Hope Springs Eternal

by believable-pen

Ianto finds a letter in the archives telling him how he can become immortal and spent eternity with Jack. But all is not what it seems...

Hope Springs Eternal

I know I can be a bit naïve at times, but I do try my best, honest.

I get sucked into things so quickly, I don't have time to think about what I'm doing. Until it's too late, that is.

And there are always consequences to ones own actions.

Let me start at the beginning.

I'm Ianto Jones and I love my boss, Captain Jack Harkness. I think he cares a great deal for me, although he never actually says anything. The only problem is, he's immortal. Can't die….ever!

That's what I hoped for. I wished for. Prayed for. Immortality.

Right.

Like wishes and dreams come true? And forget hope. Hope does not spring eternal. It's just a saying. Thought up by some sad bastard.

I wanted to spend eternity with Jack, and I was willing to do anything to make that happen. And I do mean anything

I was working in the archives that day, just one of my many jobs at Torchwood Three. I cleaned up, filed, photocopied, typed….you name it, I did it. Oh, yeah, and I was the 'coffee king'. No one made coffee taste as good as I did. They loved it.

I was content at first, to be with Jack. It wasn't all sexual. Not like Owen thought. I wasn't the 'office shag'. Yes, we dabbled. There was touching, but not like Owen thought, not at the beginning. We were content to just hold each other through the night.

As the months progressed, so did our relationship.

I had never been with a man before. It was Jack, only Jack, that I loved. I didn't understand it myself, but somehow, it felt right.

I digress.

While I was in the archives, filing, I came across this piece of paper I'd never seen before. Now, I know every letter, every picture filed in here. I'd never seen this one before.

Taking it over to the small table, I sat down and looked at it in more detail. The heading read:-

Three Steps To Immortality

Was I seeing thing? Were my eyes playing tricks on me?

No, that's what it said. I read on:-

Step One; Find the Shayman. He possesses the power to change your life, forever.

Step Two; He will require immediate payment. Make sure you are willing to pay what he asks. There are consequences, and no second chances.

Step Three; Enjoy your new life. Live it to the full. Don't look back, ever.

I looked up from the letter, then read it again.

This had to be a joke. Either Jack or Owen put this here. No, not Owen. He rarely comes down here. Jack. Now would he do this? Would he trick me into thinking I could have immortality? No, I don't think he would. That would be cruel. Jack wasn't a cruel man, and never to me.

I sat there, looking at the letter for almost twenty minutes, when a voice came through my earpiece.

"Are you sleeping down there, Ianto?"

I smiled. "No, I am not sleeping, Jack."

"Good. How about some coffee?"

"Be right up."

"Great."

Tucking the note into the inside pocket of my jacket, I headed back up to the main Hub area.

Gwen and Tosh were at their workstations, Owen was standing outside Jack's office, paperwork in his hand.

"Thanks, Jack," Owen said going back to the autopsy room.

I went straight to the kitchen area and started making the coffee. It was my own blended coffee. I put three or four blends together. It tasted divine, even if I did say so myself.

After making the coffee, I filled four mugs, putting them on a tray. I added sugar and milk and then went to Gwen and Tosh first. Always the gentleman

Gwen took milk and sugar, so before putting the mug on her desk, I added two spoons of sugar and a little milk. Tosh just took milk, so I poured milk into her mug then set it down before her. Moving on to the autopsy room, I put Owen's mug down on the side. He liked his black with half a spoon of sugar. I left Jack until last. I liked for him to smell the coffee as I was taking it around to the others. He appreciated it more. Industrial strength black, was how Jack liked his coffee. It made the spoon stand up and wilt.

As I entered his office, Jack looked up from the paperwork he was doing, giving me a broad smile.

"Whatcha been doing down there?"

"The usual. Filing. Copying." I shrugged, putting the mug before him.

"Mmmm, smells wonderful."

"It's a new blend. I added chocolate and chilli."

"Chilli?"

"Mmm, try it."

Jack took a tentative sip. "Wow! That is good!"

I smiled, sitting down in the chair opposite him.

"Where's yours?"

"Didn't make one."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Not thirsty." I smiled.

Jack sighed. "Gonna sit there and watch me work?"

"Actually, no. I have work of my own to do in the archives."

Jack squinted. "Don't you get lonely down there, all on your own for hours on end?"

I shook my head. "Too much to do. Time really flies by."

Sipping his coffee, Jack gave me one of his brilliant smiles. "I can think of a much better way to make time fly by."

I had to smile. "Get your mind out of the gutter, mister."

Standing up, I walked round the desk, placed a kiss on his lips and left the office.

I could feel his eyes burning into me, as I walked towards to stairs. I smiled, as I turned, waving to him.

Jack pretender he wasn't looking, but I saw him smile and shake his head.

Going back to the archives, I took the letter out of my inside pocket, and read it again.

'Shayman' I said to myself 'Where do I start, looking for one of those?' I sat down at the table. 'I wonder what the payment will be?'

I don't know why, but I got the phone book. I know, I can't believe it myself.

I looked up S for Shayman.

There it was.

In the adds.

Shayman - Do you want to change your life for the better? Do you want to live longer? We give you renewed hope. One call could change your life. Ring now 09122 854620

They had to be kidding, right? So why was I writing down the number? Why was I going to call them as soon as I got home?

Home.

I'd have to make an excuse. I usually stayed at the Hub with Jack. But I wasn't going to let this pass. If it was a hoax, I'd find out. If it wasn't….

It was almost knocking off time, and I had to think of an excuse to go back to my flat….alone. Jack wouldn't like it, but I wanted to phone the Shayman's number.

As I left the archives, I dreamt up one hellava headache. One that would require me to go home for the night and get some rest. I wouldn't get that staying at the Hub. Or if Jack came home with me.

