Hi guys! This is my first Hunger Games Fanfiction! Well, on this account. I wrote a few in like 2012 on my old account which I won't name because they're so embarrassing now lol.
It's a Galeniss fic because I have a not so mild obsession with Gale. I just…there are no words…I can't even basically. I've been in love with him and Katniss right from when I read the first chapter of THG like 5 years ago.
Anyways, this came into my head the other day and I decided to actually write it down for once and I quiet like how it turned out. I only just watched Mockingjay pt. 2 the other day because it's took me that long to deal with the fact it was the last movie and because I really despise the ending of the book and I just didn't want to face up to watching it in the movie. Ikr, I'm such a bad fan but yeah.
So yeah, this is set a few days after the whole 'You love me, real or not real?' scene and it's just how I would have liked things to happen after that.
Saying all that though, I absolutely love Suzanne Collins, she's just like…God basically :')
One last thing, I haven't read the books in a while so sorry if the characters seem a bit oc. And it's also not written in Katniss' POV because I don't feel like I could do it any justice.
Enjoy guys :)
This isn't the first time she's been hunting since the war ended but on this day it felt different. There was just something about the sky, the smell of the meadow, the warmth of the breeze that gave her a sense of déjà vu. It reminded her of the old days, the ones before the war. It filled her with emotions she hadn't felt in a long time and she didn't know how to deal with them. She shouldn't let herself wish for it…wish that she could go back.
She doesn't hunt because she needs to anymore; Greasy Sae and now Peeta see that she has enough to eat. Now she hunts because it's the only thing she can do. For months she'd been sitting in the same chair all day every day, not moving, not talking…barely living. But what else could she have done? The war took everyone from her, even herself. She wasn't Katniss Everdeen anymore, she was her ghost.
Hunting wasn't the same and she knew it. It wasn't the same because there was no burst of adrenaline from the rebellious action of sneaking through the rows of houses and crawling underneath the district fence every morning, no spark of excitement knowing that he'd be there waiting for her. But day after day she kept going into the woods because it still made her feel something.
She was wearing her father's hunting jacket but she could still feel the subtle warmth in the breeze that washed over her. Images formed in her mind of days that had been exactly like this.
It was wrong, she knew that, but it didn't stop the thoughts from flooding her mind. Back then, things were good. Well no, not good exactly. Back then, before her games, they were starving, they were slaves to the capital but at least then she could find moments of real, pure happiness. Now there was only pain. Not just her own pain but everyone's. She convinced herself she deserved to feel it.
She hated the pain but she didn't believe it could ever go away. How could it when doing the thing she used to love most, hunting in their woods, doesn't make her feel anything but worse?
Still, she carried on into the woods, collecting her bow from its usual place and walking down one of the paths they used to take. She shoots a bird and a rabbit on the way. When she's close to the place she knew all along she was heading, she stops. Could she do it? Could she face up to all those memories?
She grips her bow tighter and continues on. She has to go back there some time.
Their usual path has become overgrown but now she's determined and a few branches aren't going to stop her.
When she reaches the clearing, her mouth goes dry, nausea rolls over her.
Everything's the same but her. The berry bushes are covered in berries, the ones they'd throw up into the air and try to catch in their mouths. But she's not that girl anymore; she doesn't know how to smile. The rocky ledge they used to sit on side by side is still there. But she's not that girl anymore; she doesn't even know where he is now.
She can't bring herself to sit in their spot so she drops her game bag on the floor a few meters away and goes to collect some wood to start a fire. She does it easily but he would have done it faster.
She contemplates cooking the rabbit she shot but decides to wait a while, instead loosing herself in watching the flickering flames.
She hates fire. Fire turned her into this person she is now. Fire burned her home to the ground. Fire killed her sister.
When she pushes the memories away, she can stop herself from staring into the flames. She takes off her jacket and then lies back on the grass, using it as a pillow. She can see the hazy grey blue sky through the gaps in the leaves above her. She remembers doing this back then. She almost lets herself wish for it again. Almost.
Her hands rest on either side of her. She lets the grass run through her fingers. She tries to feel what she should do.
I am free.
I'm free from the Capitol, free from Snow, free from the Games.
But I'm not free from my mind…
And that's why all she can feel is empty.
She sits up and skins the rabbit before placing it on the fire to cook. She isn't hungry, but she breaks off a piece of meat and places it in her mouth. As soon as she tastes it, hundreds of memories flood her mind. Image after image, feeling after feeling. Each one is like shards of glass piercing her skin. It's too much. She wants to scream. Instead, she clutches her stomach, clawing at the skin there because the pain of thinking about them together is too much.
The memories don't fade though. She hates how by just eating rabbit, she can be reminded of so many happy times. Both of them sitting at Greasy Sae's in the hob, gulping down bowls of her rabbit stew; sitting around a table with her sister and mother and his family; sitting in this exact same spot sharing freshly caught rabbit after a long day of hunting. Together. Always together.
Now she doesn't even talk to him.
She eventually manages to get her emotions under control but the thoughts of him won't fade.
That's how he finds her, sitting there, staring off onto the distance and absentmindedly picking at blades of grass. She's so deep in thought she doesn't even hear him approach. Well, until a fallen branch snaps under his foot and within seconds she has an arrow pointed straight at his heart.
"Only me, sweetheart." He huffs, holding his hands up.
She lowers the bow but only after a while. It takes her that time to get over the fact that someone else now knows about their spot other than them.
"I won't tell anyone." He says. He didn't need to read her mind to know what she was thinking. He knows this must be their place. He isn't sure how he even knows but when he saw the look on her face after she realised he was here, he just realised.
