Sixteen year old Jasper Ailill Whitlock stood in the barn of his father's home. He was dragging a brush slowly through a horse's tail. Occasionally stopping to pat it's side. He was big for a sixteen year old, already 6'0 and still growing, he was also extraordinarily handsome and incredibly strong. When his mother's few friends would come over she would drag Jasper in and they would marvel over his size, and his strength and his face, and they would whisper among themselves about whose daughter he would eventually marry. A heavy leather satchel stood by his feet like a guard on sentry. His faded dark blue chambray shirt was unbuttoned, underneath it was a light cotton shirt. His plain black trousers were sewn and rough. His feet were bare. The oil lamp next to him glowed mellowly, throwing shadows across the large barn. He sat the brush down and reached into the satchel and pulled out a pouch of tobacco and a slim piece of paper. He rolled himself a cigarette and lit it on the lamp. The slaves had already retired to their quarters. His father was asleep, and that was always a blessing, his mother was sitting in the house, sewing or cleaning or doing whatever it was she did with her few moments of peace.
Jasper picked the brush back up dragged it across the horse's tail one last time and then sat down on a stool, smoking and staring at the rafters. He would be going to Virginia tomorrow, to begin the process of facing his destiny. He didn't want to fight, he didn't care for slavery at all. When he could manage it he would try and treat the slaves his family owned with dignity, treat them with some measure of kindness. Treat them like the human beings they were. This would incense his father, and he would occasionally have to take a beating. But he hadn't cried about a beating since he was eleven, and now his father after beating him so hard he would be huffing and puffing and blowing would give it up as a bad job after Jasper would just stare blankly, taking the punches and kicks and hits with a face so stoic it bordered on moronic. His father liked victims that would scream, that would cry and beg. And Jasper never cried and begged anymore.
But when his father announced that he was sending him to war, that he was going to fight for the proud south, and possibly bring glory to the Whitlock family Jasper didn't argue. He nodded his assent, so here he was, brushing his old horse as a way of saying goodbye. It was the only thing on the homestead that he truly cared for. He smoked his cigarette down to a stub and put it out, then rolled another one. He ran a hand through his thick blonde hair and slouched against one of the wooden posts of the horse pens and crossed his ankles. He was sitting there smoking when he heard the footsteps, his brother Gabriel was walking in.
Gabriel was short and pale and mean looking. His forehead was wide and low, his ears were large, his teeth crooked. His blonde hair lank and lifeless and dry. Of the 5 blue-eyed Whitlocks his were the only ones that weren't a blazing blue, they appeared washed out. Though he was only 14 Gabriel was bulky, he had his fathers build. Bullish and wide, with heavily muscled arms and legs. He used his great strength to bully neighborhood children, teenagers and even a few of the adults. He took great joy out of intimidating and berating the slaves on the farm. After Joshua he was quite possibly the most favorite of his father's children. Gabriel also hated Jasper like poison.
The reason for his hatred was simple, Gabriel could not intimidate Jasper. He did not scare him, he could not beat him. Gabriel came out often times on top when fighting Joshua, and he had beaten up Alva Jr. so badly in their few scraps he would cry, and he often times would trip and push and hit Jane, but every time he tried to fight Jasper he would find himself beaten so badly he would be the one on the verge of tears.
"Howdy brother, gettin' ready to ride out in the morning." Gabriel said, walking over to Jasper.
"What you want Gabriel, I ain't got no time for your foolishness and no interest in listenin' to none of the horseshit that's gonna come out your mouth boy." Jasper said, still staring at the rafters.
"Well shoot, my big brother's riding off to war tomorrow. I wanted to come and say fare thee well, you ain't been up to the house in a few days, ain't know if I'd have the chance." Gabriel said standing in front of Jasper.
"Well you done said it, get out my face boy. I ain't got time for you." Jasper said blowing smoke out of his mouth.
