When I Look At You
Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a song. A beautiful melody, for when the nights are long...
How could I be this stupid? Just blow everything with Nate just like that, losing my virginity to Chuck Bass was the worst mistake of my life. It's almost 3am and I've been up crying all night... I don't know a life without Nate. As if Chuck really cared about me, when Nate loved me, but I still did this to him. My hair is a mess but I don't care, I don't care about anything but Nate.
'Cause there is no gurantee, that this life is easy...
I always pictured myself being with Nate forever, I mean who else am I supposed to be with?I need to pull myself together, it wasn't the end of the world. I'm a Waldorf, I can handle it. Or can I? Have I finally been defeated? No. No, I would not let that happen. If there's three things I care about in life, that's popularity, my reputation and the cost of the dress I'm wearing.
When my world is falling apart, and there's no light to break up the dark, thats when I, I look at you...
As I wiped my eyes with a million tissues, there was a bang at the door. Who on earth would be coming to see my at this ungodly hour of the morning? I cautiously and slowly approached the door playing a guessing game with my mind. Serena? She should be with Dan... I opened the door wide enough to fit my head through and looked that is definitly not who I expected. Stood outside my door looking as rough as ever was Chuck Bass. "What do you want, Chuck?" I stared at the floor with no tone in my voice.
"Listen Blair, believe it or not, I heard about you and Nate," His name cut through me like brand new wound. "And I was worried about you, I thought I'd see how you're doing." He said totally normal. "At 3am, Chuck?" I replied, not believing a word he was saying.
"Well, it took me a while to have the guts to come down here, are you gonna let me in or not?" I opened the door and he strolled in calmly and plonked himself onto a chair next to my bed. "So, are you okay?" What a stupid question to ask.
"Do I look okay?" I said sarcastically and laid facing him on the bed.
"No. No, you don't. That's why I'm here. Talk about it." He placed his hand on top of mine and looked into my eyes. "Why would you want to help me?" I whispered slowly as he scanned my face. "Because, Blair, I care about you." He whispered back and grinned.
"Oh please, since when did Chuck Bass care about anyone but himself?" I laughed to myself and took my hand away from his. He leaned closer to me out of the chair and smiled. "Since now." He kissed my forehead gently and leant back into the chair.
"Chuck..." I almost stuttered trying to get rid of the unexpected butterflies in my stomach. Chuck was sat here, actually caring about someone... caring about me. I'd never seen this side of him before.
When I look at you, I see forgiveness... I see the truth, you love me for who I am, like the stars hold the moon. Right there where they belong and I know I'm not alone.
"Shhh, it's okay, do what you girls do, cry ramble it's okay I'll listen. I'm here for you, Blair." He spoke calmly and quietly with his head resting on his fist. "That's the thing though, I... I don't want to cry, I don't feel like crying anymore... In fact I don't feel sad atall. Just stay here with me for a little while? Please?" I couldn't believe it, Blair Waldorf, begging. But I don't care, he makes me feel like everything's going to be okay. "I don't want you to be alone." He replied with relief in his voice.
"Thank you..." I picked up his hand and pulled him onto the bed, he got himself into a comfortable position leaning against the headboard as I lay my head on his chest and squinted my eyes to keep from tears spilling out. But I wasn't on the verge of tears because of Nate, it was because they were happy tears. I was so happy that I wasn't alone. I had someone with me, someone who genuinely cared for me and didn't want me to change. He put his hand on my head and stroked my long hair.
You appear just like a dream to me, just like kaleidoscope colours that cover me, all I need, every breath that I breathe, dont you know? You're beautiful...
We lay there silently for what seemed like forever, I was afraid that if I spoke I'd ruin the moment, the moment I felt something for Chuck Bass. The moment I didn't want to punch him in the face for once, the moment I wanted to last forever. It was starting to get light outside and I knew soon he'd have to go and I'd be alone again, alone to do too much thinking. I didn't want him to leave, not while he was making me feel like this. I had to talk sometime. I rolled over so I was still on his chest but facing him, he smiled smugly. "Chuck, why are you doing this? Prove to me that you mean what you've said. Prove it to me." I sat up and looked directly at him, intrigued to hear his answer. He looked down and back up at me again. He waited for a second then leant forward slowly, I didn't move an inch. He looked into my eyes and kissed me, in a totally different way. This wasn't a whorish meaningless kiss. It was slow and gentle and I kissed back with no regrets. He stopped but didn't remove his lips, he whispered onto my mouth three words I never dreamed of Chuck Bass saying in a million years. "I love you, Blair."
Then I woke up.
You appear just like a dream to me...