The Space Program

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

In the season premiere of Thank You, Heavenly, when Wade is rejected from a space exploration camp for the summer, he invents a virtual reality simulator designed to take him to outer space, with the guys accompanying him.

1. The Space Program Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 6

EPISODE 1

Airdate: September 24, 2017

"The Space Program" (Season Premiere)

Special Guest Stars: Jerry Ferrara as Flankston Maxwell

#TYH601

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

On a summer afternoon, Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn are watching TV together. They all look bored out of their minds and tired.

BUSTER: Guys, I'm confused. What are we watching?

SPARKY: I think it's either a commercial for hand soap or a music video. Probably the hand soap.

JAYLYNN: You know, I'm really getting sick of TV. Everything's so stupid.

SPARKY: Only the commercials. You ever saw that Cheetos ad where the guy is singing "Tell It to My Heart" in the car?

JAYLYNN: I never did, but honestly, stuff like that is why China's going to conquer us in twenty years.

RK walks in at that point with a baseball in his hand.

RK: Guys, what are you doing? It's not even 80 degrees out and you're here watching TV?

JAYLYNN: Is this...is this real?

BUSTER: RK, close the door. You're going to let in all the fresh air.

RK: I will not. You see, this is why our generation is so lazy. We never wanna get up and do anything. We want it delivered to us on our smartphones and our tablets and our...and our CD-ROMs.

SPARKY: Are you going to explain the actual reason you're here?

RK: Look, since Wade's going to go to that space camp for two weeks, I need to find someone new to play catch with. Go biking, play some touch football, crack up at lame jokes at Ike's.

SPARKY: Oh, so that's what this is. All you care about is having someone to do the stuff you wanna do.

RK: Yeah. Do you need me to draw it on a whiteboard? I don't have all day.

JAYLYNN: I don't know why you're so worried about Wade. He hasn't even been accepted to the camp anyway.

RK: It's called a foregone conclusion, Jaylynn. You know how everyone thought that the world was going to end a few years ago and it didn't? Don't be stupid like those people, Jaylynn. It doesn't reflect good on you.

SPARKY: Well, regardless, we're not going outside until we're good and ready. It's not that exciting anyway.

BUSTER: Yeah, especially when there are bugs and tsunamis and goblins running around out there.

RK: You guys are a disgrace. I'm going to go talk to the one person that can understand just how much you disgrace me. I would spit on you, but I don't feel the need to waste my phlegm on disgraces.

RK leaves the house at that point.

JAYLYNN: What a weirdo.

BUSTER: Yeah, the nerve of him to talk about us like we're dumb, lazy slobs.

SPARKY: It's not even fair in the slightest. Hey Jaylynn, could you change the channel?

JAYLYNN: Why? The remote's right by your feet.

Sparky extends his neck to look at his feet and see the remote sitting on the coffee table.

SPARKY: Oh yeah, it is. Beat. I'll get it when I'm ready.

SCENE 2

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Wade is playing with a model rocket and pretending to fly across the living room. He then talks to his hand as if it is a walkie-talkie.

WADE: Mission control, all systems are a go. We are now miles away from human life and shall now collect rock samples. Beat. Yes, we only packed freeze dried food! Could you stop reminding us?

Wade continues "flying" around when RK walks in.

RK: Hey Wade, what are you doing?

WADE: Oh, just gearing up for space exploration camp. That is if they accept my application.

RK: Accept your application? Wade, the guy would have to be blindfolded and strangling himself if he doesn't accept your application. You're going to that camp.

WADE: Thanks, man. You know, I'm shocked. I thought you would be begging me to stay.

RK: Well, remember when you first told me you were going to apply for the camp?

WADE: Yeah. You cursed me out and said this summer was going to be a disgrace.

RK: Well, after that, I went home and had a long look in the mirror. I realized that as your best friend, I have to support your activities so you can fly. Because if you can't fly, you'll just be a stupid-ass penguin. I don't want you to be a stupid-ass penguin, Wade.

WADE: Ah, I'm going to miss your off-kilter sense of humor for two weeks.

RK: Yeah, and I'm going to miss your sarcastic, dry observations.

WADE: At least you have the rest of the guys.

RK: Please, they're just sitting around watching TV. The remote in one hand and slightly reheated Domino's leftovers in the other.

WADE: I never thought I would see the day where you denounce television.

RK: I'm not, but I'm on vacation. This is the time of year where I'm supposed to experience life outside of my house. I don't even have anybody to play catch with.

WADE: Why don't you just ask KG or Manny or Halley or something?

RK: Wait, you mean...the background players?

WADE: What?

RK: Do you know how weird that would be? Asking the secondaries? I mean, I love KG like a brother, but I don't know those guys like that. What do they do when we're not around them? What do they even eat?

WADE: RK, just because you don't hang out with them, doesn't mean they're a different species.

RK: Shhhhh. Do you want them to hear you?

SCENE 3

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

The next day, the guys (minus Wade) are watching TV.

JAYLYNN: So RK, did you find somebody to hang with yesterday?

RK: Well, I tried everyone who wasn't busy until I called Anja. It's weird because she's in my contacts, but I have no idea how she got in them.

SPARKY: So how did it go with her?

RK: It wasn't that bad. We had a nice game of catch, I went to Lynne's apartment, we ate Doritos with ketchup. Then Anna showed up and asked me why I didn't ask her so I ran away.

BUSTER: Why?

RK: I can't have her thinking I'm going out with Anja. It would hurt my legacy.

JAYLYNN: What legacy?

RK: See, it's already killing my image.

JAYLYNN: You have no legacy and you have no image. I only said that because you're a lame.

RK: You want to make something out of that?

JAYLYNN: You know damn well I want to.

BUSTER: Ugh. Just cut it out and kiss already, you freaks.

RK and Jaylynn look at Buster with disgust. Wade walks in with his letter.

WADE: Everyone, it's here. In this envelope is my destiny.

BUSTER: Wade, destiny is a philosophical concept. It can't exist inside an envelope. Or maybe I'm thinking about determinism.

WADE: Riiiight. So, anyway, this envelope is from the Pete Conrad Center of Astronomical Research. If I'm lucky, I'll get in and spend two weeks at their children's space exploration camp.

JAYLYNN: Less explaining, more opening!

WADE: Okay, okay, here we go.

Wade begins opening the envelope.

SPARKY: Let's cross our fingers for Wade, everybody.

Sparky, RK, and Jaylynn cross their fingers while Buster pulls out a cross necklace to wear. Sparky looks at Buster with confusion as he puts it around his neck.