"Aw don't be like that brother, I can't want to come and just talk to my favorite nigger-loving brother." Gabriel said.
"Gabriel, I'm tellin you, get out my face. If I got to say it again I'm gonna stand up, and if I stand up we're gonna have our own civil war right here in this goddamn barn." Jasper said, putting the cigarette out.
"You know, them niggers is mighty sweet on you, and you mighty sweet on them niggers. You'd almost think you was their slave stead' of it bein' the other way round." Gabriel said.
"Only person I'm mighty sweet on is you boy cause I'm givin' you so many chances to walk out this barn. You get one more chance. Get out of my face boy." Jasper said.
Gabriel laughed "Yeah, mighty sweet on you. Imagine I'm gonna have a good time with em' when you're gone. There's this one little nigger girl in that shed right now, talkin' bout' getting married tomorrow, talkin bout ole Master Jasper saying how happy he was for her an all that. What a nigger know about getting married I says to daddy, so round the time you're goin' off to die, she'll be going on over to the Smithsheds down the road a little ways. I might could get some alone time with her fore we send her off and all."
Jasper moved lightning quick, popping Gabriel in the nose with a hard right straight. When Gabriel staggered back, holding his bleeding nose Jasper slammed his left fist into his stomach, so fast it was almost simultaneous Jasper pushed Gabriel back and kicked his knee out. Gabriel dropped and Jasper grabbed his arm and pulled it behind his back, Jasper went around to his back and locked his hand around his throat. "Listen to me boy, if you scream for daddy I'm gonna break your goddamn arm and give him something to be mad about you understand me?" Jasper wrenched Gabriel's arm up and he bleated. "Stop all that goddamn bleating, you ain't a sheep. You understand? I'mma let go of your throat, and if you scream for that man I'm gonna break your arm right here in this barn boy."
Jasper released his grip on Gabriel's throat, and Gabriel, his eyes wet with tears choked out a sobbing "Yes."
"Good, now you listen to me boy. You already gonna ruin that girls happiness, but if you go near her you'd better hope I die in that goddamn war, cause I'm gonna come back Gabriel Kennewick Whitlock, and when I find out I'm gonna kill you. You don't mean nothing to me boy. You're just an evil old thing and I shoulda killed you in your crib the moment momma birthed you, you understand?" Jasper said, wrenching Gabriel's arm up again, he didn't just bleat this time, it was a stifled shriek. "Yeah, I shoulda killed you, I shoulda killed Joshua and I shoulda killed Alva, junior and senior. Everybody asleep in that house right now ain't they? But not you, you're wide awake ain't you boy?" Jasper said, and he wrenched Gabriel's arm again, Gabriel was dripping sweat, his eyes bulging, his shoulder feeling like it was filled with fire.
"Yes! Yes everyone's asleep but momma!" Gabriel cried out.
"Yeah, I just bet, buncha sleepin' devils. Dreamin' of alfalfa and clover. Wouldn't be a thing for me to kill your evil ass right here in the barn and then go in that house and kill each and every other one of em would it? I can do it, daddy ain't teach me much, but I can kill. And I can hurt." Jasper said, and he pushed Gabriel forward and dug his knee into his back, Gabriel's face fell into the hay of the barn, the chaff making him sneeze and cough, blood running freely from his nose.
"You think you're tough don't you boy?" Jasper said, and he dug his knee into Gabriel's back, and he shrieked again.
"No! No I don't think I'm tough, I ain't tough!" Gabriel cried out, tears flowing from his eyes.
"Yeah you do, don't lie. You think you tough cause you can bully them folks, you ain't tough boy. You think that horseshit daddy tells you makes you tough, you ain't nothing. Ain't none of y'all nothing." Jasper said, and he grabbed Gabriel's index finger. "How many times I done had to beat you boy? How many times before your dumbass learns? I should fuck you up good and proper so you remember everytime you look at what I leave you with, what tough is." Jasper said, and he bent Gabriel's finger to the breaking point.