She doesn't say a word but he knows she meant thank you when she finally let go of her bow.
He sighs as he takes her in. She looks better but she's still not herself. He knows she won't be until she lets it in. Let's her feelings for him in.
He contemplates leaving her here, after all, she seemed more alive in the few seconds he was watching her think about him than she has since she returned to Twelve. He decides against it though. She needs to hear what he has to say and he needs to say it now before it's too late and the girl he once knew is gone forever. So he takes a seat across from her, the dwindling fire between them.
"How'd you find me?" She asks, her voice raspy, her eyes never leaving the horizon.
"I knew you were here somewhere then I just followed the smoke from the fire." He replies, wishing he wasn't entirely sober right now.
She doesn't answer but he wasn't expecting her to.
"The real question is why are you here?"
He watches her expression for any sign of an answer but all he gets is a slight clench of her jaw.
"Hunting is the only thing I can do." She replies but they both know that's not exactly what he meant.
He wants to know why she came here, to their spot after all this time. He can tell she's thinking of her answer and she's silent for a long time but he doesn't push her. He learnt the hard way not to do that.
After a while, he can tell she can't find the words and he knows he's not going to get the confession he want's from her this way. So he changes his tactics.
"Peeta told me what happened with you two the other night." He says, picking up on the way her lost expression falters for a second when he mentions her former star-crossed lover.
"Did you mean what you said to him?"
She closes her eyes. Why did he have to ask that question?
"Yes." She replies but it's barely a whisper. When he asked her I she loved him, she had said yes and meant it. But now… Now she doesn't know.
"Do you mean it in the way he wants you to though?"
Well I'm backed into a corner now, she thinks to herself. She even finds the energy to roll her eyes.
He knows he's playing with fire asking her that but he does because they all need to know the answer. Peeta, Haymitch…him. Her answer could change everything for all of them.
"I don't know." Her voice is weak, reflecting the way she feels.
Haymitch isn't surprised by her answer, he knew it all along, but at least now she's admitted it to herself.
She looks over at him, hating the way he chuckles to himself at her answer. She decides not to say anything else since he finds her current internal turmoil funny. But after a while, it gets too much. She can't hold it in anymore.
"I can't be myself with him." She whispers, breaking their silence.
He knew she'd say it eventually if he gave her the time. He feels smug about that too but this time he doesn't show it.
"And you know that it wouldn't be like that with him…"
She breathes in deeply, letting the facts she's known all along in too.
"He's the only one you've ever really been yourself around." Haymitch says as more of a statement than a question but she answers him anyway.
"Yeah."
"People used to talk about you two. The mysterious hunters. Always together."
She sighs.
"Everyone saw the way he looked at you. He was always watching your back, protecting you. You must have been the only person not to notice how he felt."
She hates him for saying that. She hates that she didn't realise it herself. Everything could have been so different if only she would have just opened her eyes to what was around her.
"Me and a few others in the Hob had a bet going about when you'd get together. That's why I was so shocked when Peeta told me how he felt before your first Games."
She almost finds the irony of the situation amusing but it's swiftly replaced by anger when she thinks about how annoyed she was when Peeta said what he did in his first interview.
"Why didn't I figure it out? It could have changed everything. All of this might not have happened if I would have just…If only he'd told me."
"I know," is all he can say in reply.
She groans in fustration, tugging at the roots of her hair as she does.
"I just wish...I wish I could go back."
She finally lets herself say it and truly mean it.
"I want to go back. I want to be the old me. I don't want this pain anymore. I want Prim back… I want him back. Ineed it."
He feels for her, he really does. He's seen first-hand how much she's chanced and how much has been taken from her.
"You can't go back sweetheart. But I can be your mentor one more time and tell you how to give yourself a better future."
She almost scoffs. She never thought she'd be getting life advice from Haymitch.
"You can stay with Peeta and feel all that guilt and pain forever. Maybe one day you'll finally be happy and you'll be able to live knowing you're making him happy. But if you don't change things now, you'll always know in the back of your mind that you made the wrong decision for you."
She knows he's right but she isn't sure if she can do it. She does love Peeta but she doesn't know if it could ever really be in the way he loves her. What if she ends up living the rest of her life being with him because she feels indebted to him? Would she ever find happiness with him?
"Your problem sweetheart, is that you haven't seen the whole picture. You're trying to fix everything by putting yourself back together but you're never going to complete the puzzle because you're missing half the pieces."
The truth hits her hard. She sees it now.
"You're missing your other half, Katniss."
She bites her lip. All she wants to do is run. Run to him.
"You should go see him." He adds.
"I can't. Peeta…"
"I'll deal with him. Just go. Now. I can see how much you want to."
She battles with herself but the need to see him wins. She stands up just as Haymitch pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. He hands it to her and watches as some life begins to return to her eyes when she realises it's her way of finding him. He's going to have to go and break Peeta's heart but he knows he's doing the right thing for all of them by giving her it.
"Thank you Haymitch," she breathes.
"Who would have thought that after all this time I'd still just be trying to keep you alive?"
She smiles. Neither of them can remember the last time she did that.
And then she's gone.
She has no doubts in her mind as she runs off. She may even be running faster than she did in the Games but she doesn't care because she needs to see him.
She's going to find Gale.
So, what did you all think?
Sorry if it made no sense. It did in my head but idk if I fully got what I meant across.
Anyway, should I add another chapter? If I get 20+ reviews telling me to, I will :)
Please review! And thanks for reading!
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