A/N. I need to thank Serene Clamity for betaing this for me and helping me to make this into something I am very proud of.
Summary: After intense bullying left her venturing into the vicious world of self-harm, Letty is checked into one of LA's best clinics. What awaits will change her life forever. Dotty. Multi-chap.
Tuesday 2nd September 2014
The outer building looked clean, almost like the outside walls had been scrubbed twice a week with anti-bacterial spray for the last three years. It looked like the inside of a surgical theatre, no decoration, simple – to the point. The tall stature of the main building made it look intimidating, like it was going to stare down at you until you were strong enough to leave. The glass doors bared the company name, along with its logo and sponsorship partner. It was every inch the professional company that it claimed to be on its international website.
Yet one person who did not appreciate the cleanliness and overall outstanding hygienic appearance was Letty Ortiz.
She had been forced to attend, her visit thrust upon her by her mother five hours before she was told to pack a suitcase ready for a three month long stay in one of LA's most renowned clinics for teenagers and young adults. Her rebellious nature had not been tuned down over the years and her lack of caring for what anyone thought was 'best' for her showed through as she miserably sat in the car watching the skyscrapers of Los Angeles whizz by, glum face and all. The tension in the car was unimaginable as Letty kept up the silence that she had vowed to keep since being told, not asked, told, to pack her bags. She had tried to argue but it was no use. She was going like it or not.
Friday 29th August 2014
"Letty, come down for a sec. I need to talk to you about something," Lena shouted up the stairs as she thread her fingers through her hair in anxiety.
"What do you want? I'm busy?" Letty shouted back, quickly shoving the bloody blade under the tap to wash away the blood. The top of her thigh was also oozing the red liquid.
"I've got something to tell you. The longer you put it off, the harder you'll take it," Lena replied, tapping her finger nails against the wall as she wandered what was keeping her daughter.
Letty sighed in annoyance as she listened to her mother. She knew there was no way she was getting out of going downstairs. Putting her blade back into the cupboard, she quickly rolled off a few sheets of toilet paper and pressed them to her leg, hoping to stop the blood flow. The blood from the small cuts did not take long to stop, the blade not managing to get as deep as Letty had previously hoped. Pulling a pair of sweat pants on so a tight material would not rub over the healing cuts and resume the bleeding, Letty bounded down the stairs. She came to a stop before her mother. Lena led her daughter to the sofa.
"Letty, I know I promised to let you deal with your cutting on your own but I can't do that anymore. You're hurting yourself more than ever now and I can't let you destroy your life like this."
"What have you done?"
"It's for your own good."
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE" Letty screeched, rising from her seat on the sofa and standing over Lena with her finger pointing in the older woman's face.
"I checked you into a clinic," Lena said quietly.
"You checked me into a clinic," Letty repeated. "You checked me into a clinic knowing that I would hate every minute of it."
"You need help, Letty. I can't let you waste away like this."
"Where is it? The clinic, up the road?"
"LA," Lena mumbled.
"Excuse me?" Letty raised her voice again. "So not only are you checking me into a clinic in the first place, you've decided to choose one on the other side of the country?"
"It can be a new start," Lena said hopefully. She knew Letty would take it bad but not this bad.
"For who? Me or you?"
"For both of us. We can start again. Build our lives somewhere else."
"How long am I going for?" Letty asked.
"Three months."
"That's sorted then. You can re-build your life in La. I, on the other hand, will be going to this stupid clinic and then leaving and coming back to New York."
"Okay."
Letty was taken aback. She did not expect a simple 'okay' from her mother. She expected more of an argument, more of a fight. But Lena had agreed to let her leave as soon as her three months were up so she would take that deal. Three months did not seem like a long time. She could easily go through that, co-operating enough to satisfy her mother and the people at the clinic but without really listening. She would work a plan out somehow.
"I'll go pack my stuff then," Letty said begrudgingly. She did not want her mother to know that she would not be taking it seriously so she played reluctant.
