A/N: I dunno if this is any good or a good idea or not, but this is my first PotO phic, so I'll give it a shot. Considering my feelings, I treated Raoul pretty nice in this.
Where was he? Raoul wasn't didn't remember coming to this place, he had only laid beside his Christine and gone to sleep so how had he ended up sitting here, feeling miserable with no idea how he had gotten that feeling in the first place.
Then, and he's not sure how, he figured out who he was at the moment and where he was. He was no longer Raoul, husband of Christine Daae, but the infamous Phantom of the Opera in his childhood, reject of Christine Daae.
Of course, at the moment, he wasn't feeling the pain of being rejected by her for he had not known her yet. He was instead feeling the agony of being hated by his own mother for something he could not control. What he was feeling hurt worse than any wound he could have had.
And then he was thrust forward into another thought, another memory, another scene. This time, he knew without having Erik's thoughts what was going on; Madame Giry had told him about this part of the man's past and he could here them laugh as he was forced to show his disfigurements to them, the crowd who found pleasure in his pain.
Not just emotional now, physical as well, beatings because he had reached for the burlap sack to cover himself. Raoul hadn't wanted to reach for it, he had tried to stop the hands, but he was not really Erik, he was merely seeing what had happened from his point of view, with no control over the situation whatsoever.
His last thought before he was sent into another memory was that he had never felt the desire to be loved so much in his life.
This memory he knew already because it was the exact story Madame Giry had told him, of the day when he finally couldn't take it anymore and had killed his master. He knew exactly what was happening when the young woman sent him to hide and he felt the years fly by as he lived under the famous Opera Populaire.
Then came the day when Christine, so young and alone, had captured his eye and there was a love deeper than anything Raoul had ever felt for her from day one. How could it be possible that someone was feeling something this deep for his Christine?
He was helping her now, teaching her to sing better, falling even deeper in love with her everyday. She was getting older, more beautiful, she was everything he needed and more, she had to be his.
Then, finally, after multiple attempts, he had finally succeeded in making that diva Carlotta quit. Finally, his Christine would get the chance to shine and shine she did. He felt so much pride and so much love that Raoul wondered if a human body could contain it all.
There he was, now, talking to Christine, and Raoul felt the anger directed towards himself as he tried to get closer to the woman he thought he loved more than anyone. Now, of course, he could see that there was somebody who loved her more, and he was seeing all of this from said person's eyes as he lived his tragic life.
Now he and Christine sang together as he took her into his lair, finally they were with each other, finally he could have her forever. As he laid her down in a bed, he dreamed of the life they could have together. She would have to fall in love with him now.
She ripped his mask off and he yelled at her, covering his face with a hand, wishing that this had not happened, though he knew he couldn't avoid it; she would have done it eventually.
He was thrust forward and Raoul didn't want to see this part, for he knew this was when Erik murdered a man and he attempted to close his eyes, but he couldn't for he still had no control of the situation.
Again, thrust forward, and he was on the roof in the snow, a scene he knew all too well, but now he was seeing what he and Christine had done, he was feeling the sting of betrayal and wanting to cling desperately to the woman he was losing. He would not lose, he had worked far to hard to get close to Christine and he would have her.
A plan was already forming in his mind and soon he was to have the one he loved so dearly.
Another time skip and he was backstage during the first and only performance of Don Juan Triumphant. Piangi lay dead beside him as he took the stage, singing his duet with her, for she was soon to be his if everything went according to plan.
But, no, what was happening? His wretched deformities were now plain to see and it was her fault. Everyone saw what he tried so hard to hide and he felt the familiar pain and humiliation, but he had to act quickly and he had soon escaped with her in tow.
Finally, she was going to be his bride but of course that man had to appear and Raoul found himself attempting to murder himself, feeling rage instead of what he had felt when he was really there: fear, horrible fear. He had wanted to either die or get away, not really caring what Christine chose as long as his fear would be gone.
Now Christine kissed him, so passionately that he was surprised. He did not just feel Erik's surprise but also his own for she had never, ever kissed him like that.
He would let her go for he was not right in doing this. She would be happier with another and he let her go.
He sat alone and he heard her approach. He proclaimed his love to her, maybe she would really want him, but he returned his ring and left him, never to return again. He would never, ever see his beloved Christine Daae again.
He could feel worse pain and agony than ever in his life as he smashed his mirrors, realizing that everything he had worked for had come to nothing and it was all over.
Now he was seeing something that he knew never happened because Christine came back to him, they were happy, and they lived together, truly in love, the best life possible.
It was what could have been, should have been.
~X~
Raoul woke with a start; what a dream that had been! And he couldn't help but think that it was all true, every emotion, every sight, save the one at the end. He wondered, had he really been right in taking Christine from him when Erik needed her more than him?
Perhaps if he had only known sooner, he wouldn't have helped her make the biggest mistake of her life.
A/N: So, how was it? Review please!