nietzscheans will cost us dearly. All so concerned with helping others. No wonder you're broke!"

"Quit it, you two." Rommie's hologram appeared there. "It's the same thing every day. It's just so...ungroovy. Tyr, let Rev talk to his broker. Rev, no more running through my halls. Are weall happy?"

"Yes Rommie," Rev and Tyr said in unison.

"That's better." Rommie smiled at them and disappeared again. Rev immediately began running away from them. Tyr continued walking towards Hydroponics. Harper followed and began counting the seconds until the hallucination ended. It had to end soon. Really, how much more worse could it get?

"Wayists," Tyr muttered under his breath. "All concerned with profit and the like. We only keep him here because he throws a few scrapsof money to us."

"Uh huh." Whatever this virus was, it was new to Harper.

They entered Hydroponics. Beka was there, playing hopscotch of allthings. She did not look up at them. Beka kept jumping to thesquares. "Beka?" Tyr asked. Beka stopped hopping and looked atthem.

"Is there something wrong?" Beka asked.

"You are supposed to be tending the plants. You know how upset Trance will be if they die." Harper could understand that. Trance still was not going to let him forget about poor little Walter.

"Oh fine." Beka put on a pout and disappeared into the plants.

"And Trance won't like it if you don't finish your painting," Tyr said. He pointed to one of the walls of the Hydroponics bay.

"That's a painting?" Harper walked up to it and examined it. He looked back at Tyr who was admiring it. "Uhmm, is it just me, oris a painting supposed to be a bunch of paint arranged to look like an object?"

"After all that time you spent telling us that this is a work of art in progress, you say that it's not a work of art?" Tyr pointed to a big splash of red along the side. "You spent weeks getting this part just right."

"Yeah, and I can spend five minutes to get it done." Harper pickedup a paintbrush and a can of paint. He opened the can and dipped hisbrush in, when Dylan came running in. What was it now? Tyr theWayist, Rev the Businessman, Rommie the Hippie, Beka the girl more interestedin hopscotch. And here was Dylan, dressed in a pair of leather pantsand a yellow vest like shirt that hung open in the front.

"Get that brush out of there! There's a hydra in that can!" Dylan knocked Harper away from it and dumped the paint out on the floor. Sure enough, out came a little snake like thing. Dylan stomped on ita few times.

"How'd you know there was a ...hydra... there, Dylan?"

"My name's not Dylan. It's Hercules. I thought you knew that?" Dylan shook his head and walked out of Hydroponics. Harper gave Tyr a look which said 'Please tell me what the hell is up with him?'

"We found him on this ship. Poor man is convinced that he really is Hercules. But on the other hand, he seems to have a way of being able to deal with bad guys." Tyr walked out of hydroponics.

"Okay, where do I begin?" Harper picked up his brush again.

"Just begin." Harper turned around to see Trance there, dressed ina High Guard uniform. "I order you to."

"Let me guess. You're the captain?"

"Unquestioned captain." Trance gave him a smile that made Harper know he was not going to mess around with her. "Just give everyone a little tail, and I got command. It's that easy."

"You really don't want to get some tail," Beka shouted from the plants.

"I want this mural finished. I want it finished today. Or else..." Trance walked by him, whacking him with her tail as she did. "You'll get worse." She gave a giggle before running out of Hydroponics. Harper rubbed his butt before going back to his paint can. Get worse? How could it get worse? Sweet innocent Trance was a High Guard captain who kept discipline with her tail. And he was an artist, of all things!

"Come on Harper, you heard Captain Gemini." Rommie's android body appeared behind him.

"I've got to know one thing. If I'm an artist, then who built thatbody of yours?" It looked like his work. Maybe that's why heimagined he was an artist here. Harper had said to himself many timesas he had built Rommie's body that it was a work of art.

"I don't know, but it's really groovy, isn't it?" Rommie grinned at him again.

"What is going on here? Who is he?" Harper looked at the door to Hydroponics. Now he had seen everything. There he was, dressed entirely in black. Why was he wearing sunglasses on a ship? "Put down my brush!"

"Groovy, twice the Harper!" Well, that crazy metre was so far gonethat it was back where it started.

"That imposter is not the Harper!"

Why would I imagine me here? Wait a second... "I'm not sick!" Harper realized. "It's not me! I'm not imagining this!"

"Harper?" Rommie asked.

"Rommie, don't you remember? Some guys reprogrammed you. Tyrwas getting pretty sick of your peace ship attitude. Everyone was. Dylan had me come in here to get your programming back the way it was. I never thought computers could hallucinate."

"That doesn't sound groovy."

"Will you quit saying groovy and let me get to work?" Boy, it was a good thing they had a genius like him aboard. Otherwise, they would all be doomed.

~

Harper pulled the plug out of his jack. "Everything's back to normal. Rommie won't be saying groovy anymore."

"Groovy." Harper glared at Rommie's hologram. She smirked athim. "Now you forget everything that happened in there."

"Yeah, right," Harper muttered. Rommie raised an eyebrow at him. Harper gave her a smirk too. "Believe me, I do want to forget. What was with me and that whole artist thing?"

"I heard you talking about what a work of art my android body was." One last smirk, and Rommie disappeared.

Harper looked at the wall. Would a bump on the head make him forget?

Probably not. Damnit.

The End