Jack would be fussing round me. Making hot drinks. Giving me painkillers. He was sweet and attentive when I wasn't feeling well, and I liked the attention. But I wasn't ill and I certainly didn't want my lover around when I dialled this number later this evening.

As I walked into the main Hub, I screwed up my face a little and pretended to be in pain.

Gwen saw me and walked over to see if I was okay.

"Ianto, are you alright?" she asked.

"Bad headache. Can't seem to shift it."

Jack came out of his office. "Ianto?"

I smiled weakly.

"Headache?"

"Mmm. To much filling. Would you be okay if I went home tonight? I really need to sleep. Get rid of this headache."

I had to admit, I was pretty good.

Walking down the stairs, Jack came to join us.

"Sure," he said, putting a hand against my forehead. "You feel a little warm. You want me to drive you?"

And have you stay the night? No thank you.

"I'll be fine, Jack. I just need to close my eyes for a while and rest."

"If you're sure?"

I nodded. "Yes. Thank you anyway."

"Okay. Call me when you get home." Jack kissed me on the lips.

"I will."

I hated to deceive him, but I was desperate to call that number.

I drove straight to my flat. Jack would have had a fit if he'd seen how fast I went. That would have given the game away, no doubt about it.

Once inside the flat, I waited ten minutes before calling Jack.

"Hey, it's me." I sat down on the couch.

"Hi, Yan. You okay, babe?"

"Mmm. Just taken a couple a painkillers."

"Make yourself a hot drink and go straight to bed."

I smiled. "I will."

"You want me to pop by later?"

I had to think. "Call me first. Okay?"

"You bet."

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Night."

"Night."

I disconnected the call.

I took the piece of paper out of my jacket pocket and read it again. Placing it on the table, I picked up the phone and dialled the number. It rang for ten rings. I was just about to hang up, when someone answered.

"Hello?"

"Er, yes, hello. Is that the Shayman?"

"Yes, it is." Silence, then, "Do you need something from me?"

"I….want to live longer."

There, I said it.

"Are you willing to pay?"

"How much?"

I had some money put away. I didn't get enough time off from Torchwood to go on a spending spree.

"I do not require monetary payment. We must meet."

I swallowed hard. "Okay. Where?"

"I have a flat in Grangetown, number 13, near the park. Do you know it?"

"Yes. What time?"

"In an hour."

The line went dead.

"An hour? Hello. Hello!"

I put the phone back in it's cradle. What was I letting myself in for? I think I was about to find out.

Putting the landline on messages, I tucked my mobile into my inside jacket pocket. Going back down to my car, I drove to Grangetown.

I sat across from the park for just over thirty nine minutes, before getting out of the car, locking it and going to number 13.

Unlucky for some, but I hoped, not for me.

Knocking on the door, I waited for someone to open it. It took a few minutes, but finally an old man came to the door.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I called you about an hour ago. You said to come round." My voice came out a little shaky.

"Arh, yes. Do come in. I've been expecting you."

I entered to house. It was a terraced, like most in this area. We went through to the back. The house had been converted into two flats.

"Please, do sit down." He indicated to a chair by a small, round table.

I sat.

"So, you need something from me. But first, I need something from you."

I frowned.

"It did say, did it not? Immediate payment is required."

"Yes, it did. I wasn't sure what kind of payment or how much you required." I said, not wanting to seem to eager.

"You wish to live forever, as he does. Am I correct?"

How did he know that?

"Yes."

"Bring me something that belongs to him, with him on it. A brush. A comb. Bloody handkerchief."

I sighed.

"Can you do this?"

I nodded. "I think so."

"Good. Bring it here tomorrow and I will keep up my end of the bargain." He stood. "You will have what you desire by this time tomorrow."

I stood up.

"Until tomorrow. Same time." The Shayman walked towards to front door.

I left the flat and walked back to my car. I felt a little disappointed.

Something of Jack's.

When I got back to my flat, I called Jack. It was almost 8pm by this time.

"Jack, it's me."

"Hey, Yan. How are you feeling?"

"Better, thanks."

"Good."

"I thought….if you wanted to….you could drop by later. Maybe stop the night."

"Mmm, sounds good. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes. I feel a lot better. The painkillers did the trick."

Liar

"Want me to bring anything with me? Food, wine?"

"No, just yourself and stuff for staying overnight."

"Okay," pause. "See you in, half an hour."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you."

I put the phone down, hating myself for the deceit. But, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And I had everything to gain. So did Jack. I only hoped he'd see it that way, too. A lifetime spent together. My dreams and wishes were about to come true.

I busied myself with tidying the flat. Not that it needed it. I was rarely here anymore. I spent most of my nights with Jack at the Hub. His bed was cosy. Only a single, but big enough for us.

I waited patiently for Jack to arrive, then jumped, when I heard him open the front door.

"Oh, jumpy." Jack said, walking into the front room.

"Sorry. I was miles away." I covered myself by smiling innocently.

"You back now?"

I smiled. "Oh, yeah."

Moving closer, I put my arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss.

"Missed you."

"Mmm, me, too."

We moved to sit on the couch.

"Have you eaten? I can cook something, if you like."

"How about I take you out to dinner." Jack said.

"It's no bother." I assured him.

"I'd like to." Jack insisted.

I smiled. "Okay. How about The Prince of Wales? Their food is really nice and they have a varied menu."

"Excellent." Jack stood. "Grab a jacket."

"If you're sure. I can make us something."

Jack gave me a gentle shove towards the door.

"I guess you are."

We both laughed.

The meal was good. The company was even better. My mood brightened as the evening wore on. I couldn't wait to be in the arms of the man I loved.

We made love twice during the night, and slept late. Well, late for me. I woke up at 6am. I was usually showered by then. Jack woke beside me, smiling.

"Morning."

