The Weird Adventures of Cait and Lidi!
"Hi, and welcome to Lidi's Crazy Days, a show with absolutely NO point!" said Cait to the camera guy. Cait is a funny girl. really wild sometimes. Other times she makes me calm down because she say's that if I don't, she'll send me to a mental place and lock me up.
"Anywho, do you know what?" I faced some guy standing on the set. "Cait has little brothers and sisters. Little kids in her family! Know what else? Kid is also the name for baby goats. Goats are scary! They make weird noises." I shuddered. "And, when I was five, one stole my doll! It was at a petting zoo. 'Cept, I couldn't pet the stupid goat. It bit my fingers. And then it ate one of Shadie's eyes. Shadie was my puppy before Shayde. But, after the eye was eaten, Shadie couldn't see. She only had one button eye left, 'cept, she was blind in that one. So, she accidentally ran into the wall and died. And then, the evil goat ate her! The zookeeper said the goat's name was Koo. I called him Poopoohead, but then he bit my arm. So, I went home, and I was very sad. Then I got Shayde! And now I'm happy again!"
The guy looked at me weird, and ran away. I looked at the rest of the people. But. there wasn't anyone! I looked in the chair where I left Shayde, my favoritest thing in the whole wided world! Then, suddenly, Cait tapped me on the shoulder.
"I gotta tell you something." She whispered.
My eyes grew wide. "Did you steal Shayde?" I looked at her suspiciously.
She shook her head. "No. But I was walking down the road and I saw this pickled pineapple just laying there, so innocent. So I went over to it and picked it up and I was fixing to eat it when I saw it was holding Shayde! So, here you go!" she handed it, or rather, her, to me.
"Gimmie that pineapple!" I hissed. She threw it to me and I caught it automatically. I started doing my victory dance when I realized we were only about two feet away. Shucks. Oh well.
I tied down the pineapple down and automatically glared at it. "EVIL!" I screeched. I turned on a light above its head. "Answer my questions! So, do you work for Ronald McDonald, evil king of all typos and stupid message limits?"
He didn't speak. I almost kicked him when I heard Cait say "Shall it speak? Tune in next week on Lidi's Crazy Days!"
Oh no she just didn't! I wanted answers- now. I can't wait a week! "MAKE IT SPEAK NOW!" I yelled.
Cait hurriedly grabbed the microphone again. "OK, kiddos. Due to maniac actions, the show is back on NOW!"
I grimaced. "SPEAK OR I'LL EAT YOU WITH CHOPSTICKS AND GRILL YOU IN SOY SAUCE! AND I DON'T CARE IF PINEAPPLES CAN'T BE GRILLED! DON'T CORRECT ME AGAIN YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!"
Cait shook her head. "You're helpless" she said to me. She hid behind the table. "Oh no, oh no, she's gotten started up again! People are staring at her!"
I looked around wildly. "No one is staring at me!"
"I am." She said. "The whole world is! You're on television, remember?"
I ran and stood in front of the camera. "HEY! STOP STARING AT ME YOU WEIRD FAN PEOPLE!"
Cait chuckled and changed the subject. "Hey, aren't you going to punish the pineapple? Aren't you gonna try to get more outta him?"
"YEAH!" I faced the occupied rolley chair again. "Speak!" I commanded. "Eh? You DO work with Ronald? What is he planning?"
Cait sighed. "Is it time for her shrink meeting yet?" she asked the cameraman. He shook his head and help up all of his fingers. "Eleven more minutes? Oh, all right."
"WHAT'S THIS?" I asked. "He's planning to kill my beloved French fries? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
I kept screaming. No shutting up! And then.it happened. The men in white suits came out and grabbed me. "HEY! Let Cait and Shayde come too!" But the men didn't stop. I started sobbing.
They threw me into the car without even telling me to buckle my seat belt! I saw Cait come running out of the building with Shayde, so I was mega relived. She threw my puppy into the car and watched as the people drove off with me in the back seat, ignoring my waving hand.
Soon, the car was pulled to a stop. A lady with really ugly, long, metallic blue nails drug me out.
"Hello, my sweet!" she said, a maniac grin spreading across her wrinkled face.
"I'm not a candy!" I replied stubbornly. "Don't eat me!"
"Come with me now!" she pushed me. "Up into my pretty pink office."
"Pink?!?!?" I yelled, and followed the mean old lady. At the door the men in white guys took Shayde away, causing me almost to cry. Almost. "Who are you?"
She giggled like a young schoolgirl. "Come. we will paint your nails, and dress you all up in pink! How does a nice dress sound to you? And the best part is- you'll never see your stupid stuffed animal again, for I am Shrink Presairo, and I control here!"
"NAILS?" I screeched. "NO! I BITE MY NAILS! And, I don't want to wear a dress! SHAYDE ISN'T STUPID!"
