Disclaimer: Degrassi's not mine, and so one and so forth.
Yet another One-Shot, they are my fav-or-ite! This one kinda ties in with the last fic I posted, "Evading." If you want to know how, I guess you'll have to read that one too, now won't you! I'm slightly apprehensive about this because it contains no dialogue, which I'm worried makes it seem rushed and simplistic. Well anyways, ENJOY!
Looking back, though, I knew I was never cut out to be the maternal type.
I mean, I hadn't ever been the girl who "oohed" and "aahed" over other people's babies, asking breathlessly if I could hold the little bundle of joy with wistful "one of these days" stars in my eyes. I didn't jump at the opportunity to baby-sit, and I think I have offended quite a few parents by declining to spend the night in with their precious little tyke. But that's to say that I hated children, I thought they were great for some people... just not me. After all, I had had enough of playing mom to the woman who gave birth to me back while I was in High School, and now that I was in University it was time to focus on taking care of myself. That alone had proven to be a less-than-simple task on many an occasion. Stay away from liquor; alcoholism runs in the family. Stay away from sharp objects; old habits die hard. Stay away from boys in bands; musicians always break your heart.
But truly, that's how I got myself into this whole situation, by trying to look after myself and my future. I had lived up to Marco's diner prophesy, a journalism major of course, doing my best to ace my way through freshman exams. Where economics was concerned, however, it was never made clear to me how such a credit would help me in the world of reporting. But he seemed to have a knack for market trends, and we made plans to meet up for a cram session in his dorm after my last class got out on Tuesday evening. When I woke up naked in his bed Wednesday morning, I had the horrible sinking feeling that I wasn't going to do well on the exam I was to face in a few hours. When I was five days late the next month, I had the horrible sinking feeling that it wasn't due to being stressed over my grades. When I lay curled into a ball and sobbing against the stall of the community bathroom I had the horrible sinking feeling that the test wasn't wrong.
He seemed nice enough. He had wrapped what was supposed to be a comforting arm around my shoulders when they began to shake of their own accord. I had wanted so desperately not to cry in front of him, had wanted to appear strong and able enough to be capable of doing this on my own. I didn't want to need his help. Or Marco's or Ashley's or my mother's for that matter, though theycouldn't have done anything sincethey didn't know. Nobody knew.No one exceptme and the boy who sat stiffly beside me as I silently cursed myself for breaking down. The boy who didn't show up to our econ class the next day, who promptly dropped all his classes and left University in the week that followed my confession. I really should have seen it coming though; after all, everyone I ever need just ends up leaving. It sounds pathetically and predictably emo, but it's true.
It was down at a convenience store in walking distance of campus that I heard the voice of one of those ghosts from the past, one of the many I believed to have walked out of my life. I was buying that nutritionally-void white bread favored by second graders for peanut-butter and banana sandwiches, one of the few food items I could manage to keep down in the horrid morning sickness that plagued my first trimester. The sound of his familiar but long-absent tone caused me to lose my grip on the change that the bored, blonde cashier had just placed into my palm, and it clinked noisily to the floor. Gentle man that he was, he quickly knelt to scoop it up, giving me a chance to place the loaf instinctively over my belly, though the logical side of my brain knew full-well that my two-month pregnancy wasn't the least bit noticeable yet. Trying my best of achieve a smile that would be perceived as casual, I accepted the coins and deposited them into my pocket. He then leaned forward to hug me and I closed my eyes in silent reverie while returning it, though still paranoid enough to make sure that our middle halves did not touch.
He asked how school was going and I have him a glossed-version, choosing to omit a few significant details. Class was going okay, the city was fantastic, and no, I wasn't seeing anyone. As for him, everything was finally falling right into place. He was playing a show somewhere downtown tonight, one of many stops of a tour of college towns his label had put together with the best of their new up-and-comers. Their bus had stopped here to refuel when he had seen me walking up the steps that separated the store from the pavement and had run inside to say hello. I began to relax as he told me about his adventures in the California music scene, about how he was cutting his first record and how he wanted me to come out and see him there sometime. I asked if anyone had made the trek to the states yet, and he looked away nervously before telling me that Manny had visited in the summer, but that they had broken up shortly after her arrival. Of course I had wanted to know the details, but since he seemed a bit embarrassed by the subject I let it drop. A distraction soon came in the form of a guy in his early twenties sticking his head around the door and telling Craig that they were loading up, to which the brunette replied that he'd be out in a second. Turning back to me, he said that they were only going to be in town for one night, but that he really wanted to hang out some more. He told me the name of the club they were playing at and asked if I would come out tonight to see him. I knew with every inch of my being that I should decline his offer, make up an excuse and bail out before I wound up getting hurt again, but against my better judgment I nodded my head in agreement. A smile overtook his face and he squeezed my shoulder affectionately while we made our way towards the store's entrance, telling me how happy he was that he had run into me and about the amazing time we were going to have tonight. I was dizzy with the flutter of emotions he always managed to set astir in me, and as he held open the door my mind was occupied with subjects other than the stairs before me.
I put a foot in front of me and time seemed to freeze when it failed to make contact with the ground. I stumbled forward, attempting to grab the door to steady myself but finding it had already swung shut and was out of my reach. My ankle crumpled under the weight of my off-balance frame, and my knees buckled as I tumbled downward, landing with a sickening "thud" on the filthy pavement preceding the gas pumps. I was in pain, but that was not what caused my eyes to fill with tears as shaking hands found their way to my stomach. This couldn't be happening.
I saw him run towards me through blurred eyes, kneeling down next to me and brushing the crimson strands of hair from my tear-stained face as he asked in a voice of genuine concern if I was okay. I heard him gasp aloud in shock and horror as the sticky fluid coursing from between my legs began to seep through my jeans, soaking the denim and surrounding cement with a deep wave of scarlet. I felt him lay a hand on top of my own, still clutching my now-empty belly, and the sinking feeling resurfaced once more. I closed my eyes and let the immense grief for something I thought I never wanted overtake me.
Looking back, though, I always knew Craig Manning would be my downfall.
I'm broken hearted on the floor, my tears seep through the crack under my door,
Where I am locked in, shut down, I'm so tired of picking myself up off the ground
- "Enjoy your Day" Alkaline Trio
I think it just might make my day if you reviewed this. Not sure though, so why don't you try it and find out?