I'm not dead! Ha. No really, it has been forever since I've even felt like there was anything in my brain to write, so this feels pretty momentous and also pretty small and not my best work but it's still something of an accomplishment. So I hope you like it and even if you don't, tell me nice things anyway? ;) Oh! And the title and lyrics come from the GooGoo Dolls' song of the same name, Slide. It's kinda been my Japril theme song this past 4 days. Give it a listen. Enjoy!
Put your arms around me…what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful…Do you wanna get married, run away?
I wanna wake up where you are…
Thirteen hours is a really long time. A long time to sit and think. Especially in a car. Especially after you've just done what is legitimately the craziest thing you have ever done in your life.
"Are we crazy?" April asked, breaking the companionable silence of the car. They hadn't really spoken since getting back in the car after her freak-out in the woods, just glanced at each other with goofy smiles and the occasional nervous giggle.
Jackson glanced at the dashboard clock, a wry smile spreading across his face. "Almost a whole hour - I'm impressed."
April made a face. "I'm serious," she replied, a hint of her prior anxiety creeping into her voice. "Are we completely, totally insane?"
Jackson shook his head. "No. Quite frankly, I think it's the smartest thing either one of us has done in, oh, about a year, at least." He glanced over to see April's skeptical look and elaborated, "I mean, think about it. I could have been less sensitive about your relief over not being pregnant."
April grinned, a little ruefully. "I could've been a lot more sensitive about that," she admitted.
Jackson shrugged. "I mean, you know, we both could've just been a lot more honest with each other." Jackson's expression turned downcast as he added, "I shouldn't have kept dating Stephanie so long."
April scoffed. "At least you were just dating! I never should've accepted Matthew's proposal. I was just – so lost, so confused – and I thought he was exactly what I wanted – except that he wasn't – and I was just – afraid, I guess, of being alone again, alone forever –" she paused to take a breath and shook her head. "Forget crazy – are we terrible, horrible people?" She bit her lip as she turned in her seat to look at him.
Jackson sighed and reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. "Right now, yeah, maybe we are. But – think about it this way - isn't it far kinder, for everyone involved, to have done this now? I mean, yeah, you could have married Matthew and probably been pretty happy, on paper anyway. I could've stayed with Stephanie, maybe even married her one day, who knows? But a part of me would have always felt like things were wrong, that I was living the wrong life. And it was just – I'm sorry, April, I just – it just didn't click until that moment. All of a sudden I realized – this was it – I would never have another chance to change things. So, I'm not sorry I did it – that we did this, ran away – but I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you – are you crying?"
April nodded, sniffling and shaking her head. "I'm sorry – I"
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry – I think there's some napkins in the glove box." He reached across her to open the glove box and she waved his hand off, getting a few napkins out herself and wiping at her eyes.
"No – it's okay – I just –" she took a deep breath and looked over at him. "I love you, Jackson. You said it earlier, in front of everybody, and I haven't said it back yet, but I do, I love you, you know that, right?"
Jackson laughed in spite of himself. "Well, you did say yes and run off with me, so you know, I kinda figured."
April laughed through her tears, making an almost hiccup-py sound. "Well, yeah, but it's nice to hear the words, right?"
He flashed a grin in her direction. "Right. So yeah, we're gonna have some clean-up to do when we get back, but for right now – for the next couple of days – it's just you and me. And it's gonna be okay."
April smiled. He was really, really good at making her believe that. Probably a good quality for a husband.
"Yeah. But, um – do you think we can look for an exit that looks like it might have some stores open? I mean, I'll settle for a Walmart or whatever – but I'd kinda like to get something to wear besides this," she said, gesturing at her gown.
"For what it's worth – you look gorgeous in that."
"Thank you," April replied, "But it's not exactly the most comfortable thing. Physically or um, mentally?"
"Got it. Let me know if you see anything that looks promising."
April nodded. "Running away is not as glamorous as it seems, is it? At least Cristina brought my purse out to me. Probably wouldn't be able to get married if I didn't have ID."
Jackson nodded, chuckling at the memory of Yang hurrying out of the barn and catching them just before they drove away. She'd yanked open the back door of the car, thrown April's little bag in, declared, "Your sisters are hysterical. Even so, this is still the best. Wedding. Ever," and gone back inside almost before they'd even registered her presence.
"Arizona's going to take care of getting all the gifts home, so I can sort out sending them back," April continued, almost just thinking out loud. She turned to look at him again. "And we're getting married," she said softly, the goofy smile coming back across her face.
"We're getting married," Jackson echoed, flashing her a goofy smile of his own as they lapsed back into silence and the car rolled on through the Oregon night.