The hag smiled again. "Where is the dress?" she questioned to her followers. She twirled her blonde hair innocently, her blue eyes sparkling. "What color do you hate the most, my dear?"
"I hate blue. Like my eyes. See 'em? And, SHAYDE ISN'T STUPID! She protects me from pink tutued robbers! And aliens!"
"Soo." Misses Shrink Lady began. "You don't like blue tutus? THEN BRING ME A BLUR TUTU AND PUT IT ON THE GIRL!"
"But I like to sing!" I replied, jumping up and down. "When I took ballet I kept bumping into the teacher so everyone made fun of me."
"GOD!" the woman yelled, pulling at her straight hair. "THIS GIRL IS TOO HAPPY! Bring me the stupid mutt and a knife!"
"NO! I DON'T WANNA WEAR A TUTU! YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO DO STUFF! SHAYDE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FORCE ME TO DO STUFF! Oh, and, NOOOOOO!!!!! YOU CAN'T KILL SHAYDE!"IF SHAYDE'S GONE, THEN I WON'T EVER BE HAPPY NO MORE!" I began to cry and scream.and trust me- that's not a pretty site!
"I have a confession to make." The woman said, circling me.
Then it struck me. "Do you work for Ronald. like the evil pickled pineapples?"
"YES, I DO!" her voice filled the almost empty room. "Now, I shall take over you!"
"Not today, sunshine!" Cait hollered, crashing trough the glass roof. She came and stood in front, protecting me. "You get Shayde, I'll get the old hag."
Cait went headfirst at Shrink Presrio, making Shayde fly out of her arms.
I actually caught her- and we were father away than two feet! I pelted the mean person with Altoids and Spearmints and gave Cait a high five.
"Let's ace this place!" she said. A ladder dropped down from where Cait had entered.
"Ace this place?" I asked. "I don't like poker!"
Cait rolled her eyes like usual and climbed into the helicopter, so I followed suit. I hugged Shayde tightly.and then I heard a little voice say, "Leed, stop it, you're hurting me!" I pulled away and stared at her. "You can't talk!" I cried. "Wait- you just did! Say something else!"
"I like French fries!" I heard.
"So do I!" I turned to Cait. "Shayde loves halitotos (helicopters)! She hangs up pictures of 'em in her room!" "Wait. what? Eh? Oh. Shayde says I made a mistake. Shayde hangs up posters of Elvis."
Cait face me and said, "Lidi, you're one crazy. Come on, let's see the sun set."
THE END!
"Hi, and welcome to Lidi's Crazy Days, a show with absolutely NO point!" said Cait to the camera guy. Cait is a funny girl. really wild sometimes. Other times she makes me calm down because she say's that if I don't, she'll send me to a mental place and lock me up.
"Anywho, do you know what?" I faced some guy standing on the set. "Cait has little brothers and sisters. Little kids in her family! Know what else? Kid is also the name for baby goats. Goats are scary! They make weird noises." I shuddered. "And, when I was five, one stole my doll! It was at a petting zoo. 'Cept, I couldn't pet the stupid goat. It bit my fingers. And then it ate one of Shadie's eyes. Shadie was my puppy before Shayde. But, after the eye was eaten, Shadie couldn't see. She only had one button eye left, 'cept, she was blind in that one. So, she accidentally ran into the wall and died. And then, the evil goat ate her! The zookeeper said the goat's name was Koo. I called him Poopoohead, but then he bit my arm. So, I went home, and I was very sad. Then I got Shayde! And now I'm happy again!"
The guy looked at me weird, and ran away. I looked at the rest of the people. But. there wasn't anyone! I looked in the chair where I left Shayde, my favoritest thing in the whole wided world! Then, suddenly, Cait tapped me on the shoulder.
"I gotta tell you something." She whispered.
My eyes grew wide. "Did you steal Shayde?" I looked at her suspiciously.
She shook her head. "No. But I was walking down the road and I saw this pickled pineapple just laying there, so innocent. So I went over to it and picked it up and I was fixing to eat it when I saw it was holding Shayde! So, here you go!" she handed it, or rather, her, to me.
"Gimmie that pineapple!" I hissed. She threw it to me and I caught it automatically. I started doing my victory dance when I realized we were only about two feet away. Shucks. Oh well.
I tied down the pineapple down and automatically glared at it. "EVIL!" I screeched. I turned on a light above its head. "Answer my questions! So, do you work for Ronald McDonald, evil king of all typos and stupid message limits?"
He didn't speak. I almost kicked him when I heard Cait say "Shall it speak? Tune in next week on Lidi's Crazy Days!"
Oh no she just didn't! I wanted answers- now. I can't wait a week! "MAKE IT SPEAK NOW!" I yelled.
Cait hurriedly grabbed the microphone again. "OK, kiddos. Due to maniac actions, the show is back on NOW!"
