Author's note: Ah, what's better than reading a classic Christmas story written by the world famous Charles Dickheads? Uh, I mean Dickens... Anyway, I thought, since it is Christmas soon, that I'd write a Christmas/FF8 crossover. Read it and PLEASE REVIEW!!!
Seifer Almasy: A Christmas Carol
On Christmas Eve, Seifer, Raijin and Fuujin were walking around Balamb Garden in the darkest hours of night. Seifer was forcing them to keep patrol, since it was Christmas and anyone could act up.
"Ya' know, Seifer, Fuujin and I are kinda tired, and it's Christmas eve, so can we go and sleep now?" Raijin complained.
"TIRED," Fuujin agreed.
"And we were hoping you'd let us have Christmas Day off," Raijin continued.
"Alright, but we do extra hours on Boxing Day!" Seifer allowed with a frown. "Go to bed and get some sleep,"
The three went to their dorms and went to sleep almost instantly, except for Seifer.
"Christmas. Ha! What kind of idiotic moron would spend a day just to celebrate the birthday of some guy that most people don't even believe in? And what's all that Santa Claus shit about? If I wanted to see a fat asshole of an old man, I'd just have to go to Cid!" Seifer mocked to himself, while getting into his pajamas. "It's utter Chicobo Shit,"
He climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself. He was about to go to sleep when he heard a chain rattling. He sat up straight in bed and looked around. Seifer saw Adel, standing in his doorway with chains wrapped over herself.
"So, you don't believe in Christmas, ehhhhhhhhh? Weeeeeeeeeeeell, I just have to saaaaay that you'll be sorry! Three spiritual beings will visit you, the firsssssst one at 1, the second at 2 and the last at 3 in the morrrrrrrning. They will show you what wiiiiill happen if you don't change..." Adel warned, then disappeared.
"BULL SHIT!" Seifer laughed. "What kind of Fuck-Nut-Chicken-Wuss would believe in ghosts? Chicken Wuss? Probably..."
He went back to bed and slept. When the clock struck 1 in the morning, Seifer woke up by a tap on the shoulder. An Esper, Ramuh to be exact, floated there, and kept a straight face.
"HOLY FUCK NUTTY WHORES IN MY BED!!!" Seifer screamed.
"Take my hand, and I'll show you the past!" Ramuh commanded. Seifer held Ramuh's hand, hesitating at first. Ramuh teleported them to another world, telling Seifer that they were only having a flashback, and nobody could see, touch, hear or smell them.
"What, you saying I have B.O?" Seifer glared at him.
"Just shut up and watch!" Ramuh screamed.
"Jeez Louis! Don't blow an artery, old man!" Seifer mumbled. The two saw Seifer as a child, hitting people who were singing Christmas carols over the head with a metal pole. Chibi Seifer ripped down all the Christmas trees he saw, and stomped on the baubles and decorations that fell from the trees.
"Ah, good old me!" Seifer smiled. The clock struck two and Ramuh took Seifer back to reality, unsatisfied at his work.
"You are next to impossible to change, Seifer Almasy!" Ramuh commented and disappeared. Seifer flipped Ramuh off just before he faded away completely.
Seifer heard a slight laughing sound and turned around to see Cid (The FF4 version).
"Ready to see the present day if you don't change, Seifer?" Cid asked.
"Whatever..." Seifer held Cid's hand and teleported a few hours ahead in time.
They both saw Seifer pushing Selphie over, and kicking her while she was on the ground, also stomping all the presents that she was holding. Irvine came up to him and punched him, while Seifer retaliated by kicking him in the balls. Everyone else walked away, and Seifer walked off with his posse.
"If you don't change, that is going to happen, Seifer Almasy," Cid explained, taking him back to reality, since his time was over.
"Fuck off, old man," Seifer smirked and saw him fade away. Then Ward slammed the door down.
"What are YOU doing in here, Mr. Speech-Impared?" Seifer abused. "What, YOU'RE the third spirit?"
Ward nodded.
"Just show me the future," Seifer shook his head. Ward clapped his hands and saw Ellone walk in.
"Time Compression, is it?" the beautiful young girl asked. Ward nodded, and was warped into the future for exactly 1 hour with Seifer.
