Its amazing how one little recruitment advert affected our lives so much.
I shift uncomfortably in my bunk. Its not as comfortable as home. Even the bomb shelters were more comfortable there. Perhaps that's just because it was familiar. Because it had a sense of safety and protection. There are plenty of guns and ammo here, but the new weaponry doesn't make me feel that safe.
I tense up as soon as I hear it. A little sniffling sound. I do that a lot lately. Every thing I don't expect makes me clench my jaw in anticipation of an attack. Every little noise sets me teeth on edge. This war shit is getting me paranoid.
"Mmph... Gerard? Gerard, you up?"At the sound of his late night whispers I relax, releasing the tension from my agonised shoulders.
"Yeh, yeh I'm up." I whisper as loud as I dare, shuffling in my bunk again and allow my arm to dangle over the side.
"Good." His fingers quickly close around mine, briefly giving my hand a squeeze before letting go. I like that he always tries to be reassuring. He's goot at the comforting thing.
One of few things that makes me feel a tiny bit safer here, is having us all here together. Mikey, Ray and Frank. Brother, Childhood friend and ... Frank.
"You know what tomorrow is right?" His voice so barely audible and worried.
"Yes, I know Frank." I think my voice may have wobbled just a bit.
Tomorrow our boats reach enemy shores. We'll have to storm the beach. That'll be out first real act as honourable soldiers. And maybe even our last. Does this even count as honour?
"You worried?" His voice cuts the silence.
"Are you?" I am. I just don't think that matters.
"...yes. I'm scared, Gee." He swallows hard, I can hear his every breath its so quiet. It isn't tense anymore though. I love when he calls me Gee. It reminds me of better times when I used to have that nickname also. I wish I could take him back to those times.
"Me too Frankie. Me too." We've forgotten to whisper but I don't care anymore. Everyone will be waking soon anyway.
"...Frank"
"Yeh?"
" I won't let them get you."
"What?"
" I uh" I suddenly realise how cringey my statement was. I'm such a dumbass.
"... Thanks mate. I won't let them get you either." Ah thank god, he did me another favour and brought us back to casual. I suck at being casual.
"Goodnight Gerard." He chokes, obviously not feeling to casual either.
"Night Frank."
Night. What if its the last time I say night to him? I never even said night to Mikes or Ray tonight. What if this is my last 'tonight' with them?
What if Mikey never see's his girl again? what if Ray never gets a girl at all? Or me or Frank? Although I don't really want a girl. I don't think Frank does either, Ray does though. Secretly he's a hopeless romantic.
Oh god. What if I loose one of them?! I can't live without them.
I can trust Ray with anything, my secrets, my life, that's why its so fitting he's a medic.
My little brother... He's my brother, I don't know how to live without Mikey, him and his chattering like a teenage girl.
Without Frank, I would die too. He keeps me going. He's my life support machine, my coffee, my heartbeat...my everything.
"I know you're still up.". He says softly. About an hour must have passed since we last spoke. The hasn't risen yet but the sky's getting a bit lighter.
"You know me to well Frank." I let a shaky sigh escape my cracked lips.
"Can I um... I'm coming up okay?" a sort of half question. Misery loves company, which has to be a lie. Surely misery is too miserable to love.
He quietly slips out of his bed and climbs the ladders to mine. I shuffle back to give him space and we sit facing each other. I have to crouch so as not to hit the roof, but he doesn't. He has just enough room to sit up straight. He slouches anyway though.
Even in the darkness tiny beads of light dance through his beautiful eyes. Not a happy dance. More like that horrible dance in school where you're teacher picks your arch nemesis as your partner.
"Frank, what's wro-!" His arms wrap around my neck and his head lies on my shoulder. My bunk creaks violently at the sudden movement.
"Frankie..." I sit dazed as a deer in headlights.
"Gee...Gee I'm scared! Gee somethings going to go wrong I know it." He sobs into my neck. Pulling him closer and stroking his hair I try and fail to comfort him.
"We'll be okay Frank, I promise."
"Don't promise Gerard! you can't control them..." my skin is soaked with his salty tears. I shiver once or twice as one trikles down my back. At least it muffles his cries. I wonder if anyone else hears us.
"Remember the party?" He nods sadly.
"The dancing and the singing?" He nods again.
"Remember us? Our band? Our song?"
He nods slowly now.
"Remember... I said I'd protect you before we went on-stage...?" I choke back my own tears. He doesn't nod but the fresh wave of sorrow shows he remembers.

