*Green Anomaly*
by: WhiteGloves
"... If I lose... then I'm just that much of a man anyways."
~Roronoa Z.
Zoro opened the door from the deck and looked outside. It was fairly quiet. Not minding it, the Pirate Hunter who had just come down after half a day's work out descended the stairs looking out for his normally loud crewmates. Instead he heard only the sound of Thousand Sunny moving on the tides of the sea in the middle of the afternoon. He looked around as he go down the steps, seeing the heads of the four dolts, namely Luffy, Usopp, Sanji and Chopper, huddled together. In the middle of the lawn deck were Robin and Nami, having their afternoon tea with books and newspapers on their hands. There were no sign of Franky and Brook around.
Everything was peaceful and quiet.
It was only when he reached the bottom of the stairs that he understood why it was so—focusing his eyes on the dolts, he sees them all with solemn faces—even Luffy—with patches of tears streaming down their faces silently with few sobs and hiccups here and there and a huge dark background of depression surrounding them. Wondering what it was all about, he approached them when his eyes fell on a bunch of flowers with Brook on it lying on the floor with his hat on his breast before them.
Zoro nearly bit his tongue.
"Just what the hell are you guys doing?"
His voice seemed to destroy the serene atmosphere as altogether the cries and wails and bails of the four erupted as they tried to speak in response to his question—
"—Zoro—Brook died with afro!" came Luffy
"—couldn't save him!" wailed Chopper
"—we're lamenting his demise with flowers—" Usopp knocked a fist on his eye
"—died a virgin—" Sanji sobbed—
"HA?" The Pirate Hunter stared with mouth hanging open as the others continued with incompressible words—
"—his afro!"
"—he couldn't breathe!"
"—nobody lamented—all alone!"
"—virgin!"
"—fifty years!"
"—still a virgin!" and the wailings kept on getting louder and louder.
"Morons! He's already dead you idiots!" Zoro tried but nobody was paying him any attention until—
"All of you idiots..."
Zoro looked to the owner of the voice to the two pirate women looking at the four because of the noise coming their way. An angry vein was already pounding on the side of Nami's head.
"You guys I already told you to be quiet and stop crying nonsensically! Why are you grieving for him when he's not really dead?" but her angry voice and reasoning was only answered with more cries and hysterical noise—to which her answer was the aggravated sound of her knuckles hitting each of their heads.
Brook immediately sat up straight upon seeing his fallen comrades all around him.
"We—we'll join you—Brook...ughh..." Usopp tried to speak but couldn't continue.
"Oh, but I do not wish for any of you to follow me in heaven so soon." And then he tipped his hat back to his head and gave a loud— "Yohohohohoho! Although I've never once remembered being in heaven! Yohohoho! Thank you for this short service! I feel encouraged to continue on my life so—"
Zoro watched him stand up and stride toward Nami where he received his well deserve punch after asking to see her undergarments yet again. The Pirate Hunter then looked back at the dolts who all supported large humps on each of their heads.
"Like I said, what are you idiots doing? Mourning for the already dead?"
"Shuttup—you wouldn't understand!" Usopp snapped back tearfully but more on the pain he was feeling on his head, "We just gave him a proper memorial service that's all! That's how we do it in my town—owww!"
"It seemed a proper send off for Brook," Chopper sniffed his snot, "I couldn't imagine dying so lonely... wahhhh!"
"Wahhhh!" came Luffy's voice, "SANJI!—where's the food Usopp said is serve after the ceremony!"
The cook's right foot found the captain's head— "That's all you wanted! And you!" he barked at Zoro, "Just because you're an insensible misdirected marimo doesn't mean you can't sympathized with a man who's died a virgiiiiiiiin!"
"Like I care—YOU ERO COOK BAKKA! WHO CRIES OVER BEING A VIRGIN?"
"The hell!? You won't be saying the same when you die a virgin!"
"I'd laugh at your grave if you die a virgin!"