Gabriel started to scream and Jasper released him and pushed him by the back of his head into the ground. "Don't scream boy, you tough ain't you? Tough don't scream." Jasper grabbed Gabriel's wrists and put his arms behind his back, he grabbed a hank of rope and tied them in a tight knot, then knelt down next to him. "Look at you, hogtied." Jasper walked over to his bag, he grabbed his beaten leather sheath. The knife he slid out of it was quite sharp, he went and sat down next to Gabriel. "Ten fingers, ten toes, and an ugly ass face. I'm givin' you a choice, what you want to lose."
Gabriel couldn't stop crying, his nose was running snot and blood. "Jasper please, please don't hurt me. I'm sorry I'm sorry don't hurt me."
"Naw naw, I ain't ask you to beg, I asked you what you wanted me to cut off. What can you live without boy, come on I ain't got all night." Jasper said, unlooping his belt and stropping the knife. "Come on boy, I got places to be in the morning." Jasper said.
Gabriel cried, he cried harder than he ever had in his life, his shoulder was on fire, the ropes were cutting off blood in his hands, his nose was bleeding and the hay chaff was making a paste on his face from the blood and sweat and snot. "Jasper please, please please."
Jasper put the point of the knife against Gabriel's closed eye "Maybe daddy'll get you a nice eyepatch." and he cut the ropes binding Gabriel. "Don't move, you lay there till I go in that house. I'm gonna turn around while I'm walking, and if I see your big ugly ass doing anythin' but laying there I'm gonna come back and cut your pitiful ass up boy." Jasper punched Gabriel in his face, raising a mouse underneath his eyelid, he punched him again in the face, raising a knot on his forehead. "I'm losing myself Gabriel, every day I'm here I get to feeling like I need to kill each and every one of you. I get to feeling like you should all be good and dead. I get to feeling like I could stay in this barn all night, punching you right in your evil face. You ever feel that way boy?" Jasper said, standing and walking over to grab his satchel. "I said don't move, not don't talk. You ever feel like killin' somethin' evil boy?"
Gabriel shook his head, he was still crying, and now he was scared. Jasper was going to kill him, he was going to kill him, kill him. Daddy said he was soft, weak. Wasn't nothing soft and weak about his brother. Nothing was soft and weak about this demon straight from hell.
"Yeah, I bet you don't. What would a dumb old person like you know about wantin' to stop evil. Wantin' to do what's right. Wantin' to kill demons." Jasper said, and he kicked Gabriel in the stomach, Gabriel groaned and cried harder. "Stop that cryin' it ain't gonna stop nothing, just makes you look uglier. Ugly inside and out. Even a person folks say is ugly ain't if they're good inside, but someone like you, someone filled with ugly ain't got that luxury. You ugly all the way through."
Gabriel was crying, crying and praying that god would save him, that he wouldn't let him die. That his daddy would wake up and see this monster and kill him. That someone, anyone would save him. "Ain't nobody coming to help you boy. But I want you to know before I leave to go and die in this battle I don't care about, that I hate you. I hate you, and I hate daddy for being a evil sack of shit with more money and power than sense, and I hate them little animals you call brothers. I hate momma for being weak. And when they finally throw me in the ground I hope the rest of you follow." Jasper said, and he kicked Gabriel in the side one last time. "Stay there till I'm inside, I see you move that's all the firing pin I need to come back and kill you. And once I start killin, I ain't gonna stop till that fuckin' house is empty and burnin'."
Jasper hefted his satchel up on his shoulders and stepped over Gabriel, and true to his word he would turn around and see if he was moving. Gabriel didn't move, he just lay there sobbing quietly. And Jasper smiled, that black fury that had been bubbling and growing since he was 12 grew even more. He was giddy, he was excited. He had enjoyed hurting Gabriel so much, he would enjoy hurting the rest too. He would enjoy it, he would enjoy seeing them all die. He forced himself to calm down, it would be too easy. Too sweet. He walked to the house, whistling. He stopped on the porch and called out. "Now you can move."