"I never,
said I'd lie and wait forever.
If I did, we'd be together oh hoh.
I can't always just forget her,
But she could try-y-y."

I whisper the tune into the silence untill my un-cried tears would allow it no more.
Its time I did it. It could be my last chance. I push him off me and cup his face in my shaking hands.
"Your cruel Frankie, making me be the comforting, optimistic one."
He smiles a tiny hint of amusement. Drawing in a ragged breath I lean in. I press my lips against his and a flutter of passion rises inside me. I have been waiting forever, I didn't want to waste my first kiss. This is perfect.
Frank registers what's happened instantly, he reaches a hand up to run it through my hair. Pressing his lips against mine to make a mutual effort.
We break our innocent kiss to stare into each others eyes. The shadows of each others faces.
"I'm not leaving you Frankie." I gently wipe a cheer from his cheek. "Not ever."
"You better not." He kisses me again. His lips are so soft. Like the inside of a rose petal, a rose petal that in this case has a little salt on it.

"Rise and shine! Let's go ladies! Up!"

I rub my eyes sleepily as the sergeant walks past and back out. A slight warm breeze floats over my neck.
SHIT! I leap back hitting my head off the wall. SHIT! By the time my eyes re-focus I see Frank's equally shocked and panic stricken face inches away from me.
S.H.I.T.
He was in my bed crying. We kissed. No, I kissed him. I guess we must have fallen asleep at last...here...despite all odds...in each others arms.
"Gerard! Ah, I'm sorry I uhm"
"No its uh, its fine!" I cut him off and we climb out quickly hoping nobody noticed. A pathetic hope really. Mikey is giving me the weirdest look right now. Ray just looks pleased as if he set up his best friends to be a couple...wait. No, no he didn't.
We stand to attention and do as we're instructed until its finally the moment we've been shitting ourselves about.
Our whole platoon is all packed together on one of many boats. Mikes and Frank are in my platoon. Ray's a medic so the man with the plan is somewhere near the back of the boat.
Mikey hates water. He usually says something like, "I'm not going, Shit there's gonna be sharks in there..." He's being so brave. I'm proud. I put my arm around his shoulder.
"We there yet?" He jokes, laughing nervously.
"Don't worry bro, it'll be over soon. No sharks remember"
"No sharks" he smiles but you can see in his eyes that inside he's hurting. He looks more worried than Frank did. Frank looked scared. Mikey looks sad. Its like he's reading other peoples minds or futures, I don't know but he just looks...sad.
I give him an affectionate pat on the back and a hug, he returns the gesture.
Frank wriggles uncomfortably at the other side of Mikey. He looks stronger, more stable all of a sudden. He always makes me feel safe, last night his little breakdown scared me. He snapped but he seems to have fixed himself up. I think I did okay too though, at the comforting bit. I wonder if I'm a good kisser... If I wasn't I bet he's make a joke about my lips being slimy or something.
The boats near the shore line and I hear shouts of instruction left, right and centre. My mind is frazzled far beyond the point I could take this knowledge in. I seem to have important fact repellent on or something.
"Gerard." Mikey nudges me, whispering harshly.
"Mikey?" I use the same tone with a hint of question.
"Thanks for being such a good brother."
"Mikey, don't"
"Shut up and listen. Tell Alicia I love her, tell Ray I'll miss him and he's a good friend. I've already told Frank all he needs to hear."
"Mikey don't say such things!"
"Just in case Gerard, I want everyone to know how I feel just in case I don't make it out."
"... I love you little bro. You'll be okay. We'll see each other tonight, safe and sound, you'll see."
"Yeh. Yeh we will." He nudges me playfully.

The beach is insight. We're almost there. Some of the other men are praying, kissing the rosary or cross that hangs around their necks. A few people are turning the wedding rings around their fingers. "Till death do us part" they say. Not if you join up, you leave and die or you leave and return.
Even more haunting is the man to my left, holding an engagement ring. Not marriage, he only managed to get engaged. Maybe that's all destiny has in store for him.