SPARKY: Buster, what are you doing?

BUSTER: I want Wade to know that the Lord is on his side today.

Wade pulls out the letter and begins reading it.

WADE: Alright. "Dear Wade. Thank you for your application to our children's space exploration camp here at the Pete Conrad Center of Astronomical Research. Upon further review, we regret to inform you that...due to a...record number of applicants, we...cannot accept you at this time. Have a great summer." I didn't get in?

BUSTER: Wade, this is all my fault. I should've prayed before you opened it.

SPARKY: Dude, I'm sorry. But if it means anything, they just can't accept you at this time.

RK: Yeah. If schools stopped encouraging kids to try STEM, you would have had more of a chance.

Beat.

RK: Are you going to be okay, buddy?

WADE: Yeah. Yeah, I just, um...need to head home for a bit. I'll talk to you guys later.

Wade leaves the house at that point.

JAYLYNN: This is awful. When I find out the assholes who rejected Wade, I'm going to kick them so hard in the jewels.

RK: Make sure you save some for me. I don't want any part of their manhood to remain.

BUSTER: What if a woman rejected him?

RK: I have a plan for that too. I'm not telling, but I know where to go with that.

SPARKY: Guys, this is serious. Wade's been talking about that camp nonstop for weeks. Now his whole summer's down the drain.

BUSTER: So what's the plan, chief?

SPARKY: We have to let Wade know those guys were idiots for not letting him in their little camp. Make sure he has all the fun that he can over the next few weeks, and eventually, he'll forget all about it.

JAYLYNN: Do you really think that's going to work? Wade remembers everything.

SPARKY: It has to. Otherwise, we're just going to be four lazy slobs watching TV and eating leftovers from Domino's.

RK: Wait...are you inside my head?

SCENE 4

The Saltalamacchia Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Sparky pulls up to Wade's house and he leaves the car along with the rest of the guys as they walk up to Wade's front door.

SPARKY: Alright. Time for us to cheer up Wade and save his summer.

RK: I really hope this works. I tried calling him last night and he wouldn't even pick up.

BUSTER: What did science do to him?!

JAYLYNN: We just have to stick to the plan and we'll be fine.

SPARKY: Amen. To make it easier on him, we probably shouldn't mention the words "space camp."

BUSTER: Could we say "space seminar" instead?

SPARKY: No, that's the same thing.

BUSTER: How about "space environment"?

SPARKY: No.

BUSTER: So what the hell can we say? He's going to know what we're talking about anyway!

Cut to a tired, despondent Wade watching TV with the lights off. At that point, the guys slowly walk inside. RK looks around briefly, darts his eyes back and forth and walks to the couch.

RK: Hey there, buddy. Is everything okay? Huh? You, um...watching a little TV there to take your mind off things?

WADE: Actually, I am. I'm watching this really cool documentary on the Challenger.

BUSTER: The space shuttle that blew up?

WADE: Yeah. I find it relatable because the hopes and dreams of all those astronauts blew up the same way mine did.

JAYLYNN: Okay, that's pretty dark.

WADE: I don't see it that way.

SPARKY: You know, why don't we get some sunlight in here? It's a nice day outside, you could use something nice to look at.

Sparky pulls Wade's curtain to let the sunlight come inside the house.

SPARKY: Ah, that's nice. Isn't it nice, Wade, to know that we're all alive? And no matter what we go through, we get to experience the world?

WADE: Probably.

BUSTER: You know, Wade, when I'm upset about something, I really like to cry about it. I don't know, it just helps me out.

WADE: I don't have anything coming out of my tear ducts.

BUSTER: You could try. I remember when I was younger, I got really upset because I didn't get to meet Donald Duck at Disneyland. I cry about it once a year and just keep going.

WADE: Didn't you get to meet him when we went to Disney World two years ago?

BUSTER: I don't really remember that.

RK: Alright, I've been on the sidelines long enough.

JAYLYNN: Define "long enough."

RK: Be quiet. Wade, you can't let this one thing get you down. You're the smartest person I know. And I also know you're smart enough to take this rejection and move on.

WADE: It's not that simple, RK. *Wade sits up* You were never denied the opportunity to stimulate yourself and expand your knowledge. I was. I know this sounds odd, but I always had these tiny thoughts of going into space one day. I've been interested in figuring out the universe we live in since I learned how to read. That's why I love science. I thought this camp was what I needed to continue on that path, but I guess I was just lost in the shuffle.

RK: Wade, do you still want to study the universe?

WADE: Of course I do.

RK: Then you can still do that. F*** a summer camp, you just have to figure out how to study the universe in your own way.

WADE: And you're sure that's all I need to get out of my funk?

RK: Hey, the smartest guy I know doesn't just throw in the towel like a bitch. He gets back up and finds a way no matter what.

WADE: I don't know how I'm supposed to make this better, RK.

RK: You have to try and make it better, Wade. Make it better for all the dreamers out there. All the dreamers who were told they couldn't do anything because they were too unattractive. All the people who were told they wouldn't amount to anything. All the people who never found their pot of gold buried underneath a rainbow in mounds of cotton candy.

WADE: Dude, you're scaring me.

RK: Well, you need to be scared. Getting back on your feet is scary, but you have to fly high and forget all that. So are you going to fly high like a falcon, or just stay on the ground like a stupid-ass penguin?

RK hugs a confused Wade at that point.

RK: I love you, man.

RK proceeds to kiss Wade on the head and leave the house. Everyone is dumbfounded, especially Wade.

*Turns to Jaylynn* SPARKY: Do you have any idea what he was trying to say?

JAYLYNN: I usually tune out what RK says to keep from screaming.

SCENE 5

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Wade is standing in front of an object with a large sheet covering it when the kids walk into the basement.

SPARKY: Wade, is everything okay? What's the big emergency?

WADE: Guys, I thought about what RK said yesterday and I realized he was right. I can't let something like being rejected from the space camp ruin my summer. So I'm going to study outer space no matter what, and you guys are going to help me.

BUSTER: Okay, but how?

WADE: With this.

Wade pulls off the sheet to reveal his brand-new device, noticeably containing five sets of goggles and leather seats attached to a large beam, wires, and a television screen on the side.

JAYLYNN: What...the hell...is that?

WADE: It's my latest invention. We're all going to space together.

SPARKY: Wade, you can't be serious! We can't go into space, we're not even real astronauts!