I kissed him. "Morning." I replied.

"That time already?"

I nodded. "Yep. Wanna share a shower?"

"And risk being two hours late? Go ahead."

I smiled. But Jack was right. If we got in the shower together, we'd end up back in the sack.

After we both showered and dressed, I watched as Jack put his things away in the bag he'd brought with him. When he went into the kitchen, I opened the bag and took out his brush, hiding it under my pillow. I checked to make sure Jack hadn't seen me.

Going into the kitchen, I sat at the table and watched Jack make us scrambled egg on toast, with coffee.

"You spoil me."

Jack kissed me on the top of my head. "You deserve it. Hope your headache's okay today."

I smiled. "I feel fine."

"Much more filing to do?"

"No," I shook my head. "Should be finished by lunch."

"Good. You can take me out for lunch."

"Okay. Let's eat or we'll be late."

We arrived at the Hub just after Tosh. Minutes later, Gwen arrived.

I went up to the kitchen and put coffee on. They worked better after a Ianto style coffee.

As usual, Owen was the last to arrive.

"Bloody car wouldn't start."

"Helps if you put petrol in." I joked.

"Funny, ha ha."

Jack shook his head.

"Okay, I'm going straight down to the archives. I'll be up in an hour to make coffee. There's some there if you want any now." I told them, smiling.

I made my way down to the archives and looked to see if there was anything else on the Shayman. There wasn't. So I got the letter out an read it again. I was still baffled as to how it got here. I'm sure I'd never seen it before. It must have been in a file and fell out. That was the only explanation.

I was getting excited. I had Jack's hair brush. It was his and had his hair in it. That's what the Shayman asked for.

Immortality was nearly mine. Come 7pm tonight, it would be mine. Jack would be mine for all eternity.

The morning went really fast and I managed to finish the days filing before lunch.

I tidied the TIC right after coming back upstairs. Typed out a report. Spoke to an elderly couple about the advantages of going on a trip round the Bay in one of the tour boats. Filled the counter with new leaflets, pamphlets and information booklets.

I was feeling wired. Roll on 7pm.

I was humming to myself, when Jack came into the office.

"You sound happy."

"Mmm. It is a lovely day." I told him.

"Haven't seen any of it myself. You wanna go for lunch now?"

"Yes," I said, straightening my tie. "I'm quite hungry, actually."

"Good. Where are we going?"

"Depends. How hungry are ya?"

He laughed. "How hungry am I? If you want more than a sandwich, it's okay with me. I love to watch you eat." Jack smiled.

"Inuendos."

"Mio? Never."

"How about Eddie's Diner?"

"Lead on Mac Duff."

We walked through the door and out into he sun. It felt good on my face. We chatted, as we went up the stairs and walked passed our favourite coffee shop - Starbucks - and next door to Eddie's Diner.

Once inside, we sat at a booth. As Jack paid for dinner last night, I was paying for lunch. Getting up, I walked to the counter and ordered two of Eddie's special burgers and side order of fried and onion rings. We'd share the side orders. We, not exactly true. I'd eat most of them. As Jack said, he enjoyed watching me eat.

When I first joined Torchwood Three, I saw really thin. I didn't eat much - put that down to having your Cyberwoman girlfriend in the basement at TW3 - once they discovered I was keeping Lisa there, and they had killed her, I became really depressed. Especially while I was serving my one months suspension. But Jack came to see me at least three or four times a week. I think that's when I fell in love with him. After all I'd done, he still stood by me. The rest of the team forgave me, too.

Lisa was my first love. My first real steady girlfriend. The first one I'd made love to. She was everything to me.

Until Jack.

I'd never thought about being with a man. I wasn't homophobic, I just preferred women. All that changed after Lisa died. I fell head over heels for Jack Harkness and his 51st century pheromones.

So, there we were, fooling around, chatting away, eating burgers and drinking water.

Then it suddenly hit me. I had to meet the Shayman again tonight. How was I going to get round that?

"Have you got anything planned for us tonight?" I asked.

"Actually, I have to meet Martha Jones at 5pm. But it should only be for a few hours."

"Okay. Maybe we can meet up after and have a game of ten pin bowls."

"Why not. Sounds like fun. I'll call you when I'm through."

I felt relief wash over me. I hoped it didn't show.

"You staying at the Hub or going out til then?" Jack asked.

"I thought I'd just go for a walk around the Bay. It's so nice out, seems a shame to waste the whole evening."

Did I sound convincing? I hoped so.

"Can I ask what the meeting's about, or is it top secret?" I smiled.

Jack shook his head. "Don't know. Martha phoned this morning."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Anyway," Jack said, "what will you be up to after lunch?"

"I think Owen has some reports he wants me to type up and print out. Shouldn't take too long. Maybe I'll clean the coffee machine out."

"That coffee this morning was really unusual."

"Yeah. I read it in a magazine. You can put chilli with hot chocolate, so I thought I'd add both to coffee."

"Yep, it works." Jack smiled at me, turning his head slightly to one side. "Got any more flavours up your sleeve?"

"Well," I started, "you will just have to wait and see." I smiled back.

"Darn."

We both laughed.

After lunch, we headed nack to the Hub. Tosh, Gwen and Owen were having lunch in the boardroom. Tosh had brought sandwiches and pickles in.

I went up to speak with owen.

"Owen, where are the reports you want me to type out?"

"On the side, opposite the table. Thanks for doin' them for me. I'm a crap typist." He smiled.

"Mmm, I noticed."

"Watch it, Jones."

I went down to the autopsy bay, got the reports and headed for the Information Centre. It was quieter in there.

I unlocked the outer door and then I settled behind the desk and switched on the computer.

The door open just as the screeen light up.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"Certainly, young man. I'd like to know if there is anything going on around the Bay area tomorrow afternoon?"