Sergeants roar their commands and the end of the boat starts to lower. But its to early, we aren't close enough yet.
The draw-bridge-like flap swings back up when they realise but now its too late. A wave of salty water rushes in. It crashes around loudly at my feet. Around my knees. At my waist.
The boat tips alarmingly to one side, still moving towards the beach.
The water levels rise up to my chest and I start to panic. Mikey grips my arm and splutters words that don't make sense, his eyes wild, his hair clinging to his cheeks and swaying infront of his big round glasses.
I keep a firm hold of him and try to keep him breathing normally. he's fallen into a state of shock.
Then suddenly he relaxes every tensed, strained ligament. He sighs loudly. Its like he's giving up on survival already.
The boat starts to gradually loose the excess water, people throw it over the sides with rusted buckets.
Now drenched we wait for our next and now more imminent obstacle.
"Mikes, Mikey can you hear me?" I shake his shoulders gently.
"Yeh..." He gulps slowly. "I hear you."
"Good" I put my arms around him but do more crushing than cradling.
"Frankie? Are you alright?" I ask because he hasn't spoken and I'm scared so I must keep busy. I know he's a good swimmer but he's shorter then me, the water would've been higher.
He turns to answer but the words never leave his mouth. I wasn't even given a blissful, reassuring moment to gaze longingly into his eyes.
"GO,GO,GO!"
No water pours in this time when they let us out.
Then there's yelling, battle cries of the innocence that's about to be lost.

My breath comes sharp and ragged as I struggle to keep up with the rest of the soldiers. My feet pound against the sand sending it in up in damp, dusty clouds behind me. Together with the army, our boots shred up the beach.
Its all so blurry and fast.
Just before I reach those strange 'X' shaped metal spokes the first gunshot sends me instinctively diving for cover behind the big iron thing.
More shots follow, bullets clink off the metal and some don't clink. Some don't clink because they're fired straight into human flesh.
The terrible scents of blood, dirt and sewage mingle in the air.
I crouch to catch my breath. Turning to see Mikey desperately trying to catch up. The bullets clearly weren't enough so they are soon followed by mines, bombs and other explosives.
Lifting a hand to rake through my hair I end up just tapping my helmet.
I hear Franks voice amongst the din. Telling people were to run. I follow his lead, calling to other's as I go.
I kick up dust as I run and even more when I duck and hit the deck to avoid the rapid firing from our enemies.
A bullet whizzes past my ear, I can tell I wasn't hit but I felt the heat from it so it was very close.
For a millisecond I swivel around, hoping nobody was hit behind me. During that millisecond I see my little brothers rapid breath, his heaving chest, his attempt to run.
During the following millisecond I see him collapse to the sand. Gripping his side. Blood on his gear, his blood.
"NO! MIKEY!" I roar, turning back to run to him. Those bastards are not taking my brother from me!
"MIKEY! MIK-!" I grunt as someone tackles me to the ground.
"What the hell are you doing Gerard?!" Franks hazel eyes see right into my soul.
He must have seen Mikey by now. I try to get up but Frank Pushes me back, face down into the gritty sand. I wince and spit the horrible substance from my mouth.
"Frank stop! I have to help him, I have to! MIKEY!" I scream as loud as my lungs will allow.
"Gee, Gee we can't go back, we can't." He repeats holding me down. Tearing up himself. Several others have come to aid him in my restraint.
"I HAVE TO! GET OFF!" I yell, writhing around in desperation.
Each time I coughed a new red puddle would appear in the sand. Like the ones coating Mikeys War jacket.
There was nothing I could do but watch and scream until my lungs were clogged with fumes and blood.

Ray ran over to Mikey, pulled out a bandage and tried desperately to stop the bleeding but to no avail.
Mikey was crying out and my very soul was being torn apart by his intense agony.
He grinded his teeth painfully, lifting a hand to examine it, it's red with his own sticky blood.
Ray was talking to him, asking questions, reassuring him.
Mikey didn't answer the questions. He couldn't even if he wanted to. Sand must have been stinging both his eyes and his wound. I sensed he was slipping away.
He never stopped fighting it. He roared in protest until...it took him.
His chest stopped heaving. His tired eyelids stopped blinking. His head rolled back and his mouth hang open, allowing deaths entry and his last breaths escape.
His lungs stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating.
But his tears, never stopped falling.

We were meant to go home. He was meant to propose to Alicia. I was meant to be an Uncle.

'Mikey! Mikey don't leave me! Mikey! Comeback!'
My silent screams never cross my lips, his presence is gone.

I'm lying in the sand, helplessly staring and he's just... Gone.