WADE: We're not actually going into space, Sparky. This here baby is a virtual reality simulator, meant to give us the experience of being in the great unknown. It will feel as authentic as actually going to space.

RK: You made this entire simulator in less than two days?

WADE: I had to. I wanted to make sure I finished this as soon as possible. But this isn't all brand new. I used parts from another simulator I created where Jaylynn turned straight.

SPARKY: You made what simulator about Jaylynn?!

JAYLYNN: We don't have to talk about that.

WADE: Look, guys, I'm on such a high right now. You have to try this out.

BUSTER: Wait a minute. If this is the first time we're using this, how safe is it? Are we going to die?

WADE: Buster, it's just a simulator. You're not going to die.

BUSTER: But we can die inside the simulator! Hell, this whole thing could be a simulator right now. *Buster grabs Wade by his collar* AM I ALIVE OR DEAD, WADE?!

Wade slaps Buster in the face, causing Buster to let go of his collar.

BUSTER: Okay, I felt that so I'm alive. Or maybe that's just part of your sinister plan to kill me.

WADE: You know, I'm starting to realize that if I just tell you guys everything that you need to know about my stuff, you won't waste my time. Okay, put on the goggles.

The kids take their seats and begin getting acquainted with the machine. Buster is the first to put on the goggles.

JAYLYNN: Buster does have a point though. Are you sure this shit isn't going to malfunction or something?

WADE: Of course not. I give everything a test run before I show it off. Yup, when it comes to a Wade invention, everything is...

BUSTER: AAAAAHHHH, DON'T KILL ME!

WADE: Buster, what the hell's going on with your simulator?

BUSTER: I'M GETTING SHOT AT!

WADE: Oh. Sorry, man, I accidentally plugged in your goggles to the Civil War mode.

Wade plugs out Buster's goggles from the outlet labeled "MyCivil War Mode" and plugs them into the correct outlet labeled "Space Adventure Mode."

SPARKY: I don't see the purpose in you wanting to simulate the Civil War.

WADE: I don't either, but I was bored. Alright, time to go into space, guys.

The other four kids put their goggles on. Wade covers his eyes with the goggles and the screen goes black.

SCENE 6

The Saltalamacchia Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

Fade into the kids staring down a space shuttle in Wade's backyard.

SPARKY: Wow, this thing is enormous.

WADE: And it was paid for by NASA.

Wade winks at the camera.

RK: Was that product placement?

WADE: It was, but I'm not proud of it. Now, let's get inside this thing.

The kids walk towards the ship and climb into it.

SPARKY: I can't believe we're actually going into space.

BUSTER: Wait until the kids at school hear about this. You know what we need? A souvenir to let them know this really happened. I wonder if the Sun already burned out Neil Armstrong's flag.

WADE: Guys, this is a simulation. You can't bring anything back with you.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, Wade. I forgot. It's just a "simulation." I understand, Wade.

Buster winks at Wade while holding his arm. Beat.

WADE: Could you not stand so close to me?

JAYLYNN: Are we going to space or are we going to keep sucking on the air?

WADE: Alright, keep your shirt on. Strap yourselves in, guys. This is going to be a long ride.

RK: Hey, aren't we going to need spacesuits for this? You know, since we're going to be...

The screen goes static and returns to the show a few seconds later.

RK: Wait, what the hell was I talking about? Sounded important. Ah, no one cares.

WADE: Okay, guys, time for us to venture into the great unknown.

("The Space Program" by A Tribe Called Quest plays in the background)

The kids all look at each other with smiles as the ship starts up. Wade bobs his head slightly to the song as he presses the big red button on his control panel and the ship starts taking off into the sky. The kids scream in excitement as the ship picks up in speed and begins leaving the earth. Wade begins looking determined as he makes the ship go faster and go through a portal into another galaxy. Buster starts breathing through a plastic bag but then realizes that he is slowly losing consciousness and tosses it aside.

BUSTER: What am I, an idiot?

Buster grabs a paper bag and starts breathing through that instead.

JAYLYNN: Wade, where are we going? What's happening?

WADE: You'll see. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

JAYLYNN: It's going at 100 miles an hour, I can't enjoy shit!

RK: Jaylynn, at least start complaining when we see those ugly-ass aliens for the first time.

Cut to a shot of the ship speeding past several stars and unidentified planets. Cut back to Wade at the controls, with a crazed, manic look in his eyes as he searches for a place to stop.

WADE: The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing! AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING...ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!

The kids begin screaming out of fear after Wade's demented rambling. The shuttle then decreases in speed as Wade's look of insanity becomes one of calmness, and he lands on a mysterious purple planet.

WADE: Alright, we're here, guys. The beautiful planet known as Centauris X, according to my on-board status report.

SPARKY: What was that rhyming about just now?

WADE: Oh, I was just being theatrical.

JAYLYNN: Theatrical?! We thought you were about to kill us!

WADE: I'm not a kamikaze, Jaylynn. But forget it, let's just go outside.

BUSTER: Are you sure we're still in a simulation?

WADE: I said, LET'S GO OUTSIDE!

Wade opens up the shuttle door and he is the first one to exit, then RK, Jaylynn, Buster, and Sparky. The five look around and are surrounded by purple-skinned creatures with three eyes and jumpsuits of various colors. They get dirty looks from the natives as they walk around and stumble upon a large purple shopping mall shaped like a triangle.

SPARKY: Hmm, purple sky. Purple aliens, purple sidewalks, and a purple mall.

RK: Well, I guess we know these aliens are Prince fans.

RK starts cackling at his own joke and slaps his knee while the other kids look at him with boredom. Beat.

RK: A courtesy laugh. All I'm looking for is a damn courtesy laugh here.

SCENE 7

Centauris X Shopping Centre

Interior Lobby

Centauris X

("Stay" by Zedd featuring Alessia Cara plays over the mall loudspeakers)

The kids walk into the strange shopping mall and receive more dirty looks from the aliens. Buster scratches his head and stops walking.

BUSTER: Sparky, are we really that ugly?

SPARKY: No, we're just tourists. Everybody hates tourists. Remember when we went to Cincinnati that one time?

BUSTER: Oh yeah. No wonder they kept spitting on us.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it. Is this outer space or downtown Seattle?

WADE: I have no idea. This is ridiculous.

RK: You're telling me. Look at this crap. CNN on TV, Earth music over the speakers, the...Be Like Mike Tyson experience?

Cut to two alien teenagers with their own virtual reality goggles, playing the Be Like Mike Tyson Experience game.

ALIEN TEEN #1: Hey, what's up, Cold Stone? DX rules!

