Songfic
Companion Fic Part 1/2
No warnings.
Characters belong to Kubo Tite, not me.
Song is 'Autumn's Monologue' by From Autumn to Ashes
The two songs used are companion songs in themselves..
I strongly advise you to d/l or buy/borrow and listen to it..
Preferably before, during or after the reading of this fic...
Autumn's Monologue Part 1
Oh, why can't I be what you need.
A new, improved version of me
But I'm nothing so good, no I'm nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
Of violence of love and of sorrow
I'd beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down, fold me in
deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins
I had never known how to be anyone but Rukia, but you showed me a whole other side to myself, one I hadn't even known had existed. You taught me self worth, you showed me how to present it. You taught me so many things, about people, about myself, about love. I know you didn't mean to, I know this doesn't follow your plans. I know you don't have any idea. How could you? You have closed yourself up so tight, no one can see; you can't see anyone.
Even with all of your teachings, all of your attemtps, I can never be enough. I will never be worthy of you, I can't earn your love. I have tried all that I know;no, that is a lie. I can't; I have tried to tell you, to show you. But I already know what you will say. I know how you feel, how you will react. I know all of these things, all of the what if's that will never come to pass. I cannot compete with a ghost.
I break in two over you, oh
I break in two and each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me you don't
I will never forgive myself. I have shamed myself, the Kuchiki name. I have shamed you. It doesn't matter if my reasons were pure, they were. It doesn't matter if I was trying to replace you, I was. It doesn't matter that he is everything that you are not. It doesn't matter that all of these things are true and I still couldn't forget you. I can't hate you, I can't feel anything bad towards you… Brother. So I shall stay here, in my cell, and await my sentence. I have brought this on myself with my selfishness, my futile attempts to become impassive or to redirect these horrible, beautiful feelings. I will accept whatever punishment they bestow upon me, for your honor. I will not ask for help, the request would be ignored anyhow.
And the shock beats the red from my face,
When I hear someone's taken my place
How could love be so thoughtless so cruel
When all, all that I did was for you
But, I guess it couldn't be helped. I have bred a new personality, changed my entire lifestyle, changed my heart. I knew it wouldn't be enough, but this makes it worse. You are so cold, I had always hoped that there was more to it, more to you. Yet you grow even more cruel as each night passes. Is this what my sister felt? This hopeless, lonely, terrifying, slow death? Just waiting for the end, for the pain to stop? I hope not, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I break in two over you, over you
I break in two, I would break in two for you.
Now you see me, now you don't
Now you need me, now you don't
What more could I give you? You have my heart, my soul, my entire existance. You have me and you don't even know it, you don't even care. I will never forgive you for acting like I mattered, for making me feel important, like I meant something. It was all a sick joke, a plot of some kind. You made me need you, made me love you. And now you aren't even here to say good-bye.
A/N:
Hope you like it.. It isn't one of my best and is actually my first song-fic... Enjoy!!!