Title: Call My Name
Characters: Tali
Pairings: Kaidan Alenko/Jane Shepard
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone/anything from the forum Mass Effect. Bioware owns Mass Effect and its characters. There is no copyright infringement intended. I do not make any profit/money or take any credit.
Summary: She never meant to find it, it wasn't for her eyes but at the same time – it meant the world to her.
Timeline: Post ME3
Warning: Angst
Author's Notes: This was something I thought up (I originally meant it to be a multi-chapter) and decided to write it as a single story. (I might do, at some point, the full length that leads up to this moment.)
Call My Name
Tali stifled the soft sobs that threatened to escape as she stood in the doorway, looking around the Captain's Quarters. They had left her behind on Earth. It did not matter that she had ordered them to do so; they were her teammates, her family. They should have stayed behind but she had begged them.
She needed to know that someone had made it to warn the next cycle if she had failed.
It had been even more heart-breaking when Kaidan begged her not to leave him again, she confessed to Kaidan that she loved him, but she had to, causing James and Garrus to pull Kaidan into the shuttle-bay while Liara and Tali clung to each other so they wouldn't grab Shepard. To drag her onto the ship where she would be safe
They did not look away until ramp had pulled up completely, leaving them in complete silence then Kaidan's harsh sobs broke them, shaking them to the core
Realising they could not hang around waiting for the nightmare to end; they dragged Kaidan to the medical bay, Tali and Liara staying with him. James had gone with Javik to be in the CIC room and Garrus had gone with Samantha Traynor to tell Joker they had to leave.
Now, she was up here. They had no news of Earth – no news if Shepard had survived or died but right now, it wasn't looking very hopeful and she needed to get away from the others before she broke down.
She had already lost Shepard, her sister, once – she was not sure she was strong enough to survive a second time. And what did that mean for Kaidan – who was in love with the woman?
She lay down on the bed, needing the comfort, pale in comparison to the real thing – she remembers Shepard's hug, warm and safe -, but it was the only thing she had right now. She closed her eyes, one hand slipping under the pillow only to freeze when it brushed against something that rustled.
"What?" she whispered, curling her fingers around the piece of paper before she pulled it out, smoothing it and her eyes widen when she caught the familiar handwriting of Commander Jane Shepard before frowning when further down, Kaidan Alenko's writing mixed in with hers.
She gave it a quick scan before her breath caught in her throat. This was the piece of paper that kept appearing and disappearing within the Normandy. It had driven everyone crazy more time than she dared to count.
EDI knew of it but she had kept silent, only saying that it was a private thing and she didn't want to risk anything before she knew of the conclusion. A sad smile crossed her lips.
EDI was currently in the AI core, resting. She had shut down during their escape in the Mass Relay. She wasn't dead, that Tali could tell, but merely had shut down. Only time would tell when, if, she woke up.
Walk away
Do not fight for me
For I'm not the one you love
I can never create
Only destroy
For Destruction is my name
Oh Shepard, she thought, remembering the time Shepard had gone through a dark moment after Kaidan had been put into the hospital thank to Eva Core. Garrus had told her of the incident, which had happened when Shepard had gone to visit Kaidan, which resulted in Shepard losing hope in her and Kaidan
Liara still got teary when she recounted the moment. They had been desperate to help Shepard but there was nothing they could do. Only Kaidan would have been able to fix the mess and they hadn't been so sure that he would have wanted to.
There were dried teardrops on the paper, smearing some words but they were still legible and she wished she had been there for Shepard at that moment. Never had she loathed her species so much for picking a war with the Geth at the worse moment.
Shaking her head, she read the next part, written in Kaidan's handwriting.
Do not runaway
I will always fight
For you are the only one
I am playing with Fire
You are the Flames
I long to be burned
A tear slipped free, trickling down her cheek and she bit her bottom lip. She could feel the desperation in Kaidan's words as he tried to fight for Shepard. She remembered everyone confessing that they had been surprised.
Kaidan had made it clear that he hadn't trusted Shepard, couldn't trust Shepard because of Cerberus. So for him to do a 180 and start chasing Shepard had thrown everybody for a loop but it had also made them feel their world had righted once more.
Those who had been there at the beginning had seen the blossoming relationship – though they had never dared to breathe a word of it to either Shepard or Kaidan, wanting to give them illusion that they were keeping it under wraps.
Ashley had explained it was against the Alliance rules but she was not going to tell the Brass because it had been nice to see Alenko loosen up and Shepard smile more. Beside, love amidst the battles and hardship was a romantic thing.
Something Wrex and Garrus had simultaneously snorted at, getting a glare from the woman in return while Liara had a dreamy smile on her face. Tali had been grateful that she had her mask to stop people seeing the similar smile on her face.
I have no future
My past is in ashes
Death whispers my name
My heart was once yours
And it shattered at your touch
You do not trust me
She could feel the lack of hope and almost hear the snide tone at the end. It had been a wall between Kaidan and Shepard. He hadn't trusted her and she had taken it to the heart. She always did whenever someone didn't believe her.
That had been the reason why Tali suggested they should leave the Councillors to their fate after they had refused to believe Shepard about the Reapers in the war against Saren. Shepard had refused and ordered the Alliance to save the Councillors.
It even paid off in the end with them giving her their full support in the end. But she could see where Shepard was coming from.