Gabriel got slowly and agonizingly to his feet and limped out of the barn, up in the rafters Jane clutched at the hem of her dress. She liked watching her brother, he was so amazing, so strong, and now she realized he was also so scary. So so scary, and it was exciting. It was incredible, he was always the best and now he had proved it. She knew he wanted to hurt people just like she did, and if hurting people would make him acknowledge her then hurting people was what she wanted to do. He would pat her on the head and give her a candy and she would hurt all of the people she could, because it's what he would do. She climbed down from the rafters, she went over to the spot on the floor where her amazing brother had spilled blood. She knelt down, her small dress hiking up above her knees. She stuck her tiny index finger into a drop of Gabriel's blood, her eyes were bright and her breathing was speeding up. Daddy beat on weaklings, like her momma, or on people that couldn't fight back, like the slaves. Her daddy had told her to call them niggers, but Jasper never called them niggers, so Jane didn't either. But Jasper beat on strong people, Jasper beat on strong people like Gabriel, so Jasper was the strong one. Jasper showed her what strength was, strength is beating the strong. She put the tip of her bloody finger in her mouth, Gabriel's blood was sour, bitter. But the excitement was back, and it lit her blue eyes up like fireworks. She would be strong, she would grow up and be strong like her big brother.
The next morning was awkward, Mary Anne had made a huge breakfast for Jasper, and he ate next to none of it. Simply drinking a cup of coffee, his daddy was off securing his passage to Virginia. Gabriel did not look at him, he did not say anything to Jasper at all. He simply stared at his plate, eating silently. All of the brothers were sitting at the table while their mother busied herself with cleaning the house, Alva Addison Whitlock Sr. did not abide by a dirty house, and she was liable to take a lick if she didn't keep the place pin neat.
Joshua was handsome in a different way from Jasper, he was slimmer for one, shorter, softer. His features were angelic, an excellent disguise for the sociopath underneath them, his blonde hair was as curly as Jane's, his eyes were wide and an emerald green that shined with malevolence, his nose was thin and pointed and perfectly shaped, his chin and cheeks were dimpled, his mouth was wide with full pretty pink lips, he possessed a high soprano voice that sounded like he was singing no matter what he was saying. He too also hated Jasper, because he was tall, and strong, and he wasn't afraid of anything. Things that would terrify Joshua had no effect on Jasper, and Jasper knew, Jasper knew what Joshua did to the animals, to the small animals he would catch and torture. And he had beaten him up terribly the first time he had caught him doing it, and threatened to do it again if he even felt like Joshua was thinking about it. And Joshua had cried and promised he'd never do it again if Jasper never hit him again.
Alva Jr. looked nothing like anyone else in the immediate family, his hair was an auburn color, and it was slick and long. His eyes were an electric shade of green, and curiously empty, as if there was nothing behind them. His empty eyes were once again evidence of another sociopath, where Joshua would be frightened, Gabriel learning, and Jasper forcing indifference, Alva Jr. would be sexually excited. He also hated his eldest brother, Jasper was supposed to be the worst in the family, and yet he outdid him at everything. He was the best shot, the best rider, the best fighter, Alva was clumsy, awkward, worthless in a fight and couldn't ride a horse for shit.
"Off to battle then today huh brother?" Joshua asked.
"Shut up." Jasper said, "I don't want to hear nothing you got to say."
"Why so angry so early Jasper, are you preparin' yourself for the enemy?" Alva asked.
"If I don't got nothing to say to him, why would you think I got anything to say to you? Shut up, let me drink my coffee in peace." Jasper said.
"This may be the last time we see our wonderful elder brother alive, maybe we just wanna enjoy your company." Joshua said.
"You might get yourself killed fightin' for your people." Alva said.
