"Please don't leave me, please don't leave me…" He felt desolate as the room surrounding him. Hunched on his bed in the dark, curtains drawn as tightly as they could against the autumn light. He was scared. God, he was scared. His eyes were wide and then shut, knees locked hard and then trembling. His entire figure was braced firmly at the headboard, shoulders shuddering conspicuously as the weight of the world crushed them indifferently.
Zero, please, don't go.
"Zero…"
Zero had… gone, right? He had left. Kaname had seen him leave, those hours ago. He saw the boy leave before anybody else could come. Before anybody else could see what they'd done. Because it was such a crime to support a life, right? Because it was so heinous to feel good in a situation like that. Of course his punishment would be his loneliness and his followers' overzealous conviction. They loved him and needed him, kept him under lock and key and called it 'protection'. Zero… Zero tolerated him. Barely. But they did all these things together. Kaname's perception of love was of course going to be a little screwy.
He clenched his head with fingers that wouldn't quiet their shivering. Love was… keeping something caged. Love was fanaticism in a justified mask. Yuki… His parents had locked Yuki away. They loved her very much, and they had to protect her, right? From… from Rido… Rido hated his parents; Rido hated him. And yet he did all those things. The things Mother had called 'love'.
"Kaname, one day when you're tall and handsome-when you're the leader of your world-you're going to fall in love. You're going to fall in love with someone who's always been there, and she'll love you just as much."
Of course, his mother had been talking about Yuki. There wasn't going to be anyone else around that he could possibly want. Plus; Yuki was gorgeous. And she knew him. Had known him… Rido had destroyed everything, but the ways he showed his hatred had disgusted and confused him.
Why did he do it?
The man should have tortured him and left him for dead.
Maybe because… because living with that was going to be all that much harder? Because the acts engraved in his skin were like sunspots on a star? Rido had been smart about these things. Rido had known how to make him hurt most, and then he handed him back to the people who'd look past it just because Kaname had said he was okay. Zero wasn't like that. Zero knew. Zero knew that part of him. And neither liked it. How many times had Kaname woken up with nightmares of that place? Of what that man could do to him? Of what he could to… to Yuki…
Kaname shook his head ferociously and hid sweating face in his hands. He hated these moments. These weak, weak moments. The moments where he knew Rido was lingering in his future and Ichiou was toying with his life. And when the two men had joined against him in their rituals, he really did think he was condemned.
How Kaname had gotten out was a miracle. How he'd finally freed himself from something like that was no less incredible than the will he'd put up to protect himself from them. The wall that separated the laws of the world from the place in which he licked his wounds. Whenever he found himself in that Limbo, everything seemed unlimited. It was his fantasyland-his escape and false salvation. It stung worse to have to come from that place, but he could use it whenever Rido or Ichiou came for him, whenever they would those things… He couldn't enter Ichiou's personal office again. He seriously knew that. Just the sight of the divan and the man's own working chair, the one he'd sometimes be tied to, or Ichiou would just sit in it and beckon him forward…
Kaname couldn't estimate what hurt more: the time of the actions or the memories. Or the fact that he'd actually allowed himself to succumb to something like that. And of course he'd pinned some kind of nobility to it, something that would make him feel strong: he had been protecting Yuki, to the end. But that excuse couldn't handle the times his mind would wander off into those territories. Yuki's memory couldn't be weighted with so much suffering, else he might come to hate her. And he never, ever wanted to have one bad thought about her. She was his girl, after all.
He finally put his hands down. Or rather, they flopped to the bed as if he were a ripped ragdoll. At least he wasn't crying. He was running a pretty good record, now. If he kept some things locked away, he could keep his head together and go on with classic stoicism. Nothing could stop him when he found that hard, cold strength. But the coldness bothered him, somewhat. He didn't ever want to completely block himself off, just that part.
He slipped down a little in the sheets, putting up a foot to prop his relaxed body. He was sprawled, thoughts and limbs surrounding him and taking up an immense amount of space. He wondered off-hand how Zero had first reacted when he saw the bed, because it had been built to offer a ridiculous amount of space. The drapes about it were nice, keeping them in the dark, even when other places were alight with heated and excited activity.
He sniffed…
Oh, right.
