Broken
He had made the mistake of thinking about her. Again. Tony couldn't help himself. Every single time he opened that drawer in his mind, he was filled with grief, not believing she had left. Tony never got to tell her how much she meant to him.
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you let on.
During the day, Tony would find himself listening for her voice, her sweet, low, melodic voice. In his mind, he could hear it; her talking about Ari in a low, sad voice, the pain showing in her fathomless brown eyes. It killed him to know that she was hurting and he could do nothing to ease her pain.
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain away.
Tony got up from his recliner and moved to the only picture on his dresser. He picked it up and sat on the side of the bed, staring at the picture. It was a picture of them that had been taken at Gibbs' birthday party last year. His arms were wrapped around her waist, while hers were stretched up to wrap around his neck. She was smiling, happiness showing in her eyes while Tony was whispering something in her ear. He looked up, moving his gaze to the window, wondering if he would see her again.
I keep your photograph
Not know it serves me well.
He knew he still loved him but she had left because she needed time. But he knew why she really left. She was remembering what happened with Ari and Kate. Tony had never even got the chance to tell that he would never let that happen. He hoped he would get the chance to tell her one day soon.
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain.
God, he was pathetic. And he was lonely. He knew that McGee or Abby would help him search for her, track her phone, look for the license plate. But he already knew that she would be angry, no, furious. Still, he missed her so bad. The world just didn't seem the same without her by his side.
But I'm Broken
And I'm lonesome.
He put the picture back on his dresser and then paced to the window. He stood there and watched the street of cars, honking their cars at each other, as people stopped when the light turned green. Well, it would've been green to an unemotional person. To him, it was a dull, bland color. It was like that with all the colors. Food seemed tasteless. Hell, he didn't even want to go and work at NCIS if she wouldn't be there.
And I don't wanna see right
When you're gone away.
But he had to, otherwise Gibbs would kill him. Literally. He walked around his apartment, collecting his gear. Jeez, he missed her so much, it hurt. He missed how their bodies their bodies fit perfectly together, like two missing pieces to a puzzle; despite their differences, he missed her personality. He went down to his car and drove to NCIS. He parked it in the car garage and went to the elevator, thinking of her while he pressed the button for the bullpen. Once there, the elevator dinged and the doors slide open. He walked out and turned toward the bullpen. He froze. No one else was there. But someone was sitting at her desk and he immediately recognized the hair. His body wouldn't respond to his commands to move forward. But his mind filled with relief as he whispered, "Ziva…"
You've gone away
You don't feel me
Anymore.
Ziva
Yes, she had seen him walk out of the elevator and freeze when he saw her. That was what she expected. What she didn't expect was for him to stay frozen, unmoving, shock and relief written on his face. She stood and walked over to him, concern showing in her eyes. When she stood front of him, she reached out and touched his arm. "What is wrong, Tony?"
The next thing she knew, his arms were around her, hugging her to him, as if she would walk out of his life again if he let go. She stood rigid for a moment, then sighed and leaned into his embrace.
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head into his shoulder. It had been so painful when she had left him. Her last couple of days had been unbearable without him holding her and reassuring her that everything was going to be alright. She had told him that she needed time to think about how she felt. That was partly true. But she mostly thought about what had happened to Ari and Kate. She thought about them, wondering if there could've been another way, but, after awhile, she realized she didn't care. Just because it happened with them didn't mean it was going to happen with her and Tony. Her arms tightened around him as she thought of how much she had hurt him.
I wanna hold you high
And steal my pain away.
She loved him. She loved him so much that it felt like every breath, every cell, everything inside her, was filled with love for him. There would be no more looking for that perfect someone, the person she would spend the rest of her life with. She knew that both had a lot in common and they would also learn what common interests they didn't share.
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to find.
After a couple of minutes, Ziva leaned back so she could look up at his face. What she saw surprised her. His eyes were wet, making the green in them even brighter. He let her go and took her hand, intertwining their fingers. Their eyes locked as he brought their hands up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. He let their hands drop as he tugged her to the elevator, pulling her inside with him when they opened. He pushed the button for the car garage and thumbed her cheek with the hand that wasn't holding hers while the waited. She sighed as she felt sweetness pierce her and reveled in how she made her feel.
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain.
They walked out of the elevator started toward his car. Once there, he opened the passenger door for her and Ziva slid in. He walked around and slid into the driver's seat. As soon as he started the car, he caught her hand with one of his own. He held it as he maneuvered his car out of the parking space and out of the garage and onto the busy street. She could see him glance at her every once in a while they drove to his apartment. But she wouldn't meet his gaze. She looked out the window, wondering what was going to happen when this was over. She didn't want it to end.
"What are you thinking?"
She turned her head towards him, not meeting his gaze. After a second, she glanced up and met his eyes. "I am wondering what is going to happen when this is all over…"
Cause I'm Broken
When I'm open.
His gaze softened and he looked back out the windshield. He pulled to a stop on the side of the road, letting other cars zoom past them. He turned towards her and brought their hands up to kiss her knuckles. He mumbled against her skin, "I won't let this end because… I love you…"
Ziva sighed as relief and love washed over her, almost drowning her with it. But still, her heart didn't feel strong enough to contain it all. But she didn't care. He loved her.
And I don't feel like
I'm strong enough.
She had to tell him, so he knew that he wasn't the only one who felt something in this relationship, if you could call it that. "I love you, too,"
His eyes brightened and he sighed, as if he was letting his relief and doubts out. He reached to cup her cheek again. "Thank god… I thought I had lost you."
She smiled at him as she felt his thumb stroking her cheek. She remembered him telling her once that he would be so lonely without her in his life. Now she knew that he would never be lonely again.
Cause I'm Broken
And I'm lonesome.
He pulled Ziva's face to his, giving her a short, soft kiss, then rested his forehead against hers. "I think I've loved you since the first time I saw you. You once asked me what I would want if I could will it. But… My will… is like a tear across the sky, sucking up everything I've ever loved. First, Kate, who I loved like a sister. Then, Jeanne, who I loved with my whole heart. Now, you… I would not be able to live without you by my side…"
"That tear across the sky, is like a tear across my heart. I will always be here for you, Tony. I will never leave your side because I do not believe that you would allow me to be pushed away from you…"
And I don't feel right
When you're gone away.
A.N.- I heard this song on the radio and thought it would be a great songfic for Ziva and Tony. I do not own NCIS or the song. The song is Broken by Evanescence ft. Seether.