Tuesday 2nd September 2014 (continued)
Now, thanks to a recent update from the sat nav, they were only thirty minutes away from the clinic. Letty had managed to cram all her clothes into one large suitcase and a small rucksack. Her blades had been neatly tucked into clothes. There was no way she would manage to get through three months without making a single cut. Letty had not spoken to Lena since they left the house and boarded their flight from the JFK airport to LAX. Luckily for Letty, the airport scanners had picked up her blades as just razor blades and her luggage was waved through.
"Now we're only thirty minutes away, Letty."
"I know. I heard the sat nav too," Letty said, leaning back against her chair with a glum look on her face.
They had rented a car from the airport for three weeks so that Lena would have time to look for a new one. The hire car only had three doors but it was cheaper than a five door and she didn't really need a bigger one at the moment. Letty would be in the clinic so it was just for Lena to use. She had already been online and looked at potential cars. The pair pulled up to the clinic and Lena parked the car before getting out and pulling Letty's suitcase out the boot. She mentally wished everyone at the clinic good luck when dealing with her daughter.
The inside of the centre was exactly how it had been advertised in the twelve page long brochure that Lena had given Letty to read on the plane. The information booklet had given Letty a step by step guide of what to expect when living and rehabilitating at the Elizabeth Rose Centre. The brochure told her that the centre was split into four different wings – North, East, South and West. Each wing was specifically designed and equipped with the latest technology to help maximise the recovery process. It was the kind of centre that any parent would want their child to be if they found themselves in a difficult situation.
"Is there a reason you gave me this?" Letty questioned on the plane. She did not need an insight of the centre, she was not planning on staying there long.
"I thought it might help you when you get there. This way you'll have some idea of what to expect. I'm just trying to give you a helping hand," Lena replied before carrying on reading her magazine.
"Yeah, helping me out. Just like this whole fiasco in the first place," Letty mumbled under her breath.
Lena slammed down her magazine and checked around her to make sure no one was listening. "Listen here. This is one of LA's top centres. It is not cheap. I am trying to do the right thing as a mother to help you. You don't want to go, you've made that clear enough but I will not stand for you being outright rude to me because of it. You are going and you will do it quietly and politely. Otherwise there will be serious trouble. Understood?"
"Yeah."
Letty and Lena walked up to the front desk and were greeted by a wide smile and an annoying high pitched voice. Her long blonde hair had been swept back into a pony tail and her eyes were heavily defined by black eyeliner. Lena and Letty looked at each other and both couldn't help but express a smile at the blonde's appearance. She reminded them of a young girl who had lived in their neighbourhood before moving away the year before last. Once high school had started, she had found out the advantages of make-up and had never gone a day without it.
"May I help you?" The receptionist asked.
"Yeah, we'd like to check in."
"Name please."
"Leticia Ortiz."
"Oh yes," the receptionist typed some information into the computer before standing up, grabbing an envelope and coming round to stand with Lena and Letty. "Okay, so if you want to follow me I'll lead you to your room."
The trio walked through the main reception and through a corridor that led to the West Wing. The West Wing was specifically designed for self-harmers and included a top of the range counsellor that was qualified in helping those suffering from self-harm. The West Wing was also divided into three different wards – A, B and C. Each ward had space for eight people at a time. Before the wing was separated into the three wards, a social area sporting a foosball table, a mini basketball hoop and a collection of bean bags.
"Well, this is the West Wing," the receptionist said, still sporting her high pitched voice.
"Looks, cosy," said Lena.
"Yeah. Where do I sleep?" Letty asked.
"Um, just this way."
Lena followed the receptionist into West C but before Letty could follow them she was pulled aside by a fierce looking girl.
"So you're the new girl," she commented, looking Letty up and down.
"Well have you seen me before?" Letty replied. At the girl's blank look, Letty smirked. "I guess you can work out that I'm the new girl then."