ALIEN TEEN #2: No, don't take me to jail! SHE WANTED IT AS MUCH AS I DID!

RK: Seriously, what's going on here?

SECURITY GUARD: May I help you guys with anything? You keep standing around and it scares me.

RK: We're just trying to figure out why your people appropriated our culture.

SECURITY GUARD: You like? It's just part of our new initiative here on Centauris X. We want to let our albino visitors know that the interspecies war is over.

JAYLYNN: Interspecies war?

SECURITY GUARD: Oh no. You kids never heard about the interspecies war? This is terrible. Come with me to the projection room. I have a special video to show you.

BUSTER: Oh, no way, pal. My friend Kenny was told by his dad to come with him in his van, and he was never heard from again.

SPARKY: What happened to him?

BUSTER: Oh, his dad took him out for pizza. Two minutes later, they were gunned down because people there thought they were drug dealers. That's why I don't trust people who drive vans.

WADE: Will you just come on?

Buster sighs in disappointment, and follows the rest of the guys into the projection room. The security guard begins setting up the video.

SECURITY GUARD: I love showing this little short film to new albinos. I think it really helps everyone understand the importance of loving each other.

JAYLYNN: Why does he keep calling us albinos?

SPARKY: I don't know. I can't even tell if it's a racial slur for humans or not.

SECURITY GUARD: Okay, here it is.

The video starts playing and an alien in a sweater and bowtie is shown in front of the mall.

RK: Who is this fake-ass Troy McClure?

BUSTER: Shhhh, this video is educational.

CENTAURIS X HOST: Hello. And welcome to the everlasting beauty of Centauris X. My name...it's not important. What you need to know is that everyone here is welcome to enjoy the magnificence of Centauris X.

RK: Get to the good part already!

SPARKY: We've been watching this video for less than thirty seconds.

RK: Doesn't mean it can't have a strong start.

CENTAURIS X HOST: In late 2013, after years of discrimination from Centauris natives, the five-fingered albinos waged war against them in a quest for dominance and respect. It led to one of the most competitive wars of all-time, as several life forms on both sides perished. In the end, the albino army prevailed, and now we work side by side in making this world a better place for everyone, no matter what their home planet is. We love albinos, and they love us back. Centauris X is no longer dwelling on the past. It's focused on a better future for you and I.

The video ends with the phrase "Bless the Planet of Love" on the screen. Buster starts clapping while holding back tears.

BUSTER: That was so inspirational. How come we can't come together on Earth?

WADE: Probably because we mock and hate each other's differences instead of celebrating them?

BUSTER: What we need is a war. Then after we kill each other and get out all of those bad thoughts, we won't need to hate each other anymore.

SECURITY GUARD: That's such an emotional video for me. I'm going to step out of the room for a bit so I can recollect myself. But enjoy your stay here on Centauris X.

The security guard leaves the room. Beat.

RK: I haven't seen propaganda like that since I marathoned all those anti-drug commercials on YouTube.

WADE: You're telling me. Clearly, something bizarre is going on here.

SPARKY: You're right. And it's up to us to figure it out.

JAYLYNN: No, it's not. Why can't we just go to space without getting into something else?

BUSTER: Jaylynn's right. This is our one and only chance to experience the worlds far beyond our world. And since you didn't want to take us to the moon and solve the cheese mystery, Wade, this is the next best thing.

WADE: I can already tell you have no true knowledge of space if you still think there might be cheese on the moon.

BUSTER: What's never been proven false is true.

SCENE 8

The Schmeckle Club

Exterior Entrance

Centauris X

Buster and RK walk around the town getting disturbed glances from the aliens.

BUSTER: You know, this kind of thing isn't good for my self-esteem.

RK: I still don't get why you and Jaylynn don't want to investigate. I mean, we just found out that there was a war between humans and aliens, we're humans who get looked at like the plague, and you don't want to find out more?

BUSTER: What's there to find out? Of course, we wouldn't get along with aliens at first. They have plasma and glowing fingers and speak in tongues when needed. But we had a war and settled things, so now we're equal.

RK: You can't force anybody to change how they look at you, Buster. Man, I'm hungry. All that space travel. I'm going to grab a quick bite here at this diner.

BUSTER: Wait, this diner here?

RK: Yeah. Hence me saying "quick bite here at this diner."

BUSTER: RK, you can't go in there!

RK: Why? It has a B for health inspection. I mean, it's not fantastic, but restaurants are held to ridiculous standards these days.

BUSTER: No, not that! Read the sign!

RK puts on reading glasses, then sees the sign that says "Centauris X Citizens Only." RK then removes his glasses, breathes on both lenses, snaps the pair in half, then throws it aside.

RK: Buster, explain to me why this is important.

BUSTER: Because we're not from here. You'll probably get killed if you go in there!

RK: Oh, so now we're not so equal, huh? If we settled things, why would they even have a restaurant like this?

BUSTER: For historical purposes. You can't mess with history. They'll eat you alive!

RK: Uh huh. Listen, Buster, we may not be treated the way we should, but these aliens wish they could be us. They walk, talk, and act like us because they hate how awesome humans are. So they should be begging to serve me.

BUSTER: RK, I'm not letting you get hurt.

RK: And you're not. What I'm doing right now is taking a stand against injustice. If you see anything pop off, just do whatever you can to stop it.

BUSTER: Like what?

RK: I don't know. Kick a crooked cop in the nuts, man. Be creative. Alright, I'm going in.

RK walks into the restaurant while Buster watches from outside. The aliens look annoyed, frustrated, and disgusted by RK's presence. He returns their dirty looks and walks over to the cashier working the stools.

RK: A ham sandwich and a lemonade, please.

CASHIER: Are you f***ing stupid? We don't serve your kind here.

RK: Well, I'm in here now so give me my ham sandwich and my lemonade. And I'm not leaving until I get it, ya dig?

CASHIER: It's six fraggleblurbs.

RK: Well, I have no idea what the hell that is, but here's five bucks. Go to an ATM later, I just made your broke ass a millionaire.

The cashier puts away the money and grabs a glass of lemonade from the blank-faced cook. He hands it to RK, who then proceeds to drink the whole thing while never taking his eyes off the cashier. RK then puts the empty glass down and the cashier smashes it on the floor.

RK: One more, please.

CASHIER: Are you kidding me?

RK: Depending on how thirsty I am, this might take a while.

The cook gives the cashier another lemonade to pass to RK. He then drinks the whole thing, puts the glass down, and watches the cashier smash the new glass to the floor.