I got out a pamphlet.

"Not to my knowledge. There is a small market here on Sundays." I offered him the pamphlet.

"Thank you."

He left.

Did he seem familier? Maybe it was my imagination, but I could have sworn I'd met him before.

I shook my head and got on with the reports. It took just under aqn hour to do all the reports and get them printed off for Jack to sign and then for me to file.

Outside the Information Centre, the Shayman pulled off the false beard and eyebrows and smiled.

He will do nicely. The end is almost here, Jack Harkness.

I locked up the Information Centre and took the reports up to Jack's office so he could sign them. I'd file them tomorrow. Time to clean out the coffee machine. A labour of love.

After Jack left for his meeting with Marther, I made the rest of the team coffee and then went down to our bedroom below Jack's office to change. Putting on jeans and a t shirt, I went back out to the computers and looked up the Shayman's address. Nothing of interest came up. No flashing lights no flags.

Owen and Tosh left just before 5.20pm. Gwen followed shortly after.

I waited until 5.40pm, then left the Hub, heading back to my flat. I picked up the brush from under my pillow and just stood looking at it. I couldn't believe that this was going to bring me immortality. Jack would be speechless when he found out we could spend an eternity together.

I tried to think of who I would tell Jack.

Maybe I'd kill myself in front of him. No, that would be too much. Maybe I should just tell him.

Yes, that's what I was going to do. Sit him down and tell him. Boy, was he in for a surprise tonight.

By 6.30pm I was pacing the floor. Excitement was getting the better of me. I had butterflies in my stomach. My head was pounding and so was my heart. In just over 30 minutes, I would be immortal, just like the man I loved.

At exactly 7pm, I knocked on number 13. It opened a few seconds later.

"Please, do come it."

I followed him through to the back room.

"Did you bring something?"

I took the hair brush from my pocket and handed it to him.

"Perfect." He examined it and then took some of the hair from the brush and put it into a container. Closing the container, he turned to me. "This is his?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Then let us begin."

He instructed me to take off my jacket, waistcoat and shirt. I complied.

"Please, sit.

Taking some of the hair out of the container, the Shayman placed it in a watery mixture and shook it vigorously.

All I could dowas watch. I was intrigued.

Putting the mixture intoa syringe, he out the needle agaist mt chest, over my heart, and pushed gently. The needle was so fine, I didn't feel anything. Slowly I could see the syringe empty. He pulled the needle out.

"There. It is done."

I didn't feel any different.

"It will take am hour before it will work." He walked away from me. "You may dress npw."

I got up an put on my shirt. As I was doing up the last button, I asked, "Is that all you needed, something of him? "Yes. It is done. You now have what he had."

I smiled. "Thank you."

His face never changed. Serious. Stern. Not giving anything away.

"Do you wish for a demonstration?"

"Er, no, thank you, anyway."

I did my tie, put on my waistcoat and jacket and headed for the front door.

That was the last time I was to see him.

I got into my car and headed towards Cardiff Bay. It was only 7.50pm, so I went back to the Hub to replace Jack's brush. I didn't want him to find it missing. After, I walked over to the Red Dragon Centre and the Bowling Alley.

I had just sat down in the café with a coke, when my mobile rang. Jack's ID number came up.

"Hey, you." I said.

"Hey.Just finished up with Martha. Where are you?"

"Bowling Alley. In the café."

"Okay. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"Great. See you soon. Bye."

"Bye."

I smiled. I couldn't wait to tell him. Just how, I wasn't sure. I couldn't just blurt it out.

Hey, guess what? I found this letter down in the archives. Don't know where it came from, but hey, who cares. I went to see this Shayman and he asked for something of yours with you on it. So, I stole your hair brush and gave it to him. This guy injected me with a mixture of water and hair, into my heart. Now I'm immortal like you.

Yeah. That'll do it.

I don't think so.

I'd almost finished my drink by the time Jack got here, so I ordered two more.

"Okay, let's go pay for a game and grab some shoes." Jack offered.

I had a smile on my face that looked as if it had been painted on. Jack kept giving me sideways glances, but didn't say anything.

Halfway through the game, Jack sat down to watch me bowl. He looked tired.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Mmm? Yeah. You're beating me!"

"You're letting me."

"No, I'm not."

I thought he was kidding at the time.

After the game, we went back top the Hub, and down to our bunker below Jack's office. I poured us a glass of whisky, and I sat on the couch next to my lover.

"Think I'll get an early night." Jack told me. "Do you mind?"

"No. I might just join you."

We finished our drinks and went to bed. No making love. No cuddling. Just sleep. For Jack anyway. I was still too wired.

I lay there watching Jack sleep. He was quite restless tonight, but didn't wake. I wondered if he was dreaming of me. Of a lifetime spent with me. Soon to become a reality.

When I eventually got to sleep, it was almost 4.30am. I dozed more than slept, my arms wrapped around Jack. He was still out for the count. Unusual for him. He was usually the first one up, tormenting me.

"Good morning, sleepy head." I kissed each eyelid.

"Morning. What time is it?"

"7am."

"Wow, I was out like a light. Sorry."

"That's okay. I slept, too," I lied. "You must have been tired."

"Yeah, all that Bowling."

Pushing back the covers, Jack got up. I was already dressed. I marvelled at his nakedness. The man had a wonderful body.

"I'll go make some coffee. I expect you could do with some right now."

"Mmm. Thanks."

I went to the kitchen and got the coffee started. Ten minutes later I took it to Jack in his office.

"Thanks." He smiled at me.

"Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale."

"Me. Pale. Never."

Jack went over to the mirror to look for himself. "I do look a little drained." "Too much shaggin'" Owen called out.

"And you would know, Owen." Jack replied, going to the door.