They appeared in the reception of Balamb Garden, and Seifer was shocked at the date. It was January 1st, New Year's Day. It was only a few days after Christmas. Ward dragged Seifer outside, into a forest next to the Fire Cavern.
Ward pointed to a tombstone in the middle of two trees. Seifer walked over to it and read it.
"Seifer Almasy
1981-1999
A Great Big Dick-Slap.
Also a Sorceress' Knight Wannabe.
He Had No Friends. Fuck, my tombstone sucks!" Seifer bitched.
*Author's note: Since FF8 first came out in Australia in 1999, I just subtracted Seifer's age, 18, from 1999 to make the date*
The two then walked back into Balamb Garden, and saw Zell standing on a bench with Seifer's Gunblade in his hand.
"Hey, everybody! I'm the almighty Seifer! I think I'm so cool!" Zell mimicked.
"Fucking Chicken-Wuss!"
"I also think I'm a Chicken-Wuss! Funny though, since I call Zell a Chicken-Wuss all the time. But EVERYBODY knows Zell is the best!" Zell stepped down and laughed with the others.
One hour finished and they teleported back to their time.
"Get outta my room, fat-assed penis," Seifer ordered to Ward. Seifer assumed that Ellone must've left while they were in the future.
*The Next Day*
Seifer walked up to Selphie and pushed her over. He kicked her and stomped on some beautifully wrapped gifts that were initially meant to go to Zell, Squall and Rinoa. Irvine came up to him and punched his face. Seifer felt blood come out of his nose. He rubbed at it with his hand and saw blood smeared across his fingers. He swiftly kicked Irvine in the balls, neuturing him.
"Fuck nuts all around the place..." Seifer scowled and walked off with his posse. Adel, Ramuh, Cid, and Ward watched at a distance, then fired a massive beam of Blizzaga (Cast by Adel), Thundaga (Cast by Ramuh), piss (Fired by Cid) and Firaga (Cast by Ward) at Seifer.
*The Next Day*
"I'm sorry to say, but Seifer is dead. The piss that was shot at him drowned him, and he choked on it. His lungs have soaked in too much of it and there is no way to revive him," Dr. Kowasaki (I forgot how to spell it) told Cid Kramer, the headmaster of Balamb Garden.
"YAAAAAHOOOOO!!!" Cid jumped up in the air and cheered.
THE END
Seifer Almasy: A Christmas Carol
On Christmas Eve, Seifer, Raijin and Fuujin were walking around Balamb Garden in the darkest hours of night. Seifer was forcing them to keep patrol, since it was Christmas and anyone could act up.
"Ya' know, Seifer, Fuujin and I are kinda tired, and it's Christmas eve, so can we go and sleep now?" Raijin complained.
"TIRED," Fuujin agreed.
"And we were hoping you'd let us have Christmas Day off," Raijin continued.
"Alright, but we do extra hours on Boxing Day!" Seifer allowed with a frown. "Go to bed and get some sleep,"
The three went to their dorms and went to sleep almost instantly, except for Seifer.
"Christmas. Ha! What kind of idiotic moron would spend a day just to celebrate the birthday of some guy that most people don't even believe in? And what's all that Santa Claus shit about? If I wanted to see a fat asshole of an old man, I'd just have to go to Cid!" Seifer mocked to himself, while getting into his pajamas. "It's utter Chicobo Shit,"
He climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself. He was about to go to sleep when he heard a chain rattling. He sat up straight in bed and looked around. Seifer saw Adel, standing in his doorway with chains wrapped over herself.
"So, you don't believe in Christmas, ehhhhhhhhh? Weeeeeeeeeeeell, I just have to saaaaay that you'll be sorry! Three spiritual beings will visit you, the firsssssst one at 1, the second at 2 and the last at 3 in the morrrrrrrning. They will show you what wiiiiill happen if you don't change..." Adel warned, then disappeared.
"BULL SHIT!" Seifer laughed. "What kind of Fuck-Nut-Chicken-Wuss would believe in ghosts? Chicken Wuss? Probably..."
He went back to bed and slept. When the clock struck 1 in the morning, Seifer woke up by a tap on the shoulder. An Esper, Ramuh to be exact, floated there, and kept a straight face.
"HOLY FUCK NUTTY WHORES IN MY BED!!!" Seifer screamed.