RK: Does the owner know you do this crap and just dock your pay?

CASHIER: Will you get out of here?

RK: Not until I get a third lemonade and my ham sandwich to go with it.

The cook passes RK his ham sandwich and another lemonade. An alien walks up to RK and drops a gun near him while the diners laugh.

RK: Oh, you want gunplay? I thought you'd never ask.

RK pulls out his gun and drops it on the table as well.

RK: Try me.

ALIEN CUSTOMER: He's gonna shoot the place up!

RK: What? No, I don't even have any...

The cashier dives over the counter and attacks RK, and the customer who dropped the gun joins in as well. Pretty soon, the other patrons join in the assault when Buster runs in to stop the attack. Within minutes, the cops run in and appear to be defusing the situation by pulling the cashier away from RK as he chokes him. However, one of them inexplicably hits Buster's leg with a nightstick.

BUSTER: Hey, I thought you were here to stop it!

The cops grab an incapacitated RK and handcuff him.

BUSTER: What the hell are you arresting RK for?

COP #1: You are now under arrest for crime #45321A, which is possession of a deadly weapon in elementary albino terms.

BUSTER: But he didn't even start the fight!

COP #2: And you're coming with him!

The second cop quickly handcuffs Buster.

BUSTER: WHAT?! NO, I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL!

The customers cheer and start throwing things at RK and Buster as they are taken out of the restaurant and tossed in the back of the police car. The car then drives off as "Let It Roll" plays in the background.

SCENE 9

Centauris X 7th Precinct Police Station

Interior Main Office

Centauris X

The police tosses both RK and Buster in a holding cell with four other prisoners.

BUSTER: What the hell is going on here? I didn't do anything! He's the one who had the gun and started shooting at everybody like it was a high school!

RK: What? You son of a bitch, you're going to get me killed.

Buster whispers in RK's ear.

BUSTER: RK, I'm just method acting here. The more I tell them about what you did, the more they'll be ready to let me go free. Then I'll get the guys, and we'll break you out together.

RK: That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard. You're making me look like a complete monster.

BUSTER: You know what? You're right. Let me try dialing it back. Um, coppers, it's time to let me out. I'm this weirdo's accomplice. He threatened to kill me if I didn't buy into his master plan.

COP: Oh, really?

BUSTER: Yeah. And then at night, he said he was going to smother me with a pillow and rub dirt all over my fingernails.

RK: I don't get in any way how this is dialing it back.

COP: That's terrible! Please, leave the cell. You're free to go. Whatever you do, stay away from that animal.

A cop runs to the cell and unlocks it so Buster can go free. He then leaves the cell.

BUSTER: Don't worry, I will. 'Cause he's a big fat meanie. And I hope he dies in here!

RK: Yeah, I think he gets the point, but Buster, that was incredible!

BUSTER: You just never know what I'm capable of, RK. Now it's time for me to get the guys and create the jailbreak of a lifetime.

RK: Um, you know it's not a jailbreak since you're not actually in jail?

Beat.

BUSTER: You never let me have anything, why?

SCENE 10

Centauris X Shopping Centre

Interior Food Court

Centauris X

Sparky, Wade, and Jaylynn are looking at the menu options for lunch.

JAYLYNN: Wait, they serve pizza with American cheese here? What kind of shit is that?

WADE: Jaylynn, don't be an elitist.

JAYLYNN: I'm not, but American belongs on bread and mozzarella belongs on pizza. That's what normal is, Wade.

Buster runs towards the guys and starts breathing heavily.

BUSTER: Okay, I'm here. Now I can tell you guys what happened.

JAYLYNN: How did you find us?

BUSTER: My nose is half-bloodhound. I knew you were eating chili cheese fries and I recognized the scent from miles away, so I followed you.

SPARKY: Buster, you called me and asked where we were, then for no reason at all, said the f-word and hung up.

BUSTER: Maybe you said it. We'll never know.

WADE: Wait, where's RK?

BUSTER: He's in jail, silly.

SPARKY/WADE/JAYLYNN: WHAT?!

BUSTER: Yeah. It's not that big a deal. People go to jail all the time.

JAYLYNN: He's in jail for what?!

BUSTER: I don't know, I forgot. But just know that whatever they say he did, he did that shit.

SPARKY: Buster...

BUSTER: Oh, sorry, I'm still method acting. RK was eating at an aliens-only restaurant when they started beating him up because he had a gun. Then the cops arrested him and he's sitting in a holding cell.

WADE: This is awful. I mean, I know we've made jokes about RK going to jail before, but he's completely innocent.

SPARKY: So how are we going to free him?

WADE: We just have to go down to the police station and clear RK's name. Let them know he's a good kid and he doesn't deserve to be in there.

JAYLYNN: Are you sure they'll listen? I mean, they hate guys like us. They might snap RK's neck an hour from now.

WADE: Well, we have to try anything. My best friend needs all the help he can get.

SCENE 11

Centauris X 7th Precinct Police Station

Interior Holding Cell

Centauris X

RK is shown sitting on a stool, sighing.

RK: I always wondered what it would be like if I was in jail. But I never thought it would actually happen.

KAYGIN: Talking to yourself, kid?

RK is approached by an older, more muscular alien.

RK: Of course I am. The best conversations you can have are by yourself and I'm secure enough to do it in public. What's it to you?

KAYGIN: Hey, don't get all defensive. I was just making sure you weren't talking to someone who was clearly not paying attention.

RK: Oh. Anyway, what's up? I'm RK Jennings.

KAYGIN: I'm Zamfle Donsticka-Whorple, but you can just call me Kaygin.

RK: Kaygin? What kind of ridiculous name is that?

KAYGIN: What kind of ridiculous name is RK? You sound like the frontman for a crappy pop rock band.

RK: Wow, your comeback game is strong. I'm a little intimidated. Wait a minute, how do you even know what I'm saying when you're an alien?

KAYGIN: I'm bilingual. A lot of us had to learn English after the interspecies war. And also, not to be anal here, but you're the alien.

RK: I get it. What about the rest of them? RK points to the other prisoners. They look they don't even know where they are.

KAYGIN: Oh, they always look like that. They understand English, they just don't speak it.

RK: How does that make sense?

KAYGIN: They don't like how it sounds in their ears.

RK: Oh. Well, I'm here because I tried sticking up for my people. I got arrested at the Schmeckle Club for having a gun on me, when everyone else did too.

KAYGIN: You went to the Schmeckle Club?