"Thanks for that, Jack." He looked up at Jack. "You do look a bit peaky. Maybe I should check you out."

"That's not a bad idea," I said.

"After my coffee," Jack said, going back behind his desk and sitting down.

I looked at Owen, he shrugged.

I followed Jack back into the office. "You sure your okay? Maybe it was the coke last night."

Jack didn't look at me, as he said, "You're okay, aren't you? ."

I nodded.

"Wasn't the coke then. I feel drained." He ran a hand across his face then through his hair.

Finishing his coffee, Jack went to his office door and looked down at Owen in the autopsy room. I joined him.

"He's waiting," I told him.

"In my own time, Yan."

"Jack!"

"What's the rush?"

Jack tried to push passed me. I lost my balance and feel down the stairs, head first.

"Ianto!"

Jack and Owen rushed to my side. Blood was pouring from a head wound and it was at a weird angle . Owen checked the pulse in my neck.

"He's dead, Jack."

"No! Yan? No, he can't be. Not him!"

Jack was distraught.

"His neck's broken."

Jack carefully picked me up and carried me to the autopsy room. Gently, he placing me on the table, and took hold of my hand.

Yan!" Tears spilled from his eyes.

The sliding door went back, as Gwen and Tosh arrived with bags from Starbucks, containing pastries for us all. They saw us in the autopsy room and walked over. That's when they saw Ianto.

"He fell down the stairs from Jack's office. His neck is broken." Owen informed them.

"Dead! Ianto? No!" said Gwen, the tears flowing.

Tosh just stood there, a blank look on her face.

"Ianto," whispered Jack.

"I'm….sorry, Jack."

"What have I done? I shoulda listen to him. It's my fault."

"No Jack, it isn't. It was an accident." Protested Owen.

Jack stayed by my side for the next hour. Tosh was at her workstation, trying to concentrate on her screen. Gwen was stood at the railing, overlooking the autopsy room with Owen.

No one spoke.

The Hub was silent.

After an hour and five minutes, I took one hellova breath in.

"Ianto!" Exclaimed Jack.

I opened my eyes and smiled. "Wow, what a rush!"

"But….but you were dead!"

"Jack, I'm immortal, like you!"

Jack shook his head. "No, you can't be! This can't happen!"

I frowned. "I thought it was what you wanted." I sat up.

"How?" Jack asked.

"I….I found this letter in the archives…."

"What letter?" Interupted Jack.

"About a Shayman who could…."

"Ianto, you didn't? Tell me you didn't."

"I think he did, Jack," put in Owen.

"I locked that letter away. You couldn't have found it!"

"It….it was just there, in one of the files. I thought you wanted me to be with you forever."

"I did, but not like this. Not like this." It was a whisper.

I stood up. "If you knew about the letter, why didn't you tell me about it? Why didn't you want me to be immortal?"

"Did you read the letter?"

"Yes."

"I mean, really read it. Consequences, Ianto."

"I'm alive, Jack! I just died and now I'm alive!"

Jack shook his head. "What did you take?"

I shook my head.

Jack raised his voice. "What. Did. You. Take?"

"Your hair brush."

"Oh, Ianto. What have you done?"

I looked at my lover in disbelief.

"I thought you'd be pleased. We'd be together for an eternity."

"But we won't."

"What do you mean, 'we won't'. He said…."

"You, are immortal, Ianto. You have my immortality. That was the consiquence. I can now die."

"No, no. That can't be right. He said I'd have what you have."

Jack nodded. "It is, believe me. Now I know why I feel so drained. You have sucked the life right out of me." Jack walked away from me. "From now on, for every day that passes, I loose a year of my life. In 30 days or less, I might be dead, of old age. Or I could die from a Weevil attack."

I shook my head. "No. This can't be happening. I'll….I'll go back and see him. Explain. Get it changed back. I didn't mean….there must be some way…to reverse it. I didn't know this would happen. I….I'm sorry."

Jack smiled. But it was a sad smile. "You won't find him, Yan. The letter says, 'Don't look back', remember? 'No second chances'. He's got what he came for….me."

Tears started rolling down my face. "I can find him, Cariad. I know….know where he lives…."

"Ianto, no. It's too late."

"But, if you locked the letter away….where did this one come from?" I took the letter from my jacket pocket and handed it to Jack.

Jack sighed. "It's a copy. There were two made."

"Who had the other copy, Jack?" asked Owen.

"Qualon. He's a Malrean. An old arch enemy."

"Why did he have it if he was your enemy?" this from Gwen.

"For insurance. He bought it, the same as me."

"In case you wanted to become mortal?"

"No. No one quite knows why I'm immortal. I'm just a fixed point in space and time." Jack turned to look at me. "We didn't really know how it worked at the time. It was to make someone immortal."

"Like Ianto?"

"Yeah. But I didn't know what would happen, so I didn't dare use it. Now I'm glad I didn't."

"But I did." I said, turning to Jack.

"But how did it get here?" asked Gwen.

Jack studied the letter, then said, "In 2000, the then head of Torchwood Three thought the world was going to be taken over by aliens. On New Years Eve, he killed all of the team. Then, in front of me, he killed himself. Qualon was here then, snooping around down in the archives. Trying to find any of Earth's weaknesses." He turned to me. "James was one of those weaknesses. That's when I became head of Torchwood Three."

"So, this Qualon planted the letter back then?" asked Owen.

Jack nodded. "Must have. He found out how it worked."

I sniffed. "But, I've only just found it."

"Have you been in that particular file before?"

I shook my head. "I don't ever remember going it there."

Jack frowned. "There you are then."

"Is there nothing we can do, Jack?" asked Gwen.

Jack shook his head. "Short of killing Ianto, and drinking his blood, nothing."

I looked at my lover, never giving it a second thought. "Do it, Jack. You have to kill me."

"No way!"