She had died thus her past was no longer hers, she had been brought back as a tool to be used against the Collectors, the Reapers, thus she had no future and she once admitted to Tali that she could feel the lure of Death.
Death was easier than living, she once said.
She had given Kaidan her heart and got it broken when she tried to tell him how she felt only for him to get there first and tell her that he 'loved' her, leaving her in his past with no hope for his future.
I will believe in the future for both of us
You will rise from your ashes in glory
I call your name to live
I will cradle your heart close to mine
As I have love to patch it up
I believe in you
She sighed at his sweet words. Kaidan had admitted that he was not very good with words, often stumbling, feeling tongue-tied, but right now, seeing his words written before him and hearing his voice, he was perfect.
He admitted to her, back during the race for Saren, that being hurt by Rahna had caused him to withdraw from any potential relationships so when he confessed to Shepard that she was special, it had taken a lot on his part.
She had felt sorry for the man back then, but at the same time, she had been hopeful for them. Shepard wouldn't turn away from Kaidan because of his powers. (If anything - she had admitted to Tali later, with blushing cheeks and a shy smile - she found it a complete turn on to see Kaidan glowing in blue and dominating the battlefield. The two of them had ended up giggling whenever they saw Kaidan using his abilities on the field, confusing the man).
And they knew Kaidan was the only one who could help heal Shepard's heart if she willing let him back in, to trust him with it again.
Moreover, he had believed in her, when she had not believed in herself, when they all had been more concerned for Liara losing her home world to the Reapers – Kaidan had gone to Shepard and assured her that he still believed in her.
Don't try and pick up the pieces
For I cannot be mended
Our future is lost
I died,
And all my hopes were ashes that night
I cannot be who you want me to be
It felt like a last ditch attempt trying to get Kaidan to give up on her. She had been through so much, she had lost more than she gained and it had taken a toll on her.
She had died and lost a part of herself when she had been remade. Any dreams she had before were gone, all but ashes – a remnant of what it could have been.
They had all been used to Shepard being the one to go to, the one who had an ear to listen, and the one who had the words to make everything better again.
When they saw her breaking down under the stress, they changed everything around. Now – they had been the one who had an ear for Shepard, who had the words to give the courage she needed to go on.
They believed in her and she needed to see that, no matter what, because she had proven she could do anything. She had done the impossible so many times that it was hard to believe she could fail.
She had given Wrex the cure, had given the Krogan a new hope and a new future and while she was at it, she managed to mend the rift between the Krogan and the Turian allowing the Krogan to help turn the tide against the Reapers.
She had managed to create peace between the Geths and the Quarians. Tali felt sad at the memories of Legion but at the same time, she was happy. Legion was living on amongst the Geth and they were helping the Quarians rebuild their home world.
Shepard had told her everything she had seen in the Geth conscious. It had been a mistake, the Geth had not been trying to start a war and they stopped following them after the Quarians left, waiting for them to come back so they could rebuild their world.
It had taken Tali's breath away when she saw the amazement on Shepard's face, the tears when she recounted a Quarian trying to protect a Geth only to die and the Geth to call for its creator almost child-like, unaware that the Quarian had died.
She was Shepard, the woman they had all come to love in their own way, their sister in all but blood and Kaidan's true love – yet she never once saw herself that way, always believed everyone had wanted more – more than she could give.
I will risk the pain to pick up the pieces
For you are not broken
Our future is real
You are alive
Our hopes can never die
All I want is you
She could feel his hope that he was getting through to her and every word countered hers. He was determined to prove that he was there now and he was not going to walk away, again.
And he had risked the pain to help pick her up. Shepard had done everything she could to get Kaidan to turn away, to find someone else who wouldn't hurt him in the end but he had prevailed, staying right by her side.
He had proven she wasn't broken by letting her cry in his arms, holding her close while the rest of them filtered out of the room, feeling hopeful that she was letting herself grieve for those she had lost in the battles. For a past, for her past she had lost and for the future, a future she was fighting for them.
They still had a chance at the future – if only she allowed herself to believe in it. She could have a future with Kaidan, like she had once dreamed of. It did not have to be lost just because the Reapers were here, she could use it to push herself on and end it.
She was alive now and that was all that mattered. It was all he wanted her to focus on. He had lost her and been so lost for two years but he got her back and he was not going to let her walk out of his life.
She was the one person he wanted, the only person who claimed his heart fully and he didn't want her to change. She was Commander Jane Shepard and she could kick his ass despite him out-ranking her.
Because that was whom he loved, the woman he would always want.
The door beeped open and Tali lifted her head to see Garrus standing in the doorway with a hopeful expression on his face.
"Garrus?" she asked her best friend as she stood up, the paper still clutched in her hand.
"EDI is awake – Tali," he shook his head, almost in disbelief. "Tali – she says Shepard is still alive – that she has done the impossible once more."
A giddy laugh escaped from the Quarian before she launched herself into Garrus' arms, the Turian whooping as he spun her in a circle. She was still alive and they had their main reason to make it back to Earth.
The paper fluttered free from Tali's hand as Garrus let her down before they headed toward the elevator to see the other delighted crew members, and to see that hopeful grin on Kaidan's face.
The paper landed on the ground, illuminated by the fish-tank – almost like a halo of good things to come.
Trust and let me in
Let me prove you
You are the woman I love
And I will never abandon you again
For you're my Hope
And you scream my name
I love you
The End