Zero had made the executive decision to come inside of him, this morning. It didn't piss him off in the slightest. It made him feel a little uncomfortable, all that foreign fluid growing cold on him, but it smelled perfectly like the man during sex-a fact which he was grateful for. He'd even leave the sheets unwashed for a couple of 'go's to keep that scent with him during the time Zero was at school. Now, it was the schedule that pissed him off…
But all these thoughts of Zero were entrancing. They made him think of the subject, and everything they could do in one meeting. How many times had he thought himself plenty satisfied today? Left to say, 'the well is dry'. His head had slid down more, and he turned it so one cheek rested on one of the pillows he'd set against the headboard. He didn't even need to open his eyes to smell all of the blood soaked into it. They'd gotten a little wild, this time. The scratches on his back didn't even heal as quickly as normal, staying quite slashed up for at least the duration of the act. Maybe he was stopping his own system because he knew Zero would find pleasure in his claims. That Zero would find pleasure in the object of his zealous hatred marked by his own teeth and claws. Kaname rubbed his neck self-consciously, still refusing to open his eyes as, miraculously, the thoughts sprung up another attempt to sate them.
Now he looked down. Oh, he was building up a bit. He felt slighted: usually it took much more to get him into a mood like this, especially after such a long encounter. But it didn't surprise him that he was breaking down in that resistance as well. Kaname doubted he'd be able to go without Zero for more than a month and not grow ill. It was going to make travelling a bitch.
And, it was just another thing to scare him: Kaname had heard all sorts of horror stories concerning a pureblood's abstinence from their partner. Things like mental breakdowns (which he'd already been having), uncontrollable crying (been there), and lashing out at anything around (done that, too). It seemed like old news, but there were more sinister tales left to frighten a little boy alone in the dark. He wasn't sure he could stand up against this building infatuation. Already, he needed to see Zero at least once every couple of weeks-lately, every four or five days-and the encounters lasted for hours. Without this little relief, he constantly worried, getting jumpy and distrusting. He couldn't even function without the man.
"I… I'm pathetic…" He laughed with a tired bitterness. Kaname felt so tired, and yet he already felt the first chains dragging him nearer to bliss. He didn't have enough energy to reach climax; Zero had worked him endlessly, barely a three-minute break being the longest stop between starts. He thought briefly that something had gotten to the boy deeply enough that he just needed comfort, but that was far too vain an explanation for Kaname's tastes. No, Zero was just a growing ex-human lusting for blood and the normal things. Just a teenaged boy with a rather 'educated' taste in his chosen releases. His legs quaked again when he remembered how Zero had pulled him half-off the bed to plunge teeth and cock into him.
Damn… well, he had to deal with it, now! Ridiculous…
His hips arched automatically when his hands reached down, a reflex Zero would use over and over to suit his own movements. Kaname grew rigid when he remembered propelling his own body against that of the silver-haired boy, grinding excitedly with each delivered thrust. His fingertips felt fairly cold on the bare, tender skin. He shivered with excitement, running a couple of fingers loosely along his erection, savouring the touch. The other hand went further down, nuzzling the "base and supports" for a few moments, the journey becoming slightly wetter. Most of the blood and saliva had cooled and dried, a few thin white streaks beginning to crust over. He teased himself, hands going against the will of his voracious Id and beckoning more from his exhausted body. His erection was full-up, now, hand almost fully encompassing it in untimed strokes. He wasn't even focusing on that, trying desperately to enwrap himself in other times. He was feeling more vulnerable now than when he and Zero had sex, having to imagine the man barrelling full into him while he only had spindly fingers to satisfy.
How many times had Zero made him come?
The man had always put himself first, in that matter, and Kaname wasn't one to complain about little details like time when there was so much to be done. But Zero gave him enough pleasure and security to last him through each experience, even if the teen got a little vicious at times. Last night was not exempt from this last part.
Oh, he remembered it all vividly. How his body hit the pillows like a rock whenever Zero pushed him down. He recalled screaming at certain points, not remembering exactly when. Was it when Zero's claws ripped him apart during the preparation? When he had come on and inside those wounds? Or when Kaname had tried to go wash them out and Zero had ended up fucking him blindly against the bathroom wall? They broke through plaster when the teen shoved his head into it. There must be a few of his hairs lodged in there, somewhere…
He finally let a finger in, wriggling his legs a bit as it scraped up against some rather sensitive areas. His breath sharpened; Zero wouldn't have been so tedious, once the point was to be gotten to. Sure, he'd tease Kaname like it was a fucking game, but once he was in, the rules changed entirely.
