Zack and Sephiroth…..M.D…….!

Disclaimer: Square Enix owns the characters, I just play with them.

Warning: Language, some gross medical stuff as they get "edumacated".

What if Zack had been able to save his General from falling off the deep end at Nibelheim? The great war with Wutai was over, so now what? The powers that be decide these two merit a special education….of to Shinra Medical School!

"Hey."

"What is it, Zachary?"

"D'you know why we're going to Lazard's office?"

"I presume we will be informed of the reason when we're there." Sephiroth always wondered what happened to the filter between Zack Fair's brain and his mouth. Now that the war was over, his sanity had returned, Jenova was dead and they had both officially retired, his young friend had been edgy. Zack had always been….energetic, but his behavior of late bordered on mania. The ex-General continued to stare resolutely at the slowly ascending lights as they passed each floor, hoping Zack would take his cue and shut up.

"Seph, I was just wondering…..on behalf of the entire Shinra army, of course……are you naturally silver?"

Sephiroth closed his eyes, and prayed Shiva would make the elevator move faster.

Director Lazard was at his desk, along with President Shinra himself. They were both smiling so widely, it was a wonder the tops of their heads didn't fall off. Sephiroth didn't like the situation one bit.

"Come in, sit down. I have some wonderful news!"

The pair sat in the two plush chairs carefully. Neither of them had any idea what to expect.

"Congratulations, you two! Shinra University's Faculty of Medicine has accepted your applications. As you know, the Faculty only accepts the brightest, strongest and most well-rounded applicants! The both of you were excellent candidates; of course, we couldn't expect anything less from SOLDIER. You will begin your studies Monday morning. You two are going to be doctors!"

Zack's face went slack; he looked slightly retarded. Sephiroth managed to keep his deadpan expression.

"What application….?" Even the great General couldn't keep the shock out of his voice.

"Ha! Excellent jest, General! It's wonderful to know you're developing a sense of humor. That will come in very handy when you meet your patients." Lazard laughed heartily.

Zack was about to bolt out of his chair. For once, his was speechless.

"On behalf of the Shinra Coorporation, I want to extend my best wishes for your future endeavors." President Shinra seemed genuinely pleased. "Medicine is the most noble of professions. You two are setting very good examples for future SOLDIER recruits to our new military medicine program."

"Your what?" Sephiroth managed to put some words together, but his thoughts were ping-ponging so fast he could hardly process what was just said.

"Our military medicine program is the first of its kind. Only the finest Shinra recruits will be considered. It is a great honor to have the two of you on board. You will join the first year class, which consists of civilian students. They are already two weeks into their curriculum, so you'll have some catching up to do. Nothing that can't be handled by SOLDIER, of course!"

Zack hadn't moved. It was clear from his vacant expression that his brain hadn't moved past the first few sentences, either. Sephiroth opened his mouth in protest, only to be interrupted by Lazard.

"Well done, gentlemen!" The two executives opened a bottle of wine and immediately began toasting themselves. "Dismissed!"

Zack and Sephiroth walked slowly down the hallway outside of Lazard's office in disbelief.

"Zachary….if you had anything to do with this….."

"What would you do to me if I did?"

Sephiroth gave him The Glare of Death. Impervious, Zack Fair carried on.

"Okay, fine. I thought I had it all figured out. We're not getting any younger; I mean, you're like almost 30. How many SOLDIERs do you know who are that old? You even have grey hair."

"I was born that way!" Sephiroth retorted.

"Uh huh. But think about the job security. We could do anything, and still rake in the gil, until we're really old. Have you seen that crazy geezer Hojo, lately? What is he, fifty?"

"He's not a medical doctor, Fair. I do believe medical doctors are in the business of helping people. Hojo certainly doesn't fit in to that category." Sephiroth's eyes darkened.

"I was just thinkin' about the future, man. So I filled out an application, and wouldn't you know? I was in a good mood and thought of you, too."

"I was about to take over the world, Zack. That's about as good as it gets when it comes to employment."

"Yeah, well, I saved you and saved the Planet. I guess putting that in my application must have helped."

Sephiroth went deadly still. He looked like a statue about to explode.

"Aw, come on, Seph! I didn't actually think either of us would get in! It was more of a joke, really. I mean, barely passed Grade four math in Gongaga. Sure, the mako helps the IQ and all," Sephiroth rolled his eyes, "but I'm hardly M.D. material."

"If I remember correctly from your file, commander, you failed to your first grade matriculation. Twice."

"Shit, that's in there, too?" The panic on his face was priceless. "Anyways, what were the chances they'd accept me, let alone a psycho, sociopathic megalomaniac? You're not exactly a people person, Seph. How many did you kill in Wutai?"

"Thousands."

"Right. That wasn't even counting the ones in the Wutai hospital you incinerated."

"An ounce of prevention…."

"See? How was I supposed to know?" Zack started to bounce. "Look at the bright side, Seph. Chicks dig the white coat, the steph…steh…setho…"

"Stethoscope."

"Sweet! We're so gonna get laid!"

Furious, the former General stormed back down the hall. He was going to put an end to this ridiculous turn of events. He was SOLDIER elite, a former Shinra general, and the most dangerous man on the Planet. Gods be damned if he was going to some military medical school to become a doctor, of all things. Didn't these people have any common sense? He killed for a living. Zack Fair took off after him.

"Seph, wait up!" Zack caught up, and together they walked back to Lazard's office in silence. After 30 seconds, Zack Fair had to break it.

"Hey."

"What is it now, Zachary?"

"What does M.D. stand for?"

AN: I couldn't resist. I can't imagine anything more ridiculous, so I had to write it, just the same. Just wait 'till these two hit the wards! Please R&R.