Smiling slightly to herself, Letty moved towards West C and caught sight of her mother turning into a room at the end of the corridor. As they walked through the doorway, an electronic buzzer went off, startling both Lena and Letty. The receptionist held her hand out for Letty's suitcase and Lena handed it over. Hoisting the case onto a bench outside the room, the receptionist opened it and started pulling out Letty's clothes before she found the five pack of razor blades that Letty had tucked in the middle of a stack of clothes. Lena looked at Letty disapprovingly.
"As you can probably guess, these aren't allowed in here," the receptionist said as she held up the blades to Letty.
"It was worth a try."
The suitcase was pulled through the hidden metal detector in the door once more and as it was given the all clear, the trio entered Letty's new room. The walls were bare and had been painted a bright white. The carpet had been replaced with flooring after an incident two years ago in which a girl had harmed and dripped blood onto the carpet and stained it. A simple beige wardrobe was placed in the corner of the room and a single bed was pushed up against the wall. An ensuite bathroom was adjoined to the room and sported a toilet, sink and shower.
"I'll leave you to say your goodbyes," the receptionist said before giving Lena directions to the exit and leaving.
"They said I can see you every fortnight when I rung up," Lena said as they sat down on Letty's bed.
"The new house will keep you busy," Letty said comfortingly.
"Hopefully, it's going to be strange not having you around but this place will do you good in the long run. You just need to stick with it."
"I'll try. I want this to go away but the idea of counsellors prodding into every part of my life is a bit nerving, you know?" Letty said, surprising Lena with her honesty about the situation.
"They're only trying to help. You'll just have to learn to get used to them. Just work towards my visits. They even said that if you do really well you might be able to leave a couple of weeks early. It all depends on how much effort you put in."
"I know but it's hard."
"Come here," Lena said as she reached over for a hug. The older woman embraced her daughter in a hug before pulling away and walked over towards the door. "I'll see you in two weeks okay?" And with that she was gone.
"And this here leads us up to the canteen where West and South Wing both meet at one 'o' clock until two 'o' clock to eat lunch. Obviously East Wing are on specialised diets and eat lunch together in the East Wing dining area."
Letty was already bored. While she understood why she needed the tour and that if she did not have it she would get lost easily, the constant commentary was getting on her nerves. Giving an exhausted sigh, Letty followed Sofia Toretto, owner and manager of the Elizabeth Rose centre for teenagers and young adults, into the North Wing. The North Wing was the section that gave the counselling and the schooling area of the centre. There were eight separate rooms including a science lab and a cooking room. As told by the booklet, the centre felt that it was important that when deemed fit for release, every patient should be able to cook a proper meal in preparation for the future.
"At the Elizabeth Rose Centre," Sofia began, turning around to make sure that Letty was paying attention. After all, she had heard her sighs. "We have a number of patients who have not yet finished school education. Here, we try to give them the education that they would usually get in school. As your therapy sessions take place on a Wednesday and a Saturday, you will be learning along with South C and East C. Once we have finished the tour, I will give you your timetable and you will be able to settle in."
"I still have to go to school?" Letty asked, clearly not impressed. She had never been one for school to start with. This experience was slowly building up to be her worst experience ever.
"Yep."
"Up mine," Letty mumbled quietly.
"And now, we're coming up to the counselling offices. Each Wing has their own counsellor that is qualified in what they're suffering. I'll see if Gisele, your counsellor, is free."
Sofia left Letty standing at the entrance of the counselling area. Letty watched her walk into the office at the far corner of the room and knock quietly on the door before going in. She did not see the point of counsellors, they were just nosy and irritating people who wanted to know everything about someone's life. If Letty wanted the world to know what was going on in her head she would have written an autobiography. Sofia walked out the office followed by a tall, slender woman. She looked no older that twenty five and had a smart business suit on.
"Letty, this is Gisele. The West Wing counsellor," Sofia introduced.
Gisele smiled at Letty and stuck her hand out. "Nice to meet you. What section are you in?"
"C," Letty mumbled with a frown on her face.
