Disclaimer: I own nothing.
"Umm, Sir, you look like the guy that played MacGyver."
"Why thank you Airman. You look like the bald guy in that show about the submarine and the dolp..." Jack trailed off as he saw something shiny.
"Are we in Atlantis yet, sir?"
Jack giggled hysterically.
"Sir? Why don't I have a name?"
Jack stopped giggling as a wave of confusion caused his mind to stop working. "Your mother didn't give you a name?" he slured.
"No, she gave me a name, but no one uses it. They call me Airman. Like one of the red-shirts on Star Trek. I don't have a name."
"We really need to get back to Earth."
"BUT IF WE MOVE I'LL DIE BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS MY NAME SO THEY'LL SHOOT AT ME!"
"Airman, shut up. We need detox or something."
"BUT I DON'T HAVE A NAME!"
"HOW ABOUT BURNS? You can be Mr. Burns."
"Can I be Lisa instead?"
"W-What? No."
"Marge?"
"No."
"Maggie?"
"N.. Yes. You can be Airman Maggie Simpson. Ok? Can we get back to Earth now? I have a feeling the prostate exam is going to be hell..."