"I'm only at this table cause momma made me, I ain't sitting here cause you three are so pleasant. Don't say another word to me, either of you." Jasper said, and he finished his cup. "I ain't in the mood for no foolishness today."
"You're never in the mood for nothing." Alva said.
Jasper stood up from the table and pushed Alva from his seat, Alva hit the floor hard, and before he could stand up Jasper was pushing him onto the ground and putting a hand around his throat. "I'm in the mood to break your fuckin' neck. How's that?"
Gabriel tightened his grip on the fork he was holding and Joshua stood up and backed up toward the ice box. "Neither of you leave this kitchen, stay right where you're at." Jasper said, still glaring at Alva
"Yes. Yes, brother." Joshua said, his heart a runaway train in his thin chest, Gabriel said nothing.
Alva was struggling, trying to move Jasper's hand from his throat. Jasper tightened his grip and he gagged. "I asked nice enough, but don't nobody in this family understand nothing unless you beat it into em'. I told him to shut up, and I told you to shut up. Now look at you, bout' to die cause you had to run your goddamn mouth."
Alva had never been so scared, Jasper hardly ever hit him, hardly even seemed to notice him. His grip was like iron, his strength was frightening, and even more frightening was the look in his eyes, like his brother had gone away.
"Jasper I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just wanted to talk. I'm sorry don't hurt me, momma is right in the other room." Alva said, tears building in his eyes.
"Momma could be right here in this kitchen and I'd still kill you just the same." Jasper said, and he tightened his grip again, Alva gagged harder, struggling feebly.
"Jasper!" Mary Anne Whitlock cried in her thick irish accent, the slave woman behind her holding the laundry gasped. "Wha are ye' doin' tae him!"
"Teachin' him a lesson momma." Jasper said, tightening his grip.
"Tha ain't nae way tae teach nobody nothing! Let go a him this instant!" Mary Anne cried.
"I don't want to, I think I'll kill him momma. I think I'll get my warring started early." Jasper said, and he squeezed Alva's neck tighter. "You ain't forgot what I just said did you Alva? Right here in this kitchen."
Alva gagged and started kicking, his cheeks were turning purple. "Jasper ahm beggin' ye, let go a him. Please." Mary Anne said.
Jasper looked at her, his eyes were filled with what looked like fire to Mary Anne. He looked back at Alva, gagging and turning blue. He slammed his left fist into the floorboards, right next to Alva's face, cracking them and splitting open his knuckles. He released his grip and Alva took a deep breath, gagging and crying, he turned his head to the side and retched. Jasper stood up, "I'm going to get dressed, don't say another nothing to me. None of you." Jasper stepped over Alva and pushed past his mother and the slave, whose name was Sara.
Jane watched from around the corner, her eyes lit up, she watched as her mother went to Alva and helped him up. So strong. Strength is all that matters. She would never be weak like the rest. She would be strong like Jasper.
Jasper was dressing in his room, he put on a simple cotton shirt and trousers. His body was scarred and mutilated even then. He was sliding on his boots when he heard a tap at his door. "I told y'all to leave me alone."
Mary Anne opened the door, her simple dress as faded as the rest of her. Her formerly honey blonde hair was greying and pulled into a severe bun on the top of her head. She was prematurely aged, her face lined. "Jasper, why dae ye have tae treat them like tha'."
Jasper went over to his dresser and pulled another knife out of it, he strapped it to his belt. "Cause it's the only way they learn, ain't that what daddy taught us."
"Ye ain't like yer dah Jasper, ye ain't like yer siblings." Mary Anne said.
"No, I'm worse. What you want momma, come to say goodbye?" Jasper said.
"Jasper this ain't th' last time ahm gonna see ye. Ye'll coom back alive." Mary Anne said.
"You sound foolish momma, I ain't coming back here. Ain't nothing here for me. And even if there was, I'll be dead in a few years." Jasper said, sitting on his bed.