"Immortality is yours, not mine. Take it back."

"I can't kill you, Ianto!"

"Then let Owen do it." I turned to Owen.

"It has to be me, Yan."

I turned and ran up the stairs into the main Hub area. "This is all my fault. I was so sure that this is what you'd want, too."

Jack followed me, taking hold of my arm. "It would be, under other circumstances."

I laughed, ironically, "What a fool I am. Believing we could be together forever. Blinded by my love for you."

Jack pulled me into a fierce hug. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry, Jack." I cried into his shoulder.

"Sshh," was all he could say.

Owen and Gwen watched as this whole thing played out.

I'd got what I wanted only to have it snatched from me.

Was I so naïve that I couldn't see this coming?

I recalled what the Shayman said

You now have what he had.

There was the clue 'had'. Not has.

I was immortal and my lover was not. How could I live an eternity without him? I couldn't.

Death would be better. Either by his hand - to restore his immortality - or by my own. There seemed to be no other way around it, barr finding the Shayman.

Jack held me close until I stopped crying, then we went up to his office. I didn't know what to do next. I'd ruined everything.

I sat opposite Jack as he got on with his paperwork. Nothing stopped Jack Harkness. Well, until me, that it.

It was hard for me to look Jack in the eye anymore. I felt really bad about what I'd done. No not bad, devastated. Jack said he didn't blame me, but deep down inside, I know he did. He was going to die in a month or even less.

And it was all down to me. If I hadn't found that letter. If I hadn't taken Jack's brush. I put my hand to my heart. Felt where the needle went in. I pounded my chest with my fists.

"Ianto! Stop that!" He got out of his chair and quickly rounded the desk, taking hold of my hands.

"Do you know how much I hate myself right now? How much I want to kill myself?"

"It won't help either of us."

"But it might make you feel better."

"Me, you think I want you dead? You're wrong, Yan."

"Am I? I bet you hate me right now."

"No, I don't."

"Then you should."

Getting up, I stormed out of the office and through to the TIC. I switched on the computer and started putting the address in Grangetown in Google. No hits. It was just an address, nothing else. I put in Shayman. No hits. Tears of frustration threatened to blind me. I brushed them away with the back of my hand.

I didn't notice that Jack had followed me through the sliding door and was standing by the counter, watching me closely.

"You won't find him, Yan."

"I have to try."

"It's no use. What's done is done. Leave it at that."

"So, what, you die in a month and I just go on?"

"Yes. Like I'd have to."

"But you're used to it, I'm not. I only want you." I closed my eyes.

Jack came to stand behind me, putting his arms around my shoulders, drawing me back against his chest.

"I'm sorry," he said against my hair.

"Why? I did this. Me. Not you."

"But I can feel your pain."

"What are we going to do, Jack? I've killed you."

Jack and I didn't sleep together that night. I was down in the bunker on our bed, Jack was in his office, working.

I lay on the bed, fully dressed, looking up through the hole, trying to glimpse Jack, but I couldn't see him. Every now and then, I could hear him sigh. My heart ached.

Finally I couldn't take anymore, and I got up. Climbing the ladder into the office, I stopped at the top and looked at my lover. He didn't look at me.

"I'm….going to make some coffee." I told him.

"Fine."

"Would you like anything to eat?"

Jack shook his head.

I walked out of the office and over to the kitchen. As I walked out, I noticed there was grey starting to appear in Jack's hair.

It had started already.

I pottered around in the kitchen, making coffee and a sandwich for us both. Even though Jack said that he didn't want one, I knew he had to be hungry.

I stood there in the kitchen and looked up at the office, wondering what was going through his had right now.

If it were me, I'd be devastated. He'd had a long life, yeah, but for it to end in a matter of a month, and by someone who was supposed to love you….I just don't think I'd be able to get my head round it.

Consequences. No second chances. Don't look back.

Those words kept going round in my head. Why didn't I take the time to think about it before I just jumped in with both feet? Because I loved Jack that much, I wanted to make him happy. Make him happy. Right. Make me happy, more like it.

Selfish. Inconsiderate. Naïve. Gung-ho. Pratt.

These words suited me right now, and I bet the good Captain could add a few more of his own. Some that I wouldn't even think of.

Putting the coffee and sandwiches on a tray, I took them up to the office, and placed it on the deck.

"I said I wasn't hungry." Jack stated.

"Actually, you didn't say anything."

Jack looked up from his paperwork, dark circles appearing under those clear, blue eyes I loved so much.

"I am not hungry." He took the coffee mug.

"I'll leave it, just in case." I sat. "We need to talk."

"It's way passed talking, Ianto."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I got it wrong…."

Jack's head came up, his eyes dark.

"I want to make it right."

"You can't."

"Yes, I can."

Jack shook his head and sighed deeply. "Forget it. I will not sacrifice you to save me."

"I would, if it were me."

His gaze softened slightly.

"Do you want to know what I'd have to do to you?"

I nodded.

Liar, you don't.

"First, I cut your chest open, while your awake. Awake and scared, so your blood is really pumping through your heart. Then I crack open your ribs, while still trying to keep you alive. Last but not least, I cut open your heart and drink your blood….before you die." Jack watched me. "Not pleasant, huh?"

"No," I swallowed hard.

"You still want me to kill you?"

"Yes."

No hesitating.

I drank my coffee, but like Jack, I wasn't hungry. I just nibbled at the sandwich. We sat there, in silence, Jack pretending to go through his paperwork, me watching him just in case he said anything.

I think I'd shocked him by saying I'd still let him kill me, knowing what I'd have to go through.

What price love?

I'd do anything. Go through anything to put things right. Even if it meant dying. I was prepared to sacrifice myself, to restore Jack's immortality.

