Breakeven

Dave Strider wasn't fine. Medically, he was perfectly healthy but he wasn't fine. As he stood in the doorway of the hospital he couldn't move, couldn't walk, couldn't breathe. His whole body was numb. The blonde didn't even feel the nurse leading him to the waiting area. He didn't sit. He just stood and waited. Why was he alive? Why did she push him out of the way? She should have let him take the bullets. She didn't deserve this.

God, Allah, Buddha, Dave never gave a thought to any of them. Seeing as he was a God himself he found no interest in religion. Not once had he prayed in his entire life. However, when he watched them wheeling her into the operating room, he found himself mumbling a butchered Hail Mary. His hands shook as the slurred and unnatural words came to his lips.

Dave knew exactly how long he stood there, praying words he didn't know. Every second she was in there Dave counted with perfect accuracy, down to the millisecond. His brain was clockwork. It was unsurprising, since he was the Hero of Time. This didn't help him right now. Every second dug a knife of fear deeper and deeper into his stomach.

Jade loved open spaces. Ever since the game she was drawn to large fields and open rooms. She would tell Dave it reminded her of powers. Jade would dance about, spinning with her arms out wide and a toothy smile on her face. Most times he would find a nice spot to sit and watch her, under a tree or against a wall. She would laugh and occasionally get him to dance with her.

One day she stopped abruptly and turned to look at him.

"Hey, Dave?"

"Sup?" The blonde was lying on his back under a leafy tree, absently counting the leaves.

"What if we didn't have bodies?" This question took Dave off guard. He sat up and peered over his shades to look at Jade. Her face was completely serious.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Jade started, looking for the words to use, "like, what if we were just spirits? We would just float and fly and have no restrictions! It would be amazing!" She walked over to him and sat on the ground next to him. Looking up at the leaves she added softly, "Maybe, here on earth, that's what death is like: complete freedom. I guess if that's the case then death wouldn't be so bad."

Dave quickly pulled himself out of the memory. No. Jade couldn't die. She wouldn't. He wouldn't let her.

"Today will be the best day ever!"

He had merely smirked at her joyful proclamation that morning. To her, every day was the 'Best Day Ever.' He loved that about her; how she was so optimistic about everything. Neither of them knew how it would quickly turn into the worst.

After all those years of her being hurt repeatedly by that jerk of a boyfriend, he finally had her. He was going to show her that not all men are jerks; that he was more than that. That he just might deserve her and all her perfection. Dave was willing to give her everything. He was even willing to take the bullets. In a moment of rage Dave forcefully sat down and slammed his fists against the arm rests of the waiting room chair. 'Why couldn't she just let me take the bullets?'

Dave could just see her, lying on the street. She had only been conscious for a few moments before her eyes fluttered closed. It was in his arms that she fell asleep. She was still asleep, in a medically induces slumber while the doctors worked to save her life. It was late and the stress of day should be making him exhausted. He knew, though, that he wouldn't be able to sleep even if he wanted to.

A few hours had passed and Dave was still counting the seconds. He only felt worse now. Dave had, however, composed himself enough to call Rose and tell her what had happened. She promised to tell John and that they would be out on the next flight. They would be there by tomorrow morning. His sister was obviously distraught, regretting the trip she and John went on to visit her old home in New York, but still managed to remain more levelheaded than him. Just before the line went dead she whispered words that were meant to offer some comfort.

"Dave, bad things happen, but they happen for a reason. The Game is a perfect example. She'll be fine."

Dave wanted to believe Rose. He wanted to think that Jade would make a full recovery and continue to be her loving, laughing, seventeen-year-old self. The knight wanted to believe it so badly, but he couldn't. It didn't matter what Rose said, Jade was still bleeding. Jade was still hurt. It was then a female doctor in scrubs approached him.

"Mr. Strider?" the woman asked. Dave stood up immediately.

"How is she? How's Harley?" The woman was silent for a moment.

"I am terribly sorry to inform you that Ms. Harley did not make it. We did all we could to revive her but the blood loss was too severe."

For the first time in four years Dave broke down and cried.

His Harley was gone. The one thing that made his life still worth living had passed on and he could only blame himself. The blonde knight felt himself collapse into the chair and begin to sob. There was no God Tier to save her now.

What happened next was a blur. The doctor had said something to him but Dave didn't know what. The knight just nodded, not sure what else to do. The next thing he knew, he found himself following the doctor to a hospital room and having the door closed behind him. He was left alone in the room. In the white bed was a figure. It was Jade: a cold, dead Jade. A new wave of grief hit him as he approached the bed. Taking off his glasses he looked down at his girlfriend. After a few false starts, Dave was able to speak.

"Hey Harely," he croaked. After pausing for a moment to wipe the tears off his face he continued. "Shit, Jade, what am I going to do without you? You were- You are everything to me. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much! Why… Why did you have to take the bullets!? Why di-" he couldn't finish, another sob choking him.

He couldn't speak. Dave Strider was too busy crying his eyes out to udder another word. Then again, did it matter? What else was he supposed to say? There was nothing he could say. Jade was dead. She was dead and gone and it was because she was protecting him. It was his fault! He wa-

"Maybe, here on earth, that's what death is like: complete freedom. I guess if that's the case then death wouldn't be so bad."

She… Jade had to be okay. She might not be okay here, but she was okay somewhere. She would find her freedom. She would be okay while he fell apart, heart shattered on the ground. Fighting through the tears the knight said,

"You're gonna be okay Harely. You're gonna be happy, I know you are. You're gonna find your freedom."

"I'm going to be waiting for you."

"I'll never stop loving you. I don't care where you are or how long it's been, I'll be waiting."

"No matter how much it hurts, I'll be waiting."

"You have half of my heart, Harley."

"Hell, you have more than half of my heart."

"But that's okay. Hold onto it."

"One day I'll be free too. We'll float and fly together. We'll be together and everything will be okay."

Dave bent down and kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

A/N: First sadstuck, hope you liked it! Would love feedback if you have any. Due to copyright issues and site rules I had to edit out the lyrics. If you wish to see how they relate, the lyrics are easy to find on Google.

Homestuck is property of Andrew Hussie. Breakeven is property of The Script.