"Ah have tried Jasper, ah tried tae raise ye right." Mary Anne said, kneeling in front of Jasper and taking his hands in hers.
"You ain't tried nothing momma but staying out that man's way." Jasper said. "Don't come to me on the last day I'll see you and pretend you ever given a shit."
"Ye have a lit in ye Jasper, ye have a lit that ye're father tried tae snuff oot, and ahm worried he may have done it." Mary Anne said, tears building in her eyes. "Ahm the only one seen tha' lit in ye, ah tried to protect it."
"Ain't no light in me momma, ain't nothing in me but a beast, I ain't no different than them dogs those animals that call themselves men use to tear them poor negroes up with." Jasper said.
"Dinnae I tell ye once that ye got that lit? Dinnae ah tell ye once tha' ye were special?" Mary Anne said. "Ye ain't a beast, ye ain't a animal. Ye're my boy, ye're the best thing I ever brought intae this world."
"If I'm the best thing you ever made momma, you should be disappointed." Jasper said.
Mary Anne was crying freely, he shouldn't be saying this. What happened to her sweet boy, the kind little angel who laughed so freely, who was so joyful, so happy all the time. Who was this man sitting on her bed, who was she talking to. "Jasper, ye are kinder than this. This ain't who ye are. Ye ain't a disappointment."
"I'm not nothing momma, I'm just a killer. I ain't got nothing to give the world but death, daddy made sure of that." Jasper pulled his hands from hers and stood up, he put his satchel on his shoulders. "I'm gonna go sit on the porch and smoke till he gets back, make sure don't none of them little devils say nothing to me."
"Jasper dinnae not oonderstand wha' ye're doin' tae me righ' now? Ye're killin me, ye're tearing me heart right oot of me chest." Mary Anne said, standing up and pulling Jasper into a hug. Jasper's arms hung limply at her sides.
"You've been helping kill me since I was six years old momma." Jasper said.
Mary Anne pulled back and looked into his eyes, all that was there was fury, "I couldnae help tha! Ye think I want him tae do to ye wha' he does tae ye? Ye think I wanted him tae put tha' poison in me son?"
"I think you didn't give a shit either way momma, just so long as he wasn't beating on you." Jasper said. "Let go of me."
"No, ah well not! Dae ye know wha' ye're doin tae me right now? Jasper please, ye're my son, ye migh' die. I couldnae bear ye leavin' this house and dyin and not knowin yer ma loved ye." Mary Anne cried.
"You don't love me, and I don't love you. I don't feel nothing like love for no one." Jasper said, staring past her, through her. "You know what I feel momma? I feel anger, I feel violent, I feel like killin' things. That's what your "love" left me with momma." Jasper said, and he pushed Mary Anne onto the bed. "Next time you touch me, I might change my mind and kill you too."
"Ye can't be this, this ain't ye Jasper. This ain't tha' kind boy." Mary Anne said, she couldn't stop crying. He was so scary, so terrifying, even Alva with all of his terror couldn't be compared to this.
"I ain't been a boy since that man dragged me into a barn to tear me up, I ain't been a boy since he dragged me kicking and screaming out of the bath to beat me for splashing too loud, I ain't been a boy since not two weeks ago when it finally got through his head that he wasn't gonna be the one would end up killin' me. And I ain't your boy neither, I ain't been your boy since I begged you to help me and you shut your cowards mouth and walked away." Jasper said, and he left his room. Mary Anne stared at the closed door and broke down in tears.
Jasper sat on the porch, smoking cigarette after cigarette, his rage was burning, smouldering inside of him. How dare she, how dare she watch daddy torture him, day after day after day. Hurting and beating and tearing, and do nothing, turn her back and walk away. And then come, years later, when it wouldn't do him no good and tell him that stupid lie. He shouldn't have just threatened it, he should have killed her too.