"WHADDYA SAY YOU STUPID MARIMO HEAD!?"
"I SAID YOU'D BE DYING FIRST DAMN ERO COOK!"
"YOU SHITTY MOSS HEAD—" he turned to the other dolts, "he said he'd laugh at your deathbead!"
"Moss head!" piped Usopp
"Stupid marimo head!" repeated Chopper
"Ero marimo headdd!" shouted Luffy and there was a huge fist fight among the five Strawhat Pirates and the cloud of depression was replaced by a cloud of battle.
Nami who had been pouring over the newspaper with Brook and Robin had to yell yet again and threaten them to make them stop.
Minutes later we find the five dolt heads with four of them supporting two humps while the green haired swordsman only one eating away Sanji's sandwich and beverage juice.
"Is this really what you eat when somebody dies, Usopp?" Luffy asked curiously as his hands fly away toward the ladies' table to grab their sandwich only to be stopped by Sanji's kick.
"Yeah, more than wine anyways," the long nosed sniper shrugged, "I heard most men take on the wine in graves."
Luffy looked thoughtful for awhile as he bit on a sandwich then looked at Brook. "How about we put you on a grave and toast a wine, Brook?"
"Now you're talking." Zoro muttered with an open eye to the captain.
"Tsk." Huffed the cook, "Found your own joy in mourning the dead, huh? Marimo?"
"You're really asking for it!"
The two buttheads again till Luffy turned to the cook.
"Sanji what's for dinner?"
Sanji was about to answer when they heard a swishing sound from above the heads and then Franky appeared. Then doing his usual pose and clanking both hands together—
"Aww! The sky's clear but I heard someone shouting about a virgin! Awww!"
"You don't say?" Nami's lips and eyebrows twitched and she was about to sip on her tea when all of a sudden she noticed the alert pose of Luffy, Zoro and Sanji all three looking up the sky. That could only mean one thing.
"What's the matter?"
The voice who answered didn't belong to any of the three.
"Mugiwara no ichimi. So this is where you are."
Everybody looked up the sky and saw there a man hanging on air with sharp yellow eyes, dark locks, large body built and surprisingly weird outfit— a tuxedo for his top and a brief on the bottom. All the Strawhats blinked at him twice.
"Your brother, Franky?" Luffy asked as Franky raised his shades up looking curiously at the man but then the turn of the tide happened when the floating man waved his hand and a large chunk of meat appeared on it. "WHAZZZA?! MEAAT!"
He ran forward just as Zoro pressed his thumb on his sword at once but his expression was blank.
"Who are you?"
"A-and that large meat..." Usopp called, behind the pillar, "why d'you have a large meat?"
The strange man remained looking at the group with the chunk of meat on his shoulder. Then he smiled and then raised it a little, making Luffy's eyes turn pure gold.
Robin's eyes narrowed.
"Better be careful of a man who knows what he's doing."
"Look at him float like Sanji." Chopper commented, "Is he a devil fruit user?"
"What's he doing?" Nami said while Brook remained expressionless for a bone.
"Oi, Luffy! Get a grip!" Sanji shouted with eyebrows contracting while Luffy salivate, "He's practically dangling it on your face! Oi you bastard!" he turned to the man, "Who the hell are you?"
The guy looked at them with a hard expression. And then answered, "I came here to take one of you down. How do I phrase it? Ahh, kidnap."
"What?" Sanji gritted his teeth with fist closed as the others give confused sound and looks. "This damn guy looking down on us..."
"Ehhhh!" Usopp cried, "He means to attack ussss!"
Zoro's eyes sharpened, "I'd like to see him try."
"Hmm?" Franky was still looking at the man with raised eyebrows. "I don't think he's my brother. Come to think of it I don't have a brother to begin with."
"Don't be so slow!" cried Sanji looking pissed but the man's triumphant smile alerted them still. Zoro seemed the most annoyed at this that he pulled his sword and pointed it at the man with eyes of daggers.