RK: Yeah. All I wanted was a ham sandwich and I couldn't even get to eat it.

KAYGIN: Kid, the Schmeckle Club is one of the most racist places in the world. Why would you even think about going there?

RK: It's my first day. Besides, I thought everything here was kumbaya after the war ended.

KAYGIN: They lied to you, man. That video is nothing more than brainwashing.

RK: You know about the video?

KAYGIN: They show that bullshit to all the tourists who come here. RK, racism runs deep on this planet. The war only made things worse. In fact, it actually would have been better for your people if you lost.

RK: So why does everything here feel like planet Earth?

KAYGIN: Because they've been infatuated with your culture for generations. They hate you guys as people, but want to do everything you do without including you in it. It's sickening.

RK: Wow, you seem to know a lot about what goes on here. Did you get locked up for speaking your mind?

KAYGIN: Actually, yes. I'm an activist for equal rights here. I was convicted three weeks ago for disorderly conduct after protesting the mall and how they treat albino employees.

RK: I can't believe this. This is awful. Wait a minute, how are you still in a holding cell if you were convicted?

KAYGIN: They don't have a lot of space in the big prison so they just told me to stay in here for now.

Beat.

RK: I didn't want to say anything, but your planet is f***ing dumb.

The four remaining members of TSE walk inside the precinct and locate RK inside the holding cell.

JAYLYNN: There he is!

WADE: RK!

The kids rush to the cell.

SPARKY: Holy shit, this is real. How are you doing in here, buddy?

RK: Well, I haven't gone insane from paranoia yet, so right now, it's pretty fun. What are you guys up to?

JAYLYNN: We're trying to break you out.

RK: Oh yeah, you need twenty thousand fraggleblurbs. I'm pretty sure you guys can get that cash.

Beat.

*deadpan* RK: It's two hundred bucks.

SPARKY: How is money even converted here?

JAYLYNN: Shit, I don't have my wallet. Sparky said he had me covered for the day.

WADE: I have fifty bucks and three Starbursts in here.

SPARKY: I have thirty five bucks.

BUSTER: I only have two bucks and a Pizza Hut gift card...which is already expired. I hate my life.

RK: At least you tried.

WADE: RK, how did you even end up here?

RK: I went to a segregated restaurant, things got a little crazy, and before I know it, I'm in a police car for being a psychotic killer.

SPARKY: You killed someone?!

RK: No. Someone was about to kill me. I just showed the guy my gun to scare him off, then the whole diner made up some bullshit story to get me locked up.

JAYLYNN: Well, you are going to trial, right?

RK: Yeah, in a few hours. But don't hold your breath. The guys in this prison say that this planet is racist as hell. The chances of me being found innocent are pretty low.

SPARKY: Well, we can fix this. All we have to do is find a way to prove to the judge that you're innocent.

BUSTER: Sparky, he already said there's no chance of that happening. Are you feeling okay?

RK: This is ridiculous. My first time away from Earth and I'm already a disgrace.

BUSTER: Don't worry, RK. Jail can't be as bad as everyone says. Maybe you'll make some new friends. Share your feelings, tell stories, sing songs with them...

WADE: Buster, this is an intergalactic prison, not Gullah Gullah Island.

BUSTER: Hey, if we can't be optimistic, then what can we be?

KAYGIN: You know, this might be a long shot, but you could take RK's case to a higher court. If you appeal the decision, you can get him out of prison and there won't even need to be a trial.

WADE: I thought you went to higher courts after a trial, not before.

KAYGIN: You're a long way from home, kid.

JAYLYNN: If that's all we can do to save RK, then we have to try.

SPARKY: Well, let's go get 'em. We got your back, RK.

RK: Good luck, friends.

The guys leave the precinct at that point.

RK: Hey, Kaygin, when you're in the shower here...what happens when a dude drops the soap?

KAYGIN: Don't even try joking about that shit. We take that really seriously here.

SCENE 12

Centauris X Higher Court

Interior Front Office

Centauris X

While the alien judge is snorting cocaine, the kids burst in and confront him.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: BAH, OH MY GOD! What are you albinos doing here in my office unannounced? Where's Julie?

SPARKY: She let us in. She said you weren't doing anything important.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: I'm firing her as soon as she punches out. Probably start it off with "That's the last time you'll ever punch that card," make it hurt more. What do you idiots want?

WADE: We demand the immediate release of our friend Ryan Kennedy Jennings from prison!

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: We have a lot of guys come in here and demand that their friends be removed from jail. Which one is this?

SPARKY: The 7th Precinct jail.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: Oh yes. The file is right here. Case #601922TSP. Prisoner was carrying a deadly weapon, trespassed on segregated property, potentially dangerous. Yeah, sorry, guys, your friend is toast.

SPARKY: But he didn't do anything wrong! He was just there for some food and treated like crap because he's a human!

The alien judge gives Sparky a disgusted look.

SPARKY: I mean, not one of you guys.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: Look, you albinos walk in here every day and ask me to let off those who committed heinous crimes. The Schmeckle Club is a proud establishment and your friend was not within his rights to walk in and demand service. So when the trial comes, whoever serves will see if your friend is let go. But if not, it's just something you'll have to deal with.

JAYLYNN: But the story the restaurant people told was completely bogus!

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: It's your word against theirs. Now, if you excuse me, I have a "business meeting" to attend to.

SPARKY: You don't have to put air quotes around it, we know what you're doing.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: Oh. Then f*** off, I'm busy.

The kids leave the office and walk back into the lobby. Wade tries to walk as fast as he can out the door.

BUSTER: Well, that was a big fat mess.

JAYLYNN: Wade, we can't leave RK in jail! What the hell are we gonna do?

WADE: I dunno.

SPARKY: You don't know? Your best friend's locked up just for being a human and you have no frigging idea what you're gonna do?

WADE: Guys, I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but, um...these are f***ing aliens.

BUSTER: So? That doesn't make 'em any smarter than us! Wait, does it?

WADE: YES, IT DOES! THAT'S THEIR KNOWN TRAIT! Look, guys, I believe that inside every human being, even the nicest ones, there resides a demon. A demon with no inhibitions, remorse, or conscience, and only aims to kill, create decadence, and destroy everything it touches. These aliens have unknown intelligence levels that surpass ours, and they know the evil that resides in humans, so for years, they've studied our world, siphoned off all of our positive qualities, and watched the evil inside us destroy the land we live on. So could you imagine how powerful and unforgiving an alien criminal justice system could be to a damn human?