Kaname's breathing became more and more ragged as he added fingers, opposite hand rubbing his testicles and groping all that he could. Zero had… Zero had been rough. Zero had scratched at him,
"Ah-!" He purposely ran his nails inside of him, smelling blood from old wounds well up and well-lubricating it all. The same thing happened with his penis, which was excruciatingly painful, but Zero had done it in his most self-less moments. When Kaname had the pride to think he could easily withstand an assault like that. Nevertheless, he grated and gyrated against himself like his hands were someone else's, pumping in, out, and around.
"Zero…" He needed something more. Three fingers in the first three or four minutes, and he was already grunting and pushing for more. There was that one thing Zero had done; the one he'd actually promised to never do again. The one that had ripped Kaname in half like a piece of construction paper.
And he did it with a smile, naturally.
The pureblood quickly withdrew his bloody fingers and drew himself up against the headboard, opening his legs like a storybook and guiding a fist down. He clenched his teeth in anticipation, eyes shut tightly as that first whimper broke out when the first row of knuckles slid in.
"Urh…nm-Ngh!" One quarter left 'til the second row. He was tearing up, now. His feet pushed against the sheets and his entire body was tense. The first tear spilled over an eyelash and the race was on. He let himself breathe for a moment, gasping as he experimentally wiggled his hand to see how far in he was. Three inches deep, about four inches wide. Oh, God, it hurt. His nails routinely scraped his walls and he felt like screaming when he slipped and it shoved in to four inches. Zero's cock couldn't beat this. Then again, it was unfair to assume that all the pleasure was derived from having his ass pounded mercilessly into whatever-was-beneath-them: Zero's hands and mouth-even his thighs-did jobs Kaname's own hands wouldn't dare dream of.
His breath hitched and he'd be damned if that was a sob.
"You miserable cad." Lowly ex human; infested pet; death-dealing psychopath; Kaname didn't think he could come up with an insulting name Zero hadn't been branded with. Using foreign languages seemed unjust, but so was the fact that he'd said anything at all. That was his fist pummelling into his bowels like an automatic drill. Not only that, but it fucking hurt him to think negatively of the other male. His head flew everywhere and his thoughts were jumbled: he had a headache. He needed aspirin. No, Zero didn't like his blood so thin when he was in that mood. Though, again, it was unsupported that Zero would come to him like that for another two or three weeks. If he was really being cut off, maybe a month or two. Because, Zero hadn't done that for him. Oh, God no: Zero had done that for the idea that it would hurt him and make him wish that he had more control. That another man's cock didn't so easily blind him.
"A-Fungh!" That one sounded like a sneeze with his pathetic decision to try and mute it. He was working almost solely on the base of his thumb, now, pushing a little more every fifteen or thirty seconds with his eyes shut tight, breaths short and few. At least he had a bit of conscience left to him. Everything else had become so perverse and poisoned-at the wrist, now-he didn't bother parts of him to work. His subconscious was fucked, in any case. He doubted he could ever accurately asses the full rate of damage done to him by simply messing around a bit with an ex human. And all for his sweet girl… where the hell had his values gone?
Five, six inches. It didn't matter to him, the exact amount of flesh. He was still trying to brush off those thoughts of helplessness and vulnerability. The bad kind: not the foreign one he would occasionally feel a few seconds after good sex. Not that good sex was in short supply, but it was rare that he would enjoy it like a… 'like a woman would?' What was he trying to finish, here? He gritted his teeth again, working his fist around a bit. He didn't know how to complete the thought. No, scratch that: he just really, really, really didn't want to finish it. Because that would mean branding himself, something he didn't want to do until everything was said and done and Yuki was safe. Then he could break a few hearts and shatter his mind. But it kept coming, kept soliciting him, until his tongue caught the message and lapped at his lips through gasps and moans and he finally realised he couldn't escape it.
Like a lover?