By the time Owen arrived at 8.33am, Jack was on his fourth cup of industrial strength coffee, and looking worse the wear from lack of sleep. His hair was more salt and pepper than when I made the first cup.

"Mornin'," he called up to us.

I went to the door. "I'll make some fresh coffee, shall I?"

"Great," replied Owen.

I looked back at Jack. He didn't look up.

Going back down to the kitchen, I put coffee grounds into the machine and waited for the water to filter through. I'd made a new blend and hoped they'd all like it.

Gwen and Tosh arrived within minutes of each other. Both wore solemn looks on their faces.

I filled four mugs with coffee and took them round. As I placed Jack's in front of him, I touched his shoulder.

"You should try and get some rest. You've been up all night."

"So have you."

"I'm….fine."

"Yeah. I know how that feels. Too wired to sleep. Afraid not to."

At last he looked at me, eyes red and sad.

My heart broke.

He didn't need to take it. It was already his. Had been from the moment I set eyes on him.

I could almost see him now, wrestling with that Weevil.

The Weevil was on top of Jack, it bit his neck and then started pummelling his body good. Next thing he know, the Weevil was being clobbered from behind. There was I hitting it with a tree branch. I managed to got the Weevil off of Jack, and onto me. Jack then got the Weevil off of me and managed to get it to the ground. He got out a spray, spraying it in the eyes. The Weevil was asleep. It was out for the count.

Jack stood up.

"Thanks," I said, leaning my hand against a tree, blood coming from a graze at my temple.

"No. Thank you. And you are?"

"Jones. Ianto Jones."

"Nice to meet you, Jones. Ianto Jones. Cap'n Jack Harkness"

We shook hands.

"Luck escape." I said.

"I had it under control."

"You think so? Looked pretty vicious." I took a few steps towards him.

Jack moved back.

"Your, mm a... you were bleeding."

"I've had worse from shaving." Jack smiled.

"Looked like a Weevil to me."

He eyed me suspiciously.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'll take 'im from here." he said

Jack hauled the Weevil over his shoulder

"Thanks for the assistance."

"Any time. By the way" I called after him. "Love the coat."

I looked at Jack, a smile playing at the edges of my mouth. Love the coat, love the man.

It seemed like another world away.

For Jack, it was.

Jack went down to get some sleep while we watched over the Rift. It was quiet.

"I'm going through to the Information Centre." I told Gwen. "Finish off my reports in there."

"Okay."

Walking through the sliding door, and into the Centre, I watched to see if the cameras were on. They weren't.

I slipped out through the door, onto the boardwalk. I quickly walked up the stairs and across to the car park, where I had my car. Staying with Jack at the Hub, I rarely use my own car. Getting into it, I started the engine and headed out towards Grangetown.

I was on a mission. Nothing was going to stop me.

As I approached the address in the letter, my heart was pounding so fast, I thought I'd have a heart attack. My brain was clear but I was scared out of my mind. I had to get him to change me back. Give Jack immortality. If the Shayman was still here. Jack said he'd be long gone, now he got what he wanted.

I wondered if this guy was working for Qualon. Maybe he wanted Jack dead. Maybe he just wanted to know what would happen….plenty of maybes. I wanted a few if's. If I hadn't found the letter….if I hadn't called the number….if I'd only told Jack about it first….

Too late for all that now. I had to find a way out of this or get Jack to kill me. Either way, I wasn't sure if there would be anymore 'me and Jack'.

I walked up to the front door and knocked. There was no answer, so I knocked again.

An elderly gentleman came out of the house next door.

"If your lookin' for the man from the ground floor flat, he left last night. Took a suitcase and just left."

"Damn!"

I went back to my car and sat there for about ten minutes. Getting out again, I walked back to number 13 and kicked the door in. The elderly gentleman came out again, but I flashed my ID. This quietened him.

"Police business," I lied, going into the flat.

I went through to the back room. It was empty. No containers. No syringes. No hair from Jack's brush. No Shayman. Just emptiness.

I closed my eyes and looked skyward. What to do next.

Running back outside, I got into my car and headed back to the Hub.

Going in through the Centre, I passed Tosh at her workstation and went to the computer next to hers. Tapping in a few numbers and letter, I waiting for the screen to show our CCTV footage from the day before in the Centre.

There he was. The old man who came in to ask about things going on at the Bay on a Friday. I'd told him about the Sunday market, and he left. I knew I'd seen him before.

It suddenly came to me when I was in the flat, the old guy who came to the Information Centre was the Shayman. Or whoever the hell he was. He was checking up on me. He knew where I worked. Knew all about Jack. But how?

Maybe he wasn't this mysterious man of magic after all. Maybe he was a quake, following orders given by another.

It had Captain John Hart's name written all over it. He couldn't have Jack for himself, so he was going to make sure no one else ever did.

He was here less than six months ago and could have easily planted the letter in the archives then.

He knew I'd jump at the chance to spend a thousand lifetimes with Jack. What he didn't know, was just how long it would take me to find the letter. Had he been paying that man all along, just in case? What was the liquid that Jack's hair was mixed with? Definitely not water. I know that now. John Hart had somehow got the letter from Qualon - bought it, stole it, killed for it - and bought it here to Earth when he came looking for Jack.

"I'm on to you." I whispered, watching the tape play of the old man.

I ran the tape back, keeping my eye on the old man, looking to see which direction he came from. He'd used the bus. Got off at the Millennium Centre.

I ran the tape forward to when he left the Centre. I saw him take off the fake beard and eyebrows. Watched him as he walked to the end of the boardwalk and meet up with another man. A man dressed in a red and gold jacket.

John Hart.

Gwen came over to see what I was doing, but I erased the tape before she got to me.

"You alright, Ianto?"

"Fine. How's Jack?"

"Still resting."

"Good. I'm going out for a while. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks."