SPARKY: Wow. So we're really not going to be able to help RK?

WADE: I don't think so. The only thing we can do now is find a dynamite lawyer that can help him beat his case.

JAYLYNN: Okay, but who are we going to find on this planet that would work for a human?

SCENE 13

Cut to an alien in a suit and tie spinning around in his swivel chair at his desk to face the guys, who are now in Centauris' law firm.

FLANKSTON: Flankston Maxwell, interspecies attorney at your service.

Jaylynn looks around in confusion.

JAYLYNN: What the hell just happened?

WADE: Flankston, thanks for meeting up on short notice. My best friend RK needs your help. He was arrested today at a diner for carrying a gun but he didn't shoot anyone. Now he's about to be convicted and we need to hire him a lawyer before his trial.

FLANKSTON: Well, guys, you've come to the right place. These purple-headed types are shifty bastards. But don't worry, I've represented plenty of humans in my day.

SPARKY: How many humans have come to this planet before?

FLANKSTON: Oh, many. We've kidnapped people and broken up families for generations. But that's not important right now. What's important is the cold facts. I need to understand this RJ fellow.

WADE: RK. He hates it when you get his name wrong.

FLANKSTON: Eh, second time's a charm. Now I need to know exactly what happened at the diner so I can help your friend.

SPARKY: Well, the only person who was there when it all happened was Buster. Buster, tell Flankston everything you know about RK.

BUSTER: Well, he was born on April 7, he's allergic to sunflower seeds, and his favorite show of all-time is SpongeBob. The early SpongeBob, not the new SpongeBob. Oh, and for some reason, he still forgets when certain letters come up in the alphabet.

FLANKSTON: Buster, I wanna know about the case, not what RK likes to do at night.

BUSTER: Then be more specific next time. And I never said anything about what he likes to do at night because it's none of your business!

JAYLYNN: How long are we going to be here?

BUSTER: Okay, so RK told me that he was going into this place called the Schmeckle Club because he was hungry, but I told him not to go in there because they didn't serve humans. So they gave him food and this one guy dropped a gun near him. So RK took out his gun to protect himself, then they started beating his ass for no reason. Then they started beating my ass. And while we were in the police car, they would beat us for answering questions they asked us. I almost had to change my underwear at the precinct.

FLANKSTON: Okay, thank you for being so descriptive. What we have here is your friend being humiliated and treated like an animal at the restaurant he wasn't allowed in. The media will have a field day with this one.

SPARKY: Buster, why didn't you try and stop RK from eating there?

BUSTER: I just said that I told him not to go in there. Did that not happen, Sparky? Is any of this happening? Am I an actual person? Because that's what you're saying right now.

SPARKY: I'm just making sure everything happened exactly the way you guys are talking about it. I mean, it's not like they arrested him for hurting anybody.

WADE: That's right. They arrested him because he was a human.

FLANKSTON: Exactly. That's the story we need to run with. As a living creature, RK had his rights violated the minute he got hands put on him.

SPARKY: Okay, well, if that's taken care of, you can arrange to meet up with RK and we can just wander around until the trial starts.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I want to give that American cheese pizza a chance.

FLANKSTON: Look, guys, trials on this planet don't wait. I've served cases where natives get arrested and convicted on flimsy charges in less than two hours. RK's not going to be in that holding cell for long, but until then, just lay low and don't draw any attention to yourselves.

WADE: We can do that. We're just glad we finally found someone on RK's side.

FLANKSTON: Great. Here, you can have my business card.

WADE: Thanks.

Flankston hands Wade his business card.

WADE: "Flankston Maxwell, the attorney that gets everyone off."

JAYLYNN: Haha, I like that innuendo.

FLANKSTON: What innuendo?

JAYLYNN: Never mind.

SCENE 14

Centauris X Correctional Facility

Interior Conference Room

Centauris X

Flankston is already in the conference room when RK is led inside by a corrections officer. He is wearing an orange prison uniform and gets his handcuffs taken off by the CO. The door is then closed behind a visibly paranoid RK as he walks towards the table Flankston is sitting at. He shakes hands with Flankston.

FLANKSTON: Flankston Maxwell, interspecies attorney.

RK: RK Jennings, political prisoner.

FLANKSTON: Political prisoner?

RK: It sounds more professional to say. By the way, is everything we say being recorded and watched?

FLANKSTON: It's a private room, RK. There's not even so much as a camera in here.

RK: Then why do we have to meet here in the big prison? Why not the precinct?

FLANKSTON: Trust me, it's a lot safer here. I'm gonna need you to calm down though. The odds are against you, but if you're not more relaxed, it's going to look pretty bad in court.

RK: Well, that's where you come in. You're my lawyer, so do lawyer things and set me free.

FLANKSTON: It's not that simple, RK. If I'm going to represent you, I need to make sure I'm not fighting for a liar. So I need complete honesty. Did you go into the Schmeckle Club with a loaded handgun, and provoke the cashier?

RK: Of course not. The gun was empty. I just went in there to get a ham sandwich and a lemonade. The guy dropped a gun near me, so I did the same thing to scare him off but it didn't work. I'm a good boy, I didn't do shit.

FLANKSTON: I'm glad to hear that. I think this case could be more of a slam dunk than I expected. But we need to think about your friend Buster being the X-factor here.

RK: Why would Buster be the X-factor? He did less than me.

FLANKSTON: True. But he did get involved in the fight, which put him at the crime scene, and he was arrested for being your accomplice. I think they might try to call Buster to the stand and get him to incriminate himself. That way, they can prosecute the both of you at the same time.

RK: I still don't get why Buster has to go through this too. The cop attacked him, not vice versa.

FLANKSTON: Sit down, RK. You don't want to cause a scene.

RK sighs and sits down.

FLANKSTON: You see, for years, Centauris X has had several Draconian laws in place meant to target first-time offenders. What this means is that both you and Buster could get life in prison or the death penalty for what happened today, and to be honest, I can't win a case like that. We're looking at a trial that you would lose in less than ten minutes, and if they can prove that you acted out of line or took out your gun with the intent to kill, it gets worse from there.

RK: So they might want to put Buster in jail too because they think he was the cause of everything that happened today.

FLANKSTON: Exactly. But they also might try to offer you a deal to flip on Buster. Make you out to be the good guy. He goes to jail, you get out scot-free.

RK: Flip on him? You mean, be a lying weasel?

