"Jane is this really what you want to do? You are only eleven. Do you really want to part ways with your twin?" My mother looked troubled while my father seemed quite disappointed. He had always hoped we'd go to Hogwarts, the school where my parents met.
"Mom, don't you think you're slightly exaggerating? I'm not parting ways I just think that it might be better for me. Don't you understand that? You know me. You know James. We are so very different in absolutly every way. He is loud and proud and courageous. He loves to be in the middle of things, dives right in and is sure he'll get out on top. I'm quite, studious and.." I sighed. I knew beforehand that it wouldn't be easy to get my parents agreement on this. You see I intended to go to Durmstrang instead of Hogwarts.
"Let's be honest mother. I want to go because I want to get away from my responsibility as his twin." Their eyes widened at my words. "Do you remember the incident when we were nine years old? James had decided it would be a great idea to go into the Forbidden Forest while you were talking to aunt Minerva and uncle Albus. He nearly got killed because he couldn't shut up in front of the Centaurs and had to make fun of a little one. I had to talk them out of it. I had to get his ungrateful ass.." "Jane.." "Sorry. I had to get him out of there and he didn't even accept that it was wrong to venture in there in the first place. I can't do this anymore. I can't be his conscience if he doesn't want one. I'm eleven and I need to concentrate on school. I want to learn all that there is. I never had the time before because I had to trail after James and make sure his head stays on his shoulders." I looked directly into my parents eyes, one after another. I could see that they understood but they seemed afraid. "I need to make my own decisions and find my own friends, children that my brother won't redicule because they are different, studious, quiet and just like me."
My parents looked at each other in this meaningful kind of way and I waited with bated breath. This was the moment. My future would be decided right here and now. There were only two possible outcomes I could think of.
They could allow me to go to Durmstrang. I would meet other children on my own terms, make the friends and even enemies I wanted and I could become the kind of persons I always imagined I'd be.
Or they decided to send me of to Hogwarts. I'd be in the same year and possibly the same house as my brother. He'd decide my friends, my enemies, my day to day life…
I was harsh when I was eleven. Harsh and angry about nearly everything James did even though I loved him dearly. He was the strong kind, the wild one impossible to predict. He'd do what he wanted without a thought for the consequences but I knew that he'd try to protect me and so I tried to protect him. I got him out of nearly every mess he ever made. I talked the Centaurs out of killing (or at least hurting) him. I brought him back down every time he crashed into a tree with his broom. And I never had time for myself, I never did anything on my own terms. If I wanted to do something he'd just run of. He'd be angry and I'd be worried. That was our dynamic. It had worked for eleven years straight but I had secretly decided that it was enough. When our Hogwarts letters came I had imagined what it would be like, I had listened to James go on and on about his plans, about what he wanted to do, where he wanted to be, what HE had to achieve. I accepted that there was no place for me in Hogwarts.
When aunt Minerva visited afterwards I took her aside and told her about my predicament. I told her about my feelings and I cried. Oh how I cried. She told me about the other prestige schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry and even though she wanted me to go to Beauxbatons I imagined my future in Durmstrang.
It was now only a few days later. James was pretty annoyed with me because I had stayed in the library for a few days. I had read up on the different schools and a bit of coursework that aunt Minerva had left with me in secret.
My parents had stopped staring at each other and started watching me instead.
"Is this really what you want deary?" My mother sounded a bit tired. I understood that this wasn't easy or her. I could only imagine James reaction if they allowed me to go away. He wouldn't understand. He'd make a fuss and my parents had to take the storm. "We are sorry that you feel that it was your responsibility to protect James. We should have done more, been stricter because this was never your job and I hope you are not too angry with us."
"Mom I don't do this to punish or hurt you or even James. I love you and I love my brother but I just don't see my future at Hogwarts. Maybe we only need a year apart? Maybe that'll sort us out and I'll beg you to allow me to transfer to Hogwarts. I can't predict the future but I feel that I have to do this now. Please allow me to go to Durmstrang. Please."
"I think I speak for your mother as well when I say that you are sensible enough to know what you want and that we will not stand in your way to follow your dreams. We will talk to James after dinner and to Albus tomorrow. He will arrange a meeting with Durmstrangs current headmaster."
"Thank you dad!" I was far too happy to worry about later. Maybe I should have..