Smiling, I walked back through to the TIC, and out to find Captain John Hart.

I walked around the Bay, stopping outside the Norwegian Church. I leaned against the railing and looked back across the Bay.

I felt someone walk up beside me.

"Hello, Eye Candy."

I resisted the urge to lash out at him.

"What have you made me do?"

"Me? It's what you wanted."

"I never wanted to hurt Jack!"

"You wanted to be with him, though. Wanted to be like him," he looked straight through me. "He was mine once. Seeing him again, brought back memories."

"You pushed him off a roof!"

"I had too."

Passers by were looking at us.

"What are you looking at?" John asked. "Gray made me do those things to you and Jack."

"And now?"

"I was….paid….handsomely I might add."

"You bastard! You'll do anything for money."

"Yes. It's okay for you. You have your Captain Jack. I don't have anyone!"

"I don't have him either!"

"Well, no, sorry."

I tried not to, but I began to cry.

"I don't want to live without him. Can't live without him."

I wiped my face with the back of my hand, unashamedly. "I have some money put by. It's yours, if you help me, with Jack."

"Why should I help you?"

"Because you love Jack, too. I know you do."

John just looked at me.

"Okay, okay, there is a way. I doubt if Jack's even thought of it."

I took a step forward. "What?"

"Take blood directly from your heart. Your heart will still be beating. Then he can drink it."

"Will it work? Give him back immortality?"

"It should, in theory," he shrugged.

"How much blood?"

"About a pint or so should do it."

I went to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the Hub. Owen can take the blood. Jack needs it now. He's getting weaker."

"I'm not coming with you."

"I don't need you. Jack doesn't need you."

"You could still die."

"But Jack won't. That's all I care about." I turned my back on him, and started walking.

"You'd give up your life for him?"

I stopped and turned to face him. "In a heart beat."

John just looked at me. "I'm sorry, okay. Go save him, Eye Candy. Good luck."

I didn't look back as I walked towards the Hub.

Going through the TIC, I saw Gwen at the sliding door.

"I saw you on the CCTV monitor. Was that John Hart you were talking to?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

"Ianto?"

"I know how to save Jack. Do you want to stand here questioning me, or shall we get on and save him?"

Gwen nodded.

"Owen?"

"What?"

"Get the autopsy table ready. Gwen, go get Jack. Don't tell him anything. Not yet."

"What's goin' on, Ianto?" Asked Owen.

"I need you to take a pint of blood from my heart."

"You're kiddin', right?"

"No." I started to take off my jacket. "Jack has to drink my blood. It could help him." I unbuttoned my waistcoat and took off my tie.

"What's going on? Ianto?" this from Jack.

"We can still take my blood, direct from my heart."

"No!" Jack protested.

"You are in no position to oppose this, Cariad."

"You can't do this, Yan."

I undid my shirt, taking it off. "It's the only way, Cariad."

"It could kill you!"

"It could save you." I got on the table, and laid down. "Do it, Owen."

"No!"

"Do it!"

"Ianto!"

Owen plunged the syringe into my chest, piercing my heart, then drew back on the plunger. Blood began to enter the syringe.

"Ianto," breathed Jack, taking hold of my hand.

I bit down on my lower lip.

Owen emptied the blood into a beaker and put the needle in my chest again.

"Drink!" I told Jack, between clenched teeth. "While it's still warm," I added, to lighten the moment.

Despite himself, Jack gave me a toothy grin, then took the deaker offered to him by Owen.

Owen filled the syringe again and put it into the deaker that Jack had just drank from.

I looked at Jack. His eyes were sad.

"Don't get….too used to it." I told him.

"I won't," he replied.

Then my world went black.

I remember passing out as Owen took the third syringe full of blood from my heart.

I was up above the autopsy room, looking down at myself, lying on the autopsy table. Jack was standing next to me, tears in his eyes.

"What's happening, Owen? Speak to me!"

"He's passed out, that's all."

Jack finished drinking the blood, placing the beaker in the trash bin.

"Will he be okay?"

"Yes."

I slowly sank down into my body. Maybe it wasn't my time to die. No bright lights. No long tunnel or family waiting for me at the other end. I was destined to stay here a little longer, and that was okay with me.

I don't remember much about the next three hours or so. My head ached, I knew that much. I had a pain in my chest, too.

I also remembered floating above my body, but I was never telling anyone about that.

And I was no longer on the autopsy table, but in one of the beds guest room. It was softer. That autopsy table was so hard and uncomfortable.

It was quiet, too. No sounds coming from the Hub. No slashing water. No buzzing of electrical equipment.

I opened my eyes to see Jack looking down at me, my hand in his. He looked a lot better than I felt right now.

"Did….did it work?" I asked him.

Jack nodded. "Yes, it worked."

I smiled. "Good. It wasn't all it's cracked up to be."

"What wasn't?"

"Being immortal."

"No?"

"No. Coming back to life sucks."

"Tell me about it," chucked Jack.

I tried to laugh, but it hurt.

Jack bent down and kissed me on the forehead and whispered, "Thank you".

"It was all my fault, I shouldn't have…."

"Sshh." He put a finger against my lips. "It doesn't matter."

"I guess I'm back to normal, too."

"You never were normal, Jones," Owen told me.

Jack laughed, then his face turned serious. "Was it John?"

I nodded. "But he helped in the end. He still loves you."

"Mmm, but I love you, now."

"And I love you."

My eyes started to flicker shut.

"You sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Mmm, so tired.

"Sleep."

My eyes closed and I drifted off to a blissful sleep again.

All thoughts of the Shayman and John Hart disappeared.

I dreamt of Jack. Handsome, dark haired Jack. My Cariad. My heart. He was immortal again, and I was just plain Ianto Jones. But no so plain to Jack. I was his love, his heart, for as long as I lived.

THE END