"Why don't you get down there and do what you said?"
"Don't provoke him, Zoro! He might kidnap you!" Usopp cried, but then added as an after thought,"O-on the other hand it won't hurt if he did! Rather you than me, right? G-go provoke him!"
"You're noisy!"
"Don't be ridiculous," Sanji answered as he lit a cigarette calmly, "he's setting his eyes on Nami-san and Robin-chan. I most absolutely will not allow it!" and he closed his fists, eyes burning.
Meanwhile, Chopper transformed into his human form, smiling, "He can't kidnap me now that I am as heavy as him ahaahahaha!"
"AHHH!" cried Brook, jumping behind Nami at once, "I—I am the lightest one here! I'll get kidnap! Nooooo! What will he do to me when he kidnaps me!? Torture? Threaten? Kill?"
"This is no time to be kidding around, idiots!" Nami shouted, pointing at the guy, "He's about to attack us with the meat!"
"Tsk." Zoro mutters, "it's obvious enough who he's aiming for. Oi Luffy, don't get fooled—"
And everybody watched with wide eyes as the unknown enemy threw the large chunk of meat away from them—down to the sea—and sure enough— with all the crew's mouth hanging open—
Monkey D. Luffy was there to follow and sunk below.
"Hyaaaaa! Luffy was caught!" Usopp, Chopper and Brook all cried and together, the trio jumped to the sea out of instinct.
"Why are you jumping, you idiots!" Zoro shouted about to jump as well when Sanji shouted—
"I know that's a diversion you!" the cook shouted, using his legs, he kicks the air, "You're really aiming for Nami-san and Robin-chan! Who else would you attack among those shitty low lives?"
He confronted the man face to face in the air only to see him smiling—
Moments later we see Luffy, Chopper and Brook all damp and down the floor, taking in deep breathes, coughing while Franky and Usopp also wet and breathing hard beside them.
"You hammers always have the knack to jump!" Franky said, standing up and looking at the sky. "Huh? He's gone?" He turned to Nami and Robin who were still both there.
"He took Sanji." Nami responded with a frown. "He used us all as baits and then lured him up there in the air. Then they just vanished."
"What?" Franky's eyebrows contracted. The three hammers on the floor all sputtered water out from their mouth trying to say something but nobody except Usopp's words were understandable.
"H-ekk—took—oguh—Zangi?"
"But I don't think he's the only person missing." Robin added and everybody looked around to see that she was correct for a certain marimo head was also gone.
When Sanji came to, he was inside a dark cellar inside a moving boat. He took his time to look around, before deciding to stand up and check his chest pocket for a cigarette. Lucky enough, it was still there so lighting one, he let a puff of his smoke circle the air.
"Tsk. What the hell's the idea of me getting kidnapped? Pathetic. Well, at least Nami-san and Robi-chan are safe."
Footsteps came from the aisle, and soon the enemy he faced awhile ago appeared in front of him once more. Sanji didn't lose his cool as the two of them stared transfixed at each other.
"Then?" the blond cook muttered, taking his cigarette of his lips, "what's the big idea of me being here?"
"I think you'll know enough when the boss gets his hands on you." Smiled the tuxedo man in his brief.
"I'll be kicking away any hands coming at me if they aren't of ladies. Is your boss a lady?"
"Hardly." He kept that smiling face of his that Sanji almost found annoying.
Then after awhile, the blonde cook blew a puff of smoke one last time before opening his lips again.
"Am I the real one you want?"
"You're Black Leg Sanji aren't you? Although your poster—"
"Alright, I get it." He paused, then spoke again, "And? What's he doing here?"
He pointed a thumb behind him were a shadow of a man with blades on his eyes was watching them.
Roronoa Zoro also came aboard.
~ ToBeContinued~
A/N: I miss Mr. Prince!
~Thanks for Reading~