Jane came outside, somehow he always forgot about Jane even though she followed him around constantly. He didn't hate Jane like he hated the rest, that's not to say he felt anything for her, but he wasn't going to threaten to break her neck anytime soon. "Didn't I tell momma not to let none of ya'll come out here fuckin' with me?" Jasper said, rolling another cigarette.
"I'm going to miss you big brother. Are you going to miss me too?" Jane said.
"I don't know, I don't think I'm gonna miss nothing." Jasper said, lighting the cigarette. "Why you asking that anyhow girl?"
"Cause you're my favorite." Jane said, sitting down next to Jasper.
Jasper blew out smoke, "I ain't nobody's favorite."
"You're my favorite, you're so much better than Joshua and Gabriel and Alva. You're so much stronger than them." Jane said, her eyes were lighting up.
"You know why that is?" Jasper said.
"No." Jane said.
"It's cause I'm a killer, it's cause inside of me is a monster that is right here" Jasper said, tapping his chest. "Remember that story momma read you about Balor?" Jasper said, staring at Jane.
Jane's heart was racing, but she wasn't frightened. She knew he was trying to scare her, and she loved it, it excited her so much, she wanted him to scare her, she wanted him to terrify her. "Yes." she whispered.
"That's me, that's who's inside of me. The king of the demons. A monster. A demon who eats men. That's why I'm so strong, cause I'm good at killin' things." Jasper said, and he blew smoke out of his nose.
"You're so good at killing things." Jane said, her breathing fast.
"You want to be a killer too?" Jasper said.
"I want to be a killer too." Jane said.
"You ain't no killer, that ain't a thing for no little girls. Ain't nothin for nobody but us demons." Jasper said.
"I want to be a demon big brother, I want to be a killer. I want to make people scared of me. Everyone is scared of you, even daddy." Jane said.
"How you know he's scared of me, you see what he does to me. Maybe I'm the one scared of him." Jasper said.
"Cause that's why he beats on you, cause he's scared of you. He ain't scared of Gabriel and Alva, so he's nice to them, but he's scared of you. So he's mean." Jane said.
"Maybe." Jasper said, putting the cigarette out on his boot.
"I want him to be scared of me too, daddy just dotes on me. I don't want to be nobody's doll. I want to be a scary demon like you." Jane said.
"Is that how you feel?" Jasper asked.
"It's what I want." Jane said.
"I'll tell you what you do then, you want to be like me, I'll help you. The first thing you got to realize Jane is ain't nothing on Earth to be scared of, not momma, not daddy, not none of these worthless white men running around here. When you decide that ain't nothing to be afraid of, ain't nothing you can't kill, ain't nothing you can't take. You get daddy to get you a rifle, and you practice with it every day, you get yourself a good knife, and you practice with it every day. And one day when you're good and ready you go on out and kill a man, and you'll be a killer, a damned good one at that." Jasper said.
"Have you killed before?" Jane asked, staring at Jasper with her eyes full of adoration.
"Yeah, I've killed before. Daddy took me with him to get some cattle thieves right after my last birthday." Jasper said.
"Did you feel anything?" Jane asked.
"Joy. I felt joy Jane. That's what it means to be a killer, when you finally get that life don't matter." Jasper said.
"Life don't matter." Jane repeated.
Jane could have sat out there with him for hours, taking in everything he said, but their father rode up. Alva Whitlock Sr. was 5'10 and heavily muscled, his neck was thick, his hands huge. His face was too strange to be called handsome, his eyes were too far apart, his hair a light blonde that clashed horribly with his constantly sunburned skin, his mouth was small and mean. He stepped off of his horse.
"Go on inside Jane." Alva Sr. said, his voice both hoarse and deep.
Jane stood up and went in the house, Alva walked over to Jasper and handed him a train ticket. Jasper looked at it. "So this is it then huh?" Jasper asked.
"This is it, you leave tomorrow." Alva said.
"Good." Jasper said, rolling another cigarette.
"If this don't make a man out of you nothing will." Alva said
"It'll probably work better than anything you ever taught me." Jasper said, lighting the cigarette.