"Ah, we'll be having our sessions on Wednesdays and Saturdays then."
"I've already been told," Letty said, glaring at Gisele. She already did not like the woman.
Gisele held her hands in front of her as she watched the young girl. From her initial observations she could tell that she had not been willingly checked into the clinic. She suspected a parent or guardian. She was not a stranger to people not liking her because of her job. Many resented her because of the way she worked but in the end she was helping them and if they could not see that, then that was fine.
"Okay, thank you Gisele, Letty will be seeing you Wednesday then," Sofia said, trying to quickly hurry on the conversation. She did not want the atmosphere to be too tense before they had even started the sessions.
"I'll see you on Wednesday then."
Gisele walked back into her office, Sofia and Letty walking towards Sofia's own office. Sofia headed straight towards a file cabinet and pulled out a sheet of paper. Sofia's assistant had left a copy of Letty's timetable in with her notes while Sofia was giving the tour. Letty accepted the timetable and had a quick scan over it. Her eyes widened at some of the lessons and the addition of 'group therapy' every week did not sit well with her. As well as school and talking with counsellors, talking with peers was not one of her strong points. Things were quickly turning bad.
"Group sessions?" Letty questioned, looking up at Sofia.
"Yes, you don't seem too happy about that."
"Isn't this a conversation I should be having with Gisele?"
"You're not stupid, Letty," Sofia said, changing the conversation. "I know you don't want to be here, you've made that pretty clear but while you are here, I want you to try and make an effort." Sofia paused, studying Letty's face looking for a reaction. "Your mother is just looking out for you. She wants you to get better. If you're not doing it for yourself at least do it for her."
"You don't know anything. Don't try and make this about my mum. It has nothing to do with her, are we finished?" Letty fired back.
"Letty, I don't want it to look like I'm interfering but I really think you need to sort this-" Sofia carried on before she was interrupted by Letty.
"Like I said, you don't know anything. The quicker you stop interfering the better things will be. Are we finished?"
At Sofia's nod, Letty left the office, now quietly grateful for the tour. Remembering the way, Letty found herself back at the West Wing. Looks came her way as she walked into the social area. She was the new girl, of course she was going to be interesting. Walking straight past them, she walked down to her room and collapsed onto her bed. Her suitcase was still lying open with half of her belongings messily shoved in the wardrobe. After Lena had left, Letty had blue tacked a photo of the pair next to her bed. No matter how much resentment she felt towards her, Letty still loved her mother.
Sitting up, Letty leant forward and rummaged through her bags before pulling out a sharpened bobby pin. It had been a good way to carry around a weapon at all times and it never drew attention at her old school. It was also a good back up with her blades were taken off her. It was the ultimate cover. Walking into the bathroom, Letty pointed her toes to reveal the veins in her foot. Starting at her toes, she dragged the grip down her foot along the vein until blood dripped into the bottom of the shower. Once she had made her incision, Letty grabbed one of the cups off the sink and filled it up before using it to wash away the blood.
No one would ever find out.
Sofia walked into her house like she was carrying a sixty kilogram rucksack on her back. She could tell that Mia had popped round to cook for the weekly family dinner from the smell of Spaghetti Bolognese wafting through from the kitchen. Sofia kicked off her shoes at the door and slid her feet into her slippers, the soft feeling comforting after spending the day walking away in heels. Still armed with heavy files and her handbag, Sofia bundled into the kitchen and collapsed down into one of the chairs. Mia looked round at her mother and smiled before giving the Bolognese a final stir and sitting down.
"Rough day?" Mia asked, seeing the exhaustion in her mother's features.
"Eh, I'll tell you over dinner. Save telling your dad later as well."
Sofia gave Mia a final smile before grabbing the files and making her way into the office. She dumped the files on her desk for her to do later before making her way upstairs to change. Her white shirt and black pencil skirt were replaced with a baggy top and a pair of jeans. A pull on her hair band released a long tide of straight, brown hair down her back. Exiting her room, she poked her head inside the door of Dom's. Her son was laying on the bed, reading a fitness magazine while taking notes. Sofia walked further into the room after checking the coast was clear and sat down on the bed.