"AAH! AHHN, Ah-" Lots of heavy breathing, shaking limbs, and a scabbed, pulsing erection. He felt Zero close? Why wasn't the boy already asleep? His body convulsed again and his head played games with the pillows as it tossed about. "AH-Haah-huhh! Haah-huhh!" That was the feeling. That was purely exhilarating. It came again and he almost fainted. He pumped his fist in and out crazily, not caring about how deep he could go anymore. His eyes were wide, lips pursed cruelly tight and his toes curled and uncurled, messing about with the sheets. His hips thrust up and he finally paid real attention to his penis.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Zero whispered from the window. Kaname stopped what he was doing and the hand that had been playing with his erection came up to brush the sweaty hair from his worse-off face. The fist lodged in his rectum oozed out slowly, bloodied and covered with a bit of old white. The hard-on didn't die.
Kaname closed his eyes and almost went limp. Zero stayed where he was, feet planted as he took in the odd scene. He'd never known the man actually masturbated… the silver-haired teen had simply assumed the man got enough sex as it was. And after this morning, it was amazing the brunette was still conscious.
"I asked you a question, Kuran." Ooh, screw the earlier thought. Zero was definitely in 'that' mood. Kaname winced as he tried to sit up, most of his wounds not yet healed.
"Just because you left doesn't mean I have to stop and drop dead." Incredibly bold. Kaname would have given himself a pat on the back if he could move well enough to do it. Zero stared at him with a cold look of shock on his face. He was grimacing; thinking. Kaname was eager to see what he would do. When the boots came down on the carpet with that thunk, the pureblood almost screamed in joy.
"Are you seriously going to challenge me like that?" Zero asked with his usual dark sarcasm, the sly curve of his lips and low tone adding to his domineering appeal. Kaname shuddered as the teen walked over to him and licked his lips,
"Are you going to fuck me like you did?" The pleasant surprise that crossed Zero's look brought Kaname more of a shiver than it should have. He was so eager to please the teen, he sometimes lost track of himself. But Zero loved it when those dirty words would roll off the pureblood's tongue in that deep, seducer's voice. To Kaname, it was unnecessary, but to Zero, it was degrading an international icon. Which, of course, brought him more satisfaction than anything else, these days.
Zero's knee hit the bed and he crawled over the man, eyes shimmering with delight when he saw that beautiful body tense, those perfect hands draw the sheets tight. Anxiety… what a wonder. "Yes." He answered in a quiet drawl, lifting up Kaname's chin and licking just beneath the lower lip. His partner hissed and tensed up more, legs coming in and hugging Zero's figure as the silver-haired teen leaned more. "I am going to fuck you until every last drop is gone and you will beg me to stop." Shivering more than before, Kaname took him for his word and grasped the man's back impatiently.
Having 'prepared' himself prior to this visit, Kaname was well readied for whatever Zero wanted to do to him. Which greatly defeated the point of the act, as Zero wanted to make him suffer as much as possible (imagine: he was beginning to have suspicions the bloody vampire was actually starting to love him!) but a few bruises and scratches could give him a little of what he wanted. Yeah, He started to think, I'll make sure he screams. Not a particularly easy goal, because the man quite liked giving those quick and many little moans and groans: one or two-second 'Uh's, 'Ah's, and 'Mmh's.
Zero undid his belt and avoided Kaname's mouth, instead heading for his temples to make sure the man saw his neck. Ah, a little groan, a lick, a scratch.
"Mph!" Oh, he sees it. Step two: he positioned his partner's legs, bringing them up high and making sure the man was nearly doubled over before even thinking about teasing that adventurous ass. Kaname flinched when he felt Zero press a warning into him, having almost bit the man. Zero growled for him to do it, dropping flat against the other's frame. "Aah…" Zero rimmed him just then, only lightly acknowledging the other's wants. Kaname held back a whine and finally broke the skin, latching on and basking in Zero's purr. The silver-haired teen pushed in, muffling Kaname's whine with his neck as he growled more and shoved in but halfway. He knew Kaname hated it when he lingered…
Sure enough, the man started moving his hips, taking his teeth away from Zero's skin to push at the ex human and get him to go again. The hunter groaned when Kaname wiggled so much, drawing out and thrusting in harshly, loving the sound of their flesh slapping together.
"Zero," Kaname breathed, clenching the sheets. The blood from earlier was soaking the sheets, making a slippery red surface for them to slide on. Zero eyed the man's erection with an upturned brow: it was covered in blood, too.
"What the Hell did you do to yourself?" He grunted as he thrust a little harder. Kaname's hands blocked his mouth and his eyes were shut tight. That cute flushed face and heated skin-Zero slapped his ass and watched him cry out just for the fun of it.
