Takes place just before Chosen. This is a little angst-filled, but hopefully you all like it. I'm not sure about this one-shot. I wrote it pretty late at night right after having a really weird dream... but it cured my writer's block, so hopefully I'll be able to continue my other story soon. Thanks for reading!
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Buffy's POV
You hide everything from me. You hide everything about you, just so you can be "yourself" – that girl that every one else sees. You don't even realize that I can see right through your charade, and it kills me that you're lying to me. Do you not trust me? Or are you insecure like I am, and are too afraid of my response?
You torment me with your little gestures and innuendos. You have no idea what it would mean to me if you meant any of them. I think it's just a game to you but I wish the game wasn't to mess with my heart. I don't think you realize how much you're hurting me.
Faith's POV
B, if you even knew the shit that I've done…I can't tell you. You just…you can't know about what I've done, who I was then. I'm trying to change, I really am. You thought I was fucked up back in high school…you should have seen the things I did in prison. I'm trying for redemption, I want to change, but damn, it's hard. Not that you would know. You're already righteous enough for everyone in the world – little goody two-shoes Buffy, Giles' pride and joy, object of obsession for every man, dead or undead, in Sunny-D. I don't want your life, B. But I wish you'd treat me like I'm trying so hard to treat you. You have no idea how hard it is to try to listen to you sometimes… you complain about everything these days.
Dawn can't finish high school 'cause of the hellmouth closing everything down, Spike's in love with you and you don't know what to do, Willow could go evil again at any spell and yet you need her magic more than anything else right now, Giles has been MIA for way too long and left you feeling like an orphan, everyone you care about is in some kind of trouble or is bugging you in some way and you complain about it all. I could give you answers, B, but I think it's better if I keep my mouth shut.
If I had the guts, I'd tell you that Dawn's smart enough as it is, and she can figure things out on her own – I learned everything off the streets, and sure, I'm not book-smart, but that's what she's got Aunt Willow for. Spike? Stake that bastard. He's been a thorn in my side for so long – first Angel, then Riley, now Spike, yet another un-dead guy that you'd rather bang than…nevermind. I can't start thinking about that. As for Will, she's a big girl, and it seems to me that Kennedy's taking pretty good care of her. And Giles…can you honestly blame him for leaving? He might be a little absent around here because honestly, what guy would want to be stuck in a house packed with screaming, hormonal teenage girls all day? No sane man, that's for sure. I'm not even going to mention Xander. And Anya gets on your nerves? She speaks her mind, and I kind of respect her for it. Sometimes she tells you off when you need to be told and no one else has the guts to do so. Chick's got nerve.
I still wish I could tell you what's on my mind, but its better that I don't – for both of us. You probably think I'm hiding from you because I don't "vent" all of my feelings like you do, but I'll still keep my mouth shut. I'll keep teasing you, and hiding from you, because when it boils down to it-
Buffy's POV
You're a coward. I wish I could read your mind sometimes. Willow would tell me that that would break all of our trust, etc, but we don't have a lot of trust left in each other. Sometimes I think that if I say the wrong thing, you'll just up and leave…and I can't do this – fight, or live for that matter – without you. I wish I could tell you that, but I think you'd get scared and leave. Or maybe you'd be angry, I don't know. I don't have enough sense to decipher what you mean anymore. When you look at me I can tell that you're guarding something…hiding it away so I can't see it. I want to see it, Faith. I want to be able to help you. It's hurting you and I wish I could take it away. All I want to do is help you, but you'd have to take a chance and let somebody in, and every time you let someone in, they either die or backstab you. I won't do that. I couldn't. I wish that you wouldn't hide everything from me, but I can't blame you for hiding something. I have something to hide from you too, and I have to hide it…
Faith's POV
I can tell when you look at me that you're hiding something. I can never tell what it is, but I think that alone allows me to keep a few secrets of my own. Sometimes, I can feel you looking at me from across the room. Sometimes I feel like you want to know what I'm thinking so bad that if you could, you'd be boring holes in the back of my head with your eyes so all my thoughts would just…leak out. But I have to hide this from you, B. I have to…
Buffy's POV
…Because when I look at you…
Faith's POV
…Even if I'm just watching you sleep…
Buffy and Faith's POV
I know I'm in love with you.
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