FLANKSTON: If I know these courts...yeah. The higher ups love a snitch. And I know it's hard for you to think about doing this, but with you being an outsider, and the gun, and the fight, I would be the worst lawyer on the planet if I told you this was an easy beat. If I were in your shoes, I would strongly consider flipping.

RK: Yeah, but Flankston, you're not in my shoes. It's me. Me and Buster. Expecting me to sell him out is like expecting me to believe that Halsey is half-black. It doesn't make any sense.

FLANKSTON: I know you care about Buster a lot, I get that. But if you don't want to end up another convict, you have to think about what you want first, before anything else.

RK sighs again and shakes his head.

SCENE 15

Centauris X 7th Precinct Police Station

Interior Holding Cell

Centauris X

RK is back in his original cell with the other prisoners.

KAYGIN: He wants you to flip on your friend?

RK: Yeah, like a stack of buttermilk pancakes from IHOP. But I can't do that to Buster. He wouldn't survive here in jail. I wouldn't survive. Oh, why did I have to go into that restaurant? I think I'm too bold. I need to stop trying to prove a point.

KAYGIN: RK, you can't apologize for who you are. You were making a statement with what you did.

RK: Yeah, I guess. But all this has done is bring me one step closer to the chair. Do you guys believe in the chair?

KAYGIN: No, we retired that years ago. Everyone dies by plasma cannons now.

RK: Exotic. Wait a minute. I think I know a way that I can get out of here, not flip, and even get out some other inmates.

KAYGIN: How?

RK: With a good old-fashioned prison riot.

KAYGIN: Really? A jailbreak? RK, you know how cliché that is, right?

RK: Nothing's too cliché when it's an RK Jennings signature moment. And this is our only chance of sticking it to these cops and judges and everyone else that's kept us down.

KAYGIN: I don't think that's a good idea. Many of us have tried and failed for years. One guy actually got close, but he got turned on by the other inmates for not planning to keep in touch with them.

RK: Okay, I've had it up to here with this crap! You guys make me sick crying about what you can and can't do. Making excuses. I mean, I get it. There's supposed to be rules that state the people who do wrong get punished. But then you get arrested for nothing and the rules change. So you know what you do when the rules change? You fight. You get nasty, you step on toes, you do whatever you can so you don't rot in this shit box. I don't know about you guys, but I'm done with resting in my own shit. It's time to take this shit box and throw it back at the idiots that gave it to us so they can taste the foul, disgusting stench that their shit box created! Now who's with me?!

Beat.

RK: I'm not repeating myself, that whole speech was off the cuff, guys.

SCENE 16

Centauris X Courthouse

Interior Courtroom #14

Centauris X

It is now time for RK's trial. The four kids are led by an alien guard to their seats while they face booing and garbage thrown at them by disgusted jurors. One of them tosses a full bag of Cracker Jack at Buster, which he catches.

BUSTER: HA! Idiots.

The kids then take their seats.

SPARKY: This is unbelievable. With a jury like this, RK might get the chair for all we know.

BUSTER: I thought that was banned in most states.

JAYLYNN: You know, Wade, I'm kinda scared. Do you really think RK can win this case?

WADE: I know he will. He has to.

SPARKY: RK's a fighter, man, I'm sure he'll pull through.

JAYLYNN: l know he can be a jackass sometimes, but I still can't believe someone would actually put him in jail. He didn't deserve this.

SPARKY: It kinda makes me wonder sometimes. You know, how many people in jail really deserve it?

BUSTER: But I thought bad people were supposed to get punished.

SPARKY: And they do, but maybe these things aren't always so black and white. It's hard for anyone to admit that there are problems, but we should be trying to fix them and learn from them, not run away from them. Sparky gasps. Wade, was this whole thing supposed to teach us something?

WADE: Sparky, believe me, I wish it was, but honestly, I stopped wondering what was going on after...

BAILIFF: All rise. Case #601922TSP. The case of the Schmeckle Club versus Ryan Kennedy Jennings. The honorable Judge Bloopleford presiding.

JAYLYNN: They have that cokehead doing RK's trial?!

BUSTER: That's it, he's dead.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: Bring in the defendant.

Beat.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: I said, bring in the defendant.

Beat.

JUDGE BLOOPLEFORD: Ugh, for all things good and holy, can someone please bring in the damn defendant?

("Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys plays in the background)

At that point, several prisoners run inside the courtroom and begin assaulting guards, the bailiff, the members of the press, the stenographer, and members of the jury. The kids are shocked as RK creeps up behind the judge and begins choking him with a rope. Meanwhile, inside the prison, there is pandemonium and disorder as inmates assault and incapacitate corrections officers. Cut back to the now-burning courtroom as RK runs to the guys.

SPARKY: RK, what the hell is going on?

RK: Just follow me. Let's go home.

The kids follow RK out of the courtroom as the flames grow inside. Meanwhile, outside, Kaygin is stomping out a guard when the kids pass by him. RK runs back to Kaygin.

RK: Thanks for everything, Kaygin.

KAYGIN: Get home safe, kid.

Kaygin continues stomping out the guard as the kids run out of the courthouse.

SPARKY: Wait, how are we going to get home when we left the shuttle at the mall?

WADE: Don't worry about it.

Wade takes out a remote, presses two buttons, and the shuttle magically appears. At that point, the kids quickly climb inside it while some civilians wearing "Burn RK" shirts throw rocks at it. The shuttle begins to take off as the natives continue pelting it with rocks. The words "Simulation Over" are shown on the screen, and the scene cuts to the guys taking off their goggles.

JAYLYNN: So should we talk about this?

BUSTER: I don't want to.

SPARKY: Why was the courtroom burning?

WADE: I really don't know.

RK: You know, Wade, even though I went to prison and almost died, I have to give it up to you. This was an awesome simulation.

SPARKY: It was, you really came through, Wade.

JAYLYNN: Those space camp guys should be kicking themselves for how they treated you.

BUSTER: You know, if you turned this into a video game, you could retire by the time you got to high school.

WADE: I'm glad you liked it. I built this simulator so I could experience the beauty of space up close, but thanks to you guys, I was able to have an even better adventure. I think my summer's going to be just fine.

BUSTER: So is real space anything like this?

WADE: Could be. Aliens are believed to have intelligence and technology that surpasses ours by centuries. In fact, studies say that if aliens did come to Earth, we would all die without a single notice.

Beat.

BUSTER: In that case, how much money really needs to go to outer space anyway?

Cut to black.

("No Introduction" by Nas plays over the end credits)

©2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

In memory of Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

November 1, 1944 - September 17, 2017