Alva's hands snapped into fists, his glare burned into Jasper. Jasper turned his face up to him and smiled. "I ain't got nothing to lose daddy, what you going to do? Ain't nothing you can do, that's why you want me out this house. That's why you're hoping them northerners will kill me, cause ain't no way you can do it."
Alva's rage was burning, he was infuriated, he hated when anyone, anywhere, contradicted him. But this weakling, this coward, this pathetic little waste of seed was staring at him defiantly, smoking a cigarette, looking at him like they were equals. He hated even more how scary the boy had gotten, when had that happened, when had he stopped holding him in contempt and started being afraid of him. "I'll kill you boy, the Union might not even get the chance."
"You done had 16 years to kill me, and you ain't managed it yet. And you ain't going to do it now." Jasper said, he stood up "Barn is right over there, this might be the last time you ever walk me in there."
Alva took a step back, when had the weakling gotten so tall. So wide, so fearsome. He swallowed and slapped Jasper across the face, his heavy callused hand leaving a bright red mark and drawing blood from his bottom lip. "I ain't walking you nowhere boy, the confederates are."
Jasper wiped the blood from his lip with his thumb, he smiled. "Yeah, they sure are daddy. Walking me to my death. Shame you won't be there for it."
"You think you scare me boy?" Alva asked.
"I ain't said nothin bout you being scared, where would you get that from?" Jasper asked.
"That look on your face, that look like I should be scared." Alva asked again.
"Maybe you should daddy, maybe I should take this nice sharp knife on my hip and open you from balls to brains." Jasper said.
Alva made a motion and quicker than his expression changed Jasper was pressing the knife against the front of his trousers, Alva swallowed and looked down, it would be nothing for Jasper to drag the knife up his body, opening his cock, his guts, and his throat in one smooth motion. "Yeah, wouldn't be nothing. You're slow, heavy in the middle, old. I could kill you right now. I'd like to kill you right now, it'd be easy, and as fun as anything I could think of."
Alva swallowed, he lowered his hand. "Now Jasper, you ain't going to do that are you?"
"I'm thinkin on it, I'm thinkin on it real hard daddy." Jasper said.
Alva swallowed again, and Jasper's eyes burned into him. In 3 minutes that felt like 3 hours, Jasper blinked and laughed, resheathing the knife on his hip. "Now what kinda firstborn son would kill his own daddy? That'd be plain evil."
Alva punched Jasper in the stomach, knocking him back onto the steps of the porch. He walked over and put his heavy foot on his chest. "I should kill you for that!"
Jasper was laughing, laughing gaily, "You shoulda seen the look on your face!"
Alva leaned over and punched Jasper in the face, smashing his nose, blood was pouring freely from it and Jasper was still laughing. "Yeah, I had you good and scared daddy!"
Alva punched him in the face again and Jasper was still laughing, "Go on, do it again. Punch me again, ain't the first time, but I had you thinking it would be the last a little while ago."
Alva drew his fist back again to punch him and stopped, the fear was crippling him, the boy was sixteen and he was crippling his own father with fear, with panic. He lifted his foot from Jasper's chest and stood back. Jasper stood up, he hefted his satchel onto his shoulders, wiping his bloodied nose with his shirt sleeve. "Yeah, you ain't nothing. Ain't never been nothing, but you made me nothing too daddy. I ain't going to be nothing either." Jasper said, walking past his father.
Jane ran outside, past her stunned father, calling after Jasper. She tripped and fell and her mother was there, pulling her struggling into her arms while Jane called out to him over and over again. He didn't even turn to look back at her, he didn't do anything but keep walking, he was going to go and die, her daddy sent him to go and die. How could he do that, how could he send the strongest to die. Because he was a coward, her daddy was a coward, Jasper hated cowards and she hated cowards too. She turned to her father, her eyes filled with hatred. And he was suddenly afraid of her too.