"Take my hand, and I'll show you the past!" Ramuh commanded. Seifer held Ramuh's hand, hesitating at first. Ramuh teleported them to another world, telling Seifer that they were only having a flashback, and nobody could see, touch, hear or smell them.
"What, you saying I have B.O?" Seifer glared at him.
"Just shut up and watch!" Ramuh screamed.
"Jeez Louis! Don't blow an artery, old man!" Seifer mumbled. The two saw Seifer as a child, hitting people who were singing Christmas carols over the head with a metal pole. Chibi Seifer ripped down all the Christmas trees he saw, and stomped on the baubles and decorations that fell from the trees.
"Ah, good old me!" Seifer smiled. The clock struck two and Ramuh took Seifer back to reality, unsatisfied at his work.
"You are next to impossible to change, Seifer Almasy!" Ramuh commented and disappeared. Seifer flipped Ramuh off just before he faded away completely.
Seifer heard a slight laughing sound and turned around to see Cid (The FF4 version).
"Ready to see the present day if you don't change, Seifer?" Cid asked.
"Whatever..." Seifer held Cid's hand and teleported a few hours ahead in time.
They both saw Seifer pushing Selphie over, and kicking her while she was on the ground, also stomping all the presents that she was holding. Irvine came up to him and punched him, while Seifer retaliated by kicking him in the balls. Everyone else walked away, and Seifer walked off with his posse.
"If you don't change, that is going to happen, Seifer Almasy," Cid explained, taking him back to reality, since his time was over.
"Fuck off, old man," Seifer smirked and saw him fade away. Then Ward slammed the door down.
"What are YOU doing in here, Mr. Speech-Impared?" Seifer abused. "What, YOU'RE the third spirit?"
Ward nodded.
"Just show me the future," Seifer shook his head. Ward clapped his hands and saw Ellone walk in.
"Time Compression, is it?" the beautiful young girl asked. Ward nodded, and was warped into the future for exactly 1 hour with Seifer.
They appeared in the reception of Balamb Garden, and Seifer was shocked at the date. It was January 1st, New Year's Day. It was only a few days after Christmas. Ward dragged Seifer outside, into a forest next to the Fire Cavern.
Ward pointed to a tombstone in the middle of two trees. Seifer walked over to it and read it.
"Seifer Almasy
1981-1999
A Great Big Dick-Slap.
Also a Sorceress' Knight Wannabe.
He Had No Friends. Fuck, my tombstone sucks!" Seifer bitched.
*Author's note: Since FF8 first came out in Australia in 1999, I just subtracted Seifer's age, 18, from 1999 to make the date*
The two then walked back into Balamb Garden, and saw Zell standing on a bench with Seifer's Gunblade in his hand.
"Hey, everybody! I'm the almighty Seifer! I think I'm so cool!" Zell mimicked.
"Fucking Chicken-Wuss!"
"I also think I'm a Chicken-Wuss! Funny though, since I call Zell a Chicken-Wuss all the time. But EVERYBODY knows Zell is the best!" Zell stepped down and laughed with the others.
One hour finished and they teleported back to their time.
"Get outta my room, fat-assed penis," Seifer ordered to Ward. Seifer assumed that Ellone must've left while they were in the future.
*The Next Day*
Seifer walked up to Selphie and pushed her over. He kicked her and stomped on some beautifully wrapped gifts that were initially meant to go to Zell, Squall and Rinoa. Irvine came up to him and punched his face. Seifer felt blood come out of his nose. He rubbed at it with his hand and saw blood smeared across his fingers. He swiftly kicked Irvine in the balls, neuturing him.
"Fuck nuts all around the place..." Seifer scowled and walked off with his posse. Adel, Ramuh, Cid, and Ward watched at a distance, then fired a massive beam of Blizzaga (Cast by Adel), Thundaga (Cast by Ramuh), piss (Fired by Cid) and Firaga (Cast by Ward) at Seifer.
*The Next Day*
"I'm sorry to say, but Seifer is dead. The piss that was shot at him drowned him, and he choked on it. His lungs have soaked in too much of it and there is no way to revive him," Dr. Kowasaki (I forgot how to spell it) told Cid Kramer, the headmaster of Balamb Garden.
"YAAAAAHOOOOO!!!" Cid jumped up in the air and cheered.
THE END