I grimaced. "SPEAK OR I'LL EAT YOU WITH CHOPSTICKS AND GRILL YOU IN SOY SAUCE! AND I DON'T CARE IF PINEAPPLES CAN'T BE GRILLED! DON'T CORRECT ME AGAIN YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!"
Cait shook her head. "You're helpless" she said to me. She hid behind the table. "Oh no, oh no, she's gotten started up again! People are staring at her!"
I looked around wildly. "No one is staring at me!"
"I am." She said. "The whole world is! You're on television, remember?"
I ran and stood in front of the camera. "HEY! STOP STARING AT ME YOU WEIRD FAN PEOPLE!"
Cait chuckled and changed the subject. "Hey, aren't you going to punish the pineapple? Aren't you gonna try to get more outta him?"
"YEAH!" I faced the occupied rolley chair again. "Speak!" I commanded. "Eh? You DO work with Ronald? What is he planning?"
Cait sighed. "Is it time for her shrink meeting yet?" she asked the cameraman. He shook his head and help up all of his fingers. "Eleven more minutes? Oh, all right."
"WHAT'S THIS?" I asked. "He's planning to kill my beloved French fries? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
I kept screaming. No shutting up! And then.it happened. The men in white suits came out and grabbed me. "HEY! Let Cait and Shayde come too!" But the men didn't stop. I started sobbing.
They threw me into the car without even telling me to buckle my seat belt! I saw Cait come running out of the building with Shayde, so I was mega relived. She threw my puppy into the car and watched as the people drove off with me in the back seat, ignoring my waving hand.
Soon, the car was pulled to a stop. A lady with really ugly, long, metallic blue nails drug me out.
"Hello, my sweet!" she said, a maniac grin spreading across her wrinkled face.
"I'm not a candy!" I replied stubbornly. "Don't eat me!"
"Come with me now!" she pushed me. "Up into my pretty pink office."
"Pink?!?!?" I yelled, and followed the mean old lady. At the door the men in white guys took Shayde away, causing me almost to cry. Almost. "Who are you?"
She giggled like a young schoolgirl. "Come. we will paint your nails, and dress you all up in pink! How does a nice dress sound to you? And the best part is- you'll never see your stupid stuffed animal again, for I am Shrink Presairo, and I control here!"
"NAILS?" I screeched. "NO! I BITE MY NAILS! And, I don't want to wear a dress! SHAYDE ISN'T STUPID!"
The hag smiled again. "Where is the dress?" she questioned to her followers. She twirled her blonde hair innocently, her blue eyes sparkling. "What color do you hate the most, my dear?"
"I hate blue. Like my eyes. See 'em? And, SHAYDE ISN'T STUPID! She protects me from pink tutued robbers! And aliens!"
"Soo." Misses Shrink Lady began. "You don't like blue tutus? THEN BRING ME A BLUR TUTU AND PUT IT ON THE GIRL!"
"But I like to sing!" I replied, jumping up and down. "When I took ballet I kept bumping into the teacher so everyone made fun of me."
"GOD!" the woman yelled, pulling at her straight hair. "THIS GIRL IS TOO HAPPY! Bring me the stupid mutt and a knife!"
"NO! I DON'T WANNA WEAR A TUTU! YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO DO STUFF! SHAYDE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FORCE ME TO DO STUFF! Oh, and, NOOOOOO!!!!! YOU CAN'T KILL SHAYDE!"IF SHAYDE'S GONE, THEN I WON'T EVER BE HAPPY NO MORE!" I began to cry and scream.and trust me- that's not a pretty site!
"I have a confession to make." The woman said, circling me.
Then it struck me. "Do you work for Ronald. like the evil pickled pineapples?"
"YES, I DO!" her voice filled the almost empty room. "Now, I shall take over you!"
"Not today, sunshine!" Cait hollered, crashing trough the glass roof. She came and stood in front, protecting me. "You get Shayde, I'll get the old hag."
Cait went headfirst at Shrink Presrio, making Shayde fly out of her arms.
I actually caught her- and we were father away than two feet! I pelted the mean person with Altoids and Spearmints and gave Cait a high five.
"Let's ace this place!" she said. A ladder dropped down from where Cait had entered.
"Ace this place?" I asked. "I don't like poker!"
Cait rolled her eyes like usual and climbed into the helicopter, so I followed suit. I hugged Shayde tightly.and then I heard a little voice say, "Leed, stop it, you're hurting me!" I pulled away and stared at her. "You can't talk!" I cried. "Wait- you just did! Say something else!"
"I like French fries!" I heard.
"So do I!" I turned to Cait. "Shayde loves halitotos (helicopters)! She hangs up pictures of 'em in her room!" "Wait. what? Eh? Oh. Shayde says I made a mistake. Shayde hangs up posters of Elvis."
Cait face me and said, "Lidi, you're one crazy. Come on, let's see the sun set."
THE END!