"St… slower…!" Kaname absolutely sobbed when he finally let his breath out. His back felt like it was breaking and he knew he'd be sore for hours after this, even if all the wounds would heal within fifteen minutes They were extraordinarily extensive, and that wasn't even his kink.
"How many times do I have to ask you things before you answer them?" He switched angles and pummelled a new slick wall. Kaname cried out and gripped his shoulders hard, twisting at the new feeling and trying to block sensation for just a few words.
"I… You were… gone and I-I didn't… I-couldn't-stand it-Zero!!" Zero's thrusts slowed for a moment and he furrowed his brow. What was the man trying to get across, here? Kaname was grateful for the break in motion, breathing quite heavily as Zero leaned down. He winced when the teen brushed his neck, cringing as hot breath crept up to his ear.
"Did you miss me?" Zero flipped him over then, shoving in halfway again and doing it quick and shallow. He groaned when Kaname started rotating his hips, taking immense pleasure in the fact that the man wanted it done so hard. "Kuuraaann…" He whispered teasingly. Kaname's fists were white and blood drops from his long nails stained the sheets when they pierced his palms. Zero pressed flush against him and went slower, experimenting with how deep he had to get in order to get an answer.
He was more than three quarters in when Kaname hissed out a long, "Yesss…!" Zero twitched, but not much else. He continued thrusting at long, leisurely pace, distracted and completely out of tune with Kaname's own needs. The pureblood didn't even bother, fearing it was part of the game and he would be breaking the rules if he were to interfere and stroke himself.
He yelled when he felt Zero come on his wounds like hours before, staying in position until the teen's stamina finally left him. He then sighed heavily, slowly curling up in the sheets, ass still sticking out in the air in case this was just a breather. Zero watched his semen leak from Kaname's ripped and bleeding hole. His lips tweaked with a small smile when he lightly touched the abused orifice and the entire body made a rough jerk. The smile faded in seconds, and then he began to fix his jacket. Kaname rolled over, arm covering his sweating forehead. He listened to Zero's heartbeat,
"Are you done for the day?" He asked quietly. Zero didn't even look at him when he replied,
"Not unless you want to start smearing your blood around the room again." You don't know how easily I can sense it, now. Kaname cringed at the blow, turning his head so his arm sagged over his eyes.
"… So you're leaving?" He was ashamed: voice cracked from so many lustful screams, still spreading his legs generously in case his partner wanted another round. In case his partner would pick up that he wanted another round. Zero stopped for a moment and at last looked at him, a small, wry grin smoothing across his face; Kaname blushed. The silver-haired teen crawled up beside the brunette and didn't take his eyes off him,
"Would you beg for me to stay?"
Yes.
Easily.
But he didn't want to. Not when the pain was giving him that rare grip on reality and conscience. He was so greedy, wanting to keep himself so composed like he'd been those years ago. Instead he stared blankly at Zero, reddened eyes crusted at the edges from his crying. Zero gave him a few more seconds of staring, the plea hiding just behind that chocolate glass, before he shifted and made to stand up. Kaname's hand moved quickly to grab the teen's arm, but he stopped it before it could leave the covers. Zero gave him his full attention one more time, but all he got was that single, pleading stare.
Please don't make me say it.
You know what it does to me to say it.
Zero fixed his pants and walked to the open window, climbing onto the sill and catching from the corner of his eye the sight of Kaname rolling over and folding into himself. The brunette had initiated the whole thing, so if he wanted Zero to stay, he should have asked it of him. Kaname didn't know, but Zero played a double part. The harshness was who he was, but he had also grown up a loyal boy, sensitive to other people and their frames of mind. He was only making true what he saw in those red-tinged eyes. If rough sex was what Kaname wanted, then their relationship suited both of them. If he wanted Zero to stay… that would cost a little more than just a sad look, now, wouldn't it?
When Zero had jumped out, Kaname pulled the blankets over his head and huddled up against his pillows, hiding from the sun. He shifted uncomfortably when he felt scabs form over his wounds, white among the white as the last of Zero's come poured from his asshole and into his damaged or, 'well-loved,' bed. He was going to do whatever Zero asked… probably for the rest of the boy's life. And how much it hurt to burden such a task, Kaname thought he'd go insane.
- Anyone up for a round of cards? :D - クレイブンス ジョーダン