"What you doing?" Sofia asked, peering over to read the magazine.
"Taking notes. Hobbs asked us to pick out the top ten most important bits in the magazine. No idea why though, we're not even doing this."
"Maybe he's just keeping you on your toes," Sofia suggested.
"Maybe."
"Mia's done dinner, I think it'll be ready soon."
"Is she doing Spaghetti Bolognese?" Dom asked. It had been his favourite since Sofia had cooked it for the family when he was a child. She had then passed the recipe onto Mia.
"Of course."
Dom's facial expression became one of delight and Sofia laughed. From the age of seven upwards, Dom would ask every week to have Spaghetti Bolognese. If he had done something good and was given the choice of the night's meal, it was Spaghetti Bolognese every time. Sofia rubbed Dom's head like she used to when he was a child. The smooth sensation still felt strange on her fingertips, his new bald look still taking some time to become familiar. He had shaved it off after his fluffy hair got too annoying. The bald look was complimentary to his features but it was still strange.
"Dinner," Mia shouted up the stairs.
Tony seemed to have an inkling for whenever food was ready. As Dom and Sofia walked down the stairs, Tony walked through the door, his shoes kicked off next to Sofia's and his paperwork dumped on his office desk. Loosening his tie, Tony took his usual seat at the table along with the others as Mia brought a bowl of Spaghetti, a bowl of sauce and a bowl of Bolognese and put them all in the middle of the table. Mia brought a large spoon for the Bolognese and some tongs for the Spaghetti before sliding into her seat. Dom took the first helpings and filled the bottom of his bowl with Spaghetti before filling the top half with Bolognese.
"Good day darling?" Tony asked Sofia as he ate his plain Spaghetti. He was the reason that the Bolognese wasn't mixed with the Spaghetti. He did not like it.
"We had a new arrival today as you know."
"And?"
"She's a handful."
"What do you mean, mum?" Mia asked.
"She doesn't want to be there. Her mum checked her into the West Wing. She doesn't like Gisele already and the idea of group therapy sessions has her less than pleased," Sofia said as she wrapped her Spaghetti around her fork.
"Where's she from?" Dom asked.
"New York, her mum's moved here with her so she can come to the centre. I spoke to her earlier and told her to do it for her mum but she just told me that I didn't know anything."
"She sounds stubborn. By the sounds of it, she has never had the attention that she knows she'll achieve here at home before," Dom said.
"Yeah. I'm a bit worried about how the others will take to her. I don't think she's one for pleasing people. She'll speak her mind whenever she wants regardless of the consequences. I can't see her getting on with half of the people she'll be with.
"She can only help herself now. There's only so much you and Gisele can do."
For the rest of the dinner, several conversations were thrown around the table, varying from the latest sports news to university essays. After the last of the Spaghetti had been scraped off the plates, Mia got up and gathered their plates, taking them over to the sink and loading them into the dishwasher. They had had many arguments in the past about whose turn it was to wash, wipe and put away the dishes so they got a dishwasher when Dom was a teenager. The only conditions were that they had to empty the dishwasher on their days. They all had two days apart from Sofia, who only had one because she did the other housework.
"Right, I am full and I'm going up to bed. I've got a test in the morning that I need to do really well on. I can't mess this one up," Mia said, walking around and giving a kiss to each of the trio.
"Good luck. I might be gone in the morning so I'll see you at the weekend if I don't see you before," Dom said. He had his own flat and only stayed when he could not be bothered to go home – or if there was no food in the fridge.
"Alright, night."
It only took two hours before everybody else was in bed. Sofia and Tony had been up since six and late nights did not work for them anymore. Dom went up twenty minutes after to finish the rest of his note taking. However, it was only an hour before the magazine dropped off the bed and onto the floor as